Presentation led by Ken Miller, CFRE given at the 2019 Association of Fundraising Professionals LEAD conference on October 3-5 in Phoenix. In this highly informative and interactive workshop Ken Miller, CFRE will lead a workshop to answer the simple question of “What are the traits of leaders with high self-esteem?” and more importantly how do I manifest those traits in my work, home and everyday life? During this fun and interactive workshop, we will look at and discuss the practices of living consciously, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, living purposely, personal integrity and of courage. Come join us at we learn about self-esteem and its impact on leadership, life and self.

1. Seven Rules of High Self-Esteem
for the Emerging Leader

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Introduction
Who Am I
“My Why”
38 slides

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Share
How do you define self-esteem?
Think of an example of a leader you know with high self-
esteem? Why do you think they had high self-esteem?
On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate your self-esteem?
Take 3 minutes and share with person to your right.

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Definition of Self-Esteem
“Self-esteem consists of self-efficacy (competency) &
self-respect (worthiness)“
Nathaniel Branden

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Definition of Self-Efficacy
“Self-efficacy (competency) entails the expectation of
success as natural”
Nathaniel Branden

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Definition of Self-Respect
“Self-respect (worthiness) entails the expectation of
friendship, love and happiness as natural”
Nathaniel Branden

7. 7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
for the Emerging Leader

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
1. The Practice of Living Consciously
2. The Practice of Self-Acceptance
3. The Practice of Self-Responsibility
4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness
5. The Practice of Living Purposefully
6. The Practice of Personal Integrity
7. The Practice of Courage

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Rule #1 – Living Consciously
– One must choose to live consciously
– Embrace truth, facts and reality.
– Wishes or fears or denials do not alter facts.
– “If a statement is true, my denying it will not make it
false.”

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Rule #1 – Living Consciously
– How to live consciously
To live consciously means to seek to be aware of
everything that bears on our actions, purposes,
values and goals… and to behave in accordance
with that which we see and know.
Living consciously implies respect for the facts of
reality.

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Rule #1 – Living Consciously
– How to live consciously – cont.
A mind that is active vs. passive. An intelligence that takes joy
in its own function
Being concerned to know “where I am” relative to my goals &
aspirations
Searching for feedback from environment so as to adjust my
course when necessary (also mentors, coaches…)
Am I choosing to live consciously?

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Rule #2 – Self-Acceptance
– The Practice of Self-Acceptance
• Without self-acceptance, self-esteem is impossible.
• Self-acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial
relationship to myself.
• I cannot forgive myself for an action I will not acknowledge
having taken.

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Rule #2 – Self-Acceptance
– The Practice of Self-Acceptance
• The ultimate crime against ourselves: the disowning of
positives.
• We can be as frightened of our assets as of our
shortcomings.
Turn to person to your right and share two positive assets you
have as an emerging leader. 3 minutes

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Rule #3 – Self-Responsibility
– The Practice of Self-Responsibility
• To feel competent to live and worthy of happiness, I need
to experience a sense of control over my existence. This
requires that I be willing to take responsibility for my
actions and the attainment of my goals. This means I take
responsibility for my life and well-being.
• I am responsible for the achievement of my desires.
• No one owes me the fulfillment of my wishes.

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Rule #3 – Self-Responsibility
– The Practice of Self-Responsibility – cont.
• I am responsible for how I prioritize my time.
• I am responsible for the quality of my communications.
• I am responsible for my personal happiness.
• Taking responsibility for my happiness is empowering. It
places my life back in my own hands.

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Rule #3 – Self-Responsibility
– The Practice of Self-Responsibility – cont.
• I am responsible for choosing the values by which I live.
• I am responsible for raising my self-esteem.
• Often what people call “thinking” is merely recycling the
opinion of others. (clichés)

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Rule #3 – Self-Responsibility
– To acquire self-responsibility – Believe that…
• I am responsible for the achievement of my desires.
• I am responsible for my choices and actions.
• I am responsible for my behavior with others.
• I am responsible for my personal happiness.
• I am responsible for accepting and choosing my values.
• I am responsible for raising my self-esteem.
Turn to the person on your left and repeat 2 of these

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Rule #4 – Self-Assertiveness
– The Practice of Self-Assertiveness
• Self-assertiveness means honoring my wants, needs, and
value and seeking appropriate forms of their expression...
• It means the refusal to fake my person to be liked.
• Self-assertiveness means the willingness to stand up for
myself, to be who I am openly, to treat myself with
respect in all human encounters.
Ask yourself “Do I honor and treat myself with respect?”

