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The Squeaky Clean Legacy
By Professor Butters

Chapter 4.2: Death in Pink
Hey	
  there!	
  I'm	
  Hopeful	
  Young,	
  formerly	
  Goodytwoshoes.	
  I	
  used	
  to	
  live	
  in	
  the	
  Squeaky	
  Clean	
  Legacy	
  
House.	
  Don't	
  I	
  look	
  sorry	
  to	
  have	
  leD?	
  
And	
  this	
  is	
  my	
  husband,	
  Count	
  Jihoon.	
  He	
  used	
  to	
  be	
  a	
  vampire,	
  but	
  he	
  wasn't	
  very	
  good	
  at	
  not	
  burning	
  
to	
  death	
  in	
  the	
  sunlight,	
  so	
  he	
  quit.	
  He	
  likes	
  grilled	
  cheese.	
  
And	
  here's	
  our	
  daughter,	
  Countess	
  Elizabeth.	
  Jihoon	
  says	
  she's	
  named	
  aDer	
  Countess	
  Elizabeth	
  Bathory,	
  
who	
  used	
  to	
  bathe	
  (so	
  they	
  said)	
  in	
  the	
  blood	
  of	
  young	
  virgins.	
  He's	
  so	
  senNmental	
  about	
  his	
  family.	
  

We're	
  the	
  average	
  ex-­‐vampire	
  Pleasure	
  Sims:	
  both	
  Professional	
  Party	
  Guests,	
  funloving,	
  short	
  aTenNon	
  
spans.	
  So	
  we're	
  hosNng	
  this	
  chapter	
  of	
  the	
  Squeaky	
  Clean	
  Legacy.	
  Don't	
  expect	
  me	
  to	
  narrate	
  like	
  my	
  
brother	
  MorNmer,	
  though.	
  Hey-­‐-­‐is	
  Hell's	
  Kitchen	
  on	
  tonight?	
  
When	
  we	
  last	
  leD	
  the	
  Squeaky	
  Clean	
  Legacy,	
  Daisie	
  Mae,	
  the	
  second-­‐generaNon	
  heiress,	
  had	
  just	
  had	
  a	
  
cute	
  liTle-­‐-­‐BOY-­‐-­‐named	
  Earthquake.	
  Why's	
  that	
  bad?	
  Well,	
  in	
  the	
  Squeaky	
  Clean	
  Legacy,	
  only	
  girls	
  inherit,	
  
and	
  they	
  have	
  to	
  behave	
  themselves-­‐-­‐absolutely	
  no	
  WooHoo	
  outside	
  of	
  marriage	
  and	
  strictly	
  Try	
  For	
  
Baby.	
  We're	
  all	
  about	
  high	
  ethical	
  standards	
  here.	
  Well,	
  that,	
  and	
  pink.	
  
This	
  brought	
  the	
  house	
  populaNon	
  up	
  to	
  eight;	
  Daisie	
  Mae;	
  her	
  husband,	
  the	
  former	
  Remington	
  Harris	
  
(husbands	
  change	
  their	
  name	
  to	
  Goodytwoshoes	
  here);	
  Rosie,	
  the	
  founder;	
  her	
  husband	
  Shane;	
  and	
  the	
  
twins,	
  Joe	
  and	
  Tiny.	
  	
  

So	
  Hopeful,	
  who	
  was	
  going	
  for	
  fiDy	
  first	
  dates	
  and	
  a	
  nice	
  liTle	
  plaNnum	
  grave	
  on	
  the	
  lot,	
  moved	
  out.	
  Once      	
  
she	
  was	
  out,	
  she	
  could	
  do	
  anything	
  she	
  wanted,	
  which	
  seems	
  to	
  have	
  been	
  to	
  resurrect	
  Count	
  Jihoon	
  
(thus	
  ge^ng	
  rid	
  of	
  a	
  perfectly	
  good	
  sunlight	
  ghost.)	
  She	
  also	
  had	
  most	
  of	
  the	
  friends	
  in	
  the	
  house	
  and	
  a	
  
good	
  income	
  as	
  a	
  Professional	
  Party	
  Guest,	
  so	
  she	
  was	
  a	
  loss	
  in	
  more	
  ways	
  than	
  one.	
  
Daisie	
  Mae	
  and	
  Remington	
  lost	
  a	
  liTle	
  sleep	
  that	
  evening.	
  Trust	
  me,	
  Remington	
  is	
  always	
  happy	
  to	
  Try	
  For	
  
Baby.	
  He	
  doesn't	
  get	
  to	
  that	
  oDen.	
  
And	
  a	
  few	
  days	
  later,	
  they	
  were	
  the	
  parents	
  of	
  yet	
  another	
  adorable	
  liTle	
  BOY.	
  Named	
  Ralph.	
  Because	
  
we're	
  running	
  out	
  of	
  boy's	
  names.	
  Rosie	
  here	
  is	
  thrilled	
  to	
  be	
  a	
  grandma	
  again.	
  Me?	
  Not	
  so	
  much.	
  
Let's	
  review	
  the	
  kids	
  again,	
  shall	
  we?	
  That	
  would	
  be	
  Tiny-­‐-­‐in	
  the	
  foreground-­‐-­‐and	
  Joe,	
  the	
  blond	
  in	
  the	
  
back,	
  both	
  students	
  in	
  private	
  school	
  which	
  we	
  killed	
  ourselves	
  ge^ng	
  them	
  into.	
  
And	
  Earthquake.	
  
Remington	
  always	
  teaches	
  the	
  kids	
  the	
  same	
  first	
  word.	
  Maybe	
  it's	
  "Daddy,"	
  but	
  I've	
  always	
  suspected	
  it's	
  
"Remington."	
  If	
  they	
  can	
  get	
  their	
  mouths	
  around	
  that,	
  "teddy,"	
  "boTle,"	
  and	
  "high	
  chair"	
  are	
  a	
  piece	
  of	
  
cake.	
  
Here's	
  Shane	
  teaching	
  Darling,	
  the	
  second	
  generaNon	
  cat,	
  to	
  play	
  dead.	
  We're	
  trying	
  to	
  run	
  a	
  toy	
  business                  	
  
on	
  the	
  lot	
  and	
  keep	
  the	
  pet	
  generaNons	
  going	
  too.	
  The	
  pet	
  heir	
  has	
  to	
  reach	
  the	
  top	
  of	
  a	
  career	
  and	
  max	
  
all	
  the	
  pet	
  skills	
  and	
  produce	
  kiTens,	
  and	
  then	
  they	
  can	
  reNre,	
  usually	
  to	
  a	
  spare's	
  house,	
  where	
  they	
  can	
  
live	
  on	
  Lobster	
  Thermidor.	
  Darling	
  and	
  her	
  mate	
  Thay	
  haven't	
  had	
  any	
  kiTens	
  yet.	
  Why?	
  Because	
  there	
  is	
  
no	
  room.	
  
Here's	
  Remington	
  off	
  to	
  a	
  semi-­‐successful	
  day	
  at	
  work,	
  trying	
  to	
  get	
  to	
  be	
  Captain	
  Hero	
  before	
  he	
  is	
  too	
  
old.	
  The	
  problem	
  isn't	
  skills,	
  exactly,	
  although	
  Remington	
  skills	
  slowly-­‐-­‐it's	
  friends.	
  Luckily	
  the	
  house	
  is	
  
packed	
  with	
  pink	
  and	
  white	
  snapdragons,	
  giving	
  it	
  that	
  Barbie	
  look	
  and	
  keeping	
  need	
  bars	
  up.	
  
And	
  right	
  on	
  cue.	
  .	
  .	
  	
  

Daisie	
  Mae:	
  Welcome	
  to	
  the	
  neighborhood-­‐-­‐Renee,	
  was	
  it?	
  

Enter	
  Renee,	
  aka	
  cowforbrains,	
  one	
  of	
  the	
  most	
  famous-­‐-­‐and	
  most	
  ruthless-­‐-­‐of	
  Legacy	
  writers.	
  
Daisie	
  Mae:	
  So,	
  Renee,	
  as	
  a	
  Knowledge	
  Sim	
  working	
  on	
  my	
  second	
  LTW,	
  I'm	
  dying	
  to	
  know	
  about	
  
everything.	
  I	
  hear	
  you're	
  one	
  of	
  the	
  most	
  famous	
  Legacy	
  authors-­‐-­‐what	
  do	
  you	
  think	
  the	
  future	
  holds?	
  
