WINK Calgary - Discover your Voice: Talking through sensitive issues using Fierce Conversations
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Many of us have the habit of editing ourselves, particularly when facing tough and/or sensitive issues. We replay in our heads (over and over) what we’re going to say and how we’re going to say it, and we anticipate exactly what the right moment looks like to speak up. This is called “careful communication” in Fierce Conversations®. Further to that, we play out what the other party is going to say and how they’re going to feel and react, and for the most part this picture is quite the opposite of empowering. We are so focused on being perfect and doing it right that we get in our own way that we become thwarted in our expression and in some cases we are stopped. This is referred to as a “missing conversation” in Fierce Conversations®. Research shows that the missing conversation is the biggest threat to the health of a relationship, family, or business. Fierce Conversations® offers transformational tools that will enable you to discover your voice and talk through tough and sensitive issues.
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WINK Calgary - Discover your Voice: Talking through sensitive issues using Fierce Conversations
- 1. Discover Your Voice -- talk through tough and sensitive issues with Fierce Conversations® Trudy Pelletier
- 3. Fierce Conversation “A conversation in which we come out from behind ourselves and make it real.” Susan Scott, author Fierce Conversations®
- 5. Enemies of Communication Thinking: o I already know … o I already do this… o I’ve heard this conversation before Forgetting the impact of the emotional climate Being defensive Resisting: o Your own humanity o Others’ humanity Victim Mentality Inability to admit “I don’t know” Distrust of: o Self o Others Blaming Being un-accepting Criticizing Making wrong: o Others o Self Denying the opportunity Pretending not to know Being Unwilling
- 6. Results
- 7. Impact on message 7% Words 38% Tone 55% Body Language
- 8. 4 Objectives Interrogate Reality Provoke Learning Tackle Tough Challenges Enrich Relationships Susan Scott, author of Fierce Conversations®
- 10. 3 Transformational Ideas Our careers, our companies, our personal relationships, and our very lives succeed or fail, gradually then suddenly, one conversation at a time Susan Scott, author of Fierce Conversations®
- 12. 3 Transformational Ideas The conversation is the relationship
- 13. 3 Transformational Ideas All conversations are with myself and sometimes they involve other people Susan Scott, author of Fierce Conversations®
- 14. A Model for Personal Mastery Results: Tangible & Intangible The Person Behaviors & Actions Want Take or don’t take So I can be… Deliberate
- 15. A Model for Personal Mastery The Person Behaviors & Actions Who am I aspiring to become? Who could I be? Actions Deliberate Results: Tangible & Intangible Results I Want
- 16. oAttitudes oExperiences oOpinions oPatterns oBeliefs oStories Is decisive! Appears unchangeable! Is lived as true! Is considered fixed!
- 17. 7 Principles Master the courage to interrogate reality Come out from behind yourself, into the conversation and make it real Be here, prepared to be nowhere else Tackle your toughest challenges today Obey your instincts Take responsibility for your emotional wake Let silence do the heavy lifting Susan Scott, author of Fierce Conversations®
- 19. Summary Increase self-awareness oTriggers oEnemies of communication oContext Clarify objectives Deliberate way of Being Presence objectives and principles
Editor's Notes
- The greatest threat to an organization are the CONVERSATIONS gone bad, gone wrong, gone missing.
- 1st quote: 2nd quote: Keeping Wealth in the family – Mark J. Morrise
- CONVERSATIONS are the work of a leader What kind of results do your CONVERSATIONS produce?
- Impact of missing or failed conversations Dynamics: take or avoid action Learn the “Confrontation Model” Bruce talked about master the difficult conversation -
- People don’t listen to what you say… They listen to what they say to themselves about: -- What you say… -- You…
- Named due to their distinct behavior – when they leave their nests to forage for food, they travel in a line, like elephants in a circus, head to tail, head to tail. The lead caterpillar spins a fine trail of silk as it crawls along, and the next caterpillar walks along the silk trail adding its own. Processional caterpillars form trains of hundreds of creatures long as they march through the forest. There is nothing distinctive about the leader – it just happens to be in front – it occasionally pauses, raises its head trying to sense which way the nearest food source is. if the lead caterpillar is removed, the one next in line takes the lead. The trailing caterpillars don’t seem to care about the change in leadership. A biologist Jean Fabre experimented with the caterpillars to determine how powerful the instinct to follow the leader would be. He lined up the caterpillars on the rim of a pot that held a plant – which was their food, so that the lead caterpillar was head to tail with the last caterpillar, with no break with the parade. The tiny creatures walked around the rim – mindlessly -- for six days before they started to die of exhaustion and starvation. According to his records, they made over 500 rounds on the pot, traveled over a quarter of a mile which is equivalent to a person walking approximately 90 miles or completing 3-1/2 marathons without any food, drink or rest. All they had to do to avoid death was to stop the senseless circling of the flower pot and head directly toward the food – How many people know someone who went to the grave with a conversation and as a result was incomplete with someone important to them? Typical in families…How many also agree that what we do is kill people off rather than step into rigorous communication with them committed to enrich the relationship and have the issue resolved (regardless of the outcome). Human beings, like processional caterpillars are locked into patterns so entrenched we are not aware of them…and we live our lives to the end, rarely taking on those patterns in our way of being and in behaviours and actions such as our communication