Ewrt1b class 11 post hw

AGENDA
0 Surface Revision: Essay #2
0 Change Teams
0 Discussion: SBB
0 In-class writing: Explore a moment when Jess
intentionally passes. How does this experience change
who ze is? How do you know? Then pick one when ze
unintentionally passes. Does this affect hir in the same
way? How do you know?
0 Review: Kaizena

Change Teams!
Get into teams of three
or four people.
Remember, you have to
change at least half of
your team, and you can
only be on a team with
the same person twice
during the quarter.

Common Writing
Errors
Wordiness

Often writers use several words for ideas that can be expressed in one.
This leads to unnecessarily complex sentences and genuine redundancy
as the following examples show:
Redundant Not Redundant
0 The printer is located
adjacent to the computer
0 The printer is located in
the immediate vicinity of
the computer
0 The user can visibly see
the image moving
0 He wore a shirt that was
blue in color
0 The input is suitably
processed
0 The printer is adjacent
to the computer
0 The printer is near the
computer
0 The user can see the
image moving
0 He wore a blue shirt.
0 The input is processed

Now you try it. Write this sentence in as few words as
possible without changing the meaning!
0The available receptacle, in any
case, was of insufficient size to
contain the total quantity of
unnecessary waste.

How to reduce wordiness!
0 1. Reduce Long Clauses
0 When editing, try to
reduce long clauses to
shorter phrases:
0 Wordy: The clown who
was in the center ring
was riding a tricycle.
0 Revised: The clown in
the center ring was riding
a tricycle.
0 2. Reduce Phrases
0 Likewise, try to reduce
phrases to single words:
0 Wordy: The clown at the
end of the line tried to
sweep up the spotlight.
0 Revised: The last clown
tried to sweep up the
spotlight.

Eliminating Wordiness Strategies
0 3. Avoid Empty Openers
0 Avoid There is, There are,
and There were as sentence
openers when There adds
nothing to the meaning of a
sentence:
0 Wordy: There is a prize in
every box of Quacko cereal.
0 Revised: A prize is in every
box of Quacko cereal.
0 Wordy: There are two
security guards at the gate.
0 Revised: Two security
guards stand at the gate.
0 4. Don’t Overwork Modifiers
0 Do not overwork very, really,
totally, and other modifiers
that add little or nothing to the
meaning of a sentence.
0 Wordy: By the time she got
home, Merdine was very tired.
0 Revised: By the time she got
home, Merdine was exhausted
0 Wordy: She was also really
hungry.
0 Revised: She was also hungry
[or famished].

Eliminating Wordiness
0 5. Avoid Redundancies
0 Replace redundant expressions (phrases that use
more words than necessary to make a point) with
precise words. Remember: needless words are those
that add nothing (or nothing significant) to the
meaning of our writing. They bore the reader and
distract from our ideas. So cut them out!
0 Wordy: At this point in time, we should edit our work.
0 Revised: Now we should edit our work.

Try these!
1. He dropped out of school on account of the fact that it was
necessary for him to help support his family.
2. It is expected that the new schedule will be announced by
the bus company within the next few days.
3. There are many ways in which a student who is interested
in meeting foreign students may come to know one.
4. It is very unusual to find someone who has never told a
deliberate lie on purpose.
5. Trouble is caused when people disobey rules that have
been established for the safety of all.

Possible Answers
1. He dropped out of school to support his family.
2. The bus company will probably announce its
schedule during the next few days.
3. Any student who wants to meet foreign students can
do so in many ways.
4. Rarely will you find someone who has never told a
deliberate lie.
5. Disobeying safety regulations causes trouble.

Edit for Wordiness
0Check your essay for
wordiness. Look for a
sentences that fall
into one of the
categories we just
discussed. Edit for
clarity and
conciseness.

Compound Sentence
0 A compound sentence is made up of two or more simple
sentences joined by one of the following:
0A comma and a coordinating conjunction
0I like to study grammar, and I love this class.
0A semicolon
0I like to study grammar; I love this class.
0A semicolon and an adverbial conjunction
0I like to study grammar; therefore, I love this
class.

