This document discusses assertiveness and defines it as acting in accordance with one's values and self-esteem without hurting others. It describes assertive behavior as the direct and straightforward expression of thoughts and feelings while avoiding harming others. Passive behavior is characterized by failing to stand up for one's rights, while aggressive behavior violates others' rights. The key to assertiveness is expressing oneself openly and honestly while respecting others.

1. ASSERTIVENESS
Composed: Riyaz Nathani

2. Assertiveness
 Assertiveness is one’s ability to act in harmony with
one’s values and self-esteem, without hurting
other’s.
 Assertive behavior, in practice, is a socially
appropriate, interpersonal behavior, involving a
straight forward expression of thoughts and feelings,
consistent with one’s value system and self-esteem;
and at the same time, avoiding hurting others to the
greatest extend possible.

3. Assertiveness….
 When a person conduct himself in an ‘assertive’
manner, the feelings and welfare of others as well as
his own feelings are taken into account.
 The verb ‘assert’ means, to state or affirm positively,
assuredly, plainly and strongly.
 Each one of us can think and act in three different
ways:-
 1) Assertively, 2) Aggressively and 3) Passively.

4. Assertiveness….
 1) ASSERTIVELY: to stand up for our rights in ways
which do not violate the rights of others.
 2) AGGRESIVELY: to stand up for our rights and to
express our thoughts, feelings and beliefs in such a
way that others rights are violated.
 3) PASSIVELY: to fail to stand up for our rights, to
express our thoughts, feelings and beliefs, or to
express them so apologetically that they are ignored.

5.  The characteristic traits which dominate each
personality type are given below:

6. BEHAVIOR
PASSIVE
•Doesn’t stand up for
one’s rights.
•Put oneself down and
always apologetic
about feelings, needs
and opinions.
AGGRESSIVE
•Stands up for ones
right but violate others
rights.
•Put down others,
ignore or dismisses
feelings, need and
opinions of others.
Express oneself in
rude ways.
ASSERTIVE
•Stand up for one’s
own rights in such a
way as not to violate
others right.
•Express needs,
opinions and feelings
in direct, honest and
appropriate way.

7. Attitudes
PASSIVE
•You’re okay, I am not
okay.
•Think that others
needs are more
important than one’s
own
•Think that only others
have rights.
•Think that only others
have something to
contribute.
AGGRESSIVE
I’m okay, you are not
okay.
Think that one’s own
needs are more
important than others.
Think that others don’t
have rights.
Think that others don’t
have anything to
contribute.
ASSERTIVE
I’m okay, you are okay.
Think that one has
one’s rights, others
also have theirs.
Think that everyone
has something to
contribute.

8. Feelings
PASSIVE
•Feel helpless,
frustrated and angry
with oneself and
resentful towards
others.
AGGRESSIVE
May feel good because
one has won, but feels
remorse, guilt and self-hatred
because of
hurting others.
ASSERTIVE
Feel good about
oneself and the way
one treats others.

9. Aim
PASSIVE
To avoid conflict,
pleases others at any
expense.
AGGRESSIVE
To win at any expense
to others.
ASSERTIVE
Maintain self-respect.

10. Assertiveness….
People lack assertiveness because of one or more of
the following reasons:
 Low self-esteem
 Fear of rejection
 Inadequacy
 Guilt

11. Types of assertive responses.
Assertive responses which needs to be developed by an
alcoholic/addict.
NON-VERBAL
 Making adequate eye contact is most important. The
alcoholic/addict should learn to look people in the eye.
 Talking in a loud, clear voice, so as to be heard by others.
 Maintaining an adequate, comfortable, erect body
posture.
 Using ‘facial talk’, which involves practicing facial
expressions that normally go with different emotions.
 Using appropriate natural gestures.

12. Types of assertive responses……
VERBAL
 Use ‘feeling talk’, which involves practice in
expressing any feeling literally.
 Practice expressing one’s own opinion when others
disagree.
 Practice the use of “I” in situation like admitting a
mistake or accepting responsibility.
 Practice accepting compliments.
 Practice giving compliments.

13. PASSIVE BEHAVIOR
 Giving into other’s request and putting pressure on
oneself.
 Saying ‘YES’ when one wants to say ‘NO’.
 Feeling that one is being ‘used’ and ‘ignored’.
What happens if you are passive?
 You will allow others to manipulate you and you feel
pushed around because you have not learnt to stand
up for yourself.
 You get easily hurt by what others say and do and
constantly inhibit yourself.

14. Passive behavior……
 You often feel miserable, and don’t know why?
 You don’t use your full potential and therefore feel
inferior.
A major characteristic of a PASSIVE individual is
that he cannot say “NO”
Learn to say “NO”.

15. AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR
 Focusing only on one’s own needs with no concern for
others.
 Forcing others to do what one wants and ignoring other’s
needs.
 Hurting others by words or by action.
 Believing that only rude language and shouting works.
 Saying ‘NO’ in a hostile and sarcastic manner.
What happens if you are aggressive?
 You hurt others by your words or actions.


16. Aggressive behavior…..
 You become insensitive to others feelings.
 You may get things done at that point of time, but
people will start avoiding you.
 Relationships become strained.
 When you have a problem, support will not be
available to you.
 You will feel lonely.

17. ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR
 Feeling comfortable in expressing one’s needs and
feelings.
 Being able to say ‘NO’ without affecting the
relationship.
Assertiveness helps to:
 Reduce anxiety
 Develop self-confidence
 Reduce fear in interpersonal relationship
 Gain self-respect
 Avoid exploitation and manipulation
 Deals with fear, anger and depression appropriately.