The document discusses the importance of self-disclosure and emotional intelligence in effective communication and feedback within teams. It outlines strategies for giving and receiving feedback, focusing on maintaining mutual goals and sharing emotions to foster understanding. Key elements include the necessity of vulnerability, collaborative problem-solving, and cultivating a culture of appreciation in the workplace.

1. Founder Communication
InnerSpace
Semira Rahemtulla & Joe Greenstein
Nov 11, 2016

2. Why are we doing this? (Part 1)

3. Why are we doing this? (Part 2)

4. One Big Idea

5. INTENT
Needs
Motives
Stories
Reality #2
IMPACT
Assumptions
Feelings
Responses
Reality #3
3 Realities (The “Net” Model)
The Net
BEHAVIOR
Verbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #1
Shared

6. Feelings & Emotions – Why??Feelings & Emotions – Why??

7. Self-Disclosure
Will I be less
liked,
respected,
influential
(leader-like)?
Is it relevant?
Will it further the
discussion – the
relationship?
Will others
use this
information
against me?
How will
others
see/assess/
judge me?
“What in
my ‘bubble’
should I
share?”
Self-Disclosure

8. “ VULNERABILITY IS
THE BIRTHPLACE
OF CONNECTION. ”
BRENÉ
BROWN

9. Authentic Leaders
“The single factor distinguishing top quartile
managers from bottom quartile managers
was strength of affection.”
--“Encouraging the Heart: A Leader’s Guide to Recognizing and Rewarding Others”,
Kouzes & Posner
Authentic Leaders

10. If You Really Knew
Me…

11. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Team & Culture

12. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Effective Teams
1. Participation
2. Collaboration
3. Cooperation (Commitment)
Research: All of these are correlated to
Group EQ
“Building Emotional Intelligence”, Wolfe & Druskat, Harvard Business Review, 2004

13. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
“I’m starting to
feel defensive”
Inward
(my emotions)
Outward
(others’ emotions)
Emotional
Awareness
Emotional
Management
(“Regulation”)
“He seems to be
getting agitated”
• Take a deep breath
• “Could you give
me a sec?”
• Take a walk
“Are you ok?”
EQ (Individual)

14. High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group
Group norms
determine group EQ
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Group EQ

15. Photo by jm3 [link]
Our Norms

16. Feedback & Influence

17. Photo:RobbieGrubbs
Can I give you some feedback?

18. So… how do we communicate feedback to
while minimizing defensiveness?

19. INTENT
Needs
Motives
Stories
Reality #2
IMPACT
Assumptions
Feelings
Responses
Reality #3
3 Realities (The “Net” Model)
The Net
BEHAVIOR
Verbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #1
Shared

20. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
• “When you do [x]…”
Focus on specific, observable behavior
• "I feel [y]…”
Describe the impact of that behavior on you (disclosure)
• “Can you tell me what’s going on for you?”
Ask about the other person’s intentions and perspective
Stay on your side of the net!

21. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLet’s try some examples…
1. Semira, you clearly don’t care about this presentation.
2. Semira, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. You
are clearly bored with this presentation.
3. Semira, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. I am
feeling anxious about whether I am moving too slow with
this section. What’s going on for you?

22. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
Step 1: Open with mutual goals and positive intent.
What do you really want for this relationship?
What is your intention in giving this feedback?
Step 2: Stay on your side of the net
a. Stick to observable behavior (“When you did [x]…”)
b. Share your reaction (“I felt [y], and my story is [z]”)
c. Ask for their perspective (“What was going on for you?”)
Step 3: Enter joint problem-solving.
Decide together how to make things better.
Design some experiments.

23. Photo by Ana Karenina [link]
1:1 Feedback

24. #1 Factor for Happiness
on the Job:
Feeling appreciated
-- 2014 BCG/The Network survey of 200K employees

25. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityFostering a culture of appreciation
1. Create a space for it
2. Lead by example

26. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityReceiving Feedback
• Manage your own defensiveness
– Notice it
– Name it: “Affect Labeling”
• Goal is understanding, not winning
– “Can you tell me more about that?"
– Restate what you’ve heard to confirm understanding
• Gift mentality: Say “Thank you!”

27. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLast Reminder
Stay on your side of the net:
When you do [x]…
I feel [y]…
And my story is [z].
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?
Use the Vocabulary of Emotions.

28. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilitySuggested Topics For Feedback
Work Product
– Timeliness, quality, quantity,
focus area
Communication & Management
– Too much/little
– Choice of format
– Email etiquette
– Language choices,
communication style with others
– Transparency of project status,
hiring/firing/promotions
Role Modeling & Presence
– What energy do you feel from this
person?
– How do they impact others?
– What do they model well?
– Anything you worry about?
– Arrival/departure times
– How they speak/listen/act/dress

29. Fostering a feedback-rich culture
• Train your team on giving/receiving feedback
• Schedule feedback-focused 1:1s (or begin
1:1s with two-way feedback)
– And set expectations of others to do the same

30. Thanks, good-bye, and stay on
your side of the net 