“So What?” – Insights from the Course             This course has certainly challenged me on multiple levels. First, when reading the book Why Don’t We Listen Better, written by Dr. James Peterson (2015). I was so convicted on my arrogance of not being an intentional listener. Peterson’s book reinforces a paradigm on the importance of listening. It’s not about getting the last word in, or winning the argument that is paramount. The necessity of being a good listener will have far reaching impacts to those around us.  Too many times, society is placing value and priority on the loudest voice, when influence over others can truly be achieved by just learning the skill of listening. I am now making a commitment to continue the process of becoming a better listener.  As the leader of an organization, I have always felt that leadership required a voice of direction in order to be successful, but in reality, my influence and effectiveness as a husband, father, and pastor will reach incredible new heights with a commitment to actively engage in communication through listening.    Like Louise Smith, the first lady of racing, I too have had a few proverbial bones broken on the journey to get where I am today. God has most certainly broken me down so that He could build me up and transform me into the man of God that I need to be for myself and others.  · One area of concern that I continually have to keep submitted to God in prayer is self-esteem. . Mine would be humility.  Perhaps this is the result of practicing secular counseling, but I seem to rush off to formulaic conclusions.  But people aren't mathematical equations, are they?  No, they are uniquely minted by God, individual in His eyes.  Sometimes I have difficulty remembering this, that not all answers are found in textbooks. · According to Dr. Tim Clinton and Ron Hawkins (2009), “self-esteem refers to an inner sense of worthiness that gives a person resilience and resistance to attack or criticism” (p. 214). · Low self-esteem has attempted to manifest itself in various ways over my lifespan, usually induced by an old spirit of rejection from past hurts and heartbreaks.My “I” type personality profile asserts that I tend to think people expect me to be perfect (Carbonell, 2008, p. 40) and this could be the puzzling part of my personality that keeps me awake at night. Dr. Ken Nichols in his book Masterpiece writes, “a negative self-image produces a wide variety of problems” (2017, p. 23).  Yet another topic I struggle with in conventional/secular therapy, as the subjective indicator of too much self-esteem is typically categorized as grandiosity.  But what if someone is simply confident in themselves?   “What’s Best Next?”             Although society constantly assesses our value (Clinton & Hawkins, p. 215) that does not mean I have to allow those values to determine my worth or fight to uphold those values, especially if they do not align with what God has already said in His word about me. .

1. “So What?” – Insights from the Course
This course has certainly challenged me on multiple
levels. First, when reading the book Why Don’t We Listen
Better, written by Dr. James Peterson (2015). I was so convicted
on my arrogance of not being an intentional listener. Peterson’s
book reinforces a paradigm on the importance of listening. It’s
not about getting the last word in, or winning the argument that
is paramount. The necessity of being a good listener will have
far reaching impacts to those around us. Too many times,
society is placing value and priority on the loudest voice, when
influence over others can truly be achieved by just learning the
skill of listening. I am now making a commitment to continue
the process of becoming a better listener. As the leader of an
organization, I have always felt that leadership required a voice
of direction in order to be successful, but in reality, my
influence and effectiveness as a husband, father, and pastor will
reach incredible new heights with a commitment to actively
engage in communication through listening.
Like Louise Smith, the first lady of racing, I too have had a few
proverbial bones broken on the journey to get where I am today.
God has most certainly broken me down so that He could build
me up and transform me into the man of God that I need to be
for myself and others.
· One area of concern that I continually have to keep submitted
to God in prayer is self-esteem.
. Mine would be humility. Perhaps this is the result of
practicing secular counseling, but I seem to rush off to
formulaic conclusions. But people aren't mathematical
equations, are they? No, they are uniquely minted by God,
individual in His eyes. Sometimes I have difficulty
remembering this, that not all answers are found in textbooks.
· According to Dr. Tim Clinton and Ron Hawkins (2009), “self-
esteem refers to an inner sense of worthiness that gives a person

