Roisin Joyce's talk on Compassion, Galway LTTA

1. DR RÓISÍN JOYCE
CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST
EVIDENCE-BASED THERAPY CENTRE
19THAPRIL 2016
Managing Emotions
The Compassionate Way

2. Content
 The reason for the presentation
 Survey results – areas of need
 What is compassion and why do we need it
 NB A taster – can take months/years in therapy
 A 6 step model for managing emotions:
1. Acknowledge
2. Label
3. Identify the function
4. Normalise
5. Apply Compassion
6. Take steps to alleviate the distress
 Putting it all together – an experiential exercise
 Questions/comments

3. Getting the most from the session
 Take a mindful moment to remember why you are
here today.
 Let other distractions go, you an deal with them
later.
 Consider easy examples to begin with, until your
skills are more refined.

4. What is Compassion?
 Compassion is defined as sensitivity to distress or suffering
in the self or others combined with a commitment to
alleviate the distress or suffering (Dalai Lama).
 NB -Being sensitive to your own or another’s distress
without the commitment to alleviate it is not compassion
and can actually increase distress/suffering.

5. Developing our compassionate mind involves two
main elements working together
ENGAGEMENT/APPROACHING DIFFICULTIES: -
 Learning to become sensitive to the things causing difficulty or pain
 Turning towards these difficulties rather than away (engagement
not avoidance)
 Learning that we can tolerate distress
 Understanding the nature and causes of our distress in a non-
judgemental and accepting way
ALLEVIATING/PREVENTING DISTRESS:
 Working to alleviate distress with kindness and compassion
 Having a genuine wish for things to be better
 Understanding kindness and care as courage (not signs of
weakness) *
 Developing a motivation to be helpful to ourselves and others

6. Why do we need compassion?
Life can be hard!!!
 Compassion begins with
acknowledging the reality of our lives.
 Our lives are limited.
 We are destined to get older and die.
 We often suffer illnesses and tragedies.
 Our lives are influenced by the lottery of our genetic make-up
and chance events (which we do not choose).
 Our life is full of change and loss.
 NB We are designed for survival, not for happiness *

7. Why do we need compassion?
We are all in THE FLOW OF LIFE
 We just ‘find ourselves here’
 We didn’t chose to be born, didn’t choose the genes
that made us
 We didn’t choose our emotions
 We didn’t chose our basic temperaments
 We didn’t choose our body and how it works
 We didn’t choose our basic human desires and needs
 We didn’t choose the time in history we were born

8. Compassionate insight
 Life is hard! We all find ourselves in the flow of life
and are doing our best to cope!

9. The research on Compassion
NB Studies demonstrate that people who are most
compassionate towards others often lack self-
compassion. versus

10. Why is Self-Compassion so important?
Research demonstrates that self-compassion:
 Reduces self-criticism, an important predictor of anxiety
and depression (Blatt, 1995).
 Is linked to less anxiety and depression (MacBeth &
Gumley, 2012 meta-analysis).
 Significantly reduces rumination (Neff 2003).
 Mitigates the effect of negative life events on emotional
functioning in general (Leary et al 2007).
 Lowers levels of the stress hormone cortisol (Rockcliff,
Gilbert, McEwan, Lightman and Glover, 2008).
 Increased heart-rate variability, which is associated with
a greater ability to self-soothe when stressed (Porges,
2007).

11. Before we start managing emotions
 SLOW DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 Take a minute
 Step back
 Become the observer of your thoughts, emotions,
action urges

12. Step 1 – ACKNOWLEDGE the emotion
“There is something going on here”
Questions:
 How do we know an emotion is present?
 Where do our emotions sit?
 Is it important to distinguish between the emotions?
 How can we distinguish the different emotions, e.g.
how does anger differ to anxiety?

13. Step 1 -ACKNOWLEDGING the emotion
How can we do it?
 BECOMING MORE AWARE
 Practicing mindfulness
 Checking in with ourselves regularly
 Being a good friend to ourselves
 ”How are you?”
 “What do you think about that?”
 “How does that make you feel?”

