Discipline is not a punishment as most of us think. Through effective discipline children can get to learn how to cooperate with others and how to manage their own behavior.

1. DISCIPLINE
AND SELF ESTEEM
Mary John
8th June, 2012

2. Discipline is not the same as punishment as
most of us think.
Through effective discipline children learn
how to cooperate with others and how to
manage their own behavior.
Discipline

3. • Helping your child to have realistic expectations,
mutual respect, and encouragement form the
basis for discipline.
• Why do children behave as they do?
• Heredity, family values, role models, school
atmosphere, relations with peers and teachers,
type of parenting, position in the family………….
all influence the child, as to who they think they
are, and what they think is worth working for.
Discipline

4. Purpose for behavior
Most behavior has a social purpose such as:
– A place to belong
– A high need to belong to the important individuals
they relate to.
– They discover that certain behavior could lead to
being successful in belonging.
– This could be by being positive and if that does
not work then they will achieve this through
misbehavior.

5. Goals of misbehavior
• Attention: This becomes a misbehavior when
children believe that they can belong only by
demanding attention.
• Power: Power becomes a misbehavior when
children believe they can belong by being the
boss.
• Revenge: When children believe that they can
belong only by hurting others as they have
been hurt.

6. Goals of misbehavior…contd.
• Display Inadequacy: This happens over time,
as they could have been discouraged over
time. Children who are inadequate believe
that they belong only by convincing others not
to expect anything from them.

7. Managing misbehavior
• Attention: When ever possible ignore
misbehavior that seeks attention.
• Refuse to be annoyed.
• Avoid giving attention when the child is asking for
it.
• Always be sure to give positive attention when
your child is not expecting it. This ensures that
he/she will receive attention when she deserves
it but not when she is demanding for it.

8. Managing misbehavior
• Power: Remember to withdraw from the
conflict by refusing to fight or give in – try not
to show anger. If possible let the child
experience consequences of his misbehavior.
• Revenge: Instead of trying to get even, work
to build trust and mutual respect. The cycle of
revenge will subside only when you stop
feeling hurt.

9. Managing misbehavior
• Feeling of Inadequacy: Do not give up on a
child who displays inadequate behavior
• Focus instead, on the child’s slightest effort to
improve.

10. Building Self esteem
• Self esteem is nothing but a positive view of
oneself. It is an attitude we develop when we
are loved and we know we are lovable and
capable.
• Healthy self esteem leads to positive self
image and hence we tend to value ourselves.
• Children who feel good about themselves are
better able to handle the world and its
challenges.

11. Behaviors that help in building self esteem
• Mutual respect: Treat your child with respect
and expect the same from him.
• Respect yourself: This will happen only when
you value, appreciate, and accept yourself as
you are.
• Help to develop own goals and interests in
your child
• Try and recognize your child’s efforts rather
than focusing only on the results.

12. Behaviors that help in building self esteem
• Mistakes should be viewed as lessons to be
learnt and not to be feared.
• Give reasonable control over their lives when
ever possible.
• Value and accept them as they are.
• Do not compare your child with any one else.

13. What is misbehavior?
• A behavior that is unacceptable by the
significant person in their life.
• This will vary according to the age the child is
in.
• Often children misbehave without intending
to.
• How we react to unintentional behavior will
determine whether that behavior will be
repeated in future.

14. Importance of Love
• Communicating Love: When children know that
they are loved, they believe they are lovable, this
helps in developing self esteem and confidence.
• Tell your child you love her clearly and directly, if
possible on a daily basis.
• Show appreciation
• Show love through touch, which is more powerful
than words.
• Spend focused time with your child
• Guide behavior through respect

15. Importance of Love….contd.
• Psychological neglect: when loving words and
touch are seldom or never given, a form of abuse
takes place that could have lasting negative
effects on your child.
• Wrong words or touches communicate lack of
love (violent and sexual), which is called physical
abuse.
• Wrong words (insulting, constantly critical) are
called verbal abuse.
• Withdrawing of love and attention is called
emotional abuse.

16. Effective Discipline
• Effective discipline helps children learn how to
cooperate with others and to manage their own
behavior.
• The typical reward and punishment methods
could work for a while but could have undesirable
long term consequences.
• Rewards teach children that they have a right to
expect payment for their cooperation. This will
teach them to always expect a reward for
behaving in the expected manner.

17. Effective Discipline
• Encouragement is given for effort or improvement, for
the process, it isn’t based on the result, but on the
child’s strengths. While praise is a type of reward
valued only for the results shown.
• Encouragement can be given at any time, even when a
child is not doing too well. This help in developing self
esteem and be self motivated.
• While when a child is praised she learns that it is
important to please in order to be appreciated.
• Praise should be used with encouragement and praise
can be encouraging if you accept your child as she is.

18. Effective Discipline
• Ignore misbehavior (both in your body language and
facial expression), persistence will pay off.
• Distract your child
• Structure the environment by laying down rules and
respecting what is hers. They feel more secure if they
know what is to be expected.
• Control the situation not the child, by giving choices
made by you.
• Involve the child when making decisions
• Let go (when they cooperate most of the time), by
explaining why the behavior was not addressed.

19. Effective Discipline
• Be consistent
• Notice positive behavior often, this will prevent
misbehavior.
• Could use time out to make her understand
• Discipline used at home should be used else where as
well. If used differently then they could manipulate you
to misbehave and hold you ransom.
• Remember to say as little as possible when they
misbehave say only what needs to be said and then
act.
• Make it clear when there is no choice

20. Effective Discipline
• Punishment is based on fear, it is an attack on the
child’s self esteem and usually invites rebellion.
• It involves threats which usually are not carried out.
• Yelling teaches children to pay attention only when
screamed at.
• Over reaction makes problems worse by magnifying its
importance
• Spanking teaches children that it is alright to hit
another to solve problems and to be in control. Most
parents overcompensate after spanking as a result of
guilt.

21. Effective Discipline
• What is discipline then?
• It is a learning process, and the goal is to
inculcate self discipline, to guide children to be
responsible and cooperative.
• The key is to establish mutual respect, children
respond to respect and positive expectations.
• Try to encourage the child while he tries to
change his behavior rather than wait till the end
to praise him.

22. Love & Respect your child…….
And the world will, in turn,
love & respect him.
Walk your talk for him
……..Mary John