Listening workshop
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1) There are three levels of listening: listening to win, listening to fix, and listening to learn. Listening to win involves rejecting the other person or telling them they are wrong. Listening to fix adds new information or asks questions to solve the problem. Listening to learn focuses on understanding the content, emotion, and meaning behind what the other person is saying. 2) The document provides an example conversation where a partner expresses frustration with their job and Sundays. It suggests responding by reflecting back the emotion and meaning, such as that work seems so bad they don't want to go and they feel frustrated not knowing how to change a hated situation. 3) Our mental models affect how we listen - listening
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Listening workshop
- 1. How Great Leaders Listen Semira Rahemtulla December 2, 2016
- 2. A Thought Experiment… On a quiet Sunday afternoon, when your partner says: “I hate Sundays! I get so stressed on Sundays because Monday comes next! I hate my job! I wish I could figure out how I could not have to work there ever again.” What do you say back?
- 3. 3 Levels of Listening 1.Listening to win • Rejecting / tell her she’s wrong (often nicely) 2.Listening to fix • Adding new info, asking a question 3.Listening to learn • Content • Emotion • Meaning - So work is so bad you’d rather not even go? And you’re frustrated because you can’t figure out how to get around a thing you hate? - That’s not true! Sundays are the best! You’ve got to enjoy Sundays - at least it’s not yet Monday. - You know, Sundays used to be like that for me, too. You just have to not think about Monday. - What’s going on at work?
- 4. Our mental models affect how we listen How can I get her to focus on the real issue? How can I get her to see it my way? Why is she being so difficult? PEOPLE HAVE PROBLEMS Listening to “fix” What is she saying? What’s the central feeling? What is it connected to? What’s her implicit hope, intent, or fear? PEOPLE HAVE PERSPECTIVES Listening to understand
Editor's Notes
- WHAT DOES THIS BRING UP FOR YOU? Takes forever --> often it takes surprisingly less time than you think. The hard part is getting yourself to stop and think for a second and to formulate your response rather than just responding right away -- cognitively difficult --> (never get anything done - what if I don't agree? How are we going to move forward? We'll get mired in the disagreement rather than getting to action) If they don't agree, but you ignore it, doesn't mean you agree. So then the action you get to just means you'll have the conversation again. And sometimes you have this conversation over and over and over. --> you don't always have to listen this way. This is a tool for those times when things are difficult, when you feel stuck, when you feel like you're having the same conversation again and again and the other person just doesn't get. Use this tool wisely - all levels are equally valid. We just don't tend to access #6 unless you practice. -if I listen to somebody like that, isn't it arrogant of me to tell them what they're thinking -I am implicitly agreeing with them - what if I think they're wrong --> you don't have to be right and you don't have to agree