Workshop on peer to peer confrontation within UFV Residence Services' Winter 2014 RA Training. Behind Closed Doors looks at the 'Three C's of Confrontation' and is followed by practice scenarios to help prepare student staff for confronting and reporting incidents.

1. Behind Closed Doors
The Three C’s of Confrontation
Thursday, January 30, 14
Round table: Why is confrontation important? Why are IRs important? How do they impact
our community - our team - our job?

2. Road Map:
•
Start with the Steps of Confrontation
•
Bring out best practices in RA Team
experience
•
Behind Closed Doors Acting Scenarios
•
Behind Closed Doors Written Scenario
•
Debrief
Thursday, January 30, 14

3. Road Map:
•
Desired earning outcomes:
•
All RAs able to respond to incidents with
calmness, clarity and confidence, feeling
supported by the policy, team and training
•
Student staff to understand whole process of IRs
from the incident to the follow up expectations
•
For the team to understand consistent response
as associated with being a supportive team
member and fulfilling RA responsibilities
Thursday, January 30, 14

4. Calm. Clear & Confident
Who here likes confrontation?
Confronting peers is one of the most challenging
aspects to being an RA.
But if you know the skills to confront
appropriately and with confidence,
‘confrontations’ become an opportunity for
becoming a better RA
Thursday, January 30, 14
Being peers offers an extra challenge.
ASK: Hands up if you dislike confrontation? What do you dislike about it?
Additional follow up question : What kinds of challenges have you had with confrontation?
Examples, Residents who are (potentially much) older than you. Residents who are also
friends. Residents who push back against your authority or just don’t like you. Dislike of
confrontation (stomach in knots) Uncertainty of how a resident will be ‘punished.’ Ethical
and Moral grey zones. Etc.
Peer to peer confrontation is particularly difficult because we all want the respect of our
peers and RAs are more than one things to the residents.
These steps are for classic situations. Remember each case is different and the steps are
great guidelines when used flexibly case by case.

5. Clear, Calm & Confident
Use steps as guide - trust your gut & remember
your attitude sets the tone for the entire
encounter.
Stay sure about who you are, what you’re doing,
what your job is and everyone will respect you for
your confidence knowledge and integrity.
Thursday, January 30, 14

6. Steps for Confrontation
Step 1 - Pre-confrontation -Planning &
Scanning
Step 2 - Engaging
Step 3 - Confronting
Step 4 - Reporting & follow up
Thursday, January 30, 14

7. Pre-confrontation
Be a boy scout & “
always be
prepared”
Create a mental plan & know
what you intend to achieve in
any situation
Have a pen and paper ready
Case Study: You get a noise
complaint for a party - what
would be good to know going in?
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What knowledge would be helpful before you engage? (eg. does that resident have a guest
over? Have they been drinking? Do they have any prior incidents, are they underage, what
teammates are in the building? )
If you know that confrontation is difficult- what could you do to mentally prepare yourself?
Check your posture
Consciously breath into your belly
Relax you shoulders

8. Pre-confrontation
Tricks to keep calm get into
the zone
• Check your posture
• Breath into your stomach
• Scan for body tensions
• Mental self affirmations
Thursday, January 30, 14

9. Engagement
Knocking on the door or the “excuse me” from the
hallway.
Bad Resident Response - People tend to get defensive
when they are confronted in front of their friends.
They have something to prove and an audience.
Speak privately with the person being documented.
This keeps the person from feeling embarrassed or
‘put on the spot.’
How would you do the introduction?
Thursday, January 30, 14
Sets the tone
Have you experienced this residence response? What are some solutions?
Engagement options - Examples. Knock knock. Residence Services. “Hey, hows it going? Can
you tell me whats going on?” “Excuse me, Brett, could I have a would with you in the
hallway?” “Hey guys, having a party?”

10. Conversation
Remain calm, clear and confident.
Tone - neutral, do not be too hostile or too
passive.
Fake it till you make it with SOLAR
Actions speak louder than words.
Golden rule - the person you are
speaking to deser ves the same respect
that you deser ve in the situation.
Thursday, January 30, 14
Once you’ve pulled the person aside, the rest of the confrontation will depend on your ability
to remain calm, clear and confident. The resident will take their cues from you.
If you’re one of those people who hate confrontation - Fake it til you make it.
How: SOLAR. Why: Actions speak louder than words. Open and relaxed posture, good eye
contact.

11. Conversation
Clearly express why you are confronting
them.
Make sure your questions or statements
are succinct - Ie. “Are you drinking?”
Listen to what they have to say
Don’t apologize for the confrontation - you
are doing your job.
Thursday, January 30, 14

12. Conversation
Confront the individual behaviour - not their
values.
After you have calmly clearly and confidently
explained the policy violation to the individual,
ask if they have any questions.
Remind them that it will be documented.
Leave the confrontation with an open
invitation to talk about it.
Thursday, January 30, 14
It’s not your job to change the attitudes or behaviours of the residents. You are required to
confront policy violations as you see them.

13. Tricks and tips
Present options
Use I statements
Use reflective communication
Remember- you are in a position of
authority.
Make notes when it is fresh in your
mind
Thursday, January 30, 14
Present options - ie you can do this and this may happen, but if you do this, this may
happen
Use reflective communication after listening to what the resident said (restating back to a
person what they are saying.)
If encountering pushback - Use I statements,

14. Reflection:
Do’s and Donts
Do- Know the policy.
Don’t forget to inform them that they will be documented
or that there may be follow up.
Don’t take negative attitudes personally.
Do call for backup when necessary.
Don’t ramble - make your point directly and concretely.
Don’t threaten a specific consequence. (Say “may” not “will)
Do not swear or behave inappropriately
Thursday, January 30, 14
Never threaten an individual with a specific consequence - state possible consequences of
behaviour, but never threaten a specific end result. If it doesn’t happen, you will lose
credibility.
Do not swear or behave inappropriately- it will allow the individual who you are confronting
to focus in on your inapropriate behaviour, instead of their own.

15. Review
•
Be prepared- note pad & get into the
zone
•
Engagement - Set the tone
•
Confront the behaviour
•
Ask if they have questions
•
Remind them that it will be documented
Thursday, January 30, 14

16. Too Timid vs. Too Robocop
•
Thursday, January 30, 14
Group discussion:
How do you strike
that right balance
in tone?

17. Avoiding the danger zone
•
“If I don’t see it, it’s not happening”
•
Selective enforcement
•
Not being consistent as a team
•
Modelling bad behaviours
Thursday, January 30, 14

18. Resources
Reslife.net
Tips for Successful Confrontation
Steps for confrontation, by Irene Kenny
How do we confront? Is it really a skill?
by Phil Amoa
Thursday, January 30, 14