2. resilience and resistance to attack or criticism” (p. 214).
· Low self-esteem has attempted to manifest itself in various
ways over my lifespan, usually induced by an old spirit of
rejection from past hurts and heartbreaks.My “I” type
personality profile asserts that I tend to think people expect me
to be perfect (Carbonell, 2008, p. 40) and this could be the
puzzling part of my personality that keeps me awake at
night. Dr. Ken Nichols in his book Masterpiece writes, “a
negative self-image produces a wide variety of problems”
(2017, p. 23). Yet another topic I struggle with in
conventional/secular therapy, as the subjective indicator of
too much self-esteem is typically categorized as grandiosity.
But what if someone is simply confident in themselves?
“What’s Best Next?”
Although society constantly assesses our value (Clinton
& Hawkins, p. 215) that does not mean I have to allow those
values to determine my worth or fight to uphold those values,
especially if they do not align with what God has already said in
His word about me. Scripture states that God is mindful of me
(Psalm 8:4) and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made
(Psalm 139:14). Therefore, it is important for me to continually
foster a healthy paradigm of self: AMEN. Yet social consensus
is hard-wired into our survival mechanisms. Conformity means
acceptance, and acceptance can lead to having needs met.
However, this can take a disastrous turn when contending with
destructive behaviors such as substance abuse, domestic
violence, etc. Even on a less negative trend, desiring to meet
societal standards can result in a loss of identity in God. This
often leads to depression, anxiety, and a host of otherwise
avoidable symptoms.
Self-Care?
· “Many pastors misunderstand self-care to mean “self-ish,”
said Rae Jean Proeschold-Bell, the initiative’s research director
and assistant research professor at the Duke Global Health
Institute. “Clergy recognize the importance of caring for

3. themselves, but doing so takes a back seat to fulfilling their
vocational responsibilities, which are tantamount to caring for
an entire community,” Proeschold-Bell said. “They feel they
need permission to take the time to attend to their health”
(Rugani, 2012). Making an accurate assessment of my strengths
and growth areas can help me learn how to relax, knowing that
my value is not solely based on my significance and potential. I
must continue a proactive journey of taking care of my mind,
body and spirit to be effective for God
· Barry Howard describes in his article titled “Healthy Self-
Care: An Essential Discipline for a Pastor” five areas that place
undue stress on a pastor. One of the areas outlined was that of
“Unrealistic expectations– These expectations can be real or
perceived, and they can be generated by vocal congregants or be
self-imposed by a minister with a “messiah complex.” Within
most congregations there are mix of expectations that fluctuate
between market-driven goals (e.g., attendance, budgets,
denominational recognition) and mission-driven goals (e.g., life
transformation, ministry participation, stewardship practices).
The wider the gap between these two categories, the more
intense the stress on the minister” (Howard, 2017). I cannot
pour from an empty cup, and no matter how much I’ve learned
from this course, or how talented I may be in the role of
Pastoral Counseling, if I’m not well, it is next to impossible to
truly minister to others.
Safe and Securing Relationship?
· Personal integrity is important. According to
Charles Kollar (2011), Christian leaders and counselors should
always have a clear understanding of ethical concerns that
inform our counseling procedures (p. 267). Establishing healthy
boundaries and rigid guidelines for counseling sessions are
integral to secure relationships. My plans may seem right to me
but it is always the purpose of God that will stand (Proverbs
19:20-21).
The following two guidelines were published by the American
Church Group in Colorado when they wrote an

4. article titiled "Reduce the Likelihood of Sexual Misconduct in a
Counseling Setting":
· “Put your counseling procedures into writing. Conduct
counseling sessions only on church premises when others are
present in the building. Ensure that at least one other church
leader is aware when the counseling session occurs.
· Prohibit any pastor or counselor from privately counseling
individuals of the opposite gender and make sure that a parent
or other adult is present when counseling a minor. Few
counselors start out with the intention of committing sexual
abuse, so assign accountability partners who regularly check
with counselors to see if they are struggling with any problems”
(2016).
Further Training?
· Every counselor or ministry worker should always be
equipping themselves and meditating on the word of God day
and night. Scripture states that the Bible is useful for “teaching,
rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness” (2 Timothy
3:16) so that I may be well equipped to do good work for the
kingdom. For this reason, I will seek out other ways to improve
my counseling skills beyond seminary training. My goal is
obtaining further licensure beyond what I already have
obtained.
· CV Ministries offers additional pastoral Counseling Skills
Training that would be a great add-on to what has already been
learned in this course. “There are two versions of the
curriculum. The 13-module curriculum provides 3 days of
training with fellow pastors and church and ministry leaders. It
provides participants with an understanding of the interaction
between emotional, mental and spiritual health, identifies the
pastor’s role in counseling, and teaches a variety of skills that
can be tailored to the participant’s personality and counseling
style. Participants will have the opportunity to practice the
skills and attain competence in pastoral counseling”
Through this course I have learned about who I am first in order
to help others. Ministers do a lot of pouring when others are

