The “Course Topics” series from Manage Train Learn and Slide Topics is a collection of over 4000 slides that will help you master a wide range of management and personal development skills. The 202 PowerPoints in this series offer you a complete and in-depth study of each topic. This presentation is on "The Art of Listening".

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The Art of Listening
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
COUNSELLING SKILLS
The Art of Listening

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The Art of Listening
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
The Course Topics series from Manage Train Learn is a large collection of topics that will help you as a learner
to quickly and easily master a range of skills in your everyday working life and life outside work. If you are a
trainer, they are perfect for adding to your classroom courses and online learning plans.
COURSE TOPICS FROM MTL
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The Art of Listening
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
ARE YOU READY?
OK, LET’S START!

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The Art of Listening
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
INTRODUCTION
We all think listening is natural and something we do well.
But we don't. Too often when we think we are listening, we
are merely preparing our response and bursting to say our
piece. Listening is a skill that we do best by learning and
consciously applying until it is a good habit. In counselling,
listening isn't just a passive state but an immensely powerful
tool for letting things happen. It doesn't just enable you to
learn about another person, but when combined with an
absence of judgment and criticism, sends clear messages of
respect and valuing to others.

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The Art of Listening
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
HOW TO LISTEN
Listening is the principle skill in counselling. It is the way we
learn about a problem on all its different levels: the
superficial level of facts and circumstances; the underlying
level of feelings and motives; and the deeper level of values
and frames of reference.
There are seven important aspects to listening:
1. getting into the right listening state
2. listening to detail
3. listening to the bass line
4. listening to feelings
5. listening to frames of reference
6. listening to what people say with their body language
7. listening to silence.

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The Art of Listening
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
TOTAL LISTENING
The best listening state is one that produces empathic,
active and focused listening. Such listening is total listening:
nothing else should be going on at the same time.
Total listeners...
1. stop what they're doing and focus on the speaker
2. listen with their ears, their eyes and their minds
3. put people at ease
4. are attentive
5. limit their own talking
6. remove distractions
7. get inside the talker's frame of reference
8. watch for feeling words
9. are patient and don't interrupt
10. are aware of their own biases
11. listen to words between the lines
12. are aware of body language.

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The Art of Listening
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
TURN-ONS AND TURN-OFFS
There are some things that we find it easier to listen to, and
so remember, while other things are harder to listen to and
remember. These are our personal sets of turn-ons and
turn-offs. They work literally like the switch button on a TV
or radio set.
Our turn-ons include:
• information we can relate to
• information that we have an interest in
• information that is unique, uncommon, or dramatic.
Our turn-offs include:
• information that we can't hook up to
• information that we actively dislike hearing about
• information that is boring or we've heard before.
Great listeners know how to switch on to their turn-offs, by
increasing their concentration, being willing to change their
views, and taking an interest in people.

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The Art of Listening
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
GOOD AND BAD LISTENERS
Most people can tell when someone is listening to them or
not. Here are 5 ways you can tell.
1. Good listeners wait patiently until the other person has
stopped speaking. They don't pre-judge. Bad listeners
interrupt frequently as soon as they have something to say.
2. Good listeners don't let their minds wander. Bad
listeners get distracted easily.
3. Good listeners remain objective. Bad listeners let their
emotions hold sway.
4. Good listeners ask for clarification and re-state the
speaker's words to show their understanding. Bad listeners
get stuck on the delivery rather than the content and take
side excursions with detail.
5. Good listeners empathize. Bad listeners don’t.
The difference is that good listeners see listening as a skill to
be learnt, practised and mastered.

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The Art of Listening
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
THE ABC STATE
The ABC state of listening is a way to switch on to the best
and most receptive way to concentrate on others.
A - Attending. Attending means directing all your attention
to the person you're listening to. True attending takes place
when we empty all other thoughts from our minds.
B - Body Language. There are various body language signals
that help active listening. These include: steady but not
staring eye contact; smiles; the forward lean; head slightly
forward; little peripheral movement of arms and legs; and
the head nod. The head nod is a throwback to a distant time
in the past when we actually bowed to others in listening.
C - Calmness. A calm, relaxed quiet presence is the best way
to listen.

