This feedback provides guidance on adapting the film "The Descent" into a television series. The feedback suggests exploring how to develop the core ideas and characters from the film into different stories that could be told over six episodes, with each episode focusing on the perspective of a different character. It also recommends sketching out a 1-2 sentence description of the main content for each episode. Advice is given on how to improve specific scenes in the storyboard by adding close-up shots of characters' faces to show their reactions, and including point-of-view shots to pull the viewer into what the characters are experiencing. Suggestions are made to expand upon and clarify certain action sequences.

1. Kashmire Hawker - Adaptations Formal Feedback
For LO4 - Respond to Feedback
* Pass - You review feedback
* Merit - you make purposeful and relevant changes to your treatment or proposal
(from LO2a)
* Distinction - you make purposeful and relevant changes to your storyboard (from
LO2b)
You don't actually go back and change what you've posted for the earlier tasks - they
stay as they are. Instead, for LO4 what you must produce is
* Pass - a note of the feedback you have received and your evaluation of your work in
light of the feedback (either 'I disagree with this and want to keep with my original
plans/storyboard because...' or 'I accept this and I will make changes'. You can't
disagree with everything, you have to accept some of the criticism and make changes)
* Merit - Amendments to your treatment. You don't have to post the whole thing again,
just explain what changes you would make in light of the feedback you have received.
* Distinction - Amendments to your storyboard - again, you don't have to post the
whole thing again, and you don't have to go back and actually amend your earlier
original frames. Instead, you need to redo the identified frames (including annotation)
and/or create some additional frames (including annotation).
On your treatment
 Is there an issue about making a show for TV which is as violent and gory, and as
bleak, as the film is? The film is a 'hard' 18, both in terms of the graphically
violent content and the very bleak tone of the end. Will this work on television?
(Hint – Hannibal is an interesting comparison, a TV series that has spun off
from a film franchise and which is every bit as bleak and horrible as the
original film material)
 I'm not sure about the idea of remaking the film on TV in such a straightforward
way. There is a fine line between 'adapting' and just 'doing it again'. I think that
the three scenes you identify and the scene you storyboard do develop the ideas
very clearly and cinematically but you need to think about how to develop the
core ideas from the film into different stories - for example, could you use a six
part tv series to tell the story of what happened from the different perspectives of
each of the women, so that every character 'leads' one episode?
 SO... to develop your treatment, try tosketch out - in just a sentence of two - the
main content of each of those six episodes. For some characters the story finishes
earlier than others....

2. On your storyboard
 They spend a lot of time exploring and making their way through the caves in
nothing but mid-2-shots, without any sense of them actually exploring and
thinking about and reacting to their surroundings that you'd get by using point of
view or over the shoulder shots from them and by using close ups of their faces as
they react towhat they see. Think about adding in some close-up face / reverse
POV / cu face to pull the viewer in to what they characters are experiencing.
(Explanation - have a close up of the character's face as they look at something,
then cut to their point of view of what they're looking at, then cut back to their
face. The audience will read into the character's face their reaction to what
they're looking at).
 For example - at shot 6 "Worker calls over fellow worker on indication of
something suspicious" with a similar shot following from the other worker - we
could do with seeing what they're looking at, even if you want to keep some
mystery and you only show a quick shot of it in the shadows
 Shot 12 / shot 13 - they're attacked and they defeat the creature - there's too much
happening here too quickly. You could write it as though there's a sudden attack
but the creature immediately runs away. Even then it could do with some
additional frames and some very fast-paced editing - maybe five or six shots of
about half a second each, with chaotic torchlight going everywhere and nothing
very clear?
 What happens to resolve shot 16 and 17? They are attacked again but suddenly
the attack is over and gone. You need something like the sudden chaotic action
I've suggested just above. Or - could there even be a suggestion that what's
happening to them is only happening in their heads? Maybe one of their heads -
one of them reacts crazily but from the other character's point of view there's
nothing there?