Renee:	
  You	
  want	
  to	
  know	
  what	
  the	
  future	
  holds?	
  
Renee:	
  DEATH.	
  That,	
  my	
  friend,	
  is	
  what	
  the	
  future	
  holds.	
  
Daisie	
  Mae:	
  Death.	
  No	
  kidding?	
  Mom	
  and	
  Dad	
  are	
  going	
  to	
  die	
  someday,	
  I	
  guess-­‐-­‐they're	
  ge^ng	
  up	
  
there.	
  
Renee:	
  I	
  didn't	
  mean	
  them.	
  
Daisie	
  Mae:	
  Gulp.	
  Me??	
  
Renee:	
  Come	
  on.	
  You're	
  the	
  heiress	
  and	
  the	
  only	
  Knowledge	
  Sim.	
  You're	
  good	
  for	
  ages.	
  
Daisie:	
  Remington?	
  	
  
Renee:	
  You	
  need	
  him	
  to	
  breed	
  from.	
  
Daisie	
  Mae:	
  Not	
  very	
  tacbul.	
  
Renee:	
  Look,	
  I'm	
  just	
  saying.	
  You	
  have	
  to	
  have	
  a	
  girl.	
  That's	
  the	
  rules.	
  And	
  ideally	
  two	
  girls.	
  You	
  have	
  both	
  
your	
  parents,	
  your	
  husband	
  and	
  four	
  boys.	
  Just	
  sayin',	
  is	
  all.	
  I'm	
  here	
  for	
  you	
  if	
  you	
  need	
  me.	
  
Daisie	
  Mae:	
  Golly,	
  Renee,	
  I	
  feel	
  like	
  you've	
  opened	
  up	
  a	
  whole	
  new	
  perspecNve	
  on	
  things.	
  I'm	
  so	
  lucky	
  to	
  
have	
  a	
  friend	
  like	
  you.	
  

Renee:	
  Don't	
  menNon	
  it.	
  
Darling,	
  the	
  daughter	
  of	
  first	
  generaNon	
  cats	
  Dreamboat	
  and	
  Max,	
  hits	
  the	
  top	
  of	
  the	
  showbiz	
  career.	
  A	
  
few	
  more	
  commands,	
  some	
  kiTens,	
  and	
  you're	
  good	
  to	
  go!	
  

Darling:	
  Meow?	
  
Someone	
  comes	
  home	
  with	
  the	
  boys	
  on	
  the	
  first	
  day	
  of	
  school.	
  Why,	
  it's	
  BuTers	
  Stotch!	
  In	
  fact,	
  it's	
  
always	
  BuTers,	
  maybe	
  because	
  he's	
  stuck	
  in	
  that	
  nightmare	
  of	
  a	
  house	
  with	
  his	
  parents	
  and	
  no	
  friends.	
  
He	
  arrives	
  in	
  the	
  middle	
  of	
  the	
  Goodytwoshoes	
  golden	
  anniversary	
  party,	
  with	
  Hawkins,	
  MorNmer,	
  
Hopeful,	
  Sam,	
  Sam's	
  wife	
  Julie,	
  and	
  Remington-­‐-­‐here	
  hidden	
  by	
  annoying	
  "friend	
  from	
  work"-­‐-­‐all	
  ge^n'	
  
down.	
  
And	
  BuTers	
  promptly	
  joins	
  the	
  Smustle-­‐-­‐-­‐	
  
While	
  Rosie	
  and	
  Shane	
  go	
  for	
  something	
  a	
  bit	
  more	
  sedate-­‐-­‐	
  
And	
  Sam	
  plays	
  the	
  piano,	
  with	
  wife	
  Julie	
  worrying	
  in	
  the	
  background.	
  I	
  don't	
  know	
  why,	
  unless	
  it's	
  
because	
  she's	
  a	
  Family	
  Sim	
  and	
  I	
  haven't	
  goTen	
  around	
  to	
  playing	
  them	
  much.	
  So	
  she	
  has	
  no	
  children	
  yet.	
  
Earthquake	
  hugs	
  Thay.	
  Aww.	
  Tell	
  me	
  that's	
  not	
  cute.	
  I	
  mean	
  the	
  cat.	
  
Linda	
  Stotch	
  comes	
  over	
  and	
  chats	
  with	
  Remington.	
  
Linda:	
  Oh,	
  my	
  gosh,	
  Remington.	
  You	
  have	
  no	
  idea	
  how	
  sweet	
  you	
  have	
  it!	
  I'm	
  a	
  Family	
  Sim	
  and	
  I'm	
  
married	
  to	
  a	
  Romance	
  Sim,	
  Stephen,	
  who	
  has	
  a	
  thing	
  for	
  facial	
  hair,	
  and	
  you	
  know	
  what	
  that	
  means.	
  And	
  
we	
  just	
  have	
  the	
  one	
  kid,	
  BuTers.	
  Well,	
  and	
  the	
  unsuccessful	
  first	
  generaNon	
  male	
  cat	
  you	
  guys	
  had,	
  
Bonkers,	
  who	
  makes	
  so	
  much	
  money	
  that	
  none	
  of	
  us	
  have	
  to	
  work.	
  I	
  am	
  soooo	
  unhappy.	
  I	
  wish	
  I	
  could	
  
start	
  over,	
  maybe	
  with	
  someone	
  exactly	
  like	
  you.	
  
Remington:	
  Well,	
  Linda,	
  I	
  guess	
  it	
  depends	
  on	
  what	
  you	
  think	
  of	
  as	
  sweet.	
  There	
  are	
  certain	
  restricNons	
  to              	
  
the	
  Squeaky	
  Clean	
  household	
  which	
  can	
  make	
  it	
  kind	
  of,	
  um,	
  difficult.	
  However,	
  I	
  am	
  going	
  to	
  abide	
  by	
  
the	
  rules	
  and	
  even	
  though	
  I	
  have	
  more	
  bolts	
  with	
  you	
  than	
  I	
  do	
  with	
  my	
  wife,	
  I	
  am	
  going	
  to	
  pretend	
  this	
  
conversaNon	
  never	
  ever	
  happened.	
  	
  

We	
  can	
  be	
  pals.	
  In	
  fact,	
  I	
  need	
  pals.	
  For	
  my	
  job.	
  
And	
  so	
  Remington	
  waves	
  Linda	
  a	
  platonic	
  bye-­‐bye,	
  goes	
  to	
  the	
  living	
  room	
  to	
  skill	
  some	
  more,	
  and	
  thinks	
  
affecNonately	
  of	
  his	
  wife.	
  He	
  truly	
  is	
  Squeaky	
  Clean.	
  
Joe:	
  Daddy,	
  can	
  we	
  get	
  a	
  puppy?	
  

Remington:	
  No,	
  Joe,	
  we	
  cannot	
  get	
  a	
  puppy	
  or	
  a	
  kiTy	
  or	
  a	
  parrot	
  or	
  even	
  a	
  Womrat,	
  because	
  there	
  is	
  no	
  
room	
  in	
  this	
  place.	
  
Birthday	
  Nme,	
  boys!	
  
Make	
  a	
  wish!	
  And	
  remember,	
  cuteness	
  counts!	
  
Twins:	
  We'll	
  do	
  our	
  best.	
  
It's	
  a	
  draw.	
  Joe	
  grows	
  up	
  into	
  hideous	
  clothes	
  and	
  he's	
  no	
  Brad	
  PiT.	
  
However,	
  Tiny	
  .	
  .	
  .	
  	
  

He's	
  got	
  his	
  father's	
  nose	
  and	
  his	
  grandfather's	
  hideous	
  Maxis	
  Lips	
  and	
  Cheeks.	
  Of	
  course,	
  we	
  are	
  all	
  
about	
  character	
  here	
  and	
  not	
  beauty,	
  but	
  beauty	
  never	
  hurts.	
  But	
  he	
  is	
  maxed	
  Playful	
  and	
  Grouchy,	
  like	
  
his	
  uncles	
  Abijah	
  and	
  Abner	
  and	
  Hawkins.And	
  he	
  came	
  out	
  Pleasure.	
  
