The document discusses constructive and destructive ways of dealing with conflict. It notes that conflict is a normal part of life that arises from differences in people's needs. Destructive approaches include anger, accusations, and violence, while constructive approaches involve empathetic listening, understanding different perspectives, and problem solving. The document advocates for resolving conflicts collaboratively in a way that meets both parties' needs and enhances relationships.

1. What does this represent for you?

2. Anger
Win/lose attitude
Maintain fixed positions
Violence (physical,verbal or emotional)
Accusations
Blame

4. Why don’t
you....
You.......!
You’re an...
If you … I You’re
wouldn’t be always....
in this
situation!
You need
to...

5. Empathetic listening
Win/win attitude
Consider needs of both parties
Understanding another point of view
Problem solving approach
Looking at the options
Using “I” statements

6. Ways of Dealing with Conflict
Destructive Constructive
Anger Empathetic listening
Win/lose attitude Win/win attitude
Maintain fixed positions Consider needs of both parties
Violence Understanding another point of view
Blame Problem solving approach
Accusations Looking at the options
“You” statements “I” Statements
COSTS BENEFITS

7. Conflict
Costs: (Destructive) Benefits: (Constructive)
Damages relationships Enhances relationships
Physical, emotional and Creates an environment for
mental damage self-growth and achievement
Prevents individual and Enables individual and group
group goals being achieved achievement of goals
Wastes time and money Enables peaceful resolution
of problems
Damages self esteem Enhances self esteem
Limits personal potential Fosters the development of
personal potential

8. Messages - Examples
worth.

11. CONFLICT
Any situation in which your concerns or desires differ from those of another
person i.e. a disagreement between two or more people.
Conflict is neither good nor bad.
It is a normal part of life.
Conflict happens when your NEEDS are different from the NEEDS of
somebody else.
VIOLENCE
When you force yourself over another person and cause harm to get your
way.
A violent act can be physical, verbal or emotional.
Violence is NOT THE SAME as conflict.
Violence is a negative way of dealing with conflict

13. Active Listening Exercise
Pairs – Decide who A and B are in the pair
A = Storyteller B = Active listener
A = Tell story about something good that has
happened to you lately or a problem you have
B = Listen to A’s story then reflect back in your own
words what happened and how A was feeling.
Change roles … A = Active Listener B = Storyteller
Repeat process.

14. The Key to Effective Communication
Remembering that communication is:
60% Body Language
30% Tone of Voice
10% Words

15. Building Rapport
Auditory
Match voice speed, volume, tone,
and word choice
Visual
Match gestures and posture

16. “God gave us two ears
and only one mouth
so we could
listen twice as much
as we speak”

17. Pair Share:
Find out from your partner:
How they handle conflict at home …

18. Responses to Conflict
(Approach Options)
The choices you have when facing a conflict
or problem with someone.
(Adapted from The Thomas Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument - TKI)

19. Turtle
Denial, avoid, withdrawal, lose/lose situation
“I’ll think about it tomorrow”
• Stop talking, punish with silence
• Walking away – letting people ‘cool
down’
• Allowing others ownership
• Can become resentful

20. Teddy Bear
Suppression, accommodating, lose/win situation
“It would be my pleasure”
• Act as though nothing is the matter
• Peace keepers – like to preserve
harmony and peacefulness
• Often say “yes” to preserve the
relationship – creating goodwill
• Stay cheerful, but refuse to talk about
the problem - retreating
• Often cross with yourself afterwards
(suppressed feelings of anger and
frustration)

21. Shark
Assertive, power, in control, aggressive, win/lose situation
“My way or the highway"
• Taking quick action
• Challenging - standing up for vital issues
• Refusing to take NO for an answer
• Shouting them down
• Protecting yourself
• Laying down the law (making unpopular
decisions)

22. Fox
Compromising, negotiating, win some/lose some situation
“Let’s make a deal”
• Do what’s fair
• I’ll give if you give – trade off
• “Split the difference” to keep a
friendship
• Gain something for yourself
• Creating temporary solutions

23. Owl
Collaborative, co-operative, working with, problem solving, win/win situation
“Two heads are better than one”
• I want to win and I want you to win
too
• I will state my feelings and needs and
listen to yours too
• Ability to listen, understand and
empathise
• Brainstorming ideas together to seek
mutually acceptable solutions
• Non-threatening communication

24. What is your tendency???

25. Turtle – Denial, avoid, withdrawal, silent
treatment, lose-lose, “I’ll think about it tomorrow”
Teddy Bear - Suppression, accommodating,
lose win, “It would be my pleasure”
Shark – Aggressive, power and control,
win-lose, “My way or the highway”
Fox – Compromising, trade-off, win some –
lose some, “Let’s make a deal”
Owl – Co-operative problem solving – win-win
“Two heads are better than one”

26. Influencing Factors…
Who the conflict is with
What the conflict is about
When the conflict occurs
Where the conflict happens

27. OWLS in ACTION …
Mediation – a constructive choice to help resolve conflict
The Cool Schools Peer Mediation
Programme Training DVDs
Primary/Intermediate/Secondary