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![The classroom was noisy as the MUN students filed in[. . .] Mr. Mustard began in
the middle of the program, and the room quieted down as we strained to hear the
narrator’s voice:
I look up at the buildings, these immense buildings They are so
enormous. And along the edges of each enormous building are the nets.
Because right at the time that I am making this visit, there has been an
epidemic of suicides at the Foxconn plant. Week after week, worker after
worker has been climbing all the way up to the tops of these enormous
buildings, and then throwing themselves off, killing themselves in a
brutal and public manner, not thinking very much about just how bad
this makes Foxconn look. Foxconn's response to month after month of
suicides has been to put up these nets. (Mr. Daisey and the Apple
Factory)
When citing more than four lines of
prose, format your quotation this way:
Hanging indent
for long
quotation: 10
spaces](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/class9nwritingworkshopessay2-170127182532/85/Class-9-n-writing-workshop-essay-2-13-320.jpg)
![Eliminating Wordiness: Strategies
3. Avoid Empty Openers
Avoid There is, There are, and
There were as sentence openers
when There adds nothing to the
meaning of a sentence:
Wordy: There is a prize in every
box of Quacko cereal.
Revised: A prize is in every box
of Quacko cereal.
Wordy: There are two security
guards at the gate.
Revised: Two security guards
stand at the gate.
4. Don’t Overwork Modifiers
Do not overwork very, really,
totally, and other modifiers that
add little or nothing to the
meaning of a sentence.
Wordy: By the time she got home,
Merdine was very tired.
Revised: By the time she got
home, Merdine was exhausted
Wordy: She was also really hungry.
Revised: She was also hungry [or
famished].](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/class9nwritingworkshopessay2-170127182532/85/Class-9-n-writing-workshop-essay-2-24-320.jpg)
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Class 9 n writing workshop essay 2
- 1.
- 2. AGENDA Writing Workshop: 20 points:You need two clean, complete copies of your draft Review: MLA Formatting Revision strategies: Wordiness Kaizena Submission Questions
- 3. Writing Workshop: RevisionStrategies Choose a partner Read both essays aloud before you start to write about or discuss the essays. On separate sheets of paper, answer all of the questions from the handout for your partner’s essay. When you finish, return your comments to the writer. When you get your essay back, read the comments and determine how you might remedy any issues.
- 4. MLA Formatting Style: Settingup your paper http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/747/01/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xAc4yZ8VSA MLA format: Find more help on our website under “MLA Guidelines.”
- 5.
- 6. Margins and Formatting Double Clickin Header Area Type your last name Justify right Go to “insert” and click on “page number Header: Last Name 1 1” all around Go to “Layout” and adjust margins or use custom settings Times New Roman 12 Indent body paragraphs ½ inch from the margin
- 7. Heading: Double Spaced Your Name Dr.Kim Palmore EWRT 1A 25 October 2016 Title Original Title (not the title of the essay we read) No italics, bold, underline, or quotation marks Centered on the page No extra spaces (just double spaced after your heading and before the body of your text. Check your paper!
- 9. Integrating Quotations MLA Style The nextslides are a Review from online class 8. Check your draft to make sure you have integrated your quotations correctly!
- 10. According to theSt. Martin's Guide, there are three main ways to set up a signaling phrase: 1. With a complete sentence followed by a colon. The effects of Auld's prohibition against teaching Douglass to read were quite profound for Douglass: "It was a new and special revelation" (29). 2. With an incomplete sentence, followed by a comma. Douglass argues that Auld's prohibition against literacy for him was a profound experience, saying, "It was a new and special revelation" (29). 3. With a statement that ends in that. The importance of Auld's prohibition to Douglass is clear when he states that "It was a new and special revelation" (29).
- 11. Using Signal Phrases: One common error a lot of people make when they include a quotation is that they tend to put the quotation in a sentence by itself. Unfortunately, we cannot do this. We need to use a signal phrase to introduce the quotation and give our readers some context for the quotation that explains why we are taking the time to include it in our paper.
