The Squeaky Clean Legacy, Chapter 4.2: Death in Pink
The Squeaky Clean LegacyBy Professor ButtersChapter 4.2: Death in Pink
Hey there! Im Hopeful Young, formerly Goodytwoshoes. I used to live in the Squeaky Clean Legacy House. Dont I look sorry to have leD?
And this is my husband, Count Jihoon. He used to be a vampire, but he wasnt very good at not burning to death in the sunlight, so he quit. He likes grilled cheese.
And heres our daughter, Countess Elizabeth. Jihoon says shes named aDer Countess Elizabeth Bathory, who used to bathe (so they said) in the blood of young virgins. Hes so senNmental about his family. Were the average ex-‐vampire Pleasure Sims: both Professional Party Guests, funloving, short aTenNon spans. So were hosNng this chapter of the Squeaky Clean Legacy. Dont expect me to narrate like my brother MorNmer, though. Hey-‐-‐is Hells Kitchen on tonight?
When we last leD the Squeaky Clean Legacy, Daisie Mae, the second-‐generaNon heiress, had just had a cute liTle-‐-‐BOY-‐-‐named Earthquake. Whys that bad? Well, in the Squeaky Clean Legacy, only girls inherit, and they have to behave themselves-‐-‐absolutely no WooHoo outside of marriage and strictly Try For Baby. Were all about high ethical standards here. Well, that, and pink.
This brought the house populaNon up to eight; Daisie Mae; her husband, the former Remington Harris (husbands change their name to Goodytwoshoes here); Rosie, the founder; her husband Shane; and the twins, Joe and Tiny. So Hopeful, who was going for ﬁDy ﬁrst dates and a nice liTle plaNnum grave on the lot, moved out. Once she was out, she could do anything she wanted, which seems to have been to resurrect Count Jihoon (thus ge^ng rid of a perfectly good sunlight ghost.) She also had most of the friends in the house and a good income as a Professional Party Guest, so she was a loss in more ways than one.
Daisie Mae and Remington lost a liTle sleep that evening. Trust me, Remington is always happy to Try For Baby. He doesnt get to that oDen.
And a few days later, they were the parents of yet another adorable liTle BOY. Named Ralph. Because were running out of boys names. Rosie here is thrilled to be a grandma again. Me? Not so much.
Lets review the kids again, shall we? That would be Tiny-‐-‐in the foreground-‐-‐and Joe, the blond in the back, both students in private school which we killed ourselves ge^ng them into.
Remington always teaches the kids the same ﬁrst word. Maybe its "Daddy," but Ive always suspected its "Remington." If they can get their mouths around that, "teddy," "boTle," and "high chair" are a piece of cake.
Heres Shane teaching Darling, the second generaNon cat, to play dead. Were trying to run a toy business on the lot and keep the pet generaNons going too. The pet heir has to reach the top of a career and max all the pet skills and produce kiTens, and then they can reNre, usually to a spares house, where they can live on Lobster Thermidor. Darling and her mate Thay havent had any kiTens yet. Why? Because there is no room.
Heres Remington oﬀ to a semi-‐successful day at work, trying to get to be Captain Hero before he is too old. The problem isnt skills, exactly, although Remington skills slowly-‐-‐its friends. Luckily the house is packed with pink and white snapdragons, giving it that Barbie look and keeping need bars up.
And right on cue. . . Daisie Mae: Welcome to the neighborhood-‐-‐Renee, was it? Enter Renee, aka cowforbrains, one of the most famous-‐-‐and most ruthless-‐-‐of Legacy writers.
Daisie Mae: So, Renee, as a Knowledge Sim working on my second LTW, Im dying to know about everything. I hear youre one of the most famous Legacy authors-‐-‐what do you think the future holds?
Renee: You want to know what the future holds?
Renee: DEATH. That, my friend, is what the future holds.
Daisie Mae: Death. No kidding? Mom and Dad are going to die someday, I guess-‐-‐theyre ge^ng up there. Renee: I didnt mean them. Daisie Mae: Gulp. Me?? Renee: Come on. Youre the heiress and the only Knowledge Sim. Youre good for ages. Daisie: Remington? Renee: You need him to breed from. Daisie Mae: Not very tacbul. Renee: Look, Im just saying. You have to have a girl. Thats the rules. And ideally two girls. You have both your parents, your husband and four boys. Just sayin, is all. Im here for you if you need me.
