Also known as the "Cassius, This Is Your Mother. Why Haven't You Called?" Bachelor Challenge. Professor Butters attempts to school her wayward Romance son, Cassius Marius, in a Squeaky Clean Bachelor Challenge.

2. ! Greetings. I’m the Professor Formerly Known as Butters, and I’d like to welcome you to the
“Cassius, this is your mother, why haven’t you called?” Bachelor Challenge. I write the Squeaky
Clean Legacy, where pathological cuteness runs rampant, pinkness abounds, and where babies
are left by the Social Bunny.

3. ! So it's been a bit of an embarrassment to me to have my simself's kid in Ben/Blite27's Ten
Caesars be such a skank king, WooHooing cousins and great aunts and who knows what.
(Documentary evidence straight from Ten Caesars. That’s an elderly relative. Sorry for the
TMI, and also for “borrowing” the picture, Ben).
He thinks he's going to have a swell time with a bachelor challenge, but he's in for a
bumpy ride. Back when I wrote this, I recommended looking for the rules of the Bachelor
Challenge on Boolprop.com or reading Candi’s. Well, now Boolprop has gone bye-bye,
and until I can think of a better way to describe it, it’s kinda like an Asylum, but with
kissing and (probably) fewer fires.

4. ! First, Cassius has been aged back to a teenager so he can be the kid of my simself and Flavius
Marius here, just as he is in Ten Caesars. Flavius happily signed on for this to give himself a break
from the mayoral campaign he's running in Squeaky Clean.

5. ! And then we've moved into an entirely new neighborhood. Flavius insisted on the pointless
columns around the swimming pool because it just doesn't feel like home without them. Aside
from being a compulsive friendmaker and what his original creator calls "an innocent-minded
doofus," Flavius is a total Rome-is-best obsessive and has developed a horror of the color pink.

6. ! Flavius: Hurray! I just made friends with my own kid! Now I want to be best friends, and to have
three best friends, and five best friends, and--
! Yes, we know, dear, you're a Popularity Sim.

7. ! Cassius, however, is not. He's Romance, and I was almost morbidly pleased to see that he rolled
the same LTW he has in Ten Caesars--twenty simultaneous lovers. Not on my watch, he ain't.
! Cassius: So, Ma, it's um, really Roman in here--but how come there's no bed for me or anything?

8. ! Well, Cassius, you're only here long enough to play red hands with both of us so you know we're
your parents and we'll feel free to interfere with your life. We don't want you failing school or
even meeting the welcome wagon, so you're aging up to adult right . . .about . . .

9. ! NOW.

10. ! Cassius: Hey, awesome. I am a love god. Gage Uglacy, eat your heart out.
! Um, he might.

11. ! "Wow, I'm even finer in proper Roman clothes!"
! Cassius has always looked to me like one of those little comedy masks you get as a member of
the Thespian Society in high school. Aristotle once defined comedy as "distortion without pain,”
but he couldn't know he was also describing Cassius Marius' face.

12. ! Flavius, do not tell Cassius a dirty joke in an attempt to be his best friend before the taxi gets here.
You don't want to add gasoline to the fire, and besides, you don't really understand what it means,
do you?
! Flavius: Uh, no.

13. ! Flavius: Bye-bye, son! Be good! Don't do anything I wouldn't do!
! Which lets out practically everything.
! Flavius: And I promise to call obsessively!

14. ! Gee, I sure do miss Cassius, mm--yeah, it gets a little stiff right between the shoulder blades.
! Such concerned Sim parents, pfft. Between a Pop Sim and a Knowledge Sim, both of which are
notoriously lousy parents, it’s probably our fault Cassius turned out the way he did. Flavius made
a big deal about having male kids and then immediately turned around and left the baby on the
floor. Our parenting secret? We don’t care.

15. ! Cassius: Ma, why am I all alone on a completely empty lot?
! Well, you're not. It's much easier to build once you're here, for one thing.

16. ! A little touch of Rome Sweet Rome, with the same replica tile I've got in Villa Marius both here
and in Pleasantview. Note the hot tubs, mandatory for the Bachelor Challenge. We'll see those in
operation on Day Two.

17. ! AND the bottom floor, with a buffet table, a bar, a pool table, a poker table, more Roman CC,
and a line of lady contestants at the mailbox. So you see, Cassius, it is neither an empty lot, nor
are you alone.
! We need all that doojazz because most of our contestants are Pleasure Sims and won't be happy
otherwise.

18. ! Let's meet the ladies, shall we? They are all simselves, legacy writers, and fellow Boolpropians,
and I'd like to point out that every single one of them agreed to this. (As did Blite27, for graciously
allowing me to use his character.)

