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Crucial Conversations In Social Media
                            The truth you should know about the art of conversation today




                                                                                            Kelsey Ruger
                                                                                   Got Social Media 2008
Friday, January 22, 2010
I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid... you're
           afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don't know the future. I didn't come
            here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it's
            going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then I'm going to
           show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show
            them a world without you. A world without rules and controls, without
           borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go
                                from there is a choice I leave to you

                                                                 Neo - The Matrix




Friday, January 22, 2010
How Does The Matrix
                                    fit with Social Media?




Friday, January 22, 2010
The Matrix offers an excellent allegory for our highly
   COMMERCIALIZED, MEDIA DRIVEN society.




          Industrialization   Standardization       Depersonalization




    Today’s business world isn’t that different than the world of
    STRUCTURE and CONTROL created by the machines in the Matrix.

Friday, January 22, 2010
Social Media offers a great OPPORTUNITY for businesses to
        reconnect with people.




                           if they realize that business today is not necessarily
                                       REPRESENTATIVE of REAL WORLD desires.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Markets are conversations.
                                         The Cluetrain Manifesto




Friday, January 22, 2010
e
              oes th
      What d           on
            on versati
     word c
        rea lly mea
                    n?             Markets are conversations.
                                                          The Cluetrain Manifesto



                                                                e
                                                            ’tw
                                                       a ren ving
                                                  W hy        a
                                                           t h ns?
                               Wha                    o d a tio
                                     t ar          go       rsa
                                         e th           nve
                                bas           e      co
                            con     ics
                                        of
                                vers
                                     atio                                       How
                                          n?                                          can w
                                                                            impro         e
                                                                                 ve ev
                                                                                      eryda
                                                                             conve          y
                                                                                  rsatio
                                                                                         n?




Friday, January 22, 2010
Your company can have
                           Engaging Conversations
                                             with employees and clients




Friday, January 22, 2010
you must understand the FOUR ways
             communicating with MARKETS has CHANGED




Friday, January 22, 2010
MARKET IDEA No 1
 Technology has given us power. The time of the the passive masses has passed.




Friday, January 22, 2010
MARKET IDEA No 2
                           We live in an attention economy. Lots of people are talking
                                                  but not everyone is actively listening.
Friday, January 22, 2010
MARKET IDEA No 3
                            New ways of communicating inside and
                           outside organizations don’t exactly mesh
                                          with the ‘corporate norm’




Friday, January 22, 2010
MARKET IDEA No 4
   We don’t want to be ‘talked at’ but rather ‘talked to’




Friday, January 22, 2010
Why
                           Conversation
                               and Social Media?




Friday, January 22, 2010
Conversation is a FUNDAMENTAL
                                      part of being HUMAN.




                              For centuries COMMERCE was
                                largely based on conversation
                                      and the INTERACTION
                                         BETWEEN PEOPLE.

Friday, January 22, 2010
‘‘
            ‘‘
                             The human condition changes, yet never
                            changes. The fears, hopes and desires of a
                           Babylonian 5,000 years ago probably closely
                            matches our own fears, hopes and desires.




Friday, January 22, 2010
Because companies have not evolved...


    commerce               has been effectively divorced from




                                     people
                                                                        the




                                                           on whom it depends
Friday, January 22, 2010
Social media tools don’t make the CONVERSATION they support it.




    By understanding how social media support the HUMAN DESIRE
    for CONVERSATION businesses can open up vibrant INTERACTIONS
    with INDIVIDUALS and COMMUNITIES.
Friday, January 22, 2010
The Matrix was about the struggle between man and machine
                 but it parallels some of the struggles that are emerging
                        between many businesses and consumers.

Friday, January 22, 2010
What is a
                           Conversation?




Friday, January 22, 2010
What is a
                           Crucial Conversation?




Friday, January 22, 2010
When a crucial conversation occurs you have THREE choices ...




Friday, January 22, 2010
avoid         the
                           conversation, and
                                  suffer the
                             consequences.




Friday, January 22, 2010
handle the conversation poorly
                           and suffer the consequences




Friday, January 22, 2010
discover how to communicate
     best when it matters most.




Friday, January 22, 2010
Why are
                           Crucial Conversations
                                          so important?




