This document discusses common parenting "traps" that can negatively impact the parent-child relationship. These include criticism, escalation, not providing explanations, being overprotective, taking children's behaviors personally, having an "out of sight, out of mind" approach, and being a martyr. The traps lead to issues like lower self-esteem in children, reluctance to try new things, increased conflict, and risk-taking behaviors. The document advises parents to avoid these traps by praising positive behavior, discussing requests, allowing independence and natural consequences, and taking time for themselves.

2. Most parents want the best for their children
and try hard to 'do the right thing' – whatever
that may be.

3. Unfortunately, there are a number of behaviours
or 'traps' which parents fall into and if these
behaviours become a habit that may impact on
the relationship between the parent and the
child.

4.  What are the thing that you have
done or usually done with your
child?
 Have you done something and
realized it was wrong?
What did you do to correct those?

5. 1. Criticism
2. Escalation
3. “You will do it because I
say so”
4. Out of sight out of mind

6. 5. “You are doing it on
purpose”
6. Overprotection
7. Taking it personally
8. The martyr

8. Some parents only comment on their
children’s 'bad' or negative behaviour
and fail to let their children know when
they are happy with their behaviour.
They continually try to
correct their child’s
behavior by criticism,
complaining or nagging
and often label the child
in negative ways.

9. Continual criticism may not only lower
the child’s self esteem but also make the
child reluctant to try and do anything
new or different for fear of failure.

11. Escalation is when a negative behaviour
continually (for example: Nagging, tantrums,
yelling, hitting etc) persists and/or worsens until
the person has got their way

12. When a child ignores a
request the parent may
resort to repeating the
request - getting louder and
more aggressive each time
and it is not until the parent
has become very angry

13. This can lead parents and children
to stop wanting to spend time
together (except when arguing or
fighting), for parents to stop asking
their children to do things, or for
children to avoid or lie to their
parents.

14. Some parents do not
provide their child with an
explanation or an
opportunity to discuss
about what they're being
asked to do.

15. This trap can lead to older
children becoming more
rebellious and disruptive,
lead to conflict and
unhappiness

16. or the child accepting what their
parent says but doing what they want
when the parent is not around.

17. Some parents preferring not
to know where their child is
or what they are doing means
they can avoid an unpleasant
conversation or potential
difference of opinions.

18. Parents of teenagers often fall into this trap by
lowering the level of supervision, monitoring and
involvement too soon.

19. Too much freedom with little
or no supervision can cause
problems for the child and
their families.

20. Children who are not monitored
are at greater risk of falling
under the influence of antisocial
peers, and becoming involved in
risk-taking behaviors and juvenile
crime.

22. This is a thinking trap
parents get caught in by
assuming that their child
is doing something
deliberately to annoy
them.

23. it is rare to believe that the reason a child is
behaving that way is to deliberately to upset
their parents.

24. it is rare to believe that the reason a child is
behaving that way is to deliberately to upset
their parents.

25. Thinking “he/she is doing this to upset me” is
unhelpful because it can lead to parents to
become more angry and upset, and less able to
deal with problems in a calm and reasonable
way.

26. Parents should not try to protect their children
from all failures, disappointments/losses, or
the consequences of the child’s own bad
behaviour.
If parents are overprotective it
makes it hard for the child to learn
how to deal with/manage their
feelings or to take responsibility for
their own actions.

27. When parents frequently bail their child out of
problems they caused themselves, they can
unintentionally give the message that you can do what
you want and there will always be someone to protect
you from the natural consequences of your behavior.

29. As children grow and develop,
they become more independent.
This means that they may be
interested in different things
from their parents, have
different views, and may no
longer see their parents as
perfect.

30. Parents should not take this personally
or as a rejection. Children can have a
difference of opinion with their parents
and still love them.
Parents shouldn’t blame themselves for
their child’s behaviour or think that they
can be a perfect parent. They cannot
directly control other influences on
their child’s behaviour, for example:
school peers and media.

32. The best the parent can do is to help the child
develop the kinds of life skills that will assist them
in making wise judgments and good decisions.

33. Some parents are overly focused on their
children’s needs and fail to look after
their own.

34. Everyone needs time to rest, to
spend with friends/partners and
doing things that are important to
them.
. By meeting these needs in
themselves helps parents to be
better able to care for their children
and families.