Tiny	
  makes	
  two	
  successful	
  batches	
  of	
  medicine	
  in	
  a	
  row-­‐-­‐	
  
While	
  twin	
  brother	
  Joe	
  gets	
  fat	
  on	
  birthday	
  cake.	
  He's	
  sweet	
  and	
  sloppy,	
  much	
  like	
  his	
  father	
  Remington	
  
(whom	
  he	
  greatly	
  resembles),	
  a	
  Pleasure	
  Sim	
  with	
  a	
  lot	
  of	
  musical	
  talent,	
  and	
  he	
  is	
  headed	
  for	
  college.	
  
Fast.	
  
Daisie	
  Mae:	
  Hmm.	
  I	
  remember	
  back	
  when	
  I	
  was	
  ge^ng	
  started	
  as	
  a	
  scienNst	
  and	
  lost	
  two	
  Logic	
  points	
  to	
  
a	
  bad	
  chance	
  card,	
  I	
  asked	
  my	
  brother	
  MorNmer	
  to	
  tutor	
  me	
  at	
  the	
  Simsanto	
  staNon.	
  Got	
  mysterious	
  
diseases	
  twice	
  in	
  a	
  row,	
  had	
  to	
  quit	
  my	
  job,	
  put	
  me	
  back	
  forever-­‐-­‐oh,	
  my,	
  Tiny,	
  that's	
  a	
  terrible	
  sounding	
  
cough.	
  
Tiny:	
  You	
  want	
  me	
  to	
  go	
  into	
  AunNe	
  Hopeful's	
  old	
  combo	
  crypt	
  and	
  beauty	
  parlor?	
  But	
  it's	
  spooky	
  in	
  
there!	
  
Thank	
  you,	
  dear.	
  	
  

Tiny:	
  Hey!	
  Where	
  did	
  the	
  door	
  go?	
  

Don't	
  worry,	
  Tiny.	
  You	
  have	
  everything	
  here-­‐-­‐a	
  TV	
  and	
  food	
  and	
  a	
  toilet	
  and	
  a	
  shower	
  and	
  a	
  phone-­‐-­‐just	
  
no	
  bed.	
  Or	
  chairs.	
  
Life	
  goes	
  on	
  at	
  the	
  big	
  house,	
  as	
  Rosie	
  and	
  Shane	
  have	
  a	
  pillow	
  fight-­‐-­‐	
  
And	
  Ralph	
  grows	
  up-­‐-­‐-­‐	
  
And	
  Tiny	
  fixes	
  himself	
  pork	
  chops.	
  Pork	
  chops,	
  the	
  Squeaky	
  Clean	
  signature	
  food,	
  because	
  in	
  the	
  old	
  
comic	
  strip	
  Lil	
  Abner,	
  aDer	
  which	
  nearly	
  everybody	
  is	
  named,	
  the	
  hero	
  is	
  crazy	
  about	
  pork	
  chops.	
  And	
  
everybody	
  here	
  seems	
  to	
  be,	
  too,	
  including	
  the	
  headmaster.	
  
You	
  can	
  actually	
  get	
  a	
  surprising	
  amount	
  of	
  sleep	
  standing	
  up.	
  
Rosie	
  has	
  a	
  very	
  happy	
  final	
  weekend,	
  with	
  a	
  golden	
  anniversary	
  party	
  and	
  new	
  grandchildren.	
  The	
  very	
  
last	
  thing	
  she	
  does	
  is	
  teach	
  her	
  youngest	
  grandson,	
  Ralph,	
  how	
  to	
  walk.	
  
And	
  then	
  she	
  wanders	
  out	
  to	
  the	
  toy	
  shop	
  and	
  dies	
  so	
  quietly	
  and	
  quickly	
  that	
  the	
  hula	
  dancers	
  are	
  
nearly	
  gone	
  by	
  the	
  Nme	
  anyone	
  can	
  get	
  there,	
  including	
  me.	
  
Tiny:	
  Waaaaah!	
  Grandma's	
  gone!	
  
Don't	
  worry,	
  Tiny.	
  You	
  won't	
  miss	
  her	
  for	
  long.	
  

Tiny:	
  That	
  doesn't	
  make	
  me	
  feel	
  beTer!	
  
My	
  simself	
  strolls	
  by	
  the	
  lot.	
  Not	
  visiNng,	
  not	
  buying	
  toys,	
  just	
  passing	
  through-­‐-­‐and,	
  you	
  know-­‐-­‐checking.	
  
Remington,	
  who	
  knows	
  what	
  the	
  future	
  holds?	
  And	
  more	
  to	
  the	
  point,	
  do	
  you	
  truly	
  want	
  to	
  know?	
  
The	
  toy	
  business	
  is	
  ge^ng	
  crowded,	
  and	
  oddest	
  of	
  all,	
  the	
  customers	
  can't	
  be	
  checked	
  out.	
  At	
  all.	
  Shane	
  
decides	
  to	
  move	
  the	
  business	
  over	
  to	
  Inner	
  Child	
  Toys	
  and	
  GiDs,	
  where	
  he	
  can	
  craD	
  more	
  toys	
  and	
  stock	
  
the	
  place	
  properly.	
  

In	
  the	
  process,	
  the	
  staff	
  is	
  lost,	
  including	
  MorNmer's	
  wife	
  Edith,	
  the	
  blond	
  in	
  the	
  tube	
  top.	
  She	
  can	
  be	
  
touchy	
  and	
  already	
  quit	
  once,	
  and	
  then	
  came	
  strolling	
  back	
  as	
  though	
  she	
  weren't	
  mooching	
  for	
  a	
  job.	
  
Her	
  gold	
  sales	
  badge	
  is	
  a	
  mixed	
  blessing-­‐-­‐she	
  either	
  nails	
  the	
  sale	
  or	
  loses	
  it	
  enNrely.	
  
Finally,	
  aDer	
  two	
  days	
  locked	
  in	
  AunNe	
  Hopeful's	
  old	
  crypt,	
  Tiny	
  dies.	
  
Remington	
  is	
  the	
  only	
  one	
  to	
  run	
  out	
  there.	
  
Well,	
  him	
  and	
  the	
  cats.	
  
Remington:	
  Oh,	
  Tiny!	
  Tiny!	
  Why???	
  

Sorry	
  about	
  that,	
  Remington.	
  I	
  knew	
  you'd	
  take	
  it	
  hard.	
  
Daisie	
  Mae:	
  Oh,	
  I	
  feel	
  so	
  terrible	
  about	
  Tiny!	
  Poor	
  poor	
  Tiny!	
  
Earthquake:	
  Is	
  Tiny	
  coming	
  back	
  as	
  a	
  ghost?	
  
Remington:	
  Of	
  course	
  not,	
  silly,	
  there's	
  no	
  such	
  thing	
  as	
  ghosts.	
  Let's	
  play	
  red	
  hands.	
  
Daisie	
  Mae:	
  Renee?	
  Hi,	
  it's	
  Daisie	
  Mae.	
  Hope	
  you	
  don't	
  mind	
  my	
  calling	
  like	
  this.	
  Tiny	
  just	
  died	
  of	
  a	
  
mysterious	
  illness,	
  Remington's	
  playing	
  with	
  the	
  kids,	
  and	
  I	
  feel	
  sort	
  of,	
  well,	
  responsible.	
  
Renee:	
  Don't	
  be	
  so	
  hard	
  on	
  yourself,	
  Daisie	
  Mae.	
  Accidents	
  happen.	
  

Daisie	
  Mae:	
  Thanks,	
  Renee!	
  I	
  feel	
  a	
  lot	
  beTer	
  now!	
  You're	
  a	
  pal!	
  
Oh,	
  boy,	
  here	
  we	
  go	
  again.	
  Let's	
  hope	
  it's	
  a	
  girl.	
  Daisie	
  Mae	
  never	
  rolls	
  the	
  want	
  to	
  have	
  a	
  baby,	
  and	
  who	
  
can	
  blame	
  her?	
  SomeNmes	
  she	
  wants	
  to	
  teach	
  the	
  kids	
  things	
  or	
  get	
  them	
  into	
  private	
  school,	
  but	
  for	
  a	
  
Knowledge	
  Sim,	
  this	
  is	
  not	
  a	
  lot	
  of	
  fun.	
  
Daisie	
  Mae:	
  Poor	
  poor	
  Tiny.	
  Time	
  to	
  make	
  more	
  snapdragons.	
  Just	
  in	
  case.	
  
Guess	
  who	
  comes	
  home	
  with	
  Earthquake	
  his	
  first	
  day	
  of	
  school?	
  Everyone	
  knows	
  it's	
  BuTers.	
  He's	
  a	
  
sucker	
  for	
  company-­‐-­‐and	
  cats.	
  