14. Step 2 – LABEL the emotion
“I feel ….”
Question: What are the main emotions?
1. Anxiety
2. Anger
3. Sadness
4. Joy
5. Love
6. Guilt and shame
NB If you can’t access the name, you can identify it as a
moment of suffering

15. Step 3 – IDENTIFY THE FUNCTION
“My emotion is telling me…”
Why do we have emotions?
1. Emotions communicate to and influence others
(even if we don’t intend them to)
1. We are hard-wired to attend to emotions and will priortise
the facial expressions over what is said)
2. Emotions organise and motivate action

16. Exercise
Consider each of the 6 emotions.
1. What is each one trying to communicate with us?
2. What is the call to action?

17. Step 3 – IDENTIFY THE FUNCTION
“My emotion is communicating…”
Emotion name Communicating Behavioural urges
Fear/anxiety The presence of a threat To run away from the
threat, flight
Anger The presence of a threat,
the violation of a need
To fight the threat
Sadness The presence of a loss –
real or imagined
To re-engage with life
Joy That you like this To do more of this
Love That you enjoy being with
this person
To spend more time with
this person
Guilt That you have done
something wrong
To make a repair for the
transgression
Shame That you have done
something wrong
To hide away

18. COMPASSIONATE INSIGHT!
Pain and emotion have evolved to protect us, to alert
us to take action, yet they can both be difficult to
manage!

19. Step 4 – NORMALISE the emotion
“Anyone in my situation would feel this way.”
Question:
 How would you treat a friend who was distressed?
Would you isolate them, make them feel like an
alien?
 How is this different to how we treat ourselves?
 The importance of feeling united in humanity when
distressed
 Common humanity

20. Common Humanity
 “The sense of common humanity central to self-compassion involves recognizing
that everyone fails, makes mistakes, and gets it wrong sometimes. We do not always
get what we want and are often disappointed – either in ourselves or in our life
circumstances. This is part of the human experience, a basic fact of life shared with
everyone else on the planet. We are not alone in our imperfection. Rather, our
imperfections are what make us card-carrying members of the human race. Often,
however, we feel isolated and cut off from others when considering our struggles
and failures, irrationally feeling that it’s only “ME” who is having such a hard time
of it. We think that somehow we are abnormal, that something has gone wrong, and
we forget that falling flat on our face now and then actually is normal. This sort of
tunnel vision makes us feel alone and isolated, making our suffering even worse
(Neff, 2011). With self-compassion, however, we take the stance of a compassionate
“other” toward ourselves, allowing us to take a broader perspective on our selves
and our lives. By remembering the shared human experience, we feel less isolated
when we are in pain. For this reason, self- compassion is quite distinct from self-
pity. Self -pity is a “woe is me” attitude in which people become immersed in their
own problems and forget that others have similar problems. Self- compassion
recognizes that we all suffer, and therefore fosters a connected mindset that is
inclusive of others”. (Kristina Neff)

21. Step 5 – Access COMPASSION for the distress
“
Exercise
 Take a moment to recall a time you were happy with
the support you offered a friend who was distressed.
 How did you feel towards them?
 How were you thinking about them?
 What did you do?
 Can you access these feelings of kindness and
support for yourself in your moment of distress?

22. Step 6 – ALLEVIATE THE SUFFERING
 No right or wrong answer!!!!
 The intention to act in your own
and others best interests
 Wise choices stay the same despite
your emotions
 Can be active or passive
 Consider the medium and long-term consequences
of your plan
 Consider the unintended consequences of your plan
 Ask “How can I show myself kindness in this
moment of distress?”

23. Putting it all together - exercise
Slow down!
1. Acknowledge the presence of the emotion
2. Label the emotion (can be a moment of suffering)
3. Identify the function of the emotion
4. Normalise your experience
5. Access Compassion for your experience of suffering
6. Committing to alleviate the suffering

24. Recommended reading & resources
Books
 The Compassionate Mind (Paul Gilbert)
 Living with an Open Heart (Russell Kolt & Thubten
Chodron)
 The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion (Christopher
Germer)
Websites
 www.compasionatemind.co.uk
 www.self-compassion.org

25. Final thought
Exercise