5. pulling. Pastoral counseling is a frontline ministry that carries
the weight of others who need God’s guidance. This course has
given me resources that I will use not only for counseling
purposes, but in my everyday life. Through the readings and
tools presented even in my hardships I am redirected to Christ
for the answer. Lousie Smith stated, “You can’t reach for
anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday’s
junk!” Self-care is cleaning out but filling up on the word of
God so that we can help others. People are dying, they are lost,
and they need kingdom citizens to offer the love of God. “It’s in
giving that I gain. It's in serving that I grow. It's in caring for
others that I’s nurtured” (Nichols, 2017). It is essential to
network with peers, “one of the wisest time investments is for
ministers to develop and use a referral network of other
professionals in the community” (Turner, 2018). This path has
not been easy, and my journey has been turbulent, but
future counselees will be able to see God work through me.
References
Carbonell, M. (2008). How to solve the people puzzle:
Understanding personality patterns. Blue Ridge, GA: Uniquely
You Resources. (CarbonellVitalSource edition).
Clinton, T., & Hawkins, R. (2009). The quick-reference guide to
biblical counseling. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic.
Kollar, C. A. (2011).
Solution
-focused pastoral counseling (2nd ed.). Grand Rapids,
MI: Zondervan.

6. Nichols, K. (2017). Masterpiece: Seeing yourself as God’s work
of art changes everything! Forest, VA: ALIVE Ministries.
Turner, R. (2018). Referral: Safeguarding the Integrity of the
Counseling Relationship. Enrichment Journal: Equipping and
Enriching Spirit Filled Ministers. Retrieved
from http://enrichmentjournal.ag.org/199803/048_referral.cfm.
Howard, Barry. “Healthy Self-Care: An Essential Discipline for
a Pastor.” Barry's Notes, 10 Oct.
2017, barrysnotes.wordpress.com/2017/10/10/healthy-self-care-
an-essential-discipline-for-a-pastor/.
Rugani, Kate. “Self-Care Is Not Self-Ish.” Self-Care Is Not
Self-Ish | Faith and Leadership, 13 Aug.
2012, faithandleadership.com/self-care-not-self-ish.
“American Church Group.” Reduce the Likelihood of Sexual
Misconduct in a Counseling
Setting, www.americanchurchgroup-colorado.com/ministry-
resources/blog/reduce-the-likelihood-of-sexual-misconduct-in-
a-counseling-setting/.
www.cv-ministries.com/pastoral-counseling-skills.html

7. “So What?” – Insights from the Course
This course has certainly challenged me on multiple
levels. First, when reading the book Why Don’t We Listen
Better, written by Dr. James Peterson (2015). I was so convicted
on my arrogance of not being an intentional listener. Peterson’s
book reinforces a paradigm on the importance of listening. It’s
not about getting the last word in, or winning the argument that
is paramount. The necessity of being a good listener will have
far reaching impacts to those around us. Too many times,
society is placing value and priority on the loudest voice, when
influence over others can truly be achieved by just learning the
skill of listening. I am now making a commitment to continue
the process of becoming a better listener. As the leader of an
organization, I have always felt that leadership required a voice
of direction in order to be successful, but in reality, my
influence and effectiveness as a husband, father, and pastor will
reach incredible new heights with a commitment to actively
engage in communication through listening.
Like Louise Smith, the first lady of racing, I too have had a few
proverbial bones broken on the journey to get where I am today.
God has most certainly broken me down so that He could build
me up and transform me into the man of God that I need to be
for myself and others.

8. · One area of concern that I continually have to keep submitted
to God in prayer is self-esteem.
· According to Dr. Tim Clinton and Ron Hawkins (2009), “self-
esteem refers to an inner sense of worthiness that gives a person
resilience and resistance to attack or criticism” (p. 214).
· Low self-esteem has attempted to manifest itself in various
ways over my lifespan, usually induced by an old spirit of
rejection from past hurts and heartbreaks.My “I” type
personality profile asserts that I tend to think people expect me
to be perfect (Carbonell, 2008, p. 40) and this could be the
puzzling part of my personality that keeps me awake at
night. Dr. Ken Nichols in his book Masterpiece writes, “a
negative self-image produces a wide variety of problems”
(2017, p. 23).
“What’s Best Next?”
Although society constantly assesses our value (Clinton
& Hawkins, p. 215) that does not mean I have to allow those
values to determine my worth or fight to uphold those values,
especially if they do not align with what God has already said in
His word about me. Scripture states that God is mindful of me
(Psalm 8:4) and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made
(Psalm 139:14). Therefore, it is important for me to continually
foster a healthy paradigm of self:
Self-Care?