He's	
  also	
  probably	
  a	
  liTle	
  lonely	
  because	
  when	
  Tiny	
  was	
  low	
  on	
  social,	
  he	
  had	
  to	
  call	
  somebody-­‐-­‐and	
  that	
  
somebody	
  was	
  BuTers.	
  So	
  BuTers	
  spent	
  the	
  weekend	
  talking	
  to	
  a	
  Sim	
  dying	
  a	
  long	
  slow	
  death	
  by	
  
disease-­‐-­‐yet	
  another	
  life-­‐scarring	
  experience	
  for	
  the	
  poor	
  liTle	
  guy,	
  but	
  who's	
  counNng?	
  
Remington	
  needs	
  more	
  friends	
  if	
  he's	
  going	
  to	
  climb	
  that	
  ladder	
  at	
  work,	
  and	
  just	
  talking	
  to	
  Linda	
  on	
  the	
  
phone	
  won't	
  do	
  it.	
  He	
  keeps	
  it	
  strictly	
  on	
  the	
  up-­‐and-­‐up,	
  truly-­‐-­‐not	
  a	
  single	
  autonomous	
  "checks	
  Sim	
  out"	
  
or	
  anything-­‐-­‐but	
  guess	
  who	
  chooses	
  that	
  moment	
  for	
  her	
  first	
  haunNng?	
  

Ghost	
  of	
  Rosie:	
  This	
  is	
  just	
  a	
  warning,	
  Remington!	
  
Linda:	
  What's	
  the	
  maTer,	
  Remington?	
  You	
  look	
  like	
  you've	
  seen	
  a	
  ghost!	
  

Remington:	
  I	
  thou-­‐-­‐-­‐.	
  .	
  .My	
  mother	
  in.	
  .	
  .oh,	
  well,	
  you	
  wouldn't	
  understand.	
  It's	
  ge^ng	
  kind	
  of	
  late,	
  Linda,	
  
isn't	
  it?	
  Time	
  for	
  you	
  to	
  go	
  home,	
  maybe?	
  

Rosie	
  disappeared	
  right	
  aDer	
  that	
  and	
  has	
  been	
  nice	
  and	
  quiet	
  ever	
  since.	
  Hmmm.	
  
Good	
  work,	
  Darling!	
  You	
  learned	
  to	
  sit	
  up!	
  Now	
  all	
  you	
  have	
  to	
  do	
  is	
  learn	
  one	
  more	
  command.	
  .	
  .	
  
.	
  .	
  .	
  have	
  some	
  kiTens,	
  and	
  you	
  are	
  ouTa	
  here.	
  

Darling:	
  Good.	
  
Remington	
  comes	
  back	
  from	
  work	
  dog-­‐Nred,	
  but	
  I	
  make	
  him	
  help	
  Ralph	
  with	
  his	
  birthday	
  anyway.	
  As	
  the	
  
only	
  non-­‐permaplat	
  adult	
  Sim,	
  it's	
  oDen	
  dangerous	
  for	
  him	
  to	
  use	
  the	
  energizer,	
  and	
  the	
  race	
  is	
  on	
  to	
  see	
  
if	
  he	
  can	
  make	
  his	
  LTW	
  before	
  he	
  gets	
  too	
  old.	
  Especially	
  with	
  all	
  those	
  kids	
  he	
  keeps	
  having.	
  
Ralph	
  grows	
  up.	
  He	
  looks	
  a	
  lot	
  like	
  Earthquake,	
  and	
  Tiny,	
  and	
  in	
  fact	
  most	
  of	
  the	
  male	
  Goodytwoshoes	
  
except	
  for	
  Joe.	
  But	
  he	
  has	
  his	
  Mommy	
  and	
  Grandmommy's	
  huge	
  blue	
  eyes,	
  which	
  helps	
  a	
  bit.	
  
Ahah.	
  Finally,	
  Ben,	
  the	
  author	
  of	
  my	
  favorite	
  Legacy,	
  the	
  Ten	
  Caesars,	
  shows	
  up	
  at	
  the	
  toy	
  shop.	
  He	
  
contemplates	
  buying	
  the	
  evil	
  kite,	
  but	
  he's	
  too	
  smart	
  for	
  that.	
  
Shane:	
  No	
  evil	
  kites	
  today,	
  sir?	
  
Ben:	
  Nope.	
  
Shane:	
  How	
  about	
  marrying	
  a	
  Squeaky	
  Clean	
  heiress?	
  
Ben:	
  Umm-­‐-­‐not	
  a	
  lot	
  of	
  fun.	
  And	
  you	
  have	
  no	
  heiress	
  yet.	
  
Shane:	
  Could	
  I	
  interest	
  you	
  in	
  a	
  spare?	
  
Ben:	
  All	
  your	
  spares	
  are	
  boys,	
  aren't	
  they?	
  And	
  my	
  turn-­‐off	
  is	
  facial	
  hair.	
  No.	
  

But	
  he	
  did	
  eventually	
  buy	
  something,	
  at	
  least.	
  
Count	
  Jihoon	
  is	
  a	
  BIG	
  fan	
  of	
  the	
  toy	
  shop-­‐-­‐patronized	
  the	
  old	
  place	
  and	
  now	
  comes	
  and	
  buys	
  stuff.	
  So	
  
does	
  Hopeful,	
  who	
  was	
  not	
  smart	
  enough	
  to	
  avoid	
  buying	
  the	
  evil	
  kite.	
  
He	
  also	
  showed	
  up	
  to	
  threaten	
  Stephen	
  Tinker.	
  

"You	
  think	
  you	
  can	
  take	
  money	
  away	
  from	
  my	
  father-­‐in-­‐law's	
  business,	
  Mister,	
  blah,	
  you	
  beTer	
  think	
  
again	
  before	
  you	
  make	
  a	
  Grand	
  Vampire	
  very	
  annoyed	
  blah!"	
  

The	
  workout	
  gear	
  makes	
  the	
  threat	
  a	
  liTle	
  less	
  convincing.	
  I'm	
  afraid	
  that	
  marriage	
  and	
  grilled	
  cheese	
  is	
  
having	
  its	
  effect	
  on	
  the	
  Count's	
  waistline.	
  
Shane:	
  So	
  you	
  see,	
  Remington,	
  one	
  of	
  the	
  liTle-­‐known	
  rules	
  of	
  the	
  Squeaky	
  Clean	
  Legacy	
  is	
  that	
  the	
  
married-­‐in	
  husband	
  has	
  to	
  run	
  the	
  family	
  toy	
  business,	
  in	
  addiNon	
  to	
  working	
  a	
  regular	
  job,	
  siring	
  way	
  too	
  
many	
  kids,	
  helping	
  them	
  all	
  with	
  their	
  homework,	
  training	
  the	
  cats,	
  and	
  cleaning	
  out	
  liTerboxes.	
  I	
  figure	
  I	
  
have	
  about	
  four	
  or	
  five	
  days	
  leD,	
  so	
  I'll	
  try	
  to	
  teach	
  you	
  everything	
  I	
  know	
  before	
  I	
  pass	
  on	
  to	
  the	
  Great	
  
Luau.	
  
Remington:	
  What	
  if	
  I	
  know	
  nothing	
  about	
  making	
  toys?	
  
Shane:	
  Oh,	
  you'll	
  learn.	
  Any	
  quesNons?	
  Comments?	
  
Remington:	
  The	
  lack	
  of	
  pink	
  here	
  is	
  kind	
  of	
  resbul.	
  
However,	
  there	
  was	
  a	
  snag.	
  Remington	
  and	
  Shane	
  used	
  to	
  be	
  very	
  close	
  back	
  before	
  Daisie	
  Mae	
  was	
  even	
  
born.	
  Shane	
  was	
  actually	
  the	
  one	
  who	
  got	
  to	
  be	
  pals	
  with	
  him,	
  though	
  I'm	
  afraid	
  Rosie	
  exploited	
  
Remington's	
  painfully	
  obvious	
  weakness	
  for	
  blondes.	
  But	
  with	
  all	
  those	
  diapers,	
  they	
  haven't	
  talked	
  much	
  
and	
  Remington	
  isn't	
  Shane's	
  friend	
  anymore,	
  though	
  he	
  is	
  sNll	
  a	
  "best	
  friend."	
  