- 12. Take, for example,this section from a student paper: Incorrect: Katniss doesn’t respond to Cinna’s statement, but she agrees in her head. “He’s right, though. The whole rotten lot of them is despicable” (65). Correct: Katniss doesn’t respond to Cinna’s statement, but she agrees in her head: “He’s right, though. The whole rotten lot of them is despicable” (65). Or Correct: Katniss doesn’t respond to Cinna’s statement. However, she thinks, “He’s right, though. The whole rotten lot of them is despicable” (65).
- 13. The classroom wasnoisy as the MUN students filed in[. . .] Mr. Mustard began in the middle of the program, and the room quieted down as we strained to hear the narrator’s voice: I look up at the buildings, these immense buildings They are so enormous. And along the edges of each enormous building are the nets. Because right at the time that I am making this visit, there has been an epidemic of suicides at the Foxconn plant. Week after week, worker after worker has been climbing all the way up to the tops of these enormous buildings, and then throwing themselves off, killing themselves in a brutal and public manner, not thinking very much about just how bad this makes Foxconn look. Foxconn's response to month after month of suicides has been to put up these nets. (Mr. Daisey and the Apple Factory) When citing more than four lines of prose, format your quotation this way: Hanging indent for long quotation: 10 spaces
- 14. When citing twoor more paragraphs, use block quotation format, even if the passage is fewer than four lines. Indent the first line of each quoted paragraph an extra quarter inch. Katniss thinks about how difficult it would be to get a meal like this in District 12: What must it be like, I wonder, to live in a world where food appears at the press of a button? How would I spend the hours I now commit to combing the woods for sustenance if it were so easy to come by? What do they do all day, these people in the Capitol, besides decorating their bodies and waiting around for a new shipment of tributes to roll in and die for their entertainment? I look up and find Cinna’s eyes trained on mine. ‘How despicable we must seem to you,’ he says. (65) Katniss doesn’t respond to Cinna’s statement, but she agrees in her head: “He’s right, though. The whole rotten lot of them is despicable” (65). Although our world does not really….. Indent 12.5 Indent 12.5 Indent 5 Indent 10
- 15. Making A WorksCited Page MLA Style Ensure that you have a properly formatted works cited page: You likely only have one entry: The Hunger Games
- 16. Review: Here isan overview of the process: When deciding how to cite your source, start by consulting the list of core elements. These are the general pieces of information that MLA suggests including in each Works Cited entry. In your citation, the elements should be listed in the following order: Author. Title of source. Title of container, Other contributors, Version, Number, Publisher, Publication date, Location. Each element should be followed by the punctuation mark shown here. Earlier editions of the handbook included the place of publication, and required punctuation such as journal editions in parentheses, and colons after issue numbers. In the current version, punctuation is simpler (just commas and periods separate the elements), and information about the source is kept to the basics.
- 17. Collins, Suzanne. TheHunger Games. Scholastic Press, 2008. Student 6 Author Title of Source Publisher Publication Date Citing a single author text in MLA Style
- 18. Sentence level Writing Errors Pleaseuse your clean copy to address the following issues.
- 19.
- 20. Many people writewordy papers because they are trying to make their ideas sound important by using long words and intricate sentences. They think that their writing must be complicated to seem professional. Although these writers are trying to impress their readers, they often end up confusing them. The best writing is clear, concise, and easy to understand. Your ideas are much more impressive when your reader does not have to fight to understand you. Wordiness: using more words than necessary to express thought.
- 21. Often writers useseveral words for ideas that can be expressed in one. This leads to unnecessarily complex sentences and genuine redundancy as the following examples show: Redundant The printer is located adjacent to the computer The printer is located in the immediate vicinity of the computer The user can visibly see the image moving He wore a shirt that was blue in color The input is suitably processed Not Redundant The printer is adjacent to the computer The printer is near the computer The user can see the image moving He wore a blue shirt. The input is processed Examples
- 22. Now you tryit. Write this sentence in as few words as possible without changing the meaning! The available receptacle, in any case, was of insufficient size to contain the total quantity of unnecessary waste.
- 23. How to reducewordiness! 1. Reduce Long Clauses When editing, try to reduce long clauses to shorter phrases: Wordy: The clown who was in the center ring was riding a tricycle. Revised: The clown in the center ring was riding a tricycle. 2. Reduce Phrases Likewise, try to reduce phrases to single words: Wordy: The clown at the end of the line tried to sweep up the spotlight. Revised: The last clown tried to sweep up the spotlight.