Coordinating Conjunctions
Coordinating Conjunctions are used to join
together two independent clauses.
0For
0And
0Nor
0But
0Or
0Yet
0So

COMPOUND SENTENCE:
adverbial conjunctions
MOREOVER
HOWEVER
NEVERTHELESS
OTHERWISE
THEREFORE

COMPOUND SENTENCE:
CONJUNCTIVE ADVERBS
Thomas is cool; moreover, he is fashionable
.
Luke’s grandmother buys him sweaters;
however, he does not wear them.
Clause 1 Clause 2
Independent Independent

Editing for Run-On Sentences
Look for compound sentences in your essay.
Make sure you are using both a comma and a
conjunction.
Example: , and
Look to make sure that you have used a
semi-colon (not a comma) to connect two
complete sentences.
Example: sentence one; sentence two
Look for adverbial conjunctions; make sure
you have punctuated those sentences
correctly.
Example ; however,

Common Writing Errors
Dangling modifiers

Dangling Modifiers
A dangling modifier is a word or phrase that modifies a
word not clearly stated in the sentence. A modifier
describes, clarifies, or gives more detail about a concept.
Having finished the assignment, Jill turned on the TV.
"Having finished" states an action but does not name the
doer of that action. In English sentences, the doer must be
the subject of the main clause that follows. In this sentence,
it is Jill. She seems logically to be the one doing the action
("having finished"), and this sentence therefore does not
have a dangling modifier.

The following sentence has an incorrect usage:
Having finished the assignment, the TV was
turned on.
"Having finished" is a participle expressing
action, but the doer is not the TV set (the subject
of the main clause): TV sets don't finish
assignments. Since the doer of the action
expressed in the participle has not been clearly
stated, the participial phrase is said to be a
dangling modifier.

Strategies for revising dangling
modifiers:
1. Name the appropriate or logical doer of the action as
the subject of the main clause:
Having arrived late for practice, a written excuse was
needed.
Who arrived late? This sentence says that the written
excuse arrived late. To revise, decide who actually
arrived late. The possible revision might look like this:
Having arrived late for practice, the team captain
needed a written excuse.

2. Change the phrase that dangles into a complete
introductory clause by naming the doer of the action in that
clause:
Without knowing his name, it was difficult to introduce him.
Who didn't know his name? This sentence says that "it" didn't
know his name. To revise, decide who was trying to introduce
him. The revision might look something like this:
Because Maria did not know his name, it was difficult to
introduce him.
The phrase is now a complete introductory clause; it does not
modify any other part of the sentence, so is not considered
"dangling."

3. Combine the phrase and main clause into one:
To improve his results, the experiment was done
again.
Who wanted to improve results? This sentence
says that the experiment was trying to improve its
own results. To revise, combine the phrase and the
main clause into one sentence. The revision might
look something like this:
He improved his results by doing the experiment
again.

1. After reading the original study, the article remains
unconvincing.
2. Relieved of your responsibilities at your job, your
home should be a place to relax.
1. The experiment was a failure, not having studied the
lab manual carefully.
Are these correct?

Incorrect: After reading the original study, the article remains
unconvincing.
Revised: After reading the original study, I find the article
unconvincing.
Incorrect: Relieved of your responsibilities at your job, your home
should be a place to relax.
Revised: Relieved of your responsibilities at your job, you should be
able to relax at home.
Incorrect: The experiment was a failure, not having studied the lab
manual carefully.
Revised: They failed the experiment, not having studied the lab
manual carefully.

Editing for Dangling Modifiers
Check your
introductory clauses
to make sure that the
doer is the subject of
the main clause that
follows it.

Check for Misused Words
0Than and then
0There, their, and they're
0To, too, and two
0Weather and whether
0Whose and who's
0Your and you're

Writing Tips
0Write about literature in present tense
0Avoid using “thing,” “something,” “everything,” and
“anything.”
0Avoid writing in second person.
0Cut Wordy Sentences
0Fix run-on sentences
0Eliminate Dangling Participles
0Check for misused words

Surface Revision Strategies
Read Aloud Isolate Specific Problems
0 Reading the paper aloud slowly
can often bring to attention large
and small mistakes missed in the
writing and typing process. Read
each sentence and ask does it
make sense? Is it awkward? Am I
including words that are not
actually written on the paper?
Sometimes reading the paper out
of order can help isolate
problems. Try reading the
paragraphs starting with the last
sentence and then reading the
previous sentence and so on; this
can reveal problems in the
sentences.
0 Isolating specific problems can
help give objectivity to one's
personal work. One way to
isolate specific issues is to
circle them on a paper draft
and look at them one by one.
For example: circle all commas
and then go back and look at
each comma asking if it is in
the appropriate place with the
correct usage. Another
example would be to circle all
verbs and then go back one by
one and identify the tense and
verify subject verb agreement.