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The Art of Listening
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
KEEPING THINGS GOING
Active listening is the surest way to keep a conversation
going. However, because we can think three times quicker
than other people speak, it is difficult to concentrate all the
time on what others say. Amongst the techniques to keep
you concentrating are:
1. Faking It. You can let others know you're listening by
using appropriate body language signals. However, this
should only be a temporary technique as you will be
mistrusted if you are caught out.
2. Notes. Note-taking can help you concentrate but needs
to be used with care and only if the client agrees. It can
be necessary where you need to record facts but may
become a distraction, as well as an inhibitor.
3. Minimal Encouragers. These are the "uh-uhs", "mms"
and "I see's" which we plant in the conversation to let
others know we're listening and remind ourselves to
concentrate.

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The Art of Listening
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
LISTENING TO DETAIL
It is hard for us to take in everything others say and
impossible to remember it all.
Our listening therefore needs to be selective. We need to
know what we're looking for in amongst the detail.
"We hear half of what is said; we listen to half of that; we
remember half of that." (Sathre, Olson and Whitney in "Let's
Talk")
In a one-to-one meeting, as well as listening to things which
the other person is struggling to say, we should also listen
for...
1. signs that indicate how the person feels about the
process of the meeting
2. words that show awareness and acceptance of the
other person’s situation
3. anything that is proposed willingly by the person to help
them move on.

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The Art of Listening
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
DETECTIVE LISTENING
Sales trainer Art Sobczak says that you can learn a lot about
listening from police detectives. That's because when
they're first questioning a suspect or witness, they need to
get them to talk. Art says that there are 3 listening
techniques that successful detectives use:
1. Detectives don't do or say anything that might cause their
suspects to stop talking. While they're talking, you're
learning, so stay focused, alert and fixed.
2. If the speaker is describing an event, sit tight and don't
interrupt. If you need further details, go over the story in
reverse chronological order. By reversing the order of
recollection, you'll jar the person's memory and get more
information.
3. Allow your speaker some space after he or she's finished
talking. Don't be frightened to pause and count a full 3
seconds before you say something. They may just fill the gap
with something important.

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Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
TAKE YOURSELF OUT OF THINGS
When closely listening to someone else, aim to enter their
world fully and temporarily leave yours behind.
Do this by...
1. Recognising that the speaker might not know the real
message they're trying to put across. Listen for hesitations,
anger and fear and watch for non-verbal signs of each.
2. Looking through a window not a mirror. Don't assume
that the person means what you would have meant under
similar circumstances.
3. Listening with your whole body. Let your body language
declare, “I'm paying close attention to you". If it isn't, the
person will probably give a condensed message in order to
bring the conversation to a close.
4. Subduing your ego. Stop thinking about how wise you
look, the eloquence of your reply, or whether the speaker is
indirectly talking about you. Each time you shift from them
to you, you've stopped listening.

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The Art of Listening
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
INSIGHTS
In the exploration stage of counselling, when we need to
listen to narratives of events, our active listening is directed
towards trying to understand what happened, what the
employee thinks, and how they feel.
Some of the insights don't come directly but through
indirect expressions such as:
1. free information, eg "I used to sleep OK" (ie I don't
anymore)
2. asides
3. mumblings
4. slips of the tongue, eg "I want to be manager, er, sorry, I
mean supervisor."
5. self-disclosures which reveal information at a safe pace.

