This document discusses Nonviolent Communication (NVC), which is a method of compassionate communication focused on observing objectively, identifying feelings, acknowledging needs, and making requests to have needs met in a way that respects all people. The core of NVC involves expressing how an observation makes one feel and what needs are not being met, then making a request without demanding, criticism, or blame. The goal of NVC is building harmonious relationships through empathetic listening and honest yet kind self-expression.

1. Non Violent Communication
A way of peaceful, honest,
heart-based communication
@jaumejornet

2. Thank you

3. Conscious Communication
A way of thinking
A manual for building harmonious
relationships

4. What I want in my life is compassion,
a flow between myself and others based
on a mutual giving from the heart.
- Marshall B. Rosenberg

5. Words are windows, or they’re
walls
“I feel so sentenced by your words,
I feel so judged and sent away,
Before I go I’ve got to know
Is that what you mean to say?
Before I rise to my defense,
Before I speak in hurt or fear,
Before I build that wall of words,
Tell me, did I really hear?
Words are windows, or they’re walls,
They sentence us, or set us free.
When I speak and when I hear,
Let the love light shine through me.
There are things I need to say,
Things that mean so much to me,
If my words don’t make me clear,
Will you help me to be free?
If I seemed to put you down,
If you felt I didn’t care,
Try to listen through my words
To the feelings that we share.”
—Ruth Bebermeyer

6. Communication
that blocks
Compassion

7. Moralistic judgements
Analysis of others are expressions
of our own needs and values

8. Making Comparisons
Comparisons are a form of
judgement

9. Denial of Responsability
We can replace language that
implies lack of choice with language
that acknowledges choice.

10. Vague, impersonal forces
“I cleaned my room because I had to.”
Our condition, diagnosis, personal or psychological history
“I drink because I am an alcoholic.”
The actions of others
“I hit my child because he ran into the street.”
The dictates of authority
“I lied to the client because the boss told me to.”
Group pressure
“I started smoking because all my friends did.”
Institutional policies, rules, and regulations
“I have to suspend you for this infraction because it’s the school policy.”
Gender roles, social roles, or age roles
“I hate going to work, but I do it because I am a husband and a father.”
Uncontrollable impulses
“I was overcome by my urge to eat the candy bar.”

11. The
NonViolent Communication
Process

12. The concrete actions we are
observing that are affecting our well-being
How we feel in relation
to what we are observing
The needs, values, desires, etc.
that are creating our feelings
The concrete actions we request
in order to enrich our lives

13. Two parts of NVC
1. expressing honesty through
the four components
2. receiving empathically through
the four components

14. The concrete actions we are
observing that are affecting our well-being
How we feel in relation
to what we are observing
The needs, values, desires, etc.
that are creating our feelings
The concrete actions we request
in order to enrich our lives

15. Observing without evaluating
―Observing without evaluating is the
highest form of human intelligence.‖
– J. Krishnamurti

16. Observing without evaluating
Communication Example of observation with
evaluation mixed in
Example of observation separate
from evaluation
1. Use of verb to be without
indication that the evaluator
accepts responsibility for the
evaluation
You are too generous. When I see you give all your lunch money
to others I think you being too generous.
2. Use of verbs with evaluative
connotations
Doug procrastinates. Doug only studies for exams the night
before.
3. Implication that one’s inferences
about another person’s thoughts,
feelings, intentions, or desires are
the only ones possible
She won’t get her work in. I don’t think she’ll get her work in. or She
said, ―I won’t get my work in.‖
4. Confusion of prediction with
certainty
If you don’t eat balanced meals, your health
will be impaired.
If you don’t eat balanced meals, I fear that
your health may be impaired.
5. Failure to be specific about
referents
Minorities don’t take care of their property. I have not seen the minority family living at
1679 Ross shovel the snow on their
sidewalk.
6. Use of words denoting ability
without indicating that an
evaluation is being made
Hank Smith is a poor soccer player. Hank Smith has not scored a goal in 20
games.
7. Use of adverb and adjectives in
ways that do not signify an
evaluation has been made
Jim is ugly. Jim’s looks don’t appeal to me.

17. The concrete actions we are
observing that are affecting our well-being
How we feel in relation
to what we are observing
The needs, values, desires, etc.
that are creating our feelings
The concrete actions we request
in order to enrich our lives

18. Identifying and Expressing
Feelings
Feelings vs Non-Feelings

19. ―I feel that you should know better.‖
―I feel like a failure.‖
―I feel as if I’m living with a wall.‖
―I feel I am constantly on call.‖
―I feel it is useless.‖
―I feel Amy has been pretty responsible.‖
―I feel my boss is being manipulative.‖

20. ―I think feel that you should know better.‖
―I think feel like a failure.‖
―I think feel as if I’m living with a wall.‖
―I think feel I am constantly on call.‖
―I think feel it is useless.‖
―I think feel Amy has been pretty responsible.‖
―I think feel my boss is being manipulative.‖

21. The concrete actions we are
observing that are affecting our well-being
How we feel in relation
to what we are observing
The needs, values, desires, etc.
that are creating our feelings
The concrete actions we request
in order to enrich our lives

22. Taking responsibility of our
feelings
What others do may be the stimulus
of our feelings, but not the cause

23. We experience positive feelings
when our needs are meet, and
negative feelings when our needs
are not met

24. Four options for receiving messages
Blaming ourselves
Blaming others
Sensing our own feelings and needs
Sensing others’ feelings and needs

25. The concrete actions we are
observing that are affecting our well-being
How we feel in relation
to what we are observing
The needs, values, desires, etc.
that are creating our feelings
The concrete actions we request
in order to enrich our lives

26. Needs are personal
Difference between a request and a
demand

27. Empathy with others occurs only
when we have successfully shed all
preconceived ideas and judgments
about them

29. No matter what others say, we
only hear what they are (a)
observing, (b) feeling, (c)
needing, and (d) requesting.

30. Clearly expressing how I am
without blaming or criticizing
Empathically receiving how you are without
hearing blame or criticism
OBSERVATIONS
What I observe that does or does not contribute
to my well-being:
"When I (see, hear)
What you observe that does or does not
contribute to your well-being:
"When you see/hear
FEELINGS
How I feel (emotion or sensation rather than
thought) in relation what I observe
How you feel (emotion or sensation rather than
thought) in relation what you observe
NEEDS
What I need or value than causes my feelings What you need or value than causes your
feelings
REQUESTS
Clearly requesting that which
would enrich my life without
demanding
Clearly requesting that which
would enrich your life without
demanding
The concrete actions I would like taken:
“Would you be willing to…?”
The concrete actions you would like taken:
“Would you like…?”

31. Thank you
Non Violent
CommunicationA way of peaceful, honest,
heart-based communication
@jaumejorne
t