9. · “Many pastors misunderstand self-care to mean “self-ish,”
said Rae Jean Proeschold-Bell, the initiative’s research director
and assistant research professor at the Duke Global Health
Institute. “Clergy recognize the importance of caring for
themselves, but doing so takes a back seat to fulfilling their
vocational responsibilities, which are tantamount to caring for
an entire community,” Proeschold-Bell said. “They feel they
need permission to take the time to attend to their health”
(Rugani, 2012). Making an accurate assessment of my strengths
and growth areas can help me learn how to relax, knowing that
my value is not solely based on my significance and potential. I
must continue a proactive journey of taking care of my mind,
body and spirit to be effective for God
· Barry Howard describes in his article titled “Healthy Self-
Care: An Essential Discipline for a Pastor” five areas that place
undue stress on a pastor. One of the areas outlined was that of
“Unrealistic expectations– These expectations can be real or
perceived, and they can be generated by vocal congregants or be
self-imposed by a minister with a “messiah complex.” Within
most congregations there are mix of expectations that fluctuate
between market-driven goals (e.g., attendance, budgets,
denominational recognition) and mission-driven goals (e.g., life
transformation, ministry participation, stewardship practices).
The wider the gap between these two categories, the more
intense the stress on the minister” (Howard, 2017). I cannot

10. pour from an empty cup, and no matter how much I’ve learned
from this course, or how talented I may be in the role of
Pastoral Counseling, if I’m not well, it is next to impossible to
truly minister to others.
Safe and Securing Relationship?
· Personal integrity is important. According to
Charles Kollar (2011), Christian leaders and counselors should
always have a clear understanding of ethical concerns that
inform our counseling procedures (p. 267). Establishing healthy
boundaries and rigid guidelines for counseling sessions are
integral to secure relationships. My plans may seem right to me
but it is always the purpose of God that will stand (Proverbs
19:20-21).
The following two guidelines were published by the American
Church Group in Colorado when they wrote an
article titiled "Reduce the Likelihood of Sexual Misconduct in a
Counseling Setting":
· “Put your counseling procedures into writing. Conduct
counseling sessions only on church premises when others are
present in the building. Ensure that at least one other church
leader is aware when the counseling session occurs.
· Prohibit any pastor or counselor from privately counseling
individuals of the opposite gender and make sure that a parent
or other adult is present when counseling a minor. Few
counselors start out with the intention of committing sexual

11. abuse, so assign accountability partners who regularly check
with counselors to see if they are struggling with any problems”
(2016).
Further Training?
· Every counselor or ministry worker should always be
equipping themselves and meditating on the word of God day
and night. Scripture states that the Bible is useful for “teaching,
rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness” (2 Timothy
3:16) so that I may be well equipped to do good work for the
kingdom. For this reason, I will seek out other ways to improve
my counseling skills beyond seminary training. My goal is
obtaining further licensure beyond what I already have
obtained.
· CV Ministries offers additional pastoral Counseling Skills
Training that would be a great add-on to what has already been
learned in this course. “There are two versions of the
curriculum. The 13-module curriculum provides 3 days of
training with fellow pastors and church and ministry leaders. It
provides participants with an understanding of the interaction
between emotional, mental and spiritual health, identifies the
pastor’s role in counseling, and teaches a variety of skills that
can be tailored to the participant’s personality and counseling
style. Participants will have the opportunity to practice the
skills and attain competence in pastoral counseling”
Through this course I have learned about who I am first in order

12. to help others. Ministers do a lot of pouring when others are
pulling. Pastoral counseling is a frontline ministry that carries
the weight of others who need God’s guidance. This course has
given me resources that I will use not only for counseling
purposes, but in my everyday life. Through the readings and
tools presented even in my hardships I am redirected to Christ
for the answer. Lousie Smith stated, “You can’t reach for
anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday’s
junk!” Self-care is cleaning out but filling up on the word of
God so that we can help others. People are dying, they are lost,
and they need kingdom citizens to offer the love of God. “It’s in
giving that I gain. It's in serving that I grow. It's in caring for
others that I’s nurtured” (Nichols, 2017). It is essential to
network with peers, “one of the wisest time investments is for
ministers to develop and use a referral network of other
professionals in the community” (Turner, 2018). This path has
not been easy, and my journey has been turbulent, but
future counselees will be able to see God work through me.
References
Carbonell, M. (2008). How to solve the people puzzle:
Understanding personality patterns. Blue Ridge, GA: Uniquely
You Resources. (CarbonellVitalSource edition).

13. Clinton, T., & Hawkins, R. (2009). The quick-reference guide to
biblical counseling. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic.
Kollar, C. A. (2011).