There	
  were	
  a	
  lot	
  of	
  jokes	
  and	
  pillow	
  fights	
  before	
  Shane	
  could	
  call	
  Remington	
  and	
  expect	
  to	
  have	
  him	
  
come	
  down	
  to	
  the	
  toy	
  store.	
  Remington	
  was	
  patheNcally	
  happy	
  to	
  have	
  his	
  old	
  friend	
  back	
  and	
  really	
  
really	
  wants	
  to	
  earn	
  his	
  silver	
  toymaking	
  badge,	
  if	
  he	
  can	
  just	
  somehow	
  get	
  enough	
  sleep.	
  
Shane:	
  CongratulaNons,	
  sonny-­‐-­‐someday	
  all	
  this	
  will	
  be	
  yours.	
  

Remington:	
  Thanks,	
  I	
  think.	
  
And	
  my	
  simself	
  shows	
  up	
  at	
  the	
  toy	
  store	
  again,	
  checking	
  out	
  the	
  new	
  place.	
  
Me:	
  Hmmm-­‐-­‐but	
  what	
  would	
  I	
  do	
  with	
  a	
  Wet	
  N'	
  Wild	
  Water	
  Wiggler?	
  

Nevertheless,	
  I'm	
  preTy	
  sure	
  I	
  bought	
  one.	
  The	
  business	
  is	
  seriously	
  in	
  the	
  red,	
  but	
  only	
  because	
  they	
  
installed	
  all	
  kinds	
  of	
  comfort	
  items,	
  like	
  a	
  mini-­‐fridge	
  and	
  even	
  a	
  hot	
  tub.	
  Keeps	
  the	
  employees	
  happy	
  and	
  
with	
  a	
  Ncket	
  machine,	
  even	
  if	
  Dina	
  Caliente	
  does	
  want	
  to	
  loaf	
  around	
  in	
  the	
  hot	
  tub,	
  she's	
  goTa	
  pay	
  for	
  it.	
  
Daisie	
  Mae,	
  you're	
  about	
  to	
  pop!	
  Are	
  you	
  sure	
  you	
  want	
  to	
  do	
  this?	
  

Daisie	
  Mae:	
  Believe	
  me,	
  I'm	
  fully	
  aware	
  of	
  the	
  risks.	
  But	
  I've	
  done	
  the	
  math.	
  If	
  I	
  have	
  twins	
  now,	
  Darling	
  
will	
  have	
  only	
  one	
  kiTen,	
  and	
  one	
  is	
  all	
  we	
  need.	
  One	
  girl,	
  and	
  at	
  least	
  I've	
  produced	
  the	
  heiress.	
  Two	
  
girls,	
  and	
  I'm	
  done	
  forever	
  with	
  babies.	
  

How	
  do	
  you	
  think	
  Remington	
  will	
  feel	
  about	
  that?	
  Remember,	
  you	
  can	
  only	
  Try	
  For	
  Baby.	
  He's	
  floaNng	
  
high	
  and	
  dry	
  for	
  the	
  Sim	
  equivalent	
  of	
  five	
  or	
  six	
  years,	
  at	
  least.	
  

Daisie	
  Mae:	
  Meh,	
  we	
  can	
  make	
  out,	
  hold	
  hands,	
  whatever.	
  I'm	
  sure	
  he	
  won't	
  mind.	
  
Daisie	
  Mae:	
  Here,	
  Dad.	
  You're	
  the	
  Family	
  Sim,	
  you	
  just	
  got	
  8,000	
  aspiraNon	
  points,	
  you	
  take	
  the	
  first	
  baby	
  
while	
  I	
  finish	
  up.	
  
JACKPOT!!!	
  Twin	
  girls,	
  Delighbul	
  and	
  Moonbeam.	
  They'll	
  hit	
  teenhood	
  at	
  the	
  same	
  Nme	
  and	
  they'll	
  roll	
  
for	
  aspiraNons	
  together-­‐-­‐we	
  can	
  pick	
  which	
  one	
  is	
  least	
  likely	
  to	
  go	
  sNr	
  crazy,	
  have	
  a	
  poll,	
  whatever	
  we	
  
want!	
  
Remington:	
  Oh,	
  boy,	
  another	
  baby-­‐-­‐beTer	
  juice	
  myself	
  up	
  for	
  a	
  lot	
  of	
  late	
  nights.	
  
Remington:	
  Tell	
  me	
  the	
  truth.	
  I'm	
  expendable	
  now.	
  You	
  can	
  make	
  me	
  have	
  an	
  accident	
  with	
  a	
  brand-­‐new	
  
pool,	
  have	
  me	
  fix	
  the	
  dishwasher-­‐-­‐I'm	
  toast.	
  

Me:	
  Oh,	
  no.	
  We're	
  developing	
  a	
  "we	
  don't	
  off	
  husbands"	
  policy-­‐-­‐at	
  least	
  not	
  husbands	
  like	
  you.	
  Sure,	
  we	
  
could	
  use	
  a	
  nice	
  electrocuNon	
  ghost	
  more	
  than	
  we	
  could	
  another	
  Family	
  Sim	
  plaNnum	
  grave,	
  but	
  
somebody's	
  goTa	
  change	
  the	
  diapers,	
  help	
  with	
  homework,	
  clean	
  the	
  catboxes,	
  mind	
  the	
  store	
  .	
  .	
  .	
  	
  

Remington:	
  There's	
  no	
  more	
  Try	
  For	
  Baby,	
  though,	
  is	
  there?	
  
Remington:	
  Oh,	
  HI,	
  uh,	
  Linda!	
  No,	
  no,	
  just	
  saying	
  hi	
  and	
  trying	
  to	
  get	
  you	
  to	
  be	
  my	
  friend	
  for	
  job	
  points.	
  
What?	
  No,	
  nothing's	
  wrong,	
  why	
  do	
  you	
  ask?	
  
Remington:	
  Jeez.	
  Eighty	
  trillion	
  years	
  later	
  and	
  I'm	
  sNll	
  the	
  maid,	
  only	
  I	
  don't	
  get	
  paid	
  for	
  it.	
  I	
  don't	
  know	
  if	
  
it's	
  all	
  been	
  worth	
  it.	
  
Hmm.	
  Looks	
  like	
  Daisie	
  Mae	
  has	
  decided	
  you	
  deserve	
  some	
  kind	
  of	
  a	
  reward.	
  

And	
  don't	
  despair	
  yet,	
  Remington.	
  You've	
  had,	
  let's	
  see-­‐-­‐six	
  kids	
  now?	
  

Remington:	
  Don't	
  remind	
  me	
  about	
  Tiny.	
  

Oh,	
  oops,	
  yeah.	
  But	
  you	
  only	
  need	
  four	
  more	
  to	
  hit	
  an	
  Impossible	
  Want.	
  And	
  as	
  much	
  as	
  toddler	
  
screaming	
  drives	
  me	
  nuts-­‐-­‐	
  

Yes,	
  Remington,	
  there	
  might	
  be	
  more	
  Try	
  For	
  Baby.	
  We'll	
  see.	
  Meanwhile,	
  we	
  have	
  to	
  get	
  the	
  store	
  up	
  and  	
  
running,	
  get	
  you	
  educated	
  on	
  toy	
  making,	
  try	
  to	
  get	
  you	
  promoted	
  if	
  we	
  possibly	
  can-­‐-­‐and	
  that's	
  the	
  stuff	
  
of	
  a	
  whole	
  new	
  chapter.	
  UnNl	
  then,	
  happy	
  Simming!	
  

Cover	
  picture	
  by	
  DianaSprinkle	
  on	
  Threadless.	
  

