Anger Management

1. Module 7
judgmental & critical
reaction

2. Judgement & Critical Reaction
• Everyone has judgements from
time to time. We learn early in our
life to label things either ‘good’ or
‘bad’ - and to be determine what
is ’easy’ or ‘hard’ , ‘smart’ or
‘dumb’. It was pretty simple back
then, however, as we mature most
people begin to see that there is
something between the two
opposite poles of good and bad,
right and wrong, perfect and
worthless, etc.
• To routinely blame, judge severely
and find fault with others is a clear
indication that you have a
tendency toward judgmental and
critical reactions. People can judge
and evaluate each other on many
different things, for instance:
physical appearance or
attractiveness, personality,
intelligence, character, values,
beliefs, spirituality, occupation,
ambition, success, status, wealth,
possessions, and behaviors.

3. Judgmental & Critical reaction can often be detected by such words as:
• Should
• Ought
• Must
• Don’t
And phrases like:
• In my opinion
• I think…
• This is what you should do
It requires a certain amount of self-awareness to see our own judgmental
& critical reactions. Assess yourself now using a scale from 1-10 with the
following questions:
Do you assume the worst about others? __________
Do
Do you stereotype others based on one sample of his/her behavior?_______
Do
Do you tell yourself that you would never do something like that? ________
Do
Do you either stay away or take it on yourself to correct others? _________
Do

4. Grading on your
previous questions:
(30-40) Highly Judgmental & critical
(20-29) Judgmental & critical
(10-19) Somewhat judgmental & critical
(0-9) Slightly judgmental & critical
Now take some time to list four ways in which judgmental &
critical reactions have possibly caused problems in your life?
1.________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
2.________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
3.________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
4.________________________________________________
__________________________________________________

5. Understanding Judgmental & Critical Reaction
Judgmental & Critical Reactions take
little account of feelings. These
reactions condemn others because of
their conduct or supposed false beliefs,
wrong motives, or character.
They are based on perception, without
room for negotiation or understanding
& are most often an evaluation &
rejection of another person’s worth
They are very destructive to all types of
relationships.
• There is a big difference what we
will call “discernment” (to
recognize distinctions) and
Judgmental & Critical Reaction.
• We make distinction between what
behaviors, thoughts, actions or
reactions are productive,
evolutionary, relationship
enhancing, forward thinking, and in
general healthy versus those that
are destructive, harmful, primitive,
unhelpful to relationships, and
generally unhealthy.

6. Discernment Judgmental & Critical Reaction
Maintains the integrity & value of all
persons involved
Denigrates the value of the other person;
labels him/her as “bad” or
“unacceptable”
Recognition without harsh blame Blames & devalues
Allows you to set boundaries while
maintaining relationships
Destroys relationships
Helps you to evolve & develop
emotionally, mentally & psychologically
Moves us backward emotionally,
mentally & psychologically
A chance to examine your own
behavior/reactions/beliefs/values
Directs your attention on someone else’s
faults avoiding recognizing your own
Makes a distinction between behavior
and character
No distinction between behavior and
character
Promotes respect Promotes disrespect
Is ultimately effective Is ultimately uneffective

7. A Non-Judgmental Perspective
Meaning to recognize and understand our own values & standards so that we can suspend
judgmental & critical reactions, minimizing their influences on the way we respond to other people.
To be authentic you must remain true to your values and standards
No communications can convey a non-judgmental perspective if it does not genuinely live within
you.
A non-judgmental perspective means holding within the core of your being a respect for the other
people’s opinions & lifestyles.