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The Art of Listening
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
RIGHT TURNINGS
In amongst the detail of what people say during a
counselling session are the statements that are indications
of movement on their part. If we miss them through not
listening carefully enough, we can miss the opportunities to
make the right turnings.
Here are three statements we would need to pick up on:
1. "I realise I could do a lot better..." (admission of
awareness)
2. "I would like to do something about it..." (acceptance of
ownership)
3. "I thought I could try a meeting with her..." (suggestion
for change)
These are the signposts to watch out for. All the rest is
landscape.

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The Art of Listening
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
CLICHÉS
Most of what we learn from others in a conversation comes
not from the precise meaning of what they say but from
nuance, tone, cliché and metalanguage.
Clichés are phrases we use in conversations because they
sound familiar and because we believe others will know
what we mean. They are often used when people are
struggling to find the right words to express themselves.
Metalanguage is slightly different from cliché. The dictionary
defines it as any "language or system of words used to
discuss another language or symbolic system". It includes
phrases such as "I know how you feel"; "I hear what you
say"; and "We got off on the wrong foot".
Counsellors should read cliché and metalanguage in others
but avoid using it themselves.

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Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
SINGLE-WORD CLICHÉS
Single-word metalanguage and cliché are amongst the most
commonly-used expressions in conversations.
The following are very common:
1. Honestly, Frankly, Sincerely. These often have the
opposite meaning to what they seem to say: "I love
you" is unambiguous; "Honestly I do love you" leaves a
bit of doubt.
2. Just And Only. These minimise what follows: "I'm only a
clerk"; "I just didn't think"; "only £9.99"
3. Ok? And Right? At the end of a sentence these force
the listener to agree, right?
4. Try. This is often used when people doubt their ability
to do something: "I'll try to do it" suggests they won't.
5. Incidentally, By The Way, Before I Forget. These alert
you that the words which follow are more important
than the ones that came before: "John, good work. By
the way, no bonus this week".

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Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
MANIPULATIVE LANGUAGE
We manipulate people in conversations when we use cliché
and metalanguage to tell them how they should think and
react.
Here are three examples:
1. Making Assumptions About What Others Think. This
includes: "as I'm sure you're aware..."; "I don't have to
tell you of all people..."; and "no doubt you know..."
2. Conspiring With Others With Gossip. The following
clichés force people to join in with the gossiper: "don't
breathe a word of this to anyone but..." and "I shouldn't
be telling you this but..."
3. Luring People Into Becoming Partners In Gossip. This
manipulative technique offers juicy titbits of
information that others can't resist, eg "you'll never
guess"; "you'll never believe what I heard..."; "guess
what...?"

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Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
INTERESTERS
One set of metalanguage phrases and clichés that hide the
speaker's real motives are a group known as “interesters”,
ego-trippers and persuaders.
“Interesters”. These are clichés that are used to keep a
conversation going when it has lost interest. They include:
"you'll never guess..." And "tell you what I'll do...".
Ego-trippers. These are clichés dropped into conversation to
introduce ideas as if the speaker didn't rate them much but
in fact does. They include: "in my humble opinion"; "far be it
for me to suggest..." And "off the top of my head...".
Persuaders. These are clichés that force others to agree
with us. They include: "I think I speak for all of us when I
say..."; "I think we all agree"; and "what do you think of
2%?" Meaning "I think 2%".

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Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
SITUATIONAL CLICHÉS
Every situation in life has its own clichés and metalanguage
expressions which hide what we would like to say behind
standard phrases. We use them as a short cut and because
we believe others know what we mean.
1. Business Negotiations. Some common situational
metalanguage phrases in business negotiations are:
"let's be frank"; "we'll give it some thought"; and "we'll
sleep on it".
2. Family Bereavement. We use clichés to let people know
how we feel without expressing those feelings directly,
eg "what can I say?"; "how are you bearing up?"; and "if
there's anything I can do..."
3. Children. We use clichés with children as a way of
sending them the message behind the words: "don't
answer back" means "I'm in charge here"; "do your
best" means "I want you to do very well"; "when I was
your age..." means "your behaviour is bad".

