The document discusses the significance of emotional intelligence (EI) in mediation and conflict resolution, emphasizing self-awareness and self-regulation as key competencies. It highlights the role of emotional intelligence in improving personal relationships and mitigating conflicts, while suggesting practical exercises to enhance EI skills. The importance of mindfulness and understanding subconscious processes in ethical decision-making within mediation contexts is also explored.

1. Past, Present, and Implications for
the Future
By Chris Wilson

2. Introduction
Back story
• EI and mediation training
Slideshare
Acronyms
• EI = Acronym for emotional intelligence
• EQ = emotional quotient or a measurement of the
degree of emotional intelligence development

3.  Emotional Intelligence
• Self awareness
• Self regulation
 Mindfulness
 Unconscious processes
The exciting part is that we get to
create the future!
 Past
 Present
 Future

4.  Purpose – Awareness
 How? By taking just 10
seconds to jot down your internal
dialogue.
 You won’t be asked to share your personal thoughts.
 You will be asked to share your meta-thoughts.
Check in now

5. Why study emotional
intelligence at an RJ
conference?

6. Foundational
Free expression of
emotions (good and bad)
Restores and
Builds relationships, which creates
social capital.
(Wachtel & McCold, 2004).
Essence of community

7. “Tolstoy wrote that everyone thinks of
changing the world, but no one thinks of
changing himself. Many mediators are drawn to
conflict resolution because of its potential to
change other people, but they fail to perceive
that unless they change themselves, the very help
they offer may limit or confine the people they
are trying to support” (Cloke, 2001, p. 41).
What does this mean for us?

8. Dr. Cloke goes on to say…
“The raw emotions and rough tensions that
emerge during mediation call on us to be
centered in our emotional experiences”
(Cloke, 2001, p. 47).
So the question becomes:
How comfortable are we with strong displays of
emotion?

9. Confronting Vice Principal Vernon!
Check in now

10. Emotion, move, and motivate share the Latin
root = emovare – to move.
Exploring and developing emotional
intelligence makes us happier, and able to:
• Motivate ourselves
• Manage stress
• Resolve conflict

11. It gives us the skills to:
• Encourage
• Comfort
• Discipline
• And confront
people.

12. Amygdala – Center in the brain where
emotions are stored.
• Every time we build a memory or learn something we
build an emotional (cellular)
connection to it, no matter how
small. When we think about that
memory again, the
emotion is reactivated.
*Math*

13. Emotions become cellular signals that
translate information into physical reality.
Mind and body are inseparable.
Stress and sickness

14.  175 mediation training organizations were polled
and asked about training mediators to deal with
emotions in mediation.
 The article focused on two key EI
competencies:
• Self-awareness
• Self-regulation

15. • Knowledge and is being shared.
• 67% of transformational mediators - did not think
training was adequate.
• General consensus – Most training doesn‘t sufficiently
teach how to be with, or work with, strong emotions
in mediation.
• All participants supported including emotional self-
awareness in mediation training.
• Thoughts?

16. Emotional Intelligence is the capacity for
-recognizing our own feelings,
-the feelings of others
And for
-motivating ourselves as well as
-managing emotions well
in ourselves and in our relationships.
(Goleman 2000, p. 317)

17. Men and women are generally
Equal
in total emotional intelligence
EI does not mean ―being nice‖.
Nor does it mean letting your feelings have free rein or–
―letting it all hang out.‖
EI can be learned and enhanced with
Maturity
Experiences
Exercises

18. Some experts claim that EI…
• Is more powerful than IQ
• Matters twice as much as IQ
• Or is the best predictor of success
in life
• What do you think?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=UBTlbO8
Kto0

19. Psychological Inquiry 2004, Vol. 15, No. 3, 197-215
Research says:
• ―As EI rises, so does academic
performance, measures of relatedness, the ability to
communicate motivating messages such as vision
statement, and other similar criteria‖ (p. 209).
• ―EI varies inversely with bullying, violence, tobacco
use, and drug problems‖ (p. 207).
 This study measured middle school aged adolescents.
(Mayer et al., 2004)