Stone Butch Blues
0Summarize the story thus far.
0List the kinds of passing taking place in this novel.
0How is it like racial passing?
0How is it different from racial passing?

Discussion
Identify and discuss a
passage from Stone Butch
Blues that moved, upset, or
touched you.

“I didn’t want to be different. I longed to be everything grownups wanted, so they
would love me. I followed all their rules, tried my best to please. But there was
something about me that made them knit their eyebrows and frown. No one ever
offered a name for what was wrong with me. That’s what made me afraid it was
really bad. I only came to recognize its melody through this constant refrain: ‘Is
that a boy or a girl?”(7).
0 The first thing this quote stood to me because it signifies nobody
choose to become different as regarding their sexual identity. It
is a bio-chemical process, so it is not a choice. Likewise, it also
illustrates that how LGBT groups like Jess were tortured and
humiliated in our society, so they were shadowing their identity
for longtime to save themselves. Therefore, Jess was compelled
to live a different life than her own sexual identity to protect
herself from discrimination, mistreatment, and torture.

“Everyone in my family knew about
shame and fear”(14).
0 I found this statement so interesting due to what it meant to Jess.
For her Jewish family, they knew the shame and fear of being not
only a minority, but being related to somebody like Jess who was
different. This created a gap in understanding between Jess and
this family of hers. This created a hate within her family and within
herself. This statement then also foreshadows the other family she
would come to know in the future within the queer community.
They knew shame and fear, except this brought them together.
They recognized this shared shame and fear that is better fought,
than opting to oppress those experiencing it as the solution. They
stood together and fought the system rather than allowing beat
them down with shame and fear until death. This created a means
of melting the stone created within Jess’ family and herself.

“They said they were taking me to the hospital for a blood test.
We rode up in an elevator ride to the floor where the test was
supposed to be done. Two huge men in white uniforms took me
off the elevator. My parents stayed on. Then the men turned and
locked the gate, barring the elevator. I reached for my parents,
but they wouldn’t even look at me as the elevator door closed”
(21).
0 Her parents just gave her away to the ‘hospital’; I see this
scene way too often in movies and television. But no matter
how many times I see this, I would just be pissed to no end.
[. . .] just because one is different from others doesn’t mean
they should be sent into a crazy house

“Part of the nightmare was that it all seemed so matter of fact. I
couldn’t make it stop, I couldn’t escape it, and so I pretended it wasn’t
happening. I looked at the sky, at how pale and placid it was. I imagined
it was the ocean and the clouds were white-capped waves”(p40).
0 This part of the book stood out to me the most because its a
shame that she was being raped by her fellow classmates. From
all the pain that she was getting while being raped, having
cleats stepping down on her ankles, and her being forced down
on the floor, she tried to escape the pain. She looked up at the
sky to remove the pain the boy was giving her. This saddens me
this was happening just outside of school and when the coach
approached her, he assumed wrong. He called her a “whore”
and made her get up and leave. Despite that she was bleeding
and he seen boys around her, he didn’t have the nerve to ask
her what had occurred. I wish she too spoke up at that moment
so she wouldn’t of been scared going to school the next day.

