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Emotionally Inelligent Mentoring
- 1. Emotionally Intelligent Mentoring Using EI Concepts to Enhance Your Mentoring Program Presented by: Don Peterson Strategic Partners, Inc.
- 2. What We’ll CoverToday Review of Emotional Intelligence What it is Why it matters EQ Skills EQ Skills for Mentoring For Mentors For Mentees
- 3. What are Emotions? Emotionsare the pre-dispositions to action. --Julio Olalla Actions I Can Take Emotions Actions I Can’t Take
- 4. What are Emotions? Produced by thoughts Experience physically
- 5. Neuroscience 101 –The Brain Thalamus Neocortex (traffic controller) (we think rationally over here) Amygdala (we feel emotions and remember here) Spinal Chord (some sensation enters brain here)
- 6. The Pre-Historic Brain FLIGHT!! FIGHT!! OR
- 7. The Amygdala Hijack Strong emotional reaction Sudden onset Later feeling of regret
- 8. “Take a Breath” Notice your instant reaction (What are you feeling? How is your body reacting? What are you telling yourself?) Breathe! Intentionally go to your “thinking” brain Express your emotions in a constructive manner
- 9. “Take a Breath”Activities Count to three “Whoa! What’s happening to me?” Name the emotion and where it came from Name three things you like about the person with whom you are talking/fighting
- 10. What is EQ? The ability to sense, understand and use emotions to more effectively manage ourselves and influence positive outcomes in our relationships with others
- 11. EQ, IQ andPersonality IQ EQ Personality
- 12. Why EQ Matters High EQ Skills: 80% of high performers More important to job performance than any other skill More influence on job performance than IQ and experience combined 20% more productive 60% of workplace success
- 13. We are beingjudged by a new yardstick; not just how smart we are, or by our training and expertise, but also how well we handle ourselves and each other. -- Dan Goleman Working with Emotional Intelligence
- 14. EQ-i Skills Intra-Personal Adaptability Emotional Self- Problem Solving Awareness Flexibility Assertiveness Reality Testing Self-Regard Stress Management Self-Actualization Stress Tolerance Independence Impulse Control Inter-Personal General Mood Interpersonal Optimism Relationship Happiness Empathy Social Responsibility
- 15. We are whatwe repeatedly do. Excellence is not an act, but a habit. --Aristotle
- 16. Using EQ Assessmentsin Mentoring Programs Before Mentoring begins Assess Mentors EQ Assess Mentees EQ Before matching takes place Review strengths and weaknesses of Mentors/Mentees Review combinations of skills before matching Use Mentee EQ assessment as part of development plan
- 17. Useful EQ-i SkillsFor Mentors Intra-Personal Adaptability Emotional Self- Problem Solving Awareness Flexibility Assertiveness Reality Testing Self-Regard Stress Management Self-Actualization Stress Tolerance Independence Impulse Control Inter-Personal General Mood Interpersonal Optimism Relationship Happiness Empathy Social Responsibility
- 18. Useful EQ-i SkillsFor Mentees Intra-Personal Adaptability Emotional Self- Problem Solving Awareness Flexibility Assertiveness Reality Testing Self-Regard Stress Management Self-Actualization Stress Tolerance Independence Impulse Control Inter-Personal General Mood Interpersonal Optimism Relationship Happiness Empathy Social Responsibility
- 19. Before Matching What are the mentor’s strengths and weaknesses? What are the Mentee’s strengths and weaknesses? What EQ skills is the Mentee looking to develop? What EQ skills does the Mentor demonstrate?
- 20. Before Matching Consider combinations of EQ skills , e.g., Mentee is high in Assertiveness and low in Empathy Mentee could be aggressive Is Mentor prepared to deal with a Mentee who might be aggressive?
- 21. Mentoring Development Plan Pick ONE or TWO EQ skills to work on Agree to new practices and actions to develop skills
- 22. Self Regard Definition: The ability to respect and accept ourselves warts and all Importance: One of the most powerful predictors of competent behavior
- 23. Self Regard To build: An on-going process of self-exploration that focuses on grounding negative self- assessments Benefits: An expanding knowledge of identity that is richer, more flexible, more confident and more secure
- 24. The ABCDEs ofEQ A B C D E Debate, Activating Conse- Dispute, Event Beliefs quences Discard Effects 2. What 3. What self- 1. What are 4. What is 5. How has triggered the talk is going the un- the evidence doing #4 upsetting on? pleasant to dispute shifted your situation? feelings and the self-talk? feelings and behaviors? behaviors? What new actions are available to you?
- 25. Emotional Self Awareness Definition: The ability to understand what we are feeling and why Importance: It provides the springboard for the positive development of the other EQ skills
- 26. Emotional Self Awareness To build: Ask ourselves questions about our current emotional state and our triggers Benefits: Eliminates or mitigates the emotions that are getting in our way, causing our own suffering and the suffering of others
- 27. It Just BubblesUp 1. Describe a recent situation in which you were triggered by another person and acted “badly” 2. Name the emotions you experienced 3. Describe the thoughts you had about yourself, the other person and the situation
- 28. It Just BubblesUp 4. Describe how you responded to those thoughts and emotions (withdrew, became verbally abusive, pretended agreement, etc.) 5. Describe the physical sensations as you experienced the thoughts and emotions 6. What do you want to do differently when faced with a similar situation in the future.
- 29. Interpersonal Relationships Definition: The ability to develop mutually satisfying relationships by surrendering some self-interest for the good of the relationship Importance: As naturally social beings, critical to success and survival
- 30. Interpersonal Relationships To build: Improve your listening, find areas of common interest, read non- verbal clues Benefits: Stress reduction, increased productivity and creativity, greater enjoyment of life
- 31. Happiness Definition: The ability to feel satisfied with one’s life, to enjoy oneself and others, and to have fun Importance: Affects the development and exercise of all your skills
- 32. Happiness To build: Pay attention to when you need to be right and to your “wanting;” choose happiness instead Benefits: The relaxation of our self-importance; more pleasure and less pain
- 33. No creature canfly with just one wing. Gifted leadership occurs where heart and head – feeling and thought – meet. These are the two wings that allow a leader to soar. -- From “Primal Leadership”