Friday, January 22, 2010
We benefit from more ACCURATE and RELEVANT information




                               Make BETTER CHOICES, and are more
                               WILLING TO ACT on whatever decision
                               they all make.
Friday, January 22, 2010
The nature of conversation and verbal exchange is
                  surprisingly ENDURING even across culture and time...




Friday, January 22, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
So are there real RIGHTS and
                             WRONGS in conversation?

                                  Cicero thought so...




Friday, January 22, 2010
Cicero wrote the essay “On Duties” in 44BC. In it he set forth the
    following rules, which all could still apply today and even to the
    latest form of blogging “conversations”...

          1. Speak clearly
          2. Speak easily, but not too much, give others their turn
          3. Do not interrupt
          4. Be courteous
          5. Deal seriously with serious matters, gracefully with lighter ones
          6. Never criticize people behind their backs
          7. Stick to subjects of general interests
          8. Do not talk about yourself
          9. Never lose your temper




Friday, January 22, 2010
Why Do We
                Suck At Crucial Conversations?




Friday, January 22, 2010
Do you work in a
                           Command and Control
                                 Environment?




                           Conversations are where INTELLECTUAL
                           CAPITAL gets generated, but conversations
                           flourish only in an atmosphere of FREE and
                           OPEN exchange.

Friday, January 22, 2010
Does                                     n
                                                   dialo                          ope
                   ur                                    g tak                 re
         D oes yo                           prece
                                                  denc        e            the dialo
                                                                                        g
                        ge                                             e
             zat ion wa                                e ove         Ar        of
      organi           ?                       deba
                                                     te?
                                                             r
                                                                        l
                                                                             s
                                                                          ine cross s?
         internal wars                                                          a       en
                                                                                           t
                                                                                  a rtm
                                                                             d  ep




                                  If you can't GET YOURSELF RIGHT you'll have a
                 Do
             dem peopl
                 and         e         hard time getting conversations right.
          inst        resp
               ead
                   of e ect
              resp      arn
                   ect      ing
                       ?
                                                         e
                                                    l eb
                                                op and                 Do p
                                          n pe nt                            eople
                                       Ca pare hout                 pract
                                              s        wit                ice ac
                                          an               ?                      tive
                                        tr        ful cified       listen
                                           truth cru                     ing sk
                                                                                ills?
                                                    g
                                              b ein




Friday, January 22, 2010
We live is a CULTURE OF CONFLICT where winning is everything.




Friday, January 22, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Most people when in an argument don't have a goal of
             LISTENING, instead we use every possible tactic to win. The
            ARGUMENT CULTURE urges us to approach the world and the
                   people in it with an adversarial frame of mind.




Friday, January 22, 2010
Most people when in an argument don't have a goal of
             LISTENING, instead we use every possible tactic to win. The
            ARGUMENT CULTURE urges us to approach the world and the
                   people in it with an adversarial frame of mind.




                           http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLPuGuaZTx8


Friday, January 22, 2010
The Forgotten Art of Dialog
            The key to successful conversation is being open and honest
             in expressing opinions, feelings, and theories, and having a
             willingness to share views even when the ideas in question
                            are controversial or unpopular.




Friday, January 22, 2010
Critique and Criticism are not the same thing.
      critique in this sense is not a general term for analysis or critical
      review but rather a synonym for criticism.




Friday, January 22, 2010
3
                           Practices to
                           Start Your
                           Conversations




Friday, January 22, 2010
PRACTICE 1:
         Get to know who you are talking to.




Friday, January 22, 2010
PRACTICE 2:

                           Listening
                           is more important
                                    than
                           talking
Friday, January 22, 2010
PRACTICE 3:



                            If you’re going to
                             be talking - have
                           something important
                                  to say.



Friday, January 22, 2010
There are SIX stories you need to master ...




