The document outlines a workshop on feedback and resilience. The workshop aims to help participants understand the value of feedback, learn models for receiving feedback, and develop a growth mindset. It discusses why feedback is important for effective teams. The workshop covers triggers that can interfere with receiving feedback, identifying the stories we tell ourselves, and developing implementation intentions to receive feedback better. Participants work on exercises to practice identifying feedback, reframing feedback conversations, and setting intentions to improve how they receive and act on feedback. The goal is for individuals and teams to improve their ability to incorporate feedback into self-improvement.

1. Feedback and
Resilience Lab:
Ways to learn, grow and bounce
back as individuals and teams
JEFF DOERING
TWITTER/DRJ_DOERING
WWW.LINKEDIN.COM/IN/DRJ-DOERING
JDOERING@FORD.COM
1
Agile and Beyond – May 2019

2. About me:
CONTROLS ENGINEER AT FORD
2019 GOAL: TO BE A BETTER LISTENER
2

3. Goals for this workshop
Understand the value of feedback, even
when it is poorly delivered (pro tip: it usually
is)
Learn something useful about how we ask
for, receive and use feedback
Understand models for receiving feedback
and a framework for self-improvement
3

4. Agenda
Why feedback?
A Model For Receiving Feedback
Mindset, Habits & The Story I’m Making
Up…
How to Receive Feedback Better
Closing
4

5. Ground Rules
Bring comments and questions!
Provide feedback as we go
5

6. Why feedback?
6

7. True or False?
 Affirming, positive feedback is always helpful
 We have to trust someone to benefit from their
feedback
 The best teams and marriages have a 5:1 ratio
of positive-to-negative feedback
 The best feedback comes from people not
afraid to hurt my feelings
 The best way for me to get more from feedback
is for everyone else to get better at giving it
7

8. Principles from the Agile Manifesto
 “At regular intervals, the team reflects on how
to become more effective, then tunes and adjusts
its behavior accordingly.”
 “Continuous attention to technical excellence
and good design enhances agility.”
 “Deliver working software frequently, from a
couple of weeks to a couple of months, with a
preference to the shorter timescale.”
8
Retrospective
Design Review
Demo
Requesting, giving and receiving
feedback is foundational

9. Why do we need feedback? 9
Ellery [CC BY-SA 4.0
(https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)]

10. Effective teams are able to say
and hear what needs to be said
and needs to be heard
 without saying it perfectly
without waiting for the perfect
time
10
Do you hesitate to offer feedback
because of how it will be received?
Q

11. Your Values for Receiving Feedback
 By yourself, write down your values or mantras
about receiving feedback
 I take feedback like I eat my fish: eat the meat and spit
out the bones
 We are all doing the best we can
 I’m brave enough to take a risk
 I’m getting better at receiving feedback by practicing
 I will show up as if my niece or son was watching
 I am brave enough to listen
 Feedback is the breakfast of champions
 There’s something valuable here
11
E
2 min
one
post-it
to share

12. Types of interpersonal feedback
Appreciation
Evaluation and Labels
Anything that speaks about my identity, value,
worth, competence or potential
Coaching
Observation
12
Q
Feedback does not arrive on-demand,
nicely packaged or organized

13. How do you like your feedback? 13

14. One Thing
14

15. How to ask for better, more or less
feedback: “One Thing”
Ask for more: “What’s one thing you would like me
to do differently?”
Ask for less: “You are giving me a lot of
suggestions. I appreciate that. What’s the one
thing you want me to focus on right now?”
15
Who is one person you want to ask for one thing
in the next week?
E