Daisie Mae: Golly, Renee, I feel like youve opened up a whole new perspecNve on things. Im so lucky to have a friend like you. Renee: Dont menNon it.
Darling, the daughter of ﬁrst generaNon cats Dreamboat and Max, hits the top of the showbiz career. A few more commands, some kiTens, and youre good to go! Darling: Meow?
Someone comes home with the boys on the ﬁrst day of school. Why, its BuTers Stotch! In fact, its always BuTers, maybe because hes stuck in that nightmare of a house with his parents and no friends.
He arrives in the middle of the Goodytwoshoes golden anniversary party, with Hawkins, MorNmer, Hopeful, Sam, Sams wife Julie, and Remington-‐-‐here hidden by annoying "friend from work"-‐-‐all ge^n down.
And BuTers promptly joins the Smustle-‐-‐-‐
While Rosie and Shane go for something a bit more sedate-‐-‐
And Sam plays the piano, with wife Julie worrying in the background. I dont know why, unless its because shes a Family Sim and I havent goTen around to playing them much. So she has no children yet.
Earthquake hugs Thay. Aww. Tell me thats not cute. I mean the cat.
Linda Stotch comes over and chats with Remington.
Linda: Oh, my gosh, Remington. You have no idea how sweet you have it! Im a Family Sim and Im married to a Romance Sim, Stephen, who has a thing for facial hair, and you know what that means. And we just have the one kid, BuTers. Well, and the unsuccessful ﬁrst generaNon male cat you guys had, Bonkers, who makes so much money that none of us have to work. I am soooo unhappy. I wish I could start over, maybe with someone exactly like you.
Remington: Well, Linda, I guess it depends on what you think of as sweet. There are certain restricNons to the Squeaky Clean household which can make it kind of, um, diﬃcult. However, I am going to abide by the rules and even though I have more bolts with you than I do with my wife, I am going to pretend this conversaNon never ever happened. We can be pals. In fact, I need pals. For my job.
And so Remington waves Linda a platonic bye-‐bye, goes to the living room to skill some more, and thinks aﬀecNonately of his wife. He truly is Squeaky Clean.
Joe: Daddy, can we get a puppy? Remington: No, Joe, we cannot get a puppy or a kiTy or a parrot or even a Womrat, because there is no room in this place.
Its a draw. Joe grows up into hideous clothes and hes no Brad PiT.
However, Tiny . . . Hes got his fathers nose and his grandfathers hideous Maxis Lips and Cheeks. Of course, we are all about character here and not beauty, but beauty never hurts. But he is maxed Playful and Grouchy, like his uncles Abijah and Abner and Hawkins.And he came out Pleasure.
Tiny makes two successful batches of medicine in a row-‐-‐
While twin brother Joe gets fat on birthday cake. Hes sweet and sloppy, much like his father Remington (whom he greatly resembles), a Pleasure Sim with a lot of musical talent, and he is headed for college. Fast.
Daisie Mae: Hmm. I remember back when I was ge^ng started as a scienNst and lost two Logic points to a bad chance card, I asked my brother MorNmer to tutor me at the Simsanto staNon. Got mysterious diseases twice in a row, had to quit my job, put me back forever-‐-‐oh, my, Tiny, thats a terrible sounding cough.
Tiny: You want me to go into AunNe Hopefuls old combo crypt and beauty parlor? But its spooky in there!
Thank you, dear. Tiny: Hey! Where did the door go? Dont worry, Tiny. You have everything here-‐-‐a TV and food and a toilet and a shower and a phone-‐-‐just no bed. Or chairs.
Life goes on at the big house, as Rosie and Shane have a pillow ﬁght-‐-‐
And Tiny ﬁxes himself pork chops. Pork chops, the Squeaky Clean signature food, because in the old comic strip Lil Abner, aDer which nearly everybody is named, the hero is crazy about pork chops. And everybody here seems to be, too, including the headmaster.
You can actually get a surprising amount of sleep standing up.
Rosie has a very happy ﬁnal weekend, with a golden anniversary party and new grandchildren. The very last thing she does is teach her youngest grandson, Ralph, how to walk.
