This document discusses sentence revisions, which involves identifying and rewriting only the worst sentences in a draft. It provides tips on how to do sentence revisions, including copying a bad sentence to a separate document, rewriting it to fix problems, and noting the rationale. Examples are given of before and after sentence revisions, along with explanations for the changes. The types of issues that make a sentence bad, such as being unclear, wordy, or lacking detail, are also outlined.

1. Sentence Revisions

2. This is when you identify the WORST
sentences in your draft, and rewrite
ONLY those sentences.
What are sentence revisions?
The Reason:
One bad sentence can ruin a whole
paragraph. One bad sentence can
even make the reader confused for the
rest of your story!

3. How to do it:
1. Pick out a bad sentence.
2. Copy and paste it on a separate
document to isolate it.
3. Re-write the bad sentence to fix
the problems that you see.
4. Write down WHY you fixed that
particular sentence.

4. Example:
The student’s rough draft is at the top. He highlighted a
bad sentence, copied the bad sentence below the
original, and wrote it again. The student included a
rationale for why he fixed that sentence.

5. What makes a sentence bad?
1. Unclear or confusing
2. Too wordy
3. Too vague (not specific enough)
4. Not enough descriptive details
5. Not relevant to the paragraph
6. Grammar or construction issues

6. Example Sentence Revisions:
Before:
It looked scary outside my window.
After:
The moonless night and jagged
shapes of leafless tree branches
outside my window looked frightening.
I thought this sentence needed to be more detailed.

7. Example Sentence Revisions:
Before:
It is inevitable that oil prices will rise.
After:
Oil prices will inevitably rise.
I thought this sentence was unclear. It sounds
more clear wit the subject at the beginning
instead of “it is.”

8. Example Sentence Revisions:
Before:
I dropped out of school on account of
the fact that it was necessary for me
to help support my family.
After:
I dropped out of school so I could help
support my family.
I thought this sentence was too wordy.

9. Today, you will revise
one sentence with a
partner, and three
sentences on your own.