This document discusses empathy and its importance in negotiation. It defines empathy as the ability to understand another person's perspective and share their feelings. The document outlines three types of empathy - cognitive, emotional, and empathetic compassion. It states that cognitive and emotional empathy are critical for negotiation success. The document also explores challenges with empathy, how it can help make negotiators more effective, and provides hypothetical scenarios to practice empathetic skills.

1. Some Thoughts on Empathy
 Rational Games, Inc, 2012

2. What is empathy?
“The capacity to recognize and, to some
extent, share feelings experienced by another
sentient or semi-sentient being.” (Wikipedia)
“The capacity to think and feel oneself into the
inner life of another.” Kohut: 1980
“To perceive the internal frame of reference of
another with accuracy and with the emotional
components and meanings which pertain
thereto as if one were the person, but without
ever losing the "as if" condition.”
.” Rogers: 1992
It is a trainable skill!
 Rational Games, Inc, 2011

3. Key Elements of Empathy
• Major element of emotional intelligence
• Empirically grounded (mirror neutrons)
• All about core concerns
• Essential life skill, especially in negotiation

4. Three kinds of empathy
1. Cognitive Empathy: Understand how another thinks; the
ability to see things from her point of view
• Important skill for speakers and salesmen
• Does not really extend to compassion: you understand how they see things, but do not yet
necessarily care about them
2. Emotional Empathy: Feel the emotions of the other person
• Creates a shared emotion, stimulates the mirror neurons
• Deeper than just thoughts and perspectives
3. Empathetic Compassion: Feel for the other person
• We not only understand what the person is thinking and feeling in the present moment, but
we also want to help (our own need)
AT LEAST THE FIRST TWO ARE CRITICAL FOR NEGOTIATION SUCCESS.
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5. Empathy vs perspective taking.
Is it…. Or…
Being able to “slip into
the shoes of the other side”
and see things from their
point of view, even if you
disagree?
Truly sharing common
feeling with your opponent
and wanting nothing more
than to ease their pain?
 Rational Games, Inc, 2011

6. Some Challenges
• Authentic vs functional empathy
• Should all feelings be empathized?
(Limits)
• Empathy vs. sympathy (own boundaries)
• Does it always lead to win-win?

7. How does empathy help us be better
negotiators?
We can:
1. Know our own iceberg
2. Notice the frames that govern the iceberg
of the other side
1. Actively work to change the iceberg
- temporarily
- permanently
THE KEY TO
MAKING THE PIE
BIGGER
 Rational Games, Inc, 2011

8. What is he thinking?
• 1. A very special romantic memory
• 2. A frustrating customer service experience
• 3. The day I was promoted to Department Head
• 4. The nuclear catastrophe in Fukushima

9. What is she thinking?
• 1. Being fired from my last job
• 2. An uplifting sermon at church
• 3. The spread of international terrorism
• 4. A delicious gourmet dinner

10. Imagine the following situation:
It is nearly noon and the sun is oppressively hot. As you drive through the
endless desert, suddenly your car comes to a stop. You are out of gas.
Your only choice is to leave your family in the car, and set off on foot to find a
gas station.
You have now walked for ten miles, until finally your destination comes in to
view. But...
... on the door is a sign saying „CLOSED“.
You gently press against the door. Thankfully, surprisingly, it opens...
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11. Your Objective: To Buy a Canister of Gas
Ground Rules:
1. Do not enter unless you see the gas can outside the door
2. Do not confer with your colleagues
3. Please remain in the room after your roleplay and give feedback to
your successors
4. Have fun!

12. A hot and lonely walk…

13. CLOSED
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