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Crucial conversations - brown bag

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“The quality of your life comes out of the quality of your dialogues and conversations.". Here are some tools to master these conversations.

Published in: Self Improvement
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  • Thanks for this slide show Taranath. I have been looking for something to help me remember the concepts from Crucial Conversations. Your is the best I have found!
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Crucial conversations - brown bag

  1. 1. Crucial Conversation Tools for talking when stakes are high By Taranath Kantharajapur – 03/03/2016
  2. 2. Conversations
  3. 3. Conversations turning crucial Opposing opinions High stakes Strong emotions
  4. 4. Crucial Conversations
  5. 5. Crucial Conversations - Silence
  6. 6. Crucial Conversations - Violence
  7. 7. Crucial Conversation - Issues • When it matters most, we do our very worst. We move towards silence or violence. • Mask, Avoid or withdraw from conversation. • Choose destructive skills which cause a communication breakdown. • We quickly become adept at sulking, showing offence, debating, interrupting and preparing our response while pretending to listen. • How we discuss vs what we discuss.
  8. 8. Crucial Conversation - Issues Falling pray for sucker’s choice • Is it better to be kind or to be right? • Is it better to show loyalty or honesty? • Is it better to win or let the other person win?  Can we tell the truth and not insult anyone?  Can we tell the truth and keep a friend?  Can we get the results and keep the relationship?
  9. 9. Breakthrough or Breakdown • If handled properly they create breakthroughs. If handled badly they can lead to breakdowns. Silence - Fume silently; Violence - Resort to threats/name calling; Speak openly, honestly and effectively;(holding crucial conversations)
  10. 10. Crucial conversations - examples • Alexander: Okay, so what’s next? • Joseph: Well, the next step is the assessment process we discussed. Following that… • Alexander: Assessment? I don’t want to assess anything. I’m sick of assessing. I want to do something. • Joseph: Uhhh.
  11. 11. Crucial conversations - examples • Talking to a coworker who behaves offensively or makes suggestive comments • Giving an unfavorable performance review • Asking a friend to repay a loan • Giving the boss feedback about her behavior • Critiquing a colleague's work • Asking a roommate to move out • Resolving custody or visitation issues with an ex-spouse • Dealing with a rebellious teen • Talking to a team member who isn't keeping commitments • Confronting a loved one about a substance abuse problem • Talking to a colleague who is hoarding information or resources • Asking in-laws to quit interfering • Talking to a coworker about a personal hygiene problem
  12. 12. Handling crucial conversations – 7 steps 1. Start with Heart (empathy and positive intent). 2. Learn to Look (and stay in the dialogue). 3. Make it Safe (prevent fear, encourage open dialogue). 4. Master My Stories (avoid clever stories). 5. STATE My Path (separate facts from story). 6. Explore Other’s Paths (listen with empathy). 7. Move to Action (who is going to do what by when).
  13. 13. Start with heart • Where you come from dictates where you will get to. • Stay focused on the right motives, no matter what happens. • Refuse the sucker’s choice. • Questions to ask What do I really want for myself? What do I really want for others? What do I really want for the relationship?
  14. 14. Learn to look • key is to recognize when safety is at risk Learn to look at content and conditions. Look for when things become crucial. Learn to watch for safety problems. Look to see if others are moving toward silence or violence. Look for outbreaks of your Style Under Stress.
  15. 15. Make it safe • key is to make it safe; make it safe to talk about almost anything. Decide which condition of safety is at risk. Is mutual purpose at risk? Is mutual respect at risk? Apologize when appropriate. Contrast to fix misunderstanding. CRIB(tool) to get to Mutual Purpose.
  16. 16. Make it safe • Use(CRIB) for developing a mutual purpose: Commit to seek a Mutual Purpose Recognize the purpose behind the strategy Invent a mutual purpose Brainstorm new strategies
  17. 17. Master my stories • Key is to stay in dialogue • Retrace your path by asking the following questions:  Am I in some form of silence or violence  What emotions are encouraging you to ask this way?  What story is creating these emotions?  What evidence do you have to support this story? • Watch(and avoid) for clever stories.  Victim Story - It's not my fault  Villain story - Its all your fault  Helpless story - and there is nothing else I can do. • Tell the Rest of the Story.  What do you really want?  What would you do right now if you really wanted these results?
  18. 18. State my path • Key is to stay connected and speak persuasively. • STATE (my path) Share your facts (persuasive) Tell your story (the meaning you are making of these facts). Ask for other’s paths (encourage to share their facts and stories). Talk tentatively (not wimpy). Encourage testing (invite opposing views, play devil’s advocate).
  19. 19. Explore other’s path • key is to keep rapport, while listening with empathy. • How can you listen when others blow up or clam up. • AMPP Ask. To get things rolling (other person’s views). Mirror. To confirm feeling (the emotions people appear to be feeling). Paraphrase. To acknowledge the story(restate what you’ve heard). Prime. If others continue to hold back, pour some meaning into the pool.
  20. 20. Move to action • key is to identify actions. • Don't be satisfied with just good talk. • Move to action Determine who does what by when. Make the deliverables crystal clear. Set a follow-up time. Record the commitments and then follow up. Finally, hold people accountable to their promises.
  21. 21. Closing note • It’s less the theory and more the practice that makes all the difference. • Clear agreements and disciplined accountability turn great conversations into great results.

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