The document provides guidance on having courageous conversations in difficult situations. It discusses that conflict arises from a perceived threat to one's needs, interests, or concerns. It also notes that people have mental models and assumptions that influence their perspectives. The document recommends distinguishing between positions and interests in a discussion, testing assumptions by remaining curious about others' perspectives, and recognizing emotions in oneself and others to have more productive conversations.

1. Courageous Conversations
Willow Jacobson and Donna Warner

2. Talk to your neighbor
• Describe a time when you handled a difficult
conversation successfully.
• What was the situation?
• What was it about you, the other person, and
the communication that made it possible?

3. CONFLICT IN THE
WORKPLACE

4. Conflict is…
a disagreement in which the parties
involved perceive a threat to their
needs, interests or concerns.

5. Mental models
Are the deeply held
beliefs, images, and
assumptions we hold
about ourselves, our
world, and our
organizations, and how
we fit in them.

6. Difficult situations you face at work

7. When there are problems:
Fewer
opportunities
to share
information
Wider gap of
Less interest in
knowledge
working
and
together
understanding
More negative
speculation
about each
other

8. THREE KEYS TO
COMMUNICATION

9. 1. Distinguish
between positions
and interests
2. Test assumptions
3. Recognize emotions

10. Positions vs. interests

11. Positions are…
• demands
• suggestions
• proposed solutions
• courses of action
• fairly specific
the what to do

12. Positions
• No new taxes.
• We want less noise in
our neighborhood.
• More parks are needed
in our town.

14. Interests are the motivation
• reason(s) for a position
• underlying goals or
objectives
• more general and open
to interpretation
• not actions
The why behind the what

15. Getting to the interest

16. Examples of interests
We should raise taxes.
Why? In order to fund government services
I want a noise ordinance.
Why? I am having trouble getting my kids to
sleep at night.
More parks are needed in our town
Why? They assist with economic development

17. Move from position to interest by
• Sharing your
reasoning
• Providing relevant
information
• Remaining open and
curious

18. TEST ASSUMPTIONS

19. We all go up the ladder
• Assumptions
• Inferences
• Attributions

21. The Ladder of Inference
• Take action based on beliefs
• I adopt beliefs about the world
• I draw conclusions
Inside your head
• I make assumptions based on my
meanings
• I add meanings (cultural and personal)
• I select data from what I observe
• Observable data

22. Walking down the ladder
• What observable information
did I miss?
• What did this person say that
led me to this conclusion?
• What is a more generous
explanation for this
information?
• How can I respond given
what I think this means?

23. Three Steps
1. Test observation
This is what I saw. Did I miss something?
2. Test meaning
This is what I think. What do you think?
3. Jointly design next steps
I think we might…What would you do?

24. Remain curious
Curiosity will drive you to talk to
someone to find out what they meant

25. 1. Be specific
2. Agree on what
important
words mean
Example: “I want the
draft soon.”

26. Explain the reasons behind your
statements, questions and actions.
Example: Is the report done yet?
The reason I am asking is I want to add
some more to it before it goes out.

27. You know what I mean!
Turn to your neighbor and come up with as
many vague words (commonly used at work)
that you can.

28. Ask genuine questions
• You aren’t going to do • What happens when
it that way are you? you do it that way?

29. What we say and what we think

30. Example: background
• Bill is John's boss and is not satisfied with
John's performance.
• He has tried to raise issues about John's
performance before, but doesn't think John
understands his concerns or feedback.
• Here is another of Bill's attempts to work
through the issue of John's
performance, but Bill does not get the
results he intended.

31. What was said (Bill's) unspoken thoughts
Bill: “John, we have talked and feelings
many times about the “Here I go again. I wonder
important role you play as how he feels? Well, it has to
our National Marketing be done.”
Manager. I am still
concerned about the issue
that being a good technician
is not enough for you to do
this job well.”
John: “I work hard to keep
good control over the area
for which I am responsible.”

32. What was said (Bill's) unspoken thoughts
Bill: “What do you mean and feelings
by "control?" Is control “The truth is that he is
the real problem? Are you working from the top of
consciously establishing the pile.”
priorities, or just working
from the top of the pile?”

33. What was said (Bill's) Unspoken
John: “As we get more thoughts and feelings
involved with field “I've heard this before and
people, I have less and it's just not good enough.”
less time. You realize, I'm
sure, that the pressures of
this job have
increased, and I am
working very hard.”

34. How could this be different?

35. RECOGNIZE
EMOTIONS

36. Power of Emotions
• We all have emotional needs
• Recognize and address
emotions in yourself and
others. Impact our ability to
actively listen
• Act in ways that address the
core concerns in others as
well as yourself

37. Five core concerns
1. Appreciation
2. Affiliation
3. Autonomy
4. Status
5. Role

38. Find merit in what another person
• Thinks
• Feels
• Does

39. Reflect
Was I:
• transparent?
• curious?
• compassionate?
• able to establish
joint
accountability?