19. ! First up: De, also known as Fireflower. A Pisces Pleasure Sim here, she's made some recent
appearances in Marina, aka smoothiequeen87's, Fitzhugh Legacy, where she's been involved with
the now deceased Spencer Fitzhugh and later Rhys Fitzhugh. Still waiting to hear what becomes
of their relationship over there (he has left her for Lucy Hanby, the cad), she was willing to try for
true love or something like it here, and was also the last contestant to sign up. I gave her the cute
little denim outfit, hoping she'd like it.

20. ! "I'm not impressed by Romance Sims.’
! Which is no doubt why you're involved with Gage Uglacy in Purple Bunny's Piratical Legacy. As a
Knowledge Sim, I feel your pain.
! She is an Aquarius, as are many of the contestants.

21. ! Candi, author of the Uglacy, the Prettacy, and whose Gage Bachelor Challenge is so funny that I
thought I'd give it a try. She's also an Aquarius, but she's a Family Sim, one of two here. And
what are she and Marina staring at?

22. ! Cassius: I told you I hate fish! Don't talk to me about fish or water or pirates or anything like that,
you hear?
! Way to go, Cassius--that's certainly the right way to win Ephemeral Toast's heart: start an
argument with her. I have no idea what made him do this, but Cassius is a grouchy guy--a
Scorpio--and it wasn't the only fight he picked.
! Ephemeral Toast writes the Apocalypso A Go Go and is one of two finalists in the Gage Bachelor
Challenge. What did she say to set him off?

23. ! ET: I am telling you, Marina, even with powerful beer goggles, Gage does not look good to me.
! Marina: Ah, that explains it.
! ET's a pretty fun-loving Aquarius Pleasure Sim, but she may be fed up by now.

24. ! Renee: There isn't going to be any cheating in this one, is there?
! I'll try. Maybe.
! Renee has written so many legacies and is such a famous simself that she hardly needs an
introduction--sims drop like flies, wherever she goes. She's also Cassius' great auntie in Ten
Caesars, but since he's already gotten with another of his great aunties over there, that shouldn't
bother him. Somehow, despite her murderous tendencies, she is a Family Sim. Chew on that one.

25. ! Purple Bunny: How did we get into this?
! Orikes: We agreed to it?
! They did. Authors of the Piratical Legacy and the Pseudo Legacy, and both Pleasure Sims, PB is a
Taurus and Orikes is another Aquarius. So that makes four Pleasure Sims, two Family, one
Knowledge; four Aquarians, one Taurus, one Pisces, and one Cancer, since that's what I made
Renee. The whole first day, the eight Sims are supposed to be on free will. All I did was make
sure that nobody got too hungry or peed her pants.

26. ! First on Cassius' hit list--Marina. Since Ben doesn't say what his turnons are (they seem to be
nearly everything), and since most Romans seem to have mother issues, I made them glasses and
red hair. But she shoots him down.
! Marina: Talk to the hand, Mister.

27. ! Marina: I know you Romance Sims--slicker than a barrel of oil. Plus you're a Scorpio like Rhys
Fitzhugh, an utter psychotic creep. No thanks.
! De: Aww. Someone has to be poor Cassius' friend!

28. ! And so De zeroes in on Cassius to pillow fight with while everyone else is engaged in pillow
fights or red hands with each other.

29. I got your popup message about how maybe we needed a matchmaker, but you're overkill, lady.
Go home.

30. ! Cassius: Yeah, yeah, so we need a maid, because I'm certainly not cleaning up around here.
! He does, though. Say what you will about Scorpio Sims--they may be horrible, but at least they're
tidy.
! Cassius: Sure. Sure. Whatever, we'll pay anything. No, I don't recognize your name. Should I?

31. ! Well, I do.
! Remington Harris: Back to being the maid.
! Remington is the second generation husband in Squeaky Clean. It's refreshing to look at him
here, where he serves as a warning. Beware: just because someone is cute now does not mean he
won't put on sixty or seventy pounds once you're married.
! Note the wallpaper showing Mt. Vesuvius behind him. Cassius, ever hear of a city called
Pompeii? Famous for some of its, cough, "art work?" Buried in lava? Watch your step.

32. ! Cassius: Yoo-hoo, Marina, over here! Pay attention to me! I mean NOW.
! Oh, not now, Cassius. Finish what you're chewing and go answer the door. I believe some people
have come to welcome you to the neighborhood.