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The Squeaky Clean Legacy, Chapter 4.2: Death in Pink

  • 1. The Squeaky Clean Legacy By Professor Butters Chapter 4.2: Death in Pink
  • 2. Hey  there!  I'm  Hopeful  Young,  formerly  Goodytwoshoes.  I  used  to  live  in  the  Squeaky  Clean  Legacy   House.  Don't  I  look  sorry  to  have  leD?  
  • 3. And  this  is  my  husband,  Count  Jihoon.  He  used  to  be  a  vampire,  but  he  wasn't  very  good  at  not  burning   to  death  in  the  sunlight,  so  he  quit.  He  likes  grilled  cheese.  
  • 4. And  here's  our  daughter,  Countess  Elizabeth.  Jihoon  says  she's  named  aDer  Countess  Elizabeth  Bathory,   who  used  to  bathe  (so  they  said)  in  the  blood  of  young  virgins.  He's  so  senNmental  about  his  family.   We're  the  average  ex-­‐vampire  Pleasure  Sims:  both  Professional  Party  Guests,  funloving,  short  aTenNon   spans.  So  we're  hosNng  this  chapter  of  the  Squeaky  Clean  Legacy.  Don't  expect  me  to  narrate  like  my   brother  MorNmer,  though.  Hey-­‐-­‐is  Hell's  Kitchen  on  tonight?  
  • 5. When  we  last  leD  the  Squeaky  Clean  Legacy,  Daisie  Mae,  the  second-­‐generaNon  heiress,  had  just  had  a   cute  liTle-­‐-­‐BOY-­‐-­‐named  Earthquake.  Why's  that  bad?  Well,  in  the  Squeaky  Clean  Legacy,  only  girls  inherit,   and  they  have  to  behave  themselves-­‐-­‐absolutely  no  WooHoo  outside  of  marriage  and  strictly  Try  For   Baby.  We're  all  about  high  ethical  standards  here.  Well,  that,  and  pink.  
  • 6. This  brought  the  house  populaNon  up  to  eight;  Daisie  Mae;  her  husband,  the  former  Remington  Harris   (husbands  change  their  name  to  Goodytwoshoes  here);  Rosie,  the  founder;  her  husband  Shane;  and  the   twins,  Joe  and  Tiny.     So  Hopeful,  who  was  going  for  fiDy  first  dates  and  a  nice  liTle  plaNnum  grave  on  the  lot,  moved  out.  Once   she  was  out,  she  could  do  anything  she  wanted,  which  seems  to  have  been  to  resurrect  Count  Jihoon   (thus  ge^ng  rid  of  a  perfectly  good  sunlight  ghost.)  She  also  had  most  of  the  friends  in  the  house  and  a   good  income  as  a  Professional  Party  Guest,  so  she  was  a  loss  in  more  ways  than  one.  
  • 7. Daisie  Mae  and  Remington  lost  a  liTle  sleep  that  evening.  Trust  me,  Remington  is  always  happy  to  Try  For   Baby.  He  doesn't  get  to  that  oDen.  
  • 8. And  a  few  days  later,  they  were  the  parents  of  yet  another  adorable  liTle  BOY.  Named  Ralph.  Because   we're  running  out  of  boy's  names.  Rosie  here  is  thrilled  to  be  a  grandma  again.  Me?  Not  so  much.  
  • 9. Let's  review  the  kids  again,  shall  we?  That  would  be  Tiny-­‐-­‐in  the  foreground-­‐-­‐and  Joe,  the  blond  in  the   back,  both  students  in  private  school  which  we  killed  ourselves  ge^ng  them  into.  
  • 11. Remington  always  teaches  the  kids  the  same  first  word.  Maybe  it's  "Daddy,"  but  I've  always  suspected  it's   "Remington."  If  they  can  get  their  mouths  around  that,  "teddy,"  "boTle,"  and  "high  chair"  are  a  piece  of   cake.  
  • 12. Here's  Shane  teaching  Darling,  the  second  generaNon  cat,  to  play  dead.  We're  trying  to  run  a  toy  business   on  the  lot  and  keep  the  pet  generaNons  going  too.  The  pet  heir  has  to  reach  the  top  of  a  career  and  max   all  the  pet  skills  and  produce  kiTens,  and  then  they  can  reNre,  usually  to  a  spare's  house,  where  they  can   live  on  Lobster  Thermidor.  Darling  and  her  mate  Thay  haven't  had  any  kiTens  yet.  Why?  Because  there  is   no  room.  
  • 13. Here's  Remington  off  to  a  semi-­‐successful  day  at  work,  trying  to  get  to  be  Captain  Hero  before  he  is  too   old.  The  problem  isn't  skills,  exactly,  although  Remington  skills  slowly-­‐-­‐it's  friends.  Luckily  the  house  is   packed  with  pink  and  white  snapdragons,  giving  it  that  Barbie  look  and  keeping  need  bars  up.  
  • 14. And  right  on  cue.  .  .     Daisie  Mae:  Welcome  to  the  neighborhood-­‐-­‐Renee,  was  it?   Enter  Renee,  aka  cowforbrains,  one  of  the  most  famous-­‐-­‐and  most  ruthless-­‐-­‐of  Legacy  writers.  
  • 15. Daisie  Mae:  So,  Renee,  as  a  Knowledge  Sim  working  on  my  second  LTW,  I'm  dying  to  know  about   everything.  I  hear  you're  one  of  the  most  famous  Legacy  authors-­‐-­‐what  do  you  think  the  future  holds?  
  • 16. Renee:  You  want  to  know  what  the  future  holds?  
  • 17. Renee:  DEATH.  That,  my  friend,  is  what  the  future  holds.  
  • 18. Daisie  Mae:  Death.  No  kidding?  Mom  and  Dad  are  going  to  die  someday,  I  guess-­‐-­‐they're  ge^ng  up   there.   Renee:  I  didn't  mean  them.   Daisie  Mae:  Gulp.  Me??   Renee:  Come  on.  You're  the  heiress  and  the  only  Knowledge  Sim.  You're  good  for  ages.   Daisie:  Remington?     Renee:  You  need  him  to  breed  from.   Daisie  Mae:  Not  very  tacbul.   Renee:  Look,  I'm  just  saying.  You  have  to  have  a  girl.  That's  the  rules.  And  ideally  two  girls.  You  have  both   your  parents,  your  husband  and  four  boys.  Just  sayin',  is  all.  I'm  here  for  you  if  you  need  me.  
  • 19. Daisie  Mae:  Golly,  Renee,  I  feel  like  you've  opened  up  a  whole  new  perspecNve  on  things.  I'm  so  lucky  to   have  a  friend  like  you.   Renee:  Don't  menNon  it.  
  • 20. Darling,  the  daughter  of  first  generaNon  cats  Dreamboat  and  Max,  hits  the  top  of  the  showbiz  career.  A   few  more  commands,  some  kiTens,  and  you're  good  to  go!   Darling:  Meow?  
  • 21. Someone  comes  home  with  the  boys  on  the  first  day  of  school.  Why,  it's  BuTers  Stotch!  In  fact,  it's   always  BuTers,  maybe  because  he's  stuck  in  that  nightmare  of  a  house  with  his  parents  and  no  friends.  
  • 22. He  arrives  in  the  middle  of  the  Goodytwoshoes  golden  anniversary  party,  with  Hawkins,  MorNmer,   Hopeful,  Sam,  Sam's  wife  Julie,  and  Remington-­‐-­‐here  hidden  by  annoying  "friend  from  work"-­‐-­‐all  ge^n'   down.  
  • 23. And  BuTers  promptly  joins  the  Smustle-­‐-­‐-­‐  
  • 24. While  Rosie  and  Shane  go  for  something  a  bit  more  sedate-­‐-­‐  
  • 25. And  Sam  plays  the  piano,  with  wife  Julie  worrying  in  the  background.  I  don't  know  why,  unless  it's   because  she's  a  Family  Sim  and  I  haven't  goTen  around  to  playing  them  much.  So  she  has  no  children  yet.  
  • 26. Earthquake  hugs  Thay.  Aww.  Tell  me  that's  not  cute.  I  mean  the  cat.  
  • 27. Linda  Stotch  comes  over  and  chats  with  Remington.  
  • 28. Linda:  Oh,  my  gosh,  Remington.  You  have  no  idea  how  sweet  you  have  it!  I'm  a  Family  Sim  and  I'm   married  to  a  Romance  Sim,  Stephen,  who  has  a  thing  for  facial  hair,  and  you  know  what  that  means.  And   we  just  have  the  one  kid,  BuTers.  Well,  and  the  unsuccessful  first  generaNon  male  cat  you  guys  had,   Bonkers,  who  makes  so  much  money  that  none  of  us  have  to  work.  I  am  soooo  unhappy.  I  wish  I  could   start  over,  maybe  with  someone  exactly  like  you.  