8. Developing a Non-Judgmental
Perspective
Recognize
Recognize &
carefully scrutinize
your values and
standards; You may
decide to get rid of
some of them
Try
Try to see the world
from the other
person’s shoes; they
had different life
experience than you
Try
Try not to jump to
conclusions; first
impressions are
often misleading
Try
Try not to compare
people; each person
has a unique
experience that
leads to who they at
the moment

9. Values:
look over the list of values below & check off 5 aspirational values & 5 functional
values that feel right to you
Aspirational Values Functional Values
Achievement /Community / Fun Accountability/ Responsibility
Balance / Health / Love Affection / Autonomy / Courage
Family / partnership / peace Competency / Fairness / Flexibility
Freedom / Spirituality / Stability Courtesy / Giving / Honesty
Friendship / Wisdom / Justice Drive / Loyalty / Safety / Teamwork
Now what are some you can think of?
What are your 5 Aspirational Values?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

10. Do your prioritized Aspirational Values
embrace a non-judgmental perspective?
A non-judgmental
perspective
involves:
Be open and
accepting
Concentrate on
what the other’s
experience might
mean for them
Be interested in the
other person, not
just in the task or
problem at hand
Demonstrating
genuine respect for
the other as a
person of worth
Trying to
understand what it
means to be this
particular person
Trying to get into
the other’s inner
world; their frame
of reference
Not rushing to
solve problems or
fix situations
Being aware of
your own values
Listening, then
responding to the
other’s expressed
& implied feelings

11. Guidelines for a
Non-Judgmental
Perspective
• 1. Remember the Uniqueness of
Everyone
• 2. Try to be Empathetic
• 3. Get rid of the Judgment
• 4. Know Judging is not healthy
• 5. Open your eyes to the truth
• 6. Learn to Appreciate
• 7. Free Yourself

12. Acceptance
• Demonstrating acceptance: is that we
don’t judge other people by set of rules or
standards. We have to be able to suspend
our judgments.
• The qualities of acceptance:
• - Caring / Firmness / valuing
• - Concern / interest / Warmth
• - Compassion / listening
• - Consistency / moving toward

13. Stereotyping is an obstacle to Acceptance
• Stereotyping, also described as
labeling, classifying, typecasting,
and pigeon-holing, categorizing,
putting in a mold, and making
assumptions, is our beliefs about
people or groups of people.
Other Obstacles to acceptance
Lack of understanding of human behavior
Blind spots within one’s self, Unresolved conflicts
Attributing your own feelings to the other
Biases & prejudices, values, beliefs
Confusion between acceptance & approval
Loss of respect for others

14. Self Compassion & Empathic Understanding
• Compassion is the hope that a
living being not suffer and to allow
yourself to feel some of their pain
• Our best personal & professional
selves come from a place of
compassion
• Self compassion is not self-pity,
complaining, or wallowing in pain.
• Empathic understanding means
having the ability to perceive the
other person’s world as they see it.
• Being able to step into the other’s
shoes.
• Being able to stand back far
enough to remain unbiased, not
making assumptions.
• Being close to, yet remaining
separate from – it doesn’t mean
we become the other person but
rather appreciate them.

15. 3 parts of Empathy
• Building an empathic link
• - Show up
• - Pay Attention
• - Be open
• - Drop judgments
• - Track the other person’s emotions
• -Tune into face and eyes
• - Ask: What would you be feeling if
you were in the other’s shoes
• - Sense beneath the surface &
investigate actively…ask questions.
1. Thinking – a logical understanding of the
feeling of another.
2. 2. Feeling – a mirroring or
communicating of the emotion with the
other person.
3. 3. Doing – assuming in your mind the
role of the other person.

16. Self Awareness
We need to constantly strive to increase our
self-awareness – to discover what makes us tick.
To monitor what goes on inside our head: our
thoughts, feelings, sensing, intuition, reactions,
beliefs, and how these show themselves in our
behavior.

17. Self Responsibility
Responsibility is also a major cornerstone of effective anger
management. Real responsibility means neither credit, nor
blame. It is a stance we take to personally take charge of our
lives and to always acknowledge the role we , as well as
others, play in problems & conflicts.

18. Self Vs. Other
Egocentric worldview Self vs. all others
Ethnocentric worldview Self + our group vs. all others
Worldcentric worldview Self + all others
Kosmocentric worldview Self + others + all sentient beings
How do you think about yourself and others?
What is your philosophy about your
relationship to other people? Are your needs
more important than others? Are you in
competition with others? Do you need to
fight for survival?
Every being in nature has an important role
in the universe. And the same is true for each
person; each of us has a necessary &
important part to play; something unique to
offer the world.
Homework: Anger Log