And then she wanders out to the toy shop and dies so quietly and quickly that the hula dancers are nearly gone by the Nme anyone can get there, including me.
Dont worry, Tiny. You wont miss her for long. Tiny: That doesnt make me feel beTer!
My simself strolls by the lot. Not visiNng, not buying toys, just passing through-‐-‐and, you know-‐-‐checking.
Remington, who knows what the future holds? And more to the point, do you truly want to know?
The toy business is ge^ng crowded, and oddest of all, the customers cant be checked out. At all. Shane decides to move the business over to Inner Child Toys and GiDs, where he can craD more toys and stock the place properly. In the process, the staﬀ is lost, including MorNmers wife Edith, the blond in the tube top. She can be touchy and already quit once, and then came strolling back as though she werent mooching for a job. Her gold sales badge is a mixed blessing-‐-‐she either nails the sale or loses it enNrely.
Finally, aDer two days locked in AunNe Hopefuls old crypt, Tiny dies.
Remington: Of course not, silly, theres no such thing as ghosts. Lets play red hands.
Daisie Mae: Renee? Hi, its Daisie Mae. Hope you dont mind my calling like this. Tiny just died of a mysterious illness, Remingtons playing with the kids, and I feel sort of, well, responsible.
Renee: Dont be so hard on yourself, Daisie Mae. Accidents happen. Daisie Mae: Thanks, Renee! I feel a lot beTer now! Youre a pal!
Oh, boy, here we go again. Lets hope its a girl. Daisie Mae never rolls the want to have a baby, and who can blame her? SomeNmes she wants to teach the kids things or get them into private school, but for a Knowledge Sim, this is not a lot of fun.
Daisie Mae: Poor poor Tiny. Time to make more snapdragons. Just in case.
Guess who comes home with Earthquake his ﬁrst day of school? Everyone knows its BuTers. Hes a sucker for company-‐-‐and cats. Hes also probably a liTle lonely because when Tiny was low on social, he had to call somebody-‐-‐and that somebody was BuTers. So BuTers spent the weekend talking to a Sim dying a long slow death by disease-‐-‐yet another life-‐scarring experience for the poor liTle guy, but whos counNng?
Remington needs more friends if hes going to climb that ladder at work, and just talking to Linda on the phone wont do it. He keeps it strictly on the up-‐and-‐up, truly-‐-‐not a single autonomous "checks Sim out" or anything-‐-‐but guess who chooses that moment for her ﬁrst haunNng? Ghost of Rosie: This is just a warning, Remington!
Linda: Whats the maTer, Remington? You look like youve seen a ghost! Remington: I thou-‐-‐-‐. . .My mother in. . .oh, well, you wouldnt understand. Its ge^ng kind of late, Linda, isnt it? Time for you to go home, maybe? Rosie disappeared right aDer that and has been nice and quiet ever since. Hmmm.
Good work, Darling! You learned to sit up! Now all you have to do is learn one more command. . .
. . . have some kiTens, and you are ouTa here. Darling: Good.
Remington comes back from work dog-‐Nred, but I make him help Ralph with his birthday anyway. As the only non-‐permaplat adult Sim, its oDen dangerous for him to use the energizer, and the race is on to see if he can make his LTW before he gets too old. Especially with all those kids he keeps having.
Ralph grows up. He looks a lot like Earthquake, and Tiny, and in fact most of the male Goodytwoshoes except for Joe. But he has his Mommy and Grandmommys huge blue eyes, which helps a bit.
Ahah. Finally, Ben, the author of my favorite Legacy, the Ten Caesars, shows up at the toy shop. He contemplates buying the evil kite, but hes too smart for that.
Shane: No evil kites today, sir? Ben: Nope. Shane: How about marrying a Squeaky Clean heiress? Ben: Umm-‐-‐not a lot of fun. And you have no heiress yet. Shane: Could I interest you in a spare? Ben: All your spares are boys, arent they? And my turn-‐oﬀ is facial hair. No. But he did eventually buy something, at least.
Count Jihoon is a BIG fan of the toy shop-‐-‐patronized the old place and now comes and buys stuﬀ. So does Hopeful, who was not smart enough to avoid buying the evil kite.
