This document provides guidance for educators on how to de-escalate confrontations with combative parents without compromising their integrity. It advises restating the reason for meetings as the student's academic success, and stopping meetings if verbal abuse occurs, as abuse prevents productive discussions. Educators are told to maintain their role of helping students learn and avoid being used as a "social punching bag." The document contrasts the "martyr teacher" who tolerates abuse with professionals who prioritize student and parent needs while refusing abuse.

1. Countering
Combative
Parents
Quick steps to de-escalate
WITHOUT loosing your
integrity!
Eric A. Combs, M.S.Ed., M.Ed.

2. A sad truth
 Few people really know how abusive
some parents can get.
 Some think it is your job as an
administrator or teacher to take such
abuse
 Fewer still know that your job is to teach
and not to be their social punching bag
 Your position and profession allow you the
high ground, keep it. Be the example.

3. A little philosophy
I am most interested in helping kids learn.
 I am very interested in helping parents
help their children learn
 I am not interested in anyone’s anger, nor
do I have time for it
 I am not interested in being someone’s
excuse or reason for verbal attacks.
 I am not a psychologist, I am an educator

4. Two Extremes – How we are judged,
but now how we truly are..
 Martyr Teacher  Obnoxious Teacher
 Takes abuse  Refuses to admit
wrongdoing
 Compromises on  Looks down on
their integrity to parents
pacify other’s  Speaks down to
behaviors parents
 Allows themselves to  Is not truly interested
be the victim in helping the parent
 Avoid the real issues  More interested in
getting off the clock
with the parents to than working through
avoid conflict the issue

5. Most teachers are responsible
professionals who approach
problems to….
 Keep your integrity as an educator in tact
 Maintain the best interest of the student
 Maintain the best interest of the parent
 Never allow yourself to be verbally
abused
 Never be afraid to reschedule when the
person has become abusive. The signal
should be…this cannot be tolerated and
it is not helpful for the child’s success.

6. Escalation
 Excuses often come as platitudes to their
concern for their child or as some
righteous indignation to a perceived
wrong.
 As a professional, if you are wrong the
simple thing to do is admit it.
 If you are not, then take steps first to avoid
the confrontation from escalating.

7. Escalation
1. Restate the reason for the event or situation
and it must always be for the care and
concern the students academic success.
2. State you are there to help their child be
successful and provide the tools and
opportunity for that success.
3. Also remember, you are not her for abuse or
side issues not related to the child’s success

8. Verbal Abuse
 On the onset immediately remind the
person that we are not here for personal
attacks and that detract from the main
focus. (That should be your only warning).
 If the verbal abuse continues,
immediately stop the conference and let
them know you can reconvene anytime
they desire to do so with civility. (This will
get some teachers upset at me!)

9. Verbal Abuse
 Your job is to teach, not to be abused. Any
decision made in an atmosphere of abuse is
less than helpful and probably made in haste
or under duress. The best decisions are made
calmly and carefully.
 If they continue on a verbal rant simply
excuse yourself and let them know your
available when they are. If you back down
and compromise, you’ve fed into their power
play. It will most likely continue in this fashion.

10. Other Info
 Classroom Management Strategies that
work!
 Building wide strategies for behavior plans
 Differentiated Instructional Strategies for
student engagement and motivation
Eric Combs
eric@ericcombs.net
www.ericcombs.net