This document summarizes a workshop on effective communication. It outlines four types of communication - passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive. For each type, it provides examples of behaviors and impacts. It also discusses common mistakes in communication and effective skills, such as dealing with issues directly, listening, compromise, and expressing emotions appropriately. The goal is to teach participants to communicate assertively and resolve conflicts respectfully.

1. Effective Communication
Workshop
Ian Carpenter, Ashley Douroux and
Amanda Rivera,
Psy.D. Trainees, ULV Counseling Center
January 15th
, 2009

2. Workshop Overview
• Four Types of Communication
• Common Mistakes in Communicating
• Communication Skills

3. Four Types of Communication
• Methods of relaying information:
– Passive
– Aggressive
– Passive-Aggressive
– Assertive

4. Passive Communication
• Passive communication often includes:
– A lack of expressing opinions or feelings
– A lack of protecting rights of self
– A lack of identifying and meeting own needs
• Examples of passive communication:
– “I get stepped on by everyone”
– “I’m unable to stand up for myself”
– “I don’t care. It doesn’t matter to me”
• The impact of passive communication:
– Feeling anxious, depressed, resentful, or
confused

5. Aggressive Communication
• Aggressive communication often includes:
– Using language to dominate others
– Humiliation to control others
– Criticism, blame, threats or attacking others verbally
– Being demanding or overbearing
• Examples of aggressive communication:
– “It’s going to be my way or not at all”
– “It’s all your fault”
– “You’re just stupid if you think that will work”
• The impact of passive communication:
– Alienation from others
– Being feared or disliked by others

6. Passive-Aggressive
Communication
• Passive-Aggressive communication often includes:
– Acting out anger in a subtle or indirect manner
– Appearing to be cooperative while subtly sabotaging
– Avoiding confrontation and denying problems
– Difficulty acknowledging or directly dealing with anger and
resentment
• Examples of passive-aggressive communication:
– “I will appear cooperative but I’m not”
– “I’m weak and resentful, so I will frustrate others”
• The impact of passive-aggressive communication:
– Alienation from others around them
– Stuck in a position of powerlessness

7. Assertive Communication
• Assertive communication often includes:
– Clearly, appropriately, and respectfully stating opinions
and feelings
– Firmly advocating rights and needs
– Not allowing others to abuse or manipulate them
– Listening well without interrupting others
• Examples of assertive communication:
– “I can’t control others but I can control myself”
– “I am responsible for getting my needs met in a respectful
manner”
• The impact of passive communication:
– Feeling connected to others, competent and in control
– Creating a respectful environment for self and others

8. More Examples of Assertive
Communication
• “So what you’re saying is…”
• “I can see that this is important to you,
and it is also important to me.
Perhaps we can talk more respectfully
and try to solve the problem”
• “I think…I feel…I believe that…”
• “I would appreciate it if you…”

9. Common Mistakes
• What types of communication
mistakes can you list?
– From personal experience?
– From prior knowledge?
– Because we’ve made them ourselves?

10. Common Mistakes
• Avoiding/Ignoring
an issue that is
important to the
other person
• Giving “The Silent
Treatment”
• Bringing up issues
during
inappropriate
times
• Not talking about
issues in a timely
manner, but
instead saving
them up and
springing them all
at once
• Generalizing “you
always…” or “you
never…”

11. Common Mistakes
• Name calling or
assaulting the
other person’s
character
• Blaming the other
person for the
problem at hand
• Mind Reading or
assuming what the
other person is
thinking/feeling
• Calling attention to
a known weakness
of the other person
• Bringing up past
issues that had
previously been
resolved
• Exaggerating the
situation or making
idle
threats/ultimatums

12. Common Mistakes
• Answering a
complaint with
your own separate
complaint
• Assuming that the
other person
knows what you
are
thinking/feeling
• Belittling the other
person’s complaint
• Sulking or ignoring
the other person’s
strong expression
of emotions
• Giving non-
negotiable
demands
• Pretending to go
along, or agree,
when you really do
not

13. Communication Skills
• What are some effective
communication skills?
– From personal experience?
– From prior knowledge?
– Because we’ve made them ourselves?

14. Communication Skills
• Deal with issues
as they come up
• Pick a good time
to have the
conversation and
make an
“appointment” if
necessary
• Be specific, limited
and direct…one
issue at a time!
• Be able to let go of
anger…count to 10
if you really feel
attacked
• Use “I” language (“I
am angry about…”)
• Say what you really
mean to say, don’t
beat around the
bush

15. Communication Skills
• Stay in the present
and use present
examples
• Deal with behaviors,
not personality traits
• Try to understand the
other person’s
feelings/perceptions
(“Maybe he had a
bad day”)
• Be an active listener
and repeat back what
you are hearing to
ensure accuracy
• Be sensitive, you don’t
always have to fight
back!
• Ask questions if you’re
not sure what the other
person is
thinking/feeling

16. Communication Skills
• Express and
interest in coming
to a mutually
satisfying solution
• Come up with a
number of
possible solutions
from all angles
• Stay on subject.
Resolve one issue
before moving on
• Have a healthy
physical way to
express emotion
• Be ready to forgive
the other person
• End conversations
with an expression
of positive feelings
about working
together
successfully

17. Activity Time
• Can you identify any common
communication mistakes in the
following scenarios?

18. Scenario #1
• Two friends are trying to make plans
for the evening. One friend wants to
go out for coffee and the other friend
wants to go see a movie.

19. Scenario #2
• Two college roommates just received
$100 to share. One roommate wants
to buy a small refrigerator to share,
but the other roommate wants to use
the money for a night out on the
town.