A key aspect of successful lawyering involves empathy and the EQ-i 2.0 assessment helps lawyers tap into development opportunities. Once known, a development plan can chart the pathway to increasing self-understanding, improving empathy skills, and providing more excellent legal service to clients.

1. The Interpersonal Composite
Empathy Subscale
Personal Development Plan
Tips, Containment Strategies,
and Work-Arounds
Presented by
Dan DeFoe, JD MS - Adlitem Solutions
dan@adlitemsolutions.com
Certified Administrator – EQ-i 2.0
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2. Definition-Emotional Intelligence( E.I.)
From Multi-Health Systems
Remember the definition of
Emotional Intelligence under the
EQ-i 2.0 Model:
Emotional intelligence is a set of
emotional and social skills that
collectively establish how well we:
• Perceive and express ourselves
• Develop and maintain social
relationships
• Cope with challenges
• Use emotional information in an
effective and meaningful way
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3. The EQ-i 2.0 Model –
Interpersonal Realm
• “People skills”
• High function here associates with
being responsible and dependable,
inspiring trust, and being a good
team member
• Refers to the ability to develop and
maintain relationships based on
trust and compassion, articulate an
understanding of another’s
perspective and act responsibly
while showing concern for others,
their team or their greater
community/organization
• Relate well in variety of situations
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4. The EQ-i 2.0 Model –
Interpersonal Realm
Where Is Empathy Subscale?
Interpersonal relationships…
Empathy
Social responsibility
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5. EQ-i2.0 Model
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6. Alignment
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7. Empathy - Summary
A good summary statement is:
“Empathy is recognizing, understanding,
and appreciating how other people feel.
Empathy involves being able to articulate
your understanding of another’s
perspective and behaving in a way that
respects others’ feelings. At the core of
empathic behavior is being able to
perceive and appreciate what, how, and
why other people feel the way they do –
being able to emotionally “read” other
people – while demonstrating an interest
and concern for others.”
Emotional Quotient Inventory 2.0 (EQ-i 2.0) Technical Manual
(Toronto: Multi-Health Systems, Inc. 2011)
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8. Interpersonal Composite Scale
Empathy Subscale
• Caring about others and showing
interest and concern
• Non-judgmental statement of your
understanding of the other person’s
world even if you disagree or find it
“ridiculous”
• By putting your understanding of
another’s world into world can solidify
relationships and can makes an
adversarial relationship become
collaborative – maximizes ability to get
what you want or need from the other
• Nothing to do with “being nice”
• A potential “balance shifter” when
things are tense or antagonistic
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9. Interpersonal Composite Scale
What Empathy Is Not . . .
• It is not “being nice” as in making
polite, pleasant statements – but it is an
accurate statement of your perceptions
of the other’s thoughts and feelings
• It is not sympathy . . . not “I”
statements, which puts the speaker’s
thoughts and feelings forward – but
empathic statements begin with “you. . .
.”, which can change relationships
• It is not an “agreement” with the other
or approval – but instead a simple
acknowledgment, without passing
judgment on the validity, of another’s
viewpoint
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10. Ask Empathy-Seeking Questions
• Excavate before express… do not
assume too much about a person
• Need to dig for the truth…uncover
person’s deepest emotions which
enable response
• Personal, open-ended, non-specific
and general – don’t seek “yes” or
“no”, examples:
• “how did you feel . . . ?”
• “what did you think. . . ?
• “what do you wish will . . .
• Two (2) important areas for ?s:
• thoughts/feelings
• desires/expectations
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11. Empathy Process
Listening 1st & Talking 2nd
• You must obtain the reality inside the
other person’s head and heart
• Do not project your autobiography
• Assume nothing about the other’s
thoughts, feelings, motives, and
interpretations
• Be a “neutral recording device”
• Put your comprehension of the
other’s thoughts and feelings into
words – what the person’s statements
and behavior tell you about his/her
internal experience
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12. Interpersonal Composite Scale
Empathy Subscale
High/Low Summary
Low
• Can’t understand
people’s feelings
• Has difficulties
relating to others
• Surprised by
others’ reactions
• Misreads social
cues
High
• Sensitive to
feelings of
others
• Able to put self
in “others’
shoes”
• Anticipates
others’ reactions
• Picks up on
social cues
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13. Interpersonal Composite Scale
Empathy Subscale
Costs of Being High
• Can’t separate feelings from
business
• Can’t make tough decisions
• Paralysis
• Can’t say no
• Too concerned about others
• Deny own feelings
• Can lead to being a doormat
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14. Interpersonal Composite Scale
Empathy Subscale
General Containment Strategies
• Make clear the duties and demands
on others as understanding others
is a key step to appropriate
empathy.