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Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
THE BASS LINE
In music, the bass line is the underlying tune or melody
which goes on in the background or "below" the main tune.
We don't always hear it at first although we may be dimly
aware that it is there.
The same is true of conversations. People may be describing
an event, their thoughts and their feelings but there is
another thought or feeling underneath.
When Maureen talks to her supervisor about her terminally-
ill mother, she twice refers to her mother's eventual death
as a "merciful release". While on the surface Maureen is
concerned about her mother, the bass line may be that she
is longing for her death, in order for both their suffering to
end. She may feel guilty about such feelings and need to
know that it's OK for her to feel this way.

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Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
LISTENING TO FEELINGS
When we practise active, non-judgmental listening with
others, we encourage them to feel safe and open up.
Without active listening, people stick to bland facts; with
active listening, people tell us how they feel and self-
disclose.
Compare fact-relaying, as in:
"I applied for the job and didn't get it."
with self-disclosure, as in:
"I applied for a job I really thought I was well-qualified for. I
was over the moon when I got an interview. I rehearsed
every day for it. I even walked the journey to the new
offices twice. Then, wham! I get the reject letter out of the
blue. I'm devastated. I just don't know where I went wrong."

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Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
FRAMES OF REFERENCE
We all experience the world in different ways. Each of our
experiences is unique. The sum of our experiences, beliefs,
values, thoughts, perceptions and feelings represents our
unique frame of reference.
In counselling and listening to others, we should never
presume that others should see the world through our
frame of reference. To come anywhere near helping others,
we must learn to understand the world through their frame
of reference.
In his book "Swift to Hear", Michael Jacobs describes talking
to an unemployed couple and realising that he could never
fully understand their situation, having never experienced
unemployment. At best, he could only accept their frame of
reference.

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Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
WHEN DUMB IS SMART
In his ground-breaking book, "Emotional Intelligence",
Daniel Goleman includes a chapter called "When Smart is
Dumb", which argues that playing dumb in interactions can
be better than playing smart. But only if you play dumb in
order to listen to what others are saying.
It's a method used by the Greek philosopher Socrates over
2300 years ago. The Socratic method uses a series of
questions to get information from others, each question
building on the previous one.
It's also a technique that many of the world's smartest
business people have perfected. People who try to impress
by pretending to be smart generally aren't, because they're
not asking questions and listening to the answers.
Truly smart people know that a combination of playing
dumb, asking lots of questions and listening ferociously to
the replies is the best route to finding out what's going on.

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Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
BODY LANGUAGE
It is thought that more meaning in conversation comes from
how we say something than comes from what we say. A
hesitant "yes" with downcast eyes and an uncomfortable
wriggling in the chair may be as good as a spoken "no".
For example, when someone commits themselves to an
agreement, it can be noticed not just from what they say
but from what they do.
Genuine agreement is usually revealed when someone leans
forward with uncrossed arms, looks at you for more than
half the time and volunteers to do something to bring about
the agreement.
Apparent agreement is usually detected when someone
leans back with folded arms, looks down to avoid the other
person's eyes and holds back from doing anything.

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The Art of Listening
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
SILENCE
Silence and well-timed pauses are essential parts of active
listening. It has been found that the average pause between
questions and answers in a conversation is 0.7 seconds, a
pace that gives little chance for reflection at a deeper level.
It is often in the silences that a lot can happen. Silence...
1. allows people the chance to decide if they want to say
something
2. allows people to recollect
3. allows people time to catch up
4. allows people to come to terms with what they want to
say
5. allows people the chance to listen to themselves
6. allows people the chance to slow the pace down.
It is worth noting that the word "silent" is an anagram of the
word "listen".

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The Art of Listening
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
THAT’S
IT!
WELL DONE!

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The Art of Listening
Counselling Skills
MTL Course Topics
THANK YOU
This has been a Slide Topic from Manage Train Learn