20.  Solving emotional problems likely requires less
cognitive effort.
 (Mayer et al., 2004)
Drawn to occupations
involving social
interactions – Teaching
Counseling
Check in now

21. Personal
• Self-awareness
• Self-regulation
• Motivation
Social
• Empathy
• Social Skills
(Goleman 2000)

22. A CLOSE LOOK AT SELF-AWARENESS
• Intuition is at the heart of self-awareness.
• This is literally a feeling
in the abdominal area
telling us:
―Something does/n‘t feel
right.‖
• These cues play a huge role in
emotional emergencies.

23. ―Gut feeling‖ is what scientists refer to as a
second brain located in our abdomen.
• Aka – intuition, wisdom
Composed of millions of neurons.
Originating from the neural
crest.
Beware – there
might be more!
• The Other 90 Percent

25. Call it intuition, higher power or whatever
you choose. We need to learn
to trust it and trust it often.
Think about a time your gut told
you something and you didn‘t
listen.
What stopped you?
Examples – Regrets, Successes?

26. When we don‘t listen, it‘s usually
because we are trying to please others
instead of ourselves.
Decision making comparison.

27. ―An intuitive decision is nothing but a
subconscious logical analysis.‖ (Goleman 2000, p. 54)
It is ―the capacity to sense messages from
our internal store of emotional memory—our
own reservoir of wisdom and judgment‖
(2000, p. 54)

28. It‘s at the heart of self-awareness and self-
awareness is the foundation for the following 3
competencies:
(Goleman 2000)

29. 1.Emotional Awareness
2.Accurate Self Assessment
3.Self Confidence
(Goleman 2000)
Check in now

30. RECOGNIZING ONE’S EMOTIONS AND THEIR EFFECTS
People with this competence:
 Know which emotions they‘re feeling and why
 Realize the link between feelings and what they
think, do, and say
 Recognize how feelings affect performance
 Have a guiding awareness of values and goals
(Goleman 2000, p. 54)

31. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pla
yer_detailpage&v=OE1ukaNBJnE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pla
yer_detailpage&v=rnChN88Jb_Q#t=0s
HOW DID SHELDON DO?

32. Are we generally aware of our emotions?
Barriers and consequences -
+ Busy schedules
+ Emotional oblivion
+ Ignorance of messages our bodies are sending
= Chronic headaches, backaches, anxiety
―Alexithymia‖ – psychiatric term for people with a
confused awareness of their own feelings.

33. ―People have to stop thinking of their feelings as irrelevant
and messy, and realize they are in fact highly
differentiated, nuanced patterns of reaction, knowable
sources of information.‖
Dr. Shoshana Zuboff, Psychologist and Professor at
Harvard Business School
―We only know what to do by realizing what feels right to
us. Attention is our most precious resource. Feelings
are the body‘s version of the situation; everything we
want to know about our situation is revealed in our
feelings.‖
(Goleman 2000, p. 61)

34. KNOWING ONE’S INNER RESOURCES, ABILITIES, AND LIMITS
People with this competence are:
 Aware of their strengths and weaknesses
 Reflective, learning from experience
 Open to candid feedback, new perspectives, continuous learning,
and self-development
 Able to show a sense of humor and perspectives about
themselves.
• The opposite – Blind spots
(Goleman 2000, pp. 61-62) Check in now

35. Blind spots result in lack of self-awareness.
We can‘t bear to admit to failings.
Antidote: Seek out feedback! (Goleman,2000)
Unrealistic
Goals

36. A STRONG SENSE OF ONE’S SELF-WORTH AND CAPABILITIES
People with this competence:
 Present themselves with self-assurance; have
―presence‖
 Can voice views that are unpopular and go out on
a limb for what is right
 Are decisive, able to make sound decisions
despite uncertainties and pressures
(Goleman 2000, p. 68)