  • 29. Remington:  Well,  Linda,  I  guess  it  depends  on  what  you  think  of  as  sweet.  There  are  certain  restricNons  to   the  Squeaky  Clean  household  which  can  make  it  kind  of,  um,  difficult.  However,  I  am  going  to  abide  by   the  rules  and  even  though  I  have  more  bolts  with  you  than  I  do  with  my  wife,  I  am  going  to  pretend  this   conversaNon  never  ever  happened.     We  can  be  pals.  In  fact,  I  need  pals.  For  my  job.  
  • 30. And  so  Remington  waves  Linda  a  platonic  bye-­‐bye,  goes  to  the  living  room  to  skill  some  more,  and  thinks   affecNonately  of  his  wife.  He  truly  is  Squeaky  Clean.  
  • 31. Joe:  Daddy,  can  we  get  a  puppy?   Remington:  No,  Joe,  we  cannot  get  a  puppy  or  a  kiTy  or  a  parrot  or  even  a  Womrat,  because  there  is  no   room  in  this  place.  
  • 33. Make  a  wish!  And  remember,  cuteness  counts!  
  • 34. Twins:  We'll  do  our  best.  
  • 35. It's  a  draw.  Joe  grows  up  into  hideous  clothes  and  he's  no  Brad  PiT.  
  • 36. However,  Tiny  .  .  .     He's  got  his  father's  nose  and  his  grandfather's  hideous  Maxis  Lips  and  Cheeks.  Of  course,  we  are  all   about  character  here  and  not  beauty,  but  beauty  never  hurts.  But  he  is  maxed  Playful  and  Grouchy,  like   his  uncles  Abijah  and  Abner  and  Hawkins.And  he  came  out  Pleasure.  
  • 37. Tiny  makes  two  successful  batches  of  medicine  in  a  row-­‐-­‐  
  • 38. While  twin  brother  Joe  gets  fat  on  birthday  cake.  He's  sweet  and  sloppy,  much  like  his  father  Remington   (whom  he  greatly  resembles),  a  Pleasure  Sim  with  a  lot  of  musical  talent,  and  he  is  headed  for  college.   Fast.  
  • 39. Daisie  Mae:  Hmm.  I  remember  back  when  I  was  ge^ng  started  as  a  scienNst  and  lost  two  Logic  points  to   a  bad  chance  card,  I  asked  my  brother  MorNmer  to  tutor  me  at  the  Simsanto  staNon.  Got  mysterious   diseases  twice  in  a  row,  had  to  quit  my  job,  put  me  back  forever-­‐-­‐oh,  my,  Tiny,  that's  a  terrible  sounding   cough.  
  • 40. Tiny:  You  want  me  to  go  into  AunNe  Hopeful's  old  combo  crypt  and  beauty  parlor?  But  it's  spooky  in   there!  
  • 41. Thank  you,  dear.     Tiny:  Hey!  Where  did  the  door  go?   Don't  worry,  Tiny.  You  have  everything  here-­‐-­‐a  TV  and  food  and  a  toilet  and  a  shower  and  a  phone-­‐-­‐just   no  bed.  Or  chairs.  
  • 42. Life  goes  on  at  the  big  house,  as  Rosie  and  Shane  have  a  pillow  fight-­‐-­‐  
  • 43. And  Ralph  grows  up-­‐-­‐-­‐  
  • 44. And  Tiny  fixes  himself  pork  chops.  Pork  chops,  the  Squeaky  Clean  signature  food,  because  in  the  old   comic  strip  Lil  Abner,  aDer  which  nearly  everybody  is  named,  the  hero  is  crazy  about  pork  chops.  And   everybody  here  seems  to  be,  too,  including  the  headmaster.  
  • 45. You  can  actually  get  a  surprising  amount  of  sleep  standing  up.  
  • 46. Rosie  has  a  very  happy  final  weekend,  with  a  golden  anniversary  party  and  new  grandchildren.  The  very   last  thing  she  does  is  teach  her  youngest  grandson,  Ralph,  how  to  walk.  
  • 47. And  then  she  wanders  out  to  the  toy  shop  and  dies  so  quietly  and  quickly  that  the  hula  dancers  are   nearly  gone  by  the  Nme  anyone  can  get  there,  including  me.  
  • 49. Don't  worry,  Tiny.  You  won't  miss  her  for  long.   Tiny:  That  doesn't  make  me  feel  beTer!  
  • 50. My  simself  strolls  by  the  lot.  Not  visiNng,  not  buying  toys,  just  passing  through-­‐-­‐and,  you  know-­‐-­‐checking.  
  • 51. Remington,  who  knows  what  the  future  holds?  And  more  to  the  point,  do  you  truly  want  to  know?  
  • 52. The  toy  business  is  ge^ng  crowded,  and  oddest  of  all,  the  customers  can't  be  checked  out.  At  all.  Shane   decides  to  move  the  business  over  to  Inner  Child  Toys  and  GiDs,  where  he  can  craD  more  toys  and  stock   the  place  properly.   In  the  process,  the  staff  is  lost,  including  MorNmer's  wife  Edith,  the  blond  in  the  tube  top.  She  can  be   touchy  and  already  quit  once,  and  then  came  strolling  back  as  though  she  weren't  mooching  for  a  job.   Her  gold  sales  badge  is  a  mixed  blessing-­‐-­‐she  either  nails  the  sale  or  loses  it  enNrely.  
  • 53. Finally,  aDer  two  days  locked  in  AunNe  Hopeful's  old  crypt,  Tiny  dies.  
  • 54. Remington  is  the  only  one  to  run  out  there.  
  • 55. Well,  him  and  the  cats.  
  • 56. Remington:  Oh,  Tiny!  Tiny!  Why???   Sorry  about  that,  Remington.  I  knew  you'd  take  it  hard.  
  • 57. Daisie  Mae:  Oh,  I  feel  so  terrible  about  Tiny!  Poor  poor  Tiny!  
  • 58. Earthquake:  Is  Tiny  coming  back  as  a  ghost?  
  • 59. Remington:  Of  course  not,  silly,  there's  no  such  thing  as  ghosts.  Let's  play  red  hands.  
  • 60. Daisie  Mae:  Renee?  Hi,  it's  Daisie  Mae.  Hope  you  don't  mind  my  calling  like  this.  Tiny  just  died  of  a   mysterious  illness,  Remington's  playing  with  the  kids,  and  I  feel  sort  of,  well,  responsible.  
  • 61. Renee:  Don't  be  so  hard  on  yourself,  Daisie  Mae.  Accidents  happen.   Daisie  Mae:  Thanks,  Renee!  I  feel  a  lot  beTer  now!  You're  a  pal!  
  • 62. Oh,  boy,  here  we  go  again.  Let's  hope  it's  a  girl.  Daisie  Mae  never  rolls  the  want  to  have  a  baby,  and  who   can  blame  her?  SomeNmes  she  wants  to  teach  the  kids  things  or  get  them  into  private  school,  but  for  a   Knowledge  Sim,  this  is  not  a  lot  of  fun.  
  • 63. Daisie  Mae:  Poor  poor  Tiny.  Time  to  make  more  snapdragons.  Just  in  case.  
  • 64. Guess  who  comes  home  with  Earthquake  his  first  day  of  school?  Everyone  knows  it's  BuTers.  He's  a   sucker  for  company-­‐-­‐and  cats.   He's  also  probably  a  liTle  lonely  because  when  Tiny  was  low  on  social,  he  had  to  call  somebody-­‐-­‐and  that   somebody  was  BuTers.  So  BuTers  spent  the  weekend  talking  to  a  Sim  dying  a  long  slow  death  by   disease-­‐-­‐yet  another  life-­‐scarring  experience  for  the  poor  liTle  guy,  but  who's  counNng?  
  • 65. Remington  needs  more  friends  if  he's  going  to  climb  that  ladder  at  work,  and  just  talking  to  Linda  on  the   phone  won't  do  it.  He  keeps  it  strictly  on  the  up-­‐and-­‐up,  truly-­‐-­‐not  a  single  autonomous  "checks  Sim  out"   or  anything-­‐-­‐but  guess  who  chooses  that  moment  for  her  first  haunNng?   Ghost  of  Rosie:  This  is  just  a  warning,  Remington!  
  • 66. Linda:  What's  the  maTer,  Remington?  You  look  like  you've  seen  a  ghost!   Remington:  I  thou-­‐-­‐-­‐.  .  .My  mother  in.  .  .oh,  well,  you  wouldn't  understand.  It's  ge^ng  kind  of  late,  Linda,   isn't  it?  Time  for  you  to  go  home,  maybe?   Rosie  disappeared  right  aDer  that  and  has  been  nice  and  quiet  ever  since.  Hmmm.  
