Compassionate Communication for Agile Coach

1. Ramanathan Yegyanarayanan
• Agile Enthusiast
• Harvard ManageMentor® | ICP-ACC| ICP-TST| KMP 1 |
KMP2 | CSP® | CSM® | CSPO® | PSM I™ | CDA | DA |SAFe®
Agilist
Ramanathan Yegyanarayanan
@Ramanathan1989

2. Compassionate or
Non-Violent Communication(NVC)
- For an Agile Coach

3. Marshall Rosenberg
• Influenced By Mahatma Gandhi

4. Marshall Rosenberg
• Influenced By Carl Rogers

5. Marshall Rosenberg
• Influenced By Abraham Maslow

6. NVC and Humanism
NVC is founded on language and
communication skills
Strengthen our ability to remain human, even
under trying conditions
guides us in reframing how we express
ourselves and hear others
we are led to express ourselves with honesty
and clarity, Simultaneously paying others a
respectful and empathetic attention

7. What it is …
A way of dealing with conflict without the use of force,
discipline or punishment
Constructive, rather than destructive
Non-judgemental and non-blaming
Considers needs of self and others
Encourages empathy and co-operation

8. What it’s not …
Passive
Turning the
other cheek
Having a laissez-
faire attitude

9. The Four-step NVC process – part 1
What do I
observe …
with no
judgement or
criticism
What am I
feeling … hurt,
scared, joyful,
amused
What needs do
I have … in
relation to the
feelings
identified
What requests
can I make …
in practicable
language and
not as a
demand

10. Example …
When I see …
dirty socks
under the
coffee table
I feel …
irritated
because I need
… more order
in the rooms
we share
Would you be
willing to … put
your socks in
the washing
machine

11. NVC Skills to Develop
Differentiating observation from evaluation, being able to carefully observe what is happening free of evaluation
Differentiating feeling from thinking, being able to identify and express internal feeling states in a way that does
not imply judgment, criticism, or blame/punishment;
Connecting with the universal human needs/values (e.g. sustenance, trust, understanding) in us that are being met
or not met in relation to what is happening and how we are feeling
Requesting what we would like in a way that clearly and specifically states what we do want (rather than what we
don’t want), and that is truly a request and not a demand (i.e. attempting to motivate, however subtly, out of fear,
guilt, shame, obligation, etc. rather than out of willingness and compassionate giving).
These skills emphasize personal responsibility for our actions and the choices we make when we respond to
others, as well as how to contribute to relationships based on cooperation and collaboration.

12. Blaming or explaining feelings …
I feel I am being
cheated - is an
evaluation of
others rather
than how it is
making you feel
ie angry,
anxious, fearful
If you say –
when you said
that you really
hurt me … this
places blame
Instead explain
your feelings -
when I heard
you say those
words I felt hurt
because I …

13. Blaming or expressing needs …
Placing blame – I’m sad because you are
going out tonight
Expressing needs – I’m sad because I need
some company and I shall be alone tonight.

14. Making a request …
Explain what you would like the other person to
do
Not as a demand – I want you to
But as a request - would you be willing to

15. The four-step NVC process – part 2
Receiving this message from others: We
connect with another by sensing what they
are
• 1) observing, 2) feeling 3) needing
4) Listening to their request to discover
what would enrich their lives
This flow of communication can go back
and forth encouraging empathy and co-
operation

16. NVC as a state of mind…
Begin either -
by expressing
ourselves or
by
empathically
receiving
these four
pieces of
information
from others
Keep in mind -
NVC does not
consist of a
set of
formula, but
adapts to
various
situations as
well as
personal and
cultural styles
Often referred
to as a
“process” or
“language,” it
is possible to
express all
four pieces of
the model
without
uttering a
single word
Found in our
consciousness
of these four
components,
not in the
actual words
that are
exchanged.

17. Activity
1. Do role play activity in groups of 4
2. As a group discuss the pros and cons of using role play as
a technique
3. What did you learn from this role play on NVC?