37. Self Confidence
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pla
yer_detailpage&v=GVRPpJQjwMg#t=0s

39. After the story, rate the following characters on a
continuum from 1 to 5.
1 = best/least reprehensible 5 = worst/most
reprehensible
BUFFY _________
SKIP ___________
OLD NORMAN ___________
SINBAD ___________
SLUGGO ___________

40.  Were values obvious?
 Were you decisive in prioritizing characters?
 Did you go with your gut?
 Were you open to new perspectives?
 How did this exercise make you feel?
Check in now

41. What are some things we can we do if
we become aware that we are not
handling our emotions well in a
mediation?
Any questions before we leave self-
awareness and proceed to self-
regulation?

42. Managing one’s internal states, impulses, and resources.
1. Self-control: Keeping disruptive emotions and impulses in
check.
2. Trustworthiness: Maintaining standards of honesty and
integrity.
3. Conscientiousness: Taking responsibility for personal
performance.
4. Adaptability: Flexibility in handling change.
5. Innovation: Being comfortable with novel
ideas, approaches, and new information.
• Vulnerability
(Goleman 2000, p. 26)

43. Faking EI
• Our true self shows through:
 Body language
 Can‘t wholly conceal body language
 Verbal expressions
 Tone, words, pitch
 Facial expressions
 Our face can be the least revealing part of us.
 Why?

44.  People are better at controlling their overall
facial expression than
• their tone of voice
• body language
• fleeting micro-emotions.
(Goleman 2000, p. 323)
 Ekman calls these micro expressions
• Very fast, lasting only 1/5 of a second
• Reveal emotions one is trying to conceal
• Lacks smoothness
(Ekman, Paul. Emotions Revealed. New York: Holt Paperbacks, 2003)
Lie to me
Check in now

45.  Something else to consider…
 American Journal of Cardiology published an article
saying our heart‘s magnetic field -
• not only permeates every cell in our body
• but also radiates outward.
Electrical changes in the heart have been detected up
to five feet.
Generally, your heart’s energy can be felt from 2 to 3
feet away.
Others can feel if we are genuine or fake.
(Gordon, J. 2003. Energy Addict. New York: The Berkeley Publishing Group.
pp. 163-164)

46. Think of a recent interaction with others in
which your felt upset, impatient, or angry.
Take a minute to answer the questions
on your handout.
(Hughes & Bradford Terrell, 2012)

47.  3 Things we can practices to avoid acting impulsively:
1. Take your own emotional pulse. Fill in the blanks: ―I feel ___,
because ____.
1. This is simple reality testing.
2. Take a deep breath in through your nose and let it out through
your mouth. Keep exhaling until all the air is released.
1. Breathing deeply interrupts much of the physiological momentum that can
build and lead to impulsive behavior.
3. Ask yourself: ―What is the very best possible outcome that can
happen in this situation?‘ and see what occurs to you.
1. Thinking cognitively takes your attention out of the emotional circuitry and
helps target the optimal outcome. (Hughes & Bradford Terrell, 2012)
 Moving out of EI and into consciousness

48. Mindlessness
Impairs our work
Makes us unavailable to
our clients
Diminishes ability to
• Gather information
• Listen
• Understand
Riskin, L. L. (2004). Mindfulness: Foundational Training for Dispute Resolution.
Journal of Legal Education, 79-90.

49. by LL. Riskin (2004) Journal of Legal Education
Mindfulness means:
 Being aware
 Moment to moment
 Without judgment
 Of one‘s bodily sensations,
thoughts, emotions, and
consciousness (Riskin, 2004)
 Living in the NOW instead
of the past or future

50. Achieved through meditation, focusing first
on
Breath
Next bodily sensations
Emotions
Thoughts
Finally Bare-attention – moment to moment
non-judgmental awareness (Riskin, 2004)
Mindfulness exercise and debrief

51.  A ―mental mode of being engaged in the present
moment without evaluating or emotionally reacting to it‖
(Jha, A. P. 2013. Being in the Now. Scientific American Mind, 26-33).
 Shifting attention from a narrative mode of viewing self
to a more experiential view. Observing the unfolding of
your thoughts, feelings and sensations over time. (Jha, A.
P. 2013. Being in the Now. Scientific American Mind, 26-33).

