1. Communication between men and women
can be like cross cultural communication,
prey to a clash of conversational styles.
Deborah Tannen (1990)

3.  Women’s
conversational styles
 Men’s
conversational styles
 Conversational
styles in
relationships

4.  Establish and maintain
relationships
Conversation is an
essential part of a
relationship
 Share and learn about
others

5.  Show equality
 Show support
 Include others
 Tell about themselves
 Are tentative

6.  Show equality by
matching
experiences
“You’re not alone in
how you feel.”
“I’ve done the same
thing many times.”

7.  Women respond and build on each other’s
ideas
Rather than “you-tell-your-idea-then-I’ll-
tell-mine,” voices weave together to
create conversations.
 Make others feel valued

8.  Understand the other person’s feelings
“Tell me about what happened.”
“How did you feel when it occurred?”
“Do you think it was deliberate?”
 Express sympathy
“Oh, you must feel terrible.”
“I think you did the right thing.”
“I really hear what you are saying.”

9.  Make others feel valued and included
 Women often start topics for others
“How was your day”
“Tell me about your meeting”
“Did anything interesting happen on your
trip”

10.  Stories about
themselves
 Share experiences
about themselves

11.  Verbal Hedges
“I kind of feel you may be overreacting”
“I’m not the best judge of this, but...”
 Use tag questions that invite responses
“That was a pretty good movie, wasn’t it?”
“We should get out this weekend, don’t
you think?”

13.  Achieve goals
Solve a problem
Win an argument
Make someone
laugh
Get information
 Improve status.

14.  Show off
 Speak in general
terms
 Are less
responsive
 Talk assertively
 Dominate
conversations

15.  Knowledge
 Ability
 Skills

16.  Offer few concrete experiences and personal
feelings
 Talk less about themselves
 Talking about personal problems shows that
you are weak

17.  Use more “minimal
response cues”
Yeah, uh-uh, hmm,
etc.
 Show less
sympathy
 Sympathy is a way of
looking down on
someone

18.  Direct & forceful
 Advice is what you
should do
 Men use fewer
hedges

19.  Talk more than women
 Talk more frequently
 Talk longer
 Select the topic of
conversation
 Interrupt (stop other
people from talking)
more

20. WOMEN
 A relationship is
going fine if
there is talk
 Talk is a process
to support a
relationship
 Talk is a way to
show closeness
 “We need to talk,”
shows that we
care about each
other
MEN
 A relationship is
going fine if
there is no need
to talk
 Talk is to solve
relationship
problems
 Talk indicates a
problem
 “We need to talk”
is a signal to run
away.