Friday, January 22, 2010
I just met you
                                                Who Are You
                                                                  anyway?
                     The first question people ask themselves the minute
                    they realize you want to influence them is "who is this
                   person". A story helps them see what you want them to
                    see about you. If you demonstrate who you are, rather
                   than tell me who you are, it is much more believable. A
                           story lets you demonstrate who you are.
                                                    “Why Am I” story - The Story Factor




Friday, January 22, 2010
What does this person
                     Want From Me?
               Before you let someone know what's in it for them, they
              want to know what's in it for you. It's a big mistake to try to
              hide selfish goals. This type of story usually reveals enough
                   for people to make a distinction between healthy
                 ambition and dishonest exploitation. If your goals are
                 selfish, people don't mind as long as you are up-front
               about it, there is something in it for them, and you frame
                     your goals in a way that makes sense to them.
                                               “Why Are I Here” story - The Story Factor




Friday, January 22, 2010
OK, so
                                    What’s in it for Me?
        If your listeners are comfortable with who your are and why you
       are here, then they are ready to listen to what you think is in it for
       them. You have to take the time to find a story of your vision that
                         that connects with people clearly.
                                                       “Vision” story - The Story Factor




Friday, January 22, 2010
OK, so
                           What Do You Stand For?
         Without a doubt the best way tell people your values in by
         demonstration. The second best way is by telling a story.
          Story lets you instill values in a want that keeps people
                          thinking for themselves.
                                            “Values in Action” story - The Story Factor




Friday, January 22, 2010
How Did You
                           Know What I Was Thinking?
          When you tell a story that makes people wonder if you are
        reading their minds, they love it. It isn’t hard to do. If you have
         done your homework on the group you wish to influence it’s
                       easy to identify their objections.
                                         “I Know What You Are Thinking” story - The Story




Friday, January 22, 2010
What Are My
                                                  Next Steps?




                           1. Listen, Look and Learn.
                           2. Start Having Real Conversations.

Friday, January 22, 2010
Kelsey Ruger
                           http://www.themoleskin.com




Friday, January 22, 2010

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Crucial Conversations In Social Media

