3. 7 Principles of Child and
Adolescent Behavior
1. All people are: social,
creative, decision-making
beings who have a unified
purpose.
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4. 7 Principles of Child and
Adolescent Behavior
2. Each person, no matter how
young, decides how he or she
will approach life tasks.
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5. 7 Principles of Child and
Adolescent Behavior
3. All behavior has a purpose.
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6. 7 Principles of Child and
Adolescent Behavior
4. Behavior can best be
understood in relation to
what a child or adolescent
values and wants to achieve.
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7. 7 Principles of Child and
Adolescent Behavior
5. Most children and
adolescents state they do not
understand their behavior or
motives.
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8. 7 Principles of Child and
Adolescent Behavior
6. Closer inspection reveals
that individuals often
understand more than they
willingly admit.
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9. 7 Principles of Child and
Adolescent Behavior
7. Whether children and
adolescents make accurate
assessments or not they will
act and behave according to
those assessments.
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10. Behavioral Principle #1
• You cannot make anyone do what he or she
does not want to do
• Accepting this principle helps to
accomplish the following:
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11. Behavioral Principle #1
1. Frees us of the burden to do the impossible:
control another human being
2. Clarifies the first step in attempting to influence
someone else’s behavior: we must accept
responsibility for and often change our own
attitude and behavior first.
3. Understand and respect the child or adolescent for
making the best choices he or she can under the
circumstances, as he or she perceives them.
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12. Behavioral Principle #1
4. Realize that children attempt to make a place for
themselves by whatever means available to them,
whether their behavior is socially useful or not.
5. Understand that when children misbehave, it is an
outward sign of their internal discouragement.
6. Commit to helping children learn self-discipline
and cooperation by friendly participation in the
daily tasks we all must fulfill.
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13. Behavioral Principle #1
7. Changing our behavior changes the alternatives
open to the child, then he or she must decide anew
how to respond.
8. Remember that cooperation requires mutual
respect and understanding.
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14. Behavioral Principle #2
• Even the angry person needs someone with
whom to fight!
– Extricate yourself from power struggles
– Take the sail out of their wind
– The magic in giving choices often astounds
people
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15. Behavioral Principle #3
Without a future,
there is no discipline
Futures are built around life goals: being able to
imagine future possibilities!
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16. Five Life Goals
1. Friendship: relating to others
2. Work: making a contribution
3. Love/Family: achieving intimacy
4. Self-acceptance: getting along with
ourselves
5. Spirituality:values, meaning, goals,
relationship with the universe
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17. The Goals of Misbehavior
• Attention
– I only really count when others notice and/or serve me.
• Power
– I only really count when others know I can do what I want to do.
• Revenge
– I can’t be liked but I can hurt others and then they’ll know I count,
too!
• Proving Inadequacy or Assumed Disability
– I’m stupid, inadequate, really hopeless, so why try—don’t expect
anything from me. Trying will only prove it to everyone.
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18. Behavioral Principle #4
Children are keen observers
but lousy interpreters
Children and adolescents are often not generally
aware of the purposes of their actions.
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19. Identifying the goals of misbehavior: the first
step towards choosing corrective action
1. What did the child do?
2. What did you do?
3. How did he or she respond to your action?
4. How did you feel?
5. The question to ask: Could it be?
6. Look for the recognition reflex: a no, a
slight turning up of the lips, a smile, a
knowing nod.
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20. Children’s Disruptive Behavior
• Correcting with Care
– Catch yourself! Just Stop!
– Assess: Goals (Ignore, Extricate, Escape)
– Respond:
• Encouragement
• Consequences
– Evaluate
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22. The Four R’s
• RESPECT: Mutual respect is essential
• REASON: Reason must prevail over
conflict
• RESPONSIBILITY: goes both ways
• RELATION: faith and confidence
• Solutions must be respectful, reasonable,
responsible, and relational
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23. Encouragement Goals
1. Internal center of control
2. Behavior that is responsible
3. Positive Self-esteem
4. Learning to negotiate
5. Spirit of cooperation
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24. Rewards vs. Encouragement
1. Intrinsic vs. extrinsic locus
2. Deed vs. Doer
3. What vs. why or how
4. Presence vs. stimulus action
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25. Rules for Meetings
1. Equality
2. Belonging (having a stake)
3. Participation
4. Respect
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26. Healthy Families
• Democratic in nature
• Few rules
• Expressed appreciation and valuing
• Negotiation vs. ultimatum
• Limits
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