16. Receiving Feedback
16

17. Deadly Threat? 17

18. Two Internal Motivations
Love – Acceptance - RespectLearn - Improve
18
Fixed MindsetGrowth Mindset

19. Ways we get triggered by feedback
 Truth
 That’s wrong! OR That’s not me!
 That’s not helpful!
 Relationship
 I can’t hear this from YOU!
 Why are you telling me this NOW?
 Identity
 I’m a failure! OR I’m doomed!
 Am I a bad person (parent, boss, spouse, child, …)?
19
wrongspotting
• Getting triggered isn’t
good or bad… it’s a
signal.
• Getting better at our
gain & response is the
goal.
source: Thanks for the Feedback,
Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen

20. Swing, Sustain and Recovery 20
“baseline”
Positive
“Swing”
Negative
“Swing”
event

21. Sustain and Recovery
Long Sustain of
Positive
Short Sustain of
Positive
Quick Recovery
from Negative
Low Risk, High Reward
“I love feedback”
Low Risk, Low Reward
“No big deal either
way”
Slow Recovery
from Negative
High Risk, High Reward
“I’m hopeful but fearful”
High Risk, Low Reward
“I hate feedback”
21
source: Thanks for the Feedback,
Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen
E

22. How to Receive Feedback
1. Receive
a) Stop your first reaction
b) Remind yourself of the value of feedback
c) Observe whether you are moving to fight or flight response
d) Remember who you are. You are okay.
e) Consider the source
f) Get curious to refine your understanding
2. Reflect
a) Apply emotional first aid. Treat yourself as you would your best friend
b) Determine what to process and what to disregard
3. Act
a) Request time for follow-up discussions (as appropriate)
b) Decide on next steps and follow-through
22
Receive
Reflect
Act
https://www.themuse.com/advice/taking-constructive-criticism-like-a-champ

23. Identifying Feedback Exercise (pairs)
 Find a partner
 Person A describes a recent interaction where
they received feedback that had a lot of
evaluation and/or coaching
Identify the evaluation and coaching
(How) did you ask for the feedback?
What did you find that was wrong in the
feedback?
What did you find that was right in the feedback?
 Switch for Person B and repeat
23
E
6 min

24.  A model for effective feedback
DO: Stick to observations or yourself and others
DO NOT: make assumptions or subjective judgments
DO NOT: read minds or fill in gaps in the story
Situation: what situation did you observe? What was the context?
Behavior: what behavior did you observe?
Impact (keep to “I” statements):
what did you observe as an impact on individuals, teams and/or
projects?
24Situation – Behavior - Impact
credit: Center for Creative Leadership
We can nudge and guide people to give this kind of feedback

25. Refining Feedback Exercise
“You are too passive. You need to take
initiative and be more assertive.”
25
What questions can we ask to refine the
feedback to something more useful?
Try using Situation-Behavior-Impact
E

26. Refining Feedback Exercise (pairs)
Same partner as previous exercise
Person A revisits the last interaction
Dig beneath the evaluation and coaching: Can
you identify the observed behavior and impact
that led to the feedback?
Ask questions to get Situation-Behavior-Impact
feedback
Template: “I hear you saying X, can you help me
understand my behavior and the impact?”
Switch for Person B and repeat
26
E
6 min

27. Group Debrief:
Wrongspotting, Sifting
and Guiding Feedback
27

28. Mindset, Habits
& The Story I’m
making up…
28

29. 29
Knowing Doing
gap

30. The Secret to Resilience
“The story I’m making up is…”
30

31. The Centrality of our Beliefs – We
are “Response-Able”
31
Activating Event
Beliefs
(My Memories and
the stories I make up)
Emotional
Consequences
(My initial responses)
Dispute
Irrational Beliefs
(Reframe: How could I
view this differently?)
Expected New Behaviors
(How do I want to
respond, learn and
grow?)
source of A-B-C-D-E
model:
Albert Ellis, Ph.D.
Would you like me
to play the old
tape again?
S4
what story do I
want to write?
What story am I
making up?
What evidence do I
have that it is true?
What’s the most
generous assumption I
could make?