“I was alone on the field. The coach stood a distance away from me,
staring. I wobbled as I tried to stand. There were grass stains on my
skirt and blood and slimy stuff running down my legs. “Get out of
here, you little whore”, Coach Moriarty ordered” (Feinberg, 40)
0 This was the part in the book where it stood out to me the most having read
over half the book so far. This part was pretty sickening to read for I never
read something of this nature. Jess had to deal with the pain of having to be
raped by boys at her school one after another after another. I can’t believe
how she handles the whole thing. Crazy to think that she stared to the sky
and try to escape the torment from these boys. I am surprised that the
author never mentioned her crying out loud for help, but only to fight back.
Not only the rape took place, but the boys’ coach seen what they did as they
scurried away. To make matters worse, he called Jess a little whore and told
her to go away. What kind of person would ever do that. Is it the way he was
protecting his “boys” or was it the fact that she was viewed as a butch and
not normal by most. Throughout the book Jess seems to have overcome it for
she does not relate back to the incident, but she did try to get help by others,
only to not receive any. Not saying anything really ticked me off in this
book…so far.

“Someone hit the side of my knee with a nightstick. My knees buckled more from
fear than pain. Mulroney grabbed me by the collar and dragged me several feet
away to a steel toilet. There was a piece of unflushed shit floating in the water.
“Either eat me or eat my shit, bulldagger. It’s up to you.” I was too frightened to
think or move. I held my breath the first time he shoved my head in the toilet. The
second time he held me under so long I sucked in water and felt the hard shape of
the shit against my tongue” (62).
0 This quote makes me angry because Jess is still at sixteen years old
which is underage, but the cops abuse her so badly. Even though LGBTQ
was not acceptable in that time period, abusing a child has been illegal
from ancient history! He sure knows how old she is because they can
easily find personal records, so it means he is aware of her age, but he
abuses her brutally because he also knows that she doesn’t have a
house to go back. I also cannot their mental limits of acceptance. Their
actions toward Jess and other lesbians show us that for the cops hitting
underage kids or women, and raping underage kids and women are
acceptable, but people who don’t rob or abuse other people aren’t
morally good.

” Whenever anyone was lost in the desert the only image shown
was a glaring sun—all the beauty of the desert reduced to that one
impression. Staring at that jail light bulb rescued me from
watching my own degradation: I just went away” (65, Feinberg).
0 When I read these lines, I had to stop reading for a brief moment. I
only could sympathize for Jess. I admired her strength, her self
defensive reflex to enter such a mind state. Her character, so full of
love and endurance would not buckle down to such a inhumane act of
pure evil. She let her spirit escape during this moment, transcending it
all. Her decision to mentally float away is not an act of cowardliness, it
was her lasting efforts of the incredible strength she accumulated
throughout her years of childhood and young adulthood. She states
that when one is lost in the desert, all that is left is the beauty of the
sun that glares down at you. She was lost in the desert; lost in an act of
horror. She carried the will to find solace in the simplicity in the light
bulb. Instead of breaking down during that moment, she rose above it
all. That takes courage, more courage than any of those filthy cops in
that jail cell.

“Now I was tranquil. I didn’t feel much of anything at all. But even
through this blessed serenity I grieved for the ring that would have
protected me, or at least offered me its wisdom. The ring was gone.
There was nothing to hope for now. The ring was gone” (67).
0 As Leslie was growing up, she lived in two opposite worlds. Leslie
illustrated the two worlds as, “One was cold, but it was mine; the other
warm, but it wasn’t” (8). The “warm” world (her Indian Neighbors)
provided a peaceful livelihood growing up and it was taken away from her
at a young age. As Leslie was taken away from her peaceful world, Leslie
was given a ring by the grandmother in order to protect her from her
difficult path in life. Throughout the novel up until the police incident, the
ring’s power seemed questionable. Leslie questioned whether the ring
would provide her with the protection and wisdom. The line above really
stood out to me is because Leslie faced a lot of incidents where she
believed her ring would shield her from the bad things and it didn’t. At the
moment where Leslie couldn’t find her ring, Leslie felt hopeless. Even if the
ring is there, there’s no protection; if the ring is present, there’s no
protection, why still believe?

“I walked home in the snow, trying not to think about anything
else. When I got home I realized I was still carrying the package. It
was wrapped in an AFL-CIO newsletter and it had a gold bow that
looked left over from Christmas. It was a book, an autobiography
of a woman labor organizer named Mother Jones. Inside the front
cover, Duffy had written: To Jess, with great expectations”
(Feinberg 102).
0 This quote stood out to me because it was the first time
someone showed support for Jess and believed in her
ability to make a difference. It wasn’t just the support, but
that it came from an unlikely place. All her life, Jess has
been tormented and/or let down by men, and now she has
found an ally in Duffy. It reinforces the fact that a person
can never give up because support can come in the most
unlikely of places.