52. LL. Riskin (2008) South Texas Law Review
 Mindfulness could enhance tendencies to
behave ethically.
 We become more aware of our thought
processes and the intentions behind them.
 Helps us see interconnections with others.
 Greater likelihood of adopting universal norms
such as honesty and fairness.
 Thoughts? Check in now

53. Mindfulness, Emotions, and Ethics: The Right Stuff? Nevada Law Journal
 Ellen Waldman celebrates Leonard Riskin‘s ‗mindfulness‘ and suggests
limitations.
• Examines mindful practice and ethical decision-making
• Mindfulness may affect conscious but not unconscious processes.
• Recommends changing one‘s environment to effect unconscious
processes.
• States unconscious prejudices will come out in our body language.
• For more about the brain and unconscious processes watch Brain Games
on NatGeo
Waldman, E. (2010). Mindfulness, Emotions, and Ethics: The Right Stuff? Nevada Law Journal, 513-534.

55.  Was it easy tuning in to your internal dialogue?
 Do you see any patterns or trends in your dialogue?
 What impact could your internal dialogue have
played in your participation in this workshop?
 Is there anything you want to change about your
internal dialogue?
• If so, what would it be?

56. EI
• Self awareness
• Self regulation
Mindfulness
Unconscious processes

57. “CONFLICT IS THE ARROW
POINTING TO WHAT WE NEED TO
LEARN MOST”
~Kenneth Cloke~

58. Works Cited
Cloke, K. (2001). Mediating Dangerously: The Frontiers of Conflict Resolution. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass Publishers.
Ekman, P. (2003). Emotions Revealed: Recognizing Faces and Feelings to Improve Communication and Emotional Life. New
York: Holt Paperbacks.
Goleman, D. P. (2000). Working with Emotional Intelligence. New York: Bantam Books.
Gordon, J. (2003). Energy Addict. New York: The Berkeley Publishing Group.
Hughes, M., & Bradford Terrell, J. (2012). Emotional Intelligence in Action. San Francisco: Pfeiffer.
Jha, A. P. (2013). Being in the Now. Scientific American Mind, 26-33.
Katz, N. &. (2006, November 03). Interpersonal Communication and Conflict Management Skills Workshop. Fort Lauderdale.
Lynn, A. B. (2007). Quick Emotional Intelligence Activities for Busy Managers. New York: American Management Association.
Mayer, J. D., & Caruso, D. R. (2004). Emotional Intelligence: Theory, Findings, and Implications. Psychological Inquiry, 197-215.
Riskin, L. L. (2004). Mindfulness: Foundational Training for Dispute Resolution. Journal of Legal Education, 79-90.
Riskin, L. L. (2008). Awareness and Ethics in Dispute Resolution and Law: Why Mindfulness Tends to Foster Ethical Behavior.
Texas Law Review, 493-503.
Schreier, L. S. (2002, Fall). Emotional Intelligence and Mediation Training. Conflict Resolution Quarterly, pp. 99-119.
Wachtel, T., & McCold, P. (2004). From Restorative Justice to Restorative Practices: Expanding the Paradigm. IIRP's 5th
International Conference on Conferencing, Circles and other Restorative Practices. Vancouver: International Institute for
Restorative Practices. Retrieved February 09, 2010, from What is Restorative Practices: http://www.iirp.org/whatisrp.php
Waldman, E. (2010). Mindfulness, Emotions, and Ethics: The Right Stuff? Nevada Law Journal, 513-534.

59. Feel free to contact me at:
Iheartresolution@gmail.com
I HEART
RESOLUTION
The End