32. Triggering and Stories Exercise (pairs)
Find a new partner
Person A describes an interaction where
they may have been triggered
How were you triggered?
What stories did you make up?
Switch and repeat
32
E
6 min

33. Table Debrief:
Triggering &
Stories
33

34. Switchtracking
34
Joel Bradshaw [Public domain]

35. “
”
[when] someone gives
you feedback, and your
reaction to that feedback
changes the subject.
SHEILA HEEN
Definition of Switchtracking
35

36. Signposting: The remedy for
switchtracking
1. Identify two topics running
simultaneously
2. Bring the switchtracking to everyone’s
attention, acknowledge both topics
are important and propose a way
forward to address them separately
36

37. Switchtracking Roleplay
Jose: “Hey Mark, we just found an issue on the test
stand. One of the system tests failed when it didn’t
respond to the command for almost 3 seconds.
Can we look through the data together?”
Mark: “I got the specification from James and I told
him the spec has some gaps. I coded to the spec.”
37
Where’s the switchtracking? E

38. How to Receive
Feedback Better
38

39. Regaining control
 Naming an emotional response activates our
higher brain and soothes the primitive brain
What am I feeling?
 Naming/exposing the stories we make up :
Robs them of the power to control us
Gives us and others the chance to challenge those
stories
What story am I making up?
What evidence do I have that it is true?
39

40. Regaining control
 Pre-framing
 Claim your identity, values, filters and intentions
“I’m going to get feedback today. Some of it will be helpful. I
am getting better every day at sifting through to find the
gold.”
 Implementation Intentions: Scripting your actions
 Defining how I will react: If/When x , I will do y .
“When my boss questions or challenges my presentation, I will
take a deep breath, remind myself that there is valuable
feedback here, and then ask a curious question.”
 Defining how I will act: I will do y at time t in
location z .
40

41. Implementation Intentions
 Each table represents a team that is going to get
feedback from a client or customer
 Define up to 5 team implementation intentions
What if the demo doesn’t work?
What if client asks questions we can’t answer?
What if the feedback is cruel, harsh or poorly
delivered?
How will you treat yourself?
How will you treat your teammates?
How will you treat the customer?
41
E
Format: If/When x , I/we will do y
10 min

42. Group Debrief:
Implementation
Intentions
42

43. Intentional
•Identifying
values
•Getting my
heart right
and ready
•Defining
desired
behaviors
•Pre-framing
planned and
unplanned
feedback
•Identifying
goals
Proactive
•Asserting
intent at the
beginning of
feedback
interactions
•Asking for
desired
feedback
•Setting
healthy
boundaries
Aware
•Observing my
triggers, stories
and filters
during the
interaction
•Observing
others’
behavior for
signs of
triggers,
stories, and
filters
•Sifting through
feedback for
what is helpful
•Identifying
switchtracking
Managing
•Managing
myself in the
moment
•Naming
dynamics or
switchtracking
and course-
correcting
•Asking curious
questions
•Asserting
what’s left out
•Inquiring to
understand
others’
behavior and
improve
interaction
Reflective
•Identifying
triggers,
stories, filters
and
switchtracking
•Separating
evaluation,
labels and
coaching
•Sifting through
feedback for
what is helpful
•Reframing
•Identifying
healthy next
steps and
ways to
improve
Receiving Feedback Maturity Model 43
AfterBefore During an Interaction
© 2019, Jeff Doering, all rights reserved
@drj_doering
www.linkedin.com/in/DrJ-Doering

44. References, Suggested Reading 44

45. Closing Remarks
 Asking for and receiving
feedback well is a vital life-skill
for individuals, families and
teams
 Receiving feedback is
foundational to agility
 You can improve yourself and
the people around you by
improving how you receive
feedback
 Identify the One Thing
45
one
take-
away
keep,
start,
stop
Feedback, please!

46. Thank you!!
Questions?
46
JEFF DOERING
TWITTER/DRJ_DOERING
WWW.LINKEDIN.COM/IN/DRJ-DOERING
JDOERING@FORD.COM