“I’m sorry, Jess. If I could do it again, I’d bring and all of the
butches to that next meeting and say to the guys, ‘Here we
all are, we’re the union!’” (Feinberg 109)
0 This part of the book stood out to me because I like it
when people can admit they were wrong and learn from
their own mistakes. In this quote I feel Duffy is letting Jess
know what he had done in the past was wrong. I think it
took a lot for someone like Duffy to come and admit what
he did was wrong. This apology then lead to Duffy giving
Jess the gift of Mother Jones’ autobiography. Every human
has the ability to admit they are wrong but only few are
willing to do so. The problem we run into with this book
and real life is that people think of themselves too much
instead of thinking about others first.

“My face flushed. I walked away from the counter without the
beer. A powerful rage rose inside me. Why was I so angry? This
was what I wanted, wasn’t it? To be able to be myself and yet live
without fear? It just didn’t seem fair. All my life I’d been told
everything about me was really twisted and sick”(178).
0 This quote really stood out to me because I was a bit
confused as to why he was angry. I understand that now he
is seen as cute and that angers him. When he is seen as cis
male, he is able to walk around without fear. The gender
binary system oppresses those who don’t conform, and
now he is seen as cis male. He feels more alone than he
ever did. His friend, Grant, asks him if he is transsexual, he
says no. My question is if he felt lonely lying to a woman
about using a dildo, then why didn’t he date femmes? Or
when he begins to date Annie, the issue is that he is lying
to her about passing, so why not tell her? Why are people
so mean?

“Loneliness had become an environment- the air I breathed, the special
dimension in which I was trapped. I sat in a boat on a deathly calm sea,
waiting for a breeze to fill my sails.” (p. 240)
0 This quote stuck out to me because it captures the phenomenon of getting trapped,
and almost comfortable in your own sadness. By describing the loneliness as an
“environment”, the narrator paints a picture of the loneliness as all surrounding, and
all encompassing. Then immediately after it is described as “the air [she] breathed”.
This is especially interesting because the word “loneliness” is usually accompanied
with a negative connotation but here it is compared to air, which we need to survive.
This contradicts with the following description of loneliness as “the special
dimension in which [she] was trapped”. The loneliness is both keeping the narrator
alive, and trapping her inside a “special dimension”. I thought this as interesting
because I think it is common to think of one’s own loneliness as a unique condition,
even though it is a very common feeling. In addition I think if we are trapped in
loneliness long enough we get comfortable with the feeling, living off the sadness.
Which is supported by the comparison of the feeling with air. In addition the
following sentence the narrator describes herself as “[sitting] in a boat on a dealthy
calm sea, waiting for a breeze to fill [her] sails”. The fact that she is both “sitting”, and
“waiting” illustrates an inactivity and lack of motivation. It is clear the narrator is
waiting for someone or something else to step in and catalyze a change in her
situation. I think this is a perfect metaphor for the cycle one can get trapped in when
they grow comfortable being sad and wait for something or someone else to make a
change for them.

“Whatever the world thought was wrong with me, I
finally began to agree they were right” (23).
0 How does the pressure from the social construct
(family, community, society, rules, traditions) work to
our (individual, familial, community, cultural)
advantage and how is it destructive?

In-class Writing
0 Choose a moment when Jess intentionally passes.
How does this experience change who ze is? How do
you know?
0 Choose one when ze unintentionally passes. Does this
affect hir in the same way? How do you know?

HOMEWORK
0 Edit Essay #2: Submit your essay through Kaizena
before Friday, week 6, at noon.
0 Read: Stone Butch Blues (196-End)
Post #13: Finish in-class writing on Jess’s passing. Use
textual evidence to support your assertions.
0 Post #14: Explore an experience Jess has with a medical
professional. Does her gender identity influence the
treatment she receives or doesn’t receive? Include a
quotation with a citation.
0 Study: Terms

Ewrt1b class 11 post hw

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Ewrt1b class 11 post hw