- 24. Eliminating Wordiness: Strategies 3. Avoid Empty Openers Avoid There is, There are, and There were as sentence openers when There adds nothing to the meaning of a sentence: Wordy: There is a prize in every box of Quacko cereal. Revised: A prize is in every box of Quacko cereal. Wordy: There are two security guards at the gate. Revised: Two security guards stand at the gate. 4. Don’t Overwork Modifiers Do not overwork very, really, totally, and other modifiers that add little or nothing to the meaning of a sentence. Wordy: By the time she got home, Merdine was very tired. Revised: By the time she got home, Merdine was exhausted Wordy: She was also really hungry. Revised: She was also hungry [or famished].
- 25. Eliminating Wordiness 5.Avoid Redundancies Replace redundant expressions (phrases that use more words than necessary to make a point) with precise words. Remember: needless words are those that add nothing (or nothing significant) to the meaning of our writing. They bore the reader and distract from our ideas. So cut them out! Wordy: At this point in time, we should edit our work. Revised: Now we should edit our work.
- 26. Try these! 1. Hedropped out of school on account of the fact that it was necessary for him to help support his family. 2. It is expected that the new schedule will be announced by the bus company within the next few days. 3. There are many ways in which a student who is interested in meeting foreign students may come to know one. 4. It is very unusual to find someone who has never told a deliberate lie on purpose. 5. Trouble is caused when people disobey rules that have been established for the safety of all.
- 27. Possible Answers 1. Hedropped out of school to support his family. 2. The bus company will probably announce its schedule during the next few days. 3. Any student who wants to meet foreign students can do so in many ways. 4. Rarely will you find someone who has never told a deliberate lie. 5. Disobeying safety regulations causes trouble.
- 28. Find a WordySentence Check your essay for wordiness. Look for a sentence that falls into one of the categories we just discussed. Edit it for clarity and conciseness.
- 29. Writing Tips Writeabout literature in present tense Write about your experience in past tense Avoid using “thing,” “something,” “everything,” and “anything.” Avoid writing in second person. (Don’t use “you” unless it is in dialogue.
- 30. Essay Submissions All outof class essays are to be submitted to me electronically before the class period in which they are due. 1. Before you submit your essay, please save your file as your last name and the number 2, like this: Smith 2. This will help me keep your essays organized. Smith 2
- 31. 2. Submit youressay through Kaizena at https://kaizena.com/palmoreessaysubmissiongmail. Or simply use the link on our class website home page. This system allows me to respond to your essay with both voice and written comments and to insert helpful links.
- 32. Group Codes Students willbe asked to enter a code to join the appropriate group. I am sure most of you have already joined Kaizena! Tuesday Thursday
- 33. When youjoin a group, a conversation will automatically be created.
- 34. After joining agroup, you will be able to add a file. That is it! You are done You may add from your Google Drive or directly from a saved file on your desktop. Using a PDF file will help maintain your formatting, so I suggest that if it is possible.
- 35. Please Note!! Thereare two conversations taking place in Kaizena. One is “Broadcast” conversation, which includes the entire class. The second is a private conversation between each student and me. Please make sure to upload your essay to the private conversation. If you see an accidental upload to the entire class, please let me or that student know immediately!
- 36. Once I havegraded your paper, you may view it by going to the conversations between us on the Kaizena page.
- 37. Click on thehighlighted sections of the paper to find both audio and written comments concerning your essay and links to materials that will help you improve your writing.
- 38. If you cannotsubmit your paper through Kaizena before the due date and time: Email your essay as an attachment (don’t share it as a Google doc) to palmorekim@fhda.edu. You must send the attachment before the due date and time, or your essay will be considered late, so do not dawdle. You must still submit it as a Kaizena document; the attachment merely gets you time to figure out the process if you are having trouble. I suggest planning ahead. Do not wait until the last minute! You may submit a test document if you want to do an early run through to avoid problems.
- 39. HOMEWORK Post #9:Post two versions of a section (a paragraph or two) of your essay that demonstrates your revision and editing strategies. Submit Essay #2: Due electronically via Kaizena. Please see due date above this panel. Your paper must be in MLA format. Read: SMG 134-148 Writing a Concept Essay Write: Using the comments you received from your readers, revise and edit Essay #2.