  • 67. Good  work,  Darling!  You  learned  to  sit  up!  Now  all  you  have  to  do  is  learn  one  more  command.  .  .  
  • 68. .  .  .  have  some  kiTens,  and  you  are  ouTa  here.   Darling:  Good.  
  • 69. Remington  comes  back  from  work  dog-­‐Nred,  but  I  make  him  help  Ralph  with  his  birthday  anyway.  As  the   only  non-­‐permaplat  adult  Sim,  it's  oDen  dangerous  for  him  to  use  the  energizer,  and  the  race  is  on  to  see   if  he  can  make  his  LTW  before  he  gets  too  old.  Especially  with  all  those  kids  he  keeps  having.  
  • 70. Ralph  grows  up.  He  looks  a  lot  like  Earthquake,  and  Tiny,  and  in  fact  most  of  the  male  Goodytwoshoes   except  for  Joe.  But  he  has  his  Mommy  and  Grandmommy's  huge  blue  eyes,  which  helps  a  bit.  
  • 71. Ahah.  Finally,  Ben,  the  author  of  my  favorite  Legacy,  the  Ten  Caesars,  shows  up  at  the  toy  shop.  He   contemplates  buying  the  evil  kite,  but  he's  too  smart  for  that.  
  • 72. Shane:  No  evil  kites  today,  sir?   Ben:  Nope.   Shane:  How  about  marrying  a  Squeaky  Clean  heiress?   Ben:  Umm-­‐-­‐not  a  lot  of  fun.  And  you  have  no  heiress  yet.   Shane:  Could  I  interest  you  in  a  spare?   Ben:  All  your  spares  are  boys,  aren't  they?  And  my  turn-­‐off  is  facial  hair.  No.   But  he  did  eventually  buy  something,  at  least.  
  • 73. Count  Jihoon  is  a  BIG  fan  of  the  toy  shop-­‐-­‐patronized  the  old  place  and  now  comes  and  buys  stuff.  So   does  Hopeful,  who  was  not  smart  enough  to  avoid  buying  the  evil  kite.  
  • 74. He  also  showed  up  to  threaten  Stephen  Tinker.   "You  think  you  can  take  money  away  from  my  father-­‐in-­‐law's  business,  Mister,  blah,  you  beTer  think   again  before  you  make  a  Grand  Vampire  very  annoyed  blah!"   The  workout  gear  makes  the  threat  a  liTle  less  convincing.  I'm  afraid  that  marriage  and  grilled  cheese  is   having  its  effect  on  the  Count's  waistline.  
  • 75. Shane:  So  you  see,  Remington,  one  of  the  liTle-­‐known  rules  of  the  Squeaky  Clean  Legacy  is  that  the   married-­‐in  husband  has  to  run  the  family  toy  business,  in  addiNon  to  working  a  regular  job,  siring  way  too   many  kids,  helping  them  all  with  their  homework,  training  the  cats,  and  cleaning  out  liTerboxes.  I  figure  I   have  about  four  or  five  days  leD,  so  I'll  try  to  teach  you  everything  I  know  before  I  pass  on  to  the  Great   Luau.   Remington:  What  if  I  know  nothing  about  making  toys?   Shane:  Oh,  you'll  learn.  Any  quesNons?  Comments?   Remington:  The  lack  of  pink  here  is  kind  of  resbul.  
  • 76. However,  there  was  a  snag.  Remington  and  Shane  used  to  be  very  close  back  before  Daisie  Mae  was  even   born.  Shane  was  actually  the  one  who  got  to  be  pals  with  him,  though  I'm  afraid  Rosie  exploited   Remington's  painfully  obvious  weakness  for  blondes.  But  with  all  those  diapers,  they  haven't  talked  much   and  Remington  isn't  Shane's  friend  anymore,  though  he  is  sNll  a  "best  friend."   There  were  a  lot  of  jokes  and  pillow  fights  before  Shane  could  call  Remington  and  expect  to  have  him   come  down  to  the  toy  store.  Remington  was  patheNcally  happy  to  have  his  old  friend  back  and  really   really  wants  to  earn  his  silver  toymaking  badge,  if  he  can  just  somehow  get  enough  sleep.  
  • 77. Shane:  CongratulaNons,  sonny-­‐-­‐someday  all  this  will  be  yours.   Remington:  Thanks,  I  think.  
  • 78. And  my  simself  shows  up  at  the  toy  store  again,  checking  out  the  new  place.  
  • 79. Me:  Hmmm-­‐-­‐but  what  would  I  do  with  a  Wet  N'  Wild  Water  Wiggler?   Nevertheless,  I'm  preTy  sure  I  bought  one.  The  business  is  seriously  in  the  red,  but  only  because  they   installed  all  kinds  of  comfort  items,  like  a  mini-­‐fridge  and  even  a  hot  tub.  Keeps  the  employees  happy  and   with  a  Ncket  machine,  even  if  Dina  Caliente  does  want  to  loaf  around  in  the  hot  tub,  she's  goTa  pay  for  it.  
  • 80. Daisie  Mae,  you're  about  to  pop!  Are  you  sure  you  want  to  do  this?   Daisie  Mae:  Believe  me,  I'm  fully  aware  of  the  risks.  But  I've  done  the  math.  If  I  have  twins  now,  Darling   will  have  only  one  kiTen,  and  one  is  all  we  need.  One  girl,  and  at  least  I've  produced  the  heiress.  Two   girls,  and  I'm  done  forever  with  babies.   How  do  you  think  Remington  will  feel  about  that?  Remember,  you  can  only  Try  For  Baby.  He's  floaNng   high  and  dry  for  the  Sim  equivalent  of  five  or  six  years,  at  least.   Daisie  Mae:  Meh,  we  can  make  out,  hold  hands,  whatever.  I'm  sure  he  won't  mind.  
  • 81. Daisie  Mae:  Here,  Dad.  You're  the  Family  Sim,  you  just  got  8,000  aspiraNon  points,  you  take  the  first  baby   while  I  finish  up.  
  • 82. JACKPOT!!!  Twin  girls,  Delighbul  and  Moonbeam.  They'll  hit  teenhood  at  the  same  Nme  and  they'll  roll   for  aspiraNons  together-­‐-­‐we  can  pick  which  one  is  least  likely  to  go  sNr  crazy,  have  a  poll,  whatever  we   want!  
  • 83. Remington:  Oh,  boy,  another  baby-­‐-­‐beTer  juice  myself  up  for  a  lot  of  late  nights.  
  • 84. Remington:  Tell  me  the  truth.  I'm  expendable  now.  You  can  make  me  have  an  accident  with  a  brand-­‐new   pool,  have  me  fix  the  dishwasher-­‐-­‐I'm  toast.   Me:  Oh,  no.  We're  developing  a  "we  don't  off  husbands"  policy-­‐-­‐at  least  not  husbands  like  you.  Sure,  we   could  use  a  nice  electrocuNon  ghost  more  than  we  could  another  Family  Sim  plaNnum  grave,  but   somebody's  goTa  change  the  diapers,  help  with  homework,  clean  the  catboxes,  mind  the  store  .  .  .     Remington:  There's  no  more  Try  For  Baby,  though,  is  there?  
  • 85. Remington:  Oh,  HI,  uh,  Linda!  No,  no,  just  saying  hi  and  trying  to  get  you  to  be  my  friend  for  job  points.   What?  No,  nothing's  wrong,  why  do  you  ask?  
  • 86. Remington:  Jeez.  Eighty  trillion  years  later  and  I'm  sNll  the  maid,  only  I  don't  get  paid  for  it.  I  don't  know  if   it's  all  been  worth  it.  
  • 87. Hmm.  Looks  like  Daisie  Mae  has  decided  you  deserve  some  kind  of  a  reward.   And  don't  despair  yet,  Remington.  You've  had,  let's  see-­‐-­‐six  kids  now?   Remington:  Don't  remind  me  about  Tiny.   Oh,  oops,  yeah.  But  you  only  need  four  more  to  hit  an  Impossible  Want.  And  as  much  as  toddler   screaming  drives  me  nuts-­‐-­‐   Yes,  Remington,  there  might  be  more  Try  For  Baby.  We'll  see.  Meanwhile,  we  have  to  get  the  store  up  and   running,  get  you  educated  on  toy  making,  try  to  get  you  promoted  if  we  possibly  can-­‐-­‐and  that's  the  stuff   of  a  whole  new  chapter.  UnNl  then,  happy  Simming!   Cover  picture  by  DianaSprinkle  on  Threadless.