33. ! Gage Uglacy: So I just moved in.
! Rhys Fitzhugh: Yeah, same here.
! I have put Cassius in a neighborhood with practically nobody else but two of the most infamous
Romancers known to Simkind. That's the kind of evil I am. Stick around, guys. There are girls
here!
! Well, there is one other inhabitant—

34. ! Cassius: So, narrator guy. What do I have to give you to die a natural death in Ten Caesars?
! Ben: Forget it. You couldn't afford it.
! Ben's not a Romance Sim, of course. He's mostly being a placeholder, but that doesn't mean he
won't hang around and try to flirt with a household of attractive Simselves anyway.

35. ! Gage: Oh, yeah, baby, you know you can't resist the Gagemeister. You're gonna fall for me yet.
! I dunno, folks, ET doesn't have that "I can't stand him" expression on her face. I want to clarify
that I did no direction as to who interacted with whom, except for giving Cassius a little
competition.

36. ! Orikes: I've always thought of Gage Uglacy as a huge waste of time.
! Purple Bunny: Yeah, me too.
! Gage: Oh, you girls really know where to hit a guy.

37. ! Gage: Rhys, they are not falling for Gage's awesomeness here.
! Rhys: Tell me about it; the narrator has still got me in an orange dress. I'd like to leap through the
screen and strangle her.

38. ! Meanwhile, De was quietly making friends with Renee and racking up a few logic points. By the
end of the first couple of days, everyone in the house either was her friend or wanted to be, and if
they were her friend, they wanted to be her best friend. She seemed to be making an attempt at
fitting in.

39. ! Not everybody was.
! Marina: Bet you I can get disqualified and get out of here first.
! Candi: Nuh-uh.
! Marina: Can too.

40. ! Marina: Sooo, Cassius, I'd like to talk to your about the lovely color pink.
Cassius: Don't talk to me about pink! My family hates pink! It's so un-Roman!
! Well, actually, it's your father who hates pink, but he certainly does hate it. Pretty slick, Marina.

41. ! Candi: I've got a different strategy. I'm just going to sit here.

42. ! Candi: And sit here some more.
She also made huge inroads on the buffet table. She never stopped eating, and she was always
hungry. Candi, I apologize in advance for the way your Simself bulked up in such a short time. I
didn't do it on purpose.

43. ! ET and Purple Bunny chose to spend their time at the bubble blower. I suppose maybe that
helped them not interact.
! ET and PB: You need a few hits of bubble when you're looking at Cassius! It's the only thing that
makes his face look normal!
! OK, point taken. I was actually thinking that later down the line it would be a lot easier to avoid
having lady Simselves walk in on flirts and the like if they had plenty of amusing things to do.
And some of them chose to be social.

44. ! Orikes: So Ben, whaddya think about the whole political thing over in Pleasantview?
! Ben: Well, I have an opinion, of course, but I'm too polite to discuss Sim Politics socially.
! Gage: Shut up and deal. You in, you out, what?

45. ! Ben actually hung around longer than either Rhys or Gage.
! Ben: If I keep--drinking--espresso, maybe one of those simselves will come back downstairs and
talk to me again!
! Uh, Ben, there's a green cloud coming off your Simself and many of these ladies have stink as a
turnoff. Do yourself a favor. Go home, freshen up, and come back tomorrow if you feel like it.

46. ! The next morning at breakfast, Cassius decides to sit next to Orikes and across from De. He
hasn't quite given up on Marina . . .

47. ! . . .And she hasn't quite given up trying to be the first one out.
!
! Marina: Pink! Pinkety-pink-pink-pink!

48. ! Cassius: She's doing this on purpose, isn't she?
!
! Probably. But to no avail. She's not the first one to go home--not by a long shot.

49. ! ET: Awww. I am sooo disappointed.
! Uh-huh. I'll just bet you are--that looks so fake.
! ET: Well, all right, I'll admit it--I've had about enough of Bachelor Challenges!
! Can't blame her, and it isn't her fault--thanks to Cassius's nasty attitude, she is way down near the
bottom, with 26 relationship points with him. (Remember, in a Bachelor Challenge, that's the
daily and the lifetime score added together). The mutual lack of interest is overwhelming.

50. ! Candi: Dang it, ET is the luckiest gal in the world.
! Well, she's going home early and you aren't, if you call that lucky.
At the end of the first day, it is De ahead by a mile at 70 points. Everyone else is clumped up near
the middle, with Orikes at 53, Purple Bunny at 49, Candi at 46, Marina at 45, and Renee at 43,
and Ephemeral Toast, I repeat, at 26, through no apparent fault of her own. Good thing, as
otherwise I'd probably wind up shoved into a hot tub with my own sim son in her Apocalypse
and my Squeaky Clean image would be shot to heck.

51. ! Stay with us for Day Two, as our plumbing trouble begins.