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Real Communication




      by Dan O’Hair and Mary Weimann


Managing Conflict in
   Relationships
Conflict
• Conflict is more than an
  argument.

• Conflict is a negative
  interaction between 2 or
  more interdependent people.
Conflict
• Conflict management is how
  we engage in conflict.

• It is how we address
  disagreements with our
  relational partners.
Conflict

• Unproductive conflict is
  conflict that is managed
  poorly.

• It is conflict that has a
  negative affect on those
  involved.

• It can cause health
  problems.
Conflict
• Productive conflict is conflict
  that is managed effectively.

• We find a way to manage
  conflict, but don’t always
  find a resolution.

• It can foster healthy debate,
  lead to better decision-
  making, and spur
  relationship growth.
Reasons for
 Conflict
•Misunderstandings and
 inaccurate perceptions
 of a situation.
•If costs outweigh the
 rewards in a
 relationship, conflict
 may arise.
Reasons for
 Conflict
•When goals are not
 compatible, conflict
 can occur.
•Provocation is
 purposeful
 instigation.
Provocation

• Aggression is verbal abuse or physical threats.

• Identity management are insults that threaten your identity or
  attacks to your religion, values, race, or ethnic group.

• Lack of fairness is when your shared resources are
  unbalanced.

• Incompetence is someone doing poor work.
Influencing Forces
• Imbalance of power

• Attitudes like fear or
  distrust

• Communication boundary
  management is an
  avoidance to discuss
  certain topics with
  certain people.
Influencing Forces

Communication Climate is an
atmosphere that conflicts
produce.

  • uncertain climates

  • defensive climates

  • supportive climates
Influencing Forces
Culture determines how
conflicts are handled.

  • individualistic cultures
    emphasize personal
    needs.

  • collectivist cultures
    emphasize group
    identity.
Influencing Forces
Channel choice can influence
our communication.

  • Flaming is posting
    messages that are
    intentionally hostile or
    insulting online.

  • Cyber-bullying is abusive
    attacks over electronic
    channels.
Managing
   Conflict
•Escapist Strategies
 avoids the issues.

•Challenging
 strategies promotes
 your point of view like
 assertiveness.
Managing
   Conflict
•Cooperative strategies
   •benefit the
    relationship and
    serve mutual
    goals.
Managing
   Conflict
•Cooperative strategies
   •Avoid Verbal
    Aggressiveness
   •Probing, asking
    questions
   •devil’s advocate
   •negotiating
    alternatives
Conflict Outcomes
• Compromise is giving up a
  little to gain a little as a
  quick resolution.

    • Trading

    • Random selection or
      flipping a coin.

    • Beware of too much
      compromising on one
      side.
Conflict Outcomes
• Win-win solutions please both
  parties.

• Lose-lose solutions solves
  conflict but no one is happy.

• Separation removes you from
  the relationship.

• Decide to agree with the other
  person.

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Managing Conflict in Relationships

  • 1. Real Communication by Dan O’Hair and Mary Weimann Managing Conflict in Relationships
  • 2. Conflict • Conflict is more than an argument. • Conflict is a negative interaction between 2 or more interdependent people.
  • 3. Conflict • Conflict management is how we engage in conflict. • It is how we address disagreements with our relational partners.
  • 4. Conflict • Unproductive conflict is conflict that is managed poorly. • It is conflict that has a negative affect on those involved. • It can cause health problems.
  • 5. Conflict • Productive conflict is conflict that is managed effectively. • We find a way to manage conflict, but don’t always find a resolution. • It can foster healthy debate, lead to better decision- making, and spur relationship growth.
  • 6. Reasons for Conflict •Misunderstandings and inaccurate perceptions of a situation. •If costs outweigh the rewards in a relationship, conflict may arise.
  • 7. Reasons for Conflict •When goals are not compatible, conflict can occur. •Provocation is purposeful instigation.
  • 8. Provocation • Aggression is verbal abuse or physical threats. • Identity management are insults that threaten your identity or attacks to your religion, values, race, or ethnic group. • Lack of fairness is when your shared resources are unbalanced. • Incompetence is someone doing poor work.
  • 9. Influencing Forces • Imbalance of power • Attitudes like fear or distrust • Communication boundary management is an avoidance to discuss certain topics with certain people.
  • 10. Influencing Forces Communication Climate is an atmosphere that conflicts produce. • uncertain climates • defensive climates • supportive climates
  • 11. Influencing Forces Culture determines how conflicts are handled. • individualistic cultures emphasize personal needs. • collectivist cultures emphasize group identity.
  • 12. Influencing Forces Channel choice can influence our communication. • Flaming is posting messages that are intentionally hostile or insulting online. • Cyber-bullying is abusive attacks over electronic channels.
  • 13. Managing Conflict •Escapist Strategies avoids the issues. •Challenging strategies promotes your point of view like assertiveness.
  • 14. Managing Conflict •Cooperative strategies •benefit the relationship and serve mutual goals.
  • 15. Managing Conflict •Cooperative strategies •Avoid Verbal Aggressiveness •Probing, asking questions •devil’s advocate •negotiating alternatives
  • 16. Conflict Outcomes • Compromise is giving up a little to gain a little as a quick resolution. • Trading • Random selection or flipping a coin. • Beware of too much compromising on one side.
  • 17. Conflict Outcomes • Win-win solutions please both parties. • Lose-lose solutions solves conflict but no one is happy. • Separation removes you from the relationship. • Decide to agree with the other person.

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