  • 1. Crucial Conversations In Social Media The truth you should know about the art of conversation today Kelsey Ruger Got Social Media 2008 Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 2. I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid... you're afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you. A world without rules and controls, without borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you Neo - The Matrix Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 3. How Does The Matrix fit with Social Media? Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 4. The Matrix offers an excellent allegory for our highly COMMERCIALIZED, MEDIA DRIVEN society. Industrialization Standardization Depersonalization Today’s business world isn’t that different than the world of STRUCTURE and CONTROL created by the machines in the Matrix. Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 5. Social Media offers a great OPPORTUNITY for businesses to reconnect with people. if they realize that business today is not necessarily REPRESENTATIVE of REAL WORLD desires. Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 6. Markets are conversations. The Cluetrain Manifesto Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 7. e oes th What d on on versati word c rea lly mea n? Markets are conversations. The Cluetrain Manifesto e ’tw a ren ving W hy a t h ns? Wha o d a tio t ar go rsa e th nve bas e co con ics of vers atio How n? can w impro e ve ev eryda conve y rsatio n? Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 8. Your company can have Engaging Conversations with employees and clients Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 9. you must understand the FOUR ways communicating with MARKETS has CHANGED Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 10. MARKET IDEA No 1 Technology has given us power. The time of the the passive masses has passed. Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 11. MARKET IDEA No 2 We live in an attention economy. Lots of people are talking but not everyone is actively listening. Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 12. MARKET IDEA No 3 New ways of communicating inside and outside organizations don’t exactly mesh with the ‘corporate norm’ Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 13. MARKET IDEA No 4 We don’t want to be ‘talked at’ but rather ‘talked to’ Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 14. Why Conversation and Social Media? Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 15. Conversation is a FUNDAMENTAL part of being HUMAN. For centuries COMMERCE was largely based on conversation and the INTERACTION BETWEEN PEOPLE. Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 16. ‘‘ ‘‘ The human condition changes, yet never changes. The fears, hopes and desires of a Babylonian 5,000 years ago probably closely matches our own fears, hopes and desires. Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 17. Because companies have not evolved... commerce has been effectively divorced from people the on whom it depends Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 18. Social media tools don’t make the CONVERSATION they support it. By understanding how social media support the HUMAN DESIRE for CONVERSATION businesses can open up vibrant INTERACTIONS with INDIVIDUALS and COMMUNITIES. Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 19. The Matrix was about the struggle between man and machine but it parallels some of the struggles that are emerging between many businesses and consumers. Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 20. What is a Conversation? Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 21. What is a Crucial Conversation? Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 22. When a crucial conversation occurs you have THREE choices ... Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 23. avoid the conversation, and suffer the consequences. Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 24. handle the conversation poorly and suffer the consequences Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 25. discover how to communicate best when it matters most. Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 26. Why are Crucial Conversations so important? Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 27. We benefit from more ACCURATE and RELEVANT information Make BETTER CHOICES, and are more WILLING TO ACT on whatever decision they all make. Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 28. The nature of conversation and verbal exchange is surprisingly ENDURING even across culture and time... Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 30. So are there real RIGHTS and WRONGS in conversation? Cicero thought so... Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 31. Cicero wrote the essay “On Duties” in 44BC. In it he set forth the following rules, which all could still apply today and even to the latest form of blogging “conversations”... 1. Speak clearly 2. Speak easily, but not too much, give others their turn 3. Do not interrupt 4. Be courteous 5. Deal seriously with serious matters, gracefully with lighter ones 6. Never criticize people behind their backs 7. Stick to subjects of general interests 8. Do not talk about yourself 9. Never lose your temper Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 32. Why Do We Suck At Crucial Conversations? Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 33. Do you work in a Command and Control Environment? Conversations are where INTELLECTUAL CAPITAL gets generated, but conversations flourish only in an atmosphere of FREE and OPEN exchange. Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 34. Does n dialo ope ur g tak re D oes yo prece denc e the dialo g ge e zat ion wa e ove Ar of organi ? deba te? r l s ine cross s? internal wars a en t a rtm d ep If you can't GET YOURSELF RIGHT you'll have a Do dem peopl and e hard time getting conversations right. inst resp ead of e ect resp arn ect ing ? e l eb op and Do p n pe nt eople Ca pare hout pract s wit ice ac an ? tive tr ful cified listen truth cru ing sk ills? g b ein Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 35. We live is a CULTURE OF CONFLICT where winning is everything. Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 37. Most people when in an argument don't have a goal of LISTENING, instead we use every possible tactic to win. The ARGUMENT CULTURE urges us to approach the world and the people in it with an adversarial frame of mind. Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 38. Most people when in an argument don't have a goal of LISTENING, instead we use every possible tactic to win. The ARGUMENT CULTURE urges us to approach the world and the people in it with an adversarial frame of mind. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLPuGuaZTx8 Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 39. The Forgotten Art of Dialog The key to successful conversation is being open and honest in expressing opinions, feelings, and theories, and having a willingness to share views even when the ideas in question are controversial or unpopular. Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 40. Critique and Criticism are not the same thing. critique in this sense is not a general term for analysis or critical review but rather a synonym for criticism. Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 41. 3 Practices to Start Your Conversations Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 42. PRACTICE 1: Get to know who you are talking to. Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 43. PRACTICE 2: Listening is more important than talking Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 44. PRACTICE 3: If you’re going to be talking - have something important to say. Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 45. There are SIX stories you need to master ... Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 46. I just met you Who Are You anyway? The first question people ask themselves the minute they realize you want to influence them is "who is this person". A story helps them see what you want them to see about you. If you demonstrate who you are, rather than tell me who you are, it is much more believable. A story lets you demonstrate who you are. “Why Am I” story - The Story Factor Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 47. What does this person Want From Me? Before you let someone know what's in it for them, they want to know what's in it for you. It's a big mistake to try to hide selfish goals. This type of story usually reveals enough for people to make a distinction between healthy ambition and dishonest exploitation. If your goals are selfish, people don't mind as long as you are up-front about it, there is something in it for them, and you frame your goals in a way that makes sense to them. “Why Are I Here” story - The Story Factor Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 48. OK, so What’s in it for Me? If your listeners are comfortable with who your are and why you are here, then they are ready to listen to what you think is in it for them. You have to take the time to find a story of your vision that that connects with people clearly. “Vision” story - The Story Factor Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 49. OK, so What Do You Stand For? Without a doubt the best way tell people your values in by demonstration. The second best way is by telling a story. Story lets you instill values in a want that keeps people thinking for themselves. “Values in Action” story - The Story Factor Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 50. How Did You Know What I Was Thinking? When you tell a story that makes people wonder if you are reading their minds, they love it. It isn’t hard to do. If you have done your homework on the group you wish to influence it’s easy to identify their objections. “I Know What You Are Thinking” story - The Story Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 51. What Are My Next Steps? 1. Listen, Look and Learn. 2. Start Having Real Conversations. Friday, January 22, 2010
  • 52. Kelsey Ruger http://www.themoleskin.com Friday, January 22, 2010