• Train to refine observational skill
to attend to facial expressions and
body language; these cues are often
just as important as what is being
said.
• Train to be inquiring in
interactions.
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15. Interpersonal Composite Scale
Empathy Subscale
General Containment
Strategies (cont)
• To be sure that a message has been
correctly interpreted, the recipient
should ask about the
thoughts/feelings being conveyed.
• The key point is to “put oneself in
the other person’s shoes”; job
exchanges, job shadowing or even
role-playing can be useful in better
understanding others.
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16. Self-Assessment Questions
Empathy Questions
• Aware of how others feel?
• I am empathic?
• I am good at understanding the way
others feel?
• I avoid hurting the feelings of others?
• I’m in touch with others’ emotions?
• I relate to the emotions of others?
• I respect the way others feel?
• I am sensitive to the feelings of
others?
• I care about others’ feelings?
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17. ABCDE Strategy ==> Greater EI
• ABCDE is a system for altering
perceptions, attitudes and behavior. Dr.
Albert Ellis, the father of Rational
Emotive Behavior Theory, developed
this as a way to modify and change
feelings.
• The ABCDE system works by
deductive reasoning instead of allowing
feelings to get the better of you.
• The power of the ABCDE system is
that it enables you to defuse illogical,
maladaptive beliefs and allows more
rational and adaptive beliefs to emerge.
• The ABCDE system is a step-by-step
process. It facilitates awareness. With
increased awareness, you can strengthen
those skills that enhance your EI.
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18. ABCDEs
• A is some activating event. Example
is getting bumped off an airplane.
• B is beliefs. This is some type of
undermining and often unsubstantiated,
but self-sabotaging self-talk. Example is
you got bumped off the flight on
purpose because they thought you
didn’t care. Sometimes these are caused
by “dated tapes”, which are replays of
frequent and harsh statements made to
you earlier in your life. Example is
“Can’t you do anything right….?”
• C is a reaction, the consequence .
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19. • D is active debate, dispute, and
discarding the maladaptive, self-
defeating beliefs that give rise to the Cs.
• D is a an active monologue with key
questions:
• Where is the proof? Objective,
verifiable evidence that supports each
belief?
• Any alternative, more logical
explanations to explain the activating
event?
• If asked to give advice, what would you
say?
• Ever thought so before, and found out
that I was wrong?
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ABCDEs (cont.)

20. ABCDEs (cont.)
• E is effects. What happened as a result
of D? How did you shift your
understanding and beliefs about the
activating event and, consequently, your
feelings and behaviors.
“The power of the ABCDE approach is
that defusing illogical, maladaptive beliefs
allows more rational and adaptive beliefs
to emerge, and shifts your Cs to more
effective, adaptive feelings and behaviors”
The EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Success
/ Steven J. Stein, Howard E. Book – 3rd Ed., 2011, pages
36-45. 20
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21. Conclusion
• Thank you for your interest in
emotional intelligence and for taking the
EQ-i 2.0 emotional intelligence
assessment.
• Your EQ-i 2.0 report is a snap-shot in
time. It shows a pathway for you to
chart personal and professional
development.
• Remember, the EQ-i 2.0 is about
emotional intelligence, which is short-
term , tactical, and dynamic skills which
can be brought into play as situations
warrant.
• The individual building blocks of EI,
shown in the 15 subscales, can be
improved by coaching, training, and
experience.
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22. Thank You!
• This presentation should follow a feedback
discussion about the results of your EQ-i
2.0 report.
• Your Report provides specific suggestions,
tips, and thoughts about your personal
development plan.
• Please check out another source of
information used here: The EQ-Edge:
Emotional Intelligence and Your
Success, 3rd Ed., 2011, by Steven J. Stein,
PhD & Howard E. Book, MD, a practical
and usable guide to what EI is all about.
See also www.mhs.com/ei.
Thank you very much.
Dan DeFoe, JD MS
www.adlitemsolutions.com
Blog – www.psycholawlogy.com
dan@adlitemsolutions.com
Certified EQ-i 2.0 Administrator
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