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Rule #5 – Living Purposefully
– The Practice of Living Purposefully
• To live without purpose is to live at the mercy of
chance…
• To live purposefully is to use our powers for the
attainment of goals we have selected…
• To live purposefully is, among other things, to
live productively, which is a necessity of making
ourselves competent to life.

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Rule #5 – Living Purposefully
– The Practice of Living Purposefully – cont.
• Productivity is the act of supporting our existence by translating
our thoughts into reality, of setting our goals and working for their
achievement, of bringing knowledge, goods or services into
existence.
• It is not that achievements “prove” our worth but rather that the
process of achieving is the means by which we develop our
effectiveness, our competence at living.
• Self-discipline is the ability to organize our behavior over time in
the service of specific tasks.

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Rule #5 – Living Purposefully
– The Practice of Living Purposefully – cont.
• Self-discipline requires the ability to defer
immediate gratification in the service of a remote
goal.
• The root of our self-esteem is not our
achievements but those internally generated
practices that, among other things, make it
possible for us to achieve.

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Rule #6 – Personal Integrity
– The Practice of Personal Integrity
• Integrity is the integration of ideals, convictions, standards,
beliefs and behavior. When behavior is congruent with our
professed values, when ideals and practice match, we
have integrity.
• Integrity means congruence. Words and behaviors
match.
• Most of the issues of integrity we face are not big issues
but small ones, yet the accumulated weight of our choices
has an impact on our sense of self.
• The essence of guilt, whether major or minor, is moral self-
reproach.

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Rule #6 – Personal Integrity
– The Practice of Personal Integrity – cont.
Generally speaking, five steps are needed to restore one’s sense of
integrity…
1. We must own the fact that it is we who have taken the
particular action. We own, we accept, we take
responsibility.
2. We seek to understand why we did what we did.
3. We acknowledge explicitly to the relevant person or
persons the harm we have done.
4. We take any and all actions available that might make
amends for or minimize the harm we have done.
5. We firmly commit ourselves to behaving differently in the
future.

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Rule #6 – Personal Integrity
– The Practice of Personal Integrity – cont.
• Sometimes, of course, there is no way to
undo the harm, and we must accept and
make our peace with that; we cannot do
more than what is possible.

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Rule #7 – Courage
– How you deal with and overcome fear will
greatly impact your self-esteem
Self-esteem has much to do with how
capable am I to deal with the life and its
daily fears…
What is your definition of fear & courage?
Discuss with person to your left for 2 minutes.

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Fear!

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
The anticipation
or expectation of
future pain.

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
What are the three
most common
reactions to fear?

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Fight
Flight
Freeze

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
What is the solution to our fear?

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Courage!

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Rule #7 – Courage
The willingness to
accept the possibility
of pain.
Think of a time when you were courageous and did what needed to be
done in spite of the fear.
Share w person to your left. 2 minutes

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Rule #7 – Courage
Look at and understand the fear…
1. Accept that one is in fear
2. What is the underlying “pain”
3. What is the self-talk - “I am not
competent or worthy or…” (public
speaking, imposter syndrome)

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Rule #7 – Courage
Look at and understand the fear…
4. Talk with someone about it.
5. Become accountable to an outside
source. (God, child, friend…)
6. Understand and use courage.

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Wrap Up
1. The Practice of Living Consciously
2. The Practice of Self-Acceptance
3. The Practice of Self-Responsibility
4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness
5. The Practice of Living Purposefully
6. The Practice of Personal Integrity
7. The Practice of Overcoming Fear
Any questions or comments?

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Conclusion
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we
are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most
frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of
God.
Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing
enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around
you… We are all meant to shine… And as we let our own light shine, we
unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are
liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Marianne Williamson – A Return to Love

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Further Reading
1. Psychology of Self-Esteem - Nathaniel Branden
2. 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem – Nathaniel Branden
3. The Speed of Trust – Stephen Covey
4. Deep Work – Cal Newport
5. James Clear’s Blog
6. Grit – Angela Duckworth

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7 Rules of High Self-Esteem
Contact Info
Ken Miller, CFRE
President
Denali Fundraising Consultants
ken@denalifsp.com
907 250-8488
Please feel free to contact me anytime.
Thank you!