He also showed up to threaten Stephen Tinker. "You think you can take money away from my father-‐in-‐laws business, Mister, blah, you beTer think again before you make a Grand Vampire very annoyed blah!" The workout gear makes the threat a liTle less convincing. Im afraid that marriage and grilled cheese is having its eﬀect on the Counts waistline.
Shane: So you see, Remington, one of the liTle-‐known rules of the Squeaky Clean Legacy is that the married-‐in husband has to run the family toy business, in addiNon to working a regular job, siring way too many kids, helping them all with their homework, training the cats, and cleaning out liTerboxes. I ﬁgure I have about four or ﬁve days leD, so Ill try to teach you everything I know before I pass on to the Great Luau. Remington: What if I know nothing about making toys? Shane: Oh, youll learn. Any quesNons? Comments? Remington: The lack of pink here is kind of resbul.
However, there was a snag. Remington and Shane used to be very close back before Daisie Mae was even born. Shane was actually the one who got to be pals with him, though Im afraid Rosie exploited Remingtons painfully obvious weakness for blondes. But with all those diapers, they havent talked much and Remington isnt Shanes friend anymore, though he is sNll a "best friend." There were a lot of jokes and pillow ﬁghts before Shane could call Remington and expect to have him come down to the toy store. Remington was patheNcally happy to have his old friend back and really really wants to earn his silver toymaking badge, if he can just somehow get enough sleep.
Shane: CongratulaNons, sonny-‐-‐someday all this will be yours. Remington: Thanks, I think.
And my simself shows up at the toy store again, checking out the new place.
Me: Hmmm-‐-‐but what would I do with a Wet N Wild Water Wiggler? Nevertheless, Im preTy sure I bought one. The business is seriously in the red, but only because they installed all kinds of comfort items, like a mini-‐fridge and even a hot tub. Keeps the employees happy and with a Ncket machine, even if Dina Caliente does want to loaf around in the hot tub, shes goTa pay for it.
Daisie Mae, youre about to pop! Are you sure you want to do this? Daisie Mae: Believe me, Im fully aware of the risks. But Ive done the math. If I have twins now, Darling will have only one kiTen, and one is all we need. One girl, and at least Ive produced the heiress. Two girls, and Im done forever with babies. How do you think Remington will feel about that? Remember, you can only Try For Baby. Hes ﬂoaNng high and dry for the Sim equivalent of ﬁve or six years, at least. Daisie Mae: Meh, we can make out, hold hands, whatever. Im sure he wont mind.
Daisie Mae: Here, Dad. Youre the Family Sim, you just got 8,000 aspiraNon points, you take the ﬁrst baby while I ﬁnish up.
JACKPOT!!! Twin girls, Delighbul and Moonbeam. Theyll hit teenhood at the same Nme and theyll roll for aspiraNons together-‐-‐we can pick which one is least likely to go sNr crazy, have a poll, whatever we want!
Remington: Oh, boy, another baby-‐-‐beTer juice myself up for a lot of late nights.
Remington: Tell me the truth. Im expendable now. You can make me have an accident with a brand-‐new pool, have me ﬁx the dishwasher-‐-‐Im toast. Me: Oh, no. Were developing a "we dont oﬀ husbands" policy-‐-‐at least not husbands like you. Sure, we could use a nice electrocuNon ghost more than we could another Family Sim plaNnum grave, but somebodys goTa change the diapers, help with homework, clean the catboxes, mind the store . . . Remington: Theres no more Try For Baby, though, is there?
Remington: Oh, HI, uh, Linda! No, no, just saying hi and trying to get you to be my friend for job points. What? No, nothings wrong, why do you ask?
Remington: Jeez. Eighty trillion years later and Im sNll the maid, only I dont get paid for it. I dont know if its all been worth it.
Hmm. Looks like Daisie Mae has decided you deserve some kind of a reward. And dont despair yet, Remington. Youve had, lets see-‐-‐six kids now? Remington: Dont remind me about Tiny. Oh, oops, yeah. But you only need four more to hit an Impossible Want. And as much as toddler screaming drives me nuts-‐-‐ Yes, Remington, there might be more Try For Baby. Well see. Meanwhile, we have to get the store up and running, get you educated on toy making, try to get you promoted if we possibly can-‐-‐and thats the stuﬀ of a whole new chapter. UnNl then, happy Simming! Cover picture by DianaSprinkle on Threadless.