Christian counseling is a form of pastoral care rooted in the Christian worldview, emphasizing the holistic well-being of individuals and their relationships. It prioritizes a non-judgmental, empathetic approach, incorporating insights from social sciences while maintaining a biblical foundation without moralizing or oversimplifying complex issues. The document outlines seven rules of pastoral conversation and provides practical guidelines for maintaining confidentiality, setting boundaries, and fostering healthy support systems.

1. Background to Christian
Counseling
Bukal Life Care
2019
www.bukallifecare.org

2. Christian Counseling
Christian Counseling is a form of Pastoral
Counseling that works within the Christian
Worldview.
“Pastoral” comes from the Latin term for
shepherd. As such, it draws heavily upon the
metaphor of the “shepherd” as found in such
places as Psalm 23, Ezekiel 34, and John 10.

3. Pastoral
Psalm 23, Ezekiel 34, and John 10 note that a
shepherd cares for the sheep, guides the sheep,
sacrifices for the sheep, and is concerned for the
holistic well-being of the sheep. Shepherds are
concerned for the sheep as individuals and as a
group (flock).
Additionally, Ezekiel 34 notes that human
“shepherds” who take care of human “sheep” are
themselves also sheep. As such, pastoral
counselors need care as much as anyone else.

4. What Christian Counseling IS,
and IS NOT
Is psychologically informed,
but not psychologically dependent.
Christian counseling is open to learn from the
social sciences, but has a different language,
a different focus, a different history, and
different goals from most psychological
counseling.

5. What Christian Counseling IS,
and IS NOT
Is Christian,
but not Limited to Christians.
In fact, Christian counseling is a good way for
non-Christians to see God's love and concern
lived out.

6. What Christian Counseling IS,
and IS NOT
Is Moral,
but not Moralizing.
Christian counselors are very slow to judge,
focusing more on they way things Are than on
how they Ought to be. Guiding is more
“eductive” than “deductive.”

7. What Christian Counseling IS,
and IS NOT
Is Biblical
but not Biblical “verse-dropping.”
People and their relationships are complex and
pulling one verse out of its context and giving
it to a person rarely, if ever, is caring. Often it
can be damaging. “Biblical” should mean in
line with the whole of God's message as given
in the Bible.

8. What Christian Counseling IS,
and IS NOT
Is Spiritually-centered
but not Limited to 'spirituality.'
In the Bible, both 'soul' and 'spirit' are very
broad terms involving a holistic understanding
of the self and related to vibrant, meaningful,
living. As such, spiritually-centered means
concerned with mind, emotions, values,
purpose, social relationships, physical being,
and relationship with God.

9. What Christian Counseling IS,
and IS NOT
Is about Care
but not about Cure
“Human brokenness is not fixable but livable
and redeemable.”

10. What Christian Counseling IS,
and IS NOT
Is more about Feelings
but not so much about Facts
That is because Christian Counseling is more
concerned about purpose and meaning, and
that has more to do with feelings and values,
than about “reality.”

11. What Christian Counseling IS,
and IS NOT
Is more Listening
but not so much on Talking
It is tempting to talk... and to think about talking
when the client is talking. However, it is more
likely that what they have to say is of more
importance than what you are going to say.

12. Seven Rules of Pastoral Conversation
#1 Common Humanity. The client is not a
label or category of person. He or she is a
human being, created by God, in His image---
fearfully and wonderfully made.
#2 Divine Omnipresence. Expect that God is
already at work in the client long before you
two have ever met. As such, your goal is to
connect with that person at the point God has
already prepared.

13. Seven Rules of Pastoral Conversation
#3 See the Best in the Other. Enter the
conversation non-judgmentally. The client is
not defined by his or her weaknesses and
failures. Acknowledge that you have weakness
as well... as a 'wounded healer.'
#4 Identification. Try to understand the client's
situation through the eyes of the client. Seek
as much as possible to understand what he or
she is going through.

14. Seven Rules of Pastoral Conversation
#5 Courtesy. Demonstrate recognizable
courtesy/respect to the client in word, attitude,
and behavior. (And yes, one should expect
courtesy in return.)
#6 Interpretation. Demonstrate God's love and
message for the client in a manner that he or
she can identify, understand, and respond to.
This means focusing on how he/she thinks
and feels rather than on how you think or feel.

15. Seven Rules of Pastoral Conversation
#7 Expectancy. Expect the Holy Spirit to
continue to work in the client long after the
conversation is over. Don't try to force
“deliverance” or “break-through.” You don't
have control over that.
<Note: These 7 rules are a pastoral conversation
variation on Max Warren's 7 Rules of Interfaith
Dialogue>

16. A Few Other Guidelines

Maintain confidentiality. Do not gossip. Do not
share good news or bad news of the client
with others. Do not share “prayer requests.” (If
there is a really good reason to share, ask
permission of the client first. But honor it if he
or she says, 'No.')

Maintain healthy boundaries. This is a big
topic... but generally remember that it is good
and healthy to say 'No.'

17. A Few Other Guidelines

Healthy Support System. Counseling others
who have toxic situations is difficult. Their
problems 'stick' to the counselor. You need a
supervisor, counselor, peer group who can
help you process, provide support, and guide.
(Remember to maintain confidentiality,
however.)

Limitations. You are a limited being (God
created you that way). Know when you need
help... and when you need to refer the person
to someone else.

18. Exercise: ASC before you ASK.

ASC stands for “Agnostic, Suspicious, and
Curious.” Therefore, go into the conversation
not making assumptions about what is going
on. Additionally, go in understanding that you
are not going to get the whole story from the
client (especially at first, and maybe never).
Also, if there is something you don't know, or
think that there is more to know, ASK.

19. Exercise

A 15 year old teenager (perhaps someone
from your church) comes to you and says...
“I am sick of going to school. I am going to
drop out.”

Based on this statement of fact alone, try
to convince them that they need to stay in
school.

20. I am going to drop out...
<I am irresponsible, and don’t understand how
difficult life really is without an education.>
<I am bullied constantly. I am terrified about
showing up there again.“>
<I am so bored. The classes do not challenge
me. I want to learn, not just occupy a seat.>
<Life is hopeless and meaningless. In fact, I am
quitting everything. It’s over.”>
<Maybe now you will pay attention to me.>

21. Exercise

A woman speaks to you and says,
“We have been married for 20 years, and have
never had an argument.”

How might you respond to this statement

22. “We have been married for 20 years,
and have never had an argument...”
“I am blissfully happy. We have the perfect
marriage.”
“...I am sad. We never talk about what really
matters.”
“I am frustrated. Whenever there is a conflict, he
just walks away.“
“Our marriage feels dead. We don’t talk, we don’t
disagree. We just go through the motions.”

23. And frankly...
There is no reason to assume that the woman is
actually telling the truth. She may be
expressing her perception of the marriage. Or
she may be trying to control how you view her
marriage.
<A little suspicion may come in handy.>

24. Questions?
“The Art of Pastoral Care” by Bob and Celia
Munson, Bukal Life Care.
www.bukallifecare.org
www.cpspphilippines.wordpress.com