Discover Your Power to Prevent Conflict
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A presentation on the 5 principles to prevent conflict in your life and business, whether that means preventing ongoing conflicts by solving them, preventing conflict escalation or preventing future conflicts
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Discover Your Power to Prevent Conflict
- 1. DISCOVER YOUR POWER TO PREVENT CONFLICT
- 2. I’M GOING TO TEACH YOU THIS BY SHOWING YOU • How you can start preventing conflicts by increasing your awareness of what conflict actually is • The opportunities you have in your everyday life to prevent the negative effects of conflicts • How to recognize conflict escalation and what to do • Also going to show you how you can make a plan of action if you are currently experiencing a conflict.
- 3. BRIEF INTRODUCTION • Founder of The Road To Resolution Ltd. • The first Icelandic mediation practice to specialize in Workplace and Business Mediation. • Masters Degree in Dispute Resolution • Chairman of the Board of the Icelandic Mediator’s Association • Author of the upcoming book: • Be The Change Discover How Easily You Can Make a Positive Impact on the World • The Creator of The Road To Resolution Conflict Coaching & Positive Mindset Training Program
- 4. HERE’S WHAT YOU WILL LEARN • How you can start working through and solving any current conflicts that you might have so you can have more peace of mind • How to prevent conflicts from escalating so you can avoid the drama that follows when there is a full blown dispute on your hands • How to prevent conflict so you can spend your energy on something more fun and productive
- 5. WHY PREVENTING CONFLICTS IS IMPORTANT TO YOU NOW • Most people wait until the last possible minute to do something about a conflict situation, even until the point when it has become unbearable • But unresolved conflict is costing you resources: Time, Money, Energy… • Conflict that is not addressed can be a serious source of stress and loss of productivity • It is always better to prevent conflict than having to solve it later...
- 6. IS THIS FOR YOU? • If you want to be seen as a problem solver, this is for you • If you want to increase your competence in communication and have better relationships, this is for you. • If you want to improve your leadership skills, then this is for you!
- 7. IS THIS FOR YOU? • If you are someone who hates experiencing conflict and want to have more tools to deal with it, then this is for you. • If you are tired of having the same argument over and over and want to change your patterns to prevent future conflicts, this is for you. • If you want to increase your conflict resolution skills to have more influence and peace of mind, this is for you
- 8. TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE? • Preventing conflicts is not always easy – it is a high standard to set, but it is by no means impossible • We will never be able to prevent all conflicts – but we can certainly minimize the negative effects • AND we can always choose our reaction and how we decide to process it • All we can ever do is do our best – And by increasing our awareness to it and making the commitment to be the best version of ourselves, we can discover and increase our power to prevent conflicts
- 9. HOUSE RULES • Not offering a quick fix • Not a “one solution fits all” • Not about manipulating or changing others • Not going to be perfect!
- 10. I’M NOT PERFECT! • Confession! • I also experience conflicts, and I don’t always handle them perfectly! • In fact, I had a professional conflict go so badly it ended up costing me my job
- 11. IT LOOKED GREAT ON THE OUTSIDE • Tried to do everything right • I went to law-school, not because I wanted to be a lawyer but because I didn’t know what I wanted to be, and figured it was a solid, respectable choice… • And on paper everything looked great! • The grades, the title, the job!
- 12. BUT IT NEVER FELT GOOD! • But no matter how hard I tried to force it, my heart just wasn’t in it. I didn’t feel connected to my work, or that it mattered to anyone! • And the bottom line was that my work suffered for it • I was so afraid to make mistakes that I would spend way to long on every project • I was really hesitant of putting my work out there because I was afraid of being judged
- 13. THE CONFLICT • Have you ever been in the situation where you did EVERYTHING right, and it still wasn’t good enough? • Have you ever been in the situation where you felt totally justified in your response? • Ever felt that you were certainly not the person that needed to apologise? • Ever felt unsure of how to handle professional conflicts? • Well I have! • I made ALL the rookie mistakes in the book!
- 14. SO ONE DAY… • I get called into my bosses office with some shocking news • I was being let go! • I was shocked, what did I do wrong? Why had they not said anything before? I thought this was all in the past! • But as the shock wore off I felt relieved, like I wasn’t trapped anymore!
- 15. I HAD A LOT TO LEARN • Looking back on it – I could have prevented that conflict • But I’m glad I didn’t... • Because I am grateful for the experience – it showed me how much I had to learn: • About connecting with people • About working successfully with others, who are not like you! • And, it set me on the path to discover new things!
- 16. THE BIG QUESTION • What kind of work do I want to be contributing to the world… • I decided to commit to finding what it was that I was meant to be doing. Because I knew I didn’t want to go back to where I was!!
- 17. THE NEXT CHAPTER • I discovered my passion for solving conflicts at an earlier stage and decided to study Dispute Resolution • Started my mediation business and dove deep into personal development and success mindset • That’s where it connects for me! Drawing from both of those fields and providing people with actionable steps that they can apply to PREVENT conflicts in their life!
- 18. BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME! • I’m here to show you how you can discover YOUR Power to Prevent Conflict by showing you exactly the 5 principles that I have adopted in order to gain more confidence in dealing with conflicts
- 19. WHAT IS THE POWER TO PREVENT CONFLICT? • Stop conflict escalation • Solve current conflicts • Prevent future conflicts
- 20. THE 5 PRINCIPLES OF CONFLICT PREVENTION •The Interpretation •The Communication •The Understanding •Being Proactive •The Awareness
- 21. INTERPRETATION
- 22. INTERPRETATION • Take a close look at the story you are telling yourself • What is true and what have you decided to assume • You get to choose how you interpret things • There is always a silver lining • Don’t take anything personally • Nothing others do is because of you!
- 23. PREVENTING ANY CONFLICT STARTS WITH YOU – AND HOW YOU INTERPRET CONFLICT SITUATIONS!
- 24. COMMUNICATION
- 25. COMMUNICATION • Conflict is the lack of connection and to me conflict can simply be the lack of communication • Communication is more than just the words you say • It’s also what you don’t say • Only 10% of conflict is due to the words we say – 90% is how we say it! • Body language • Tone of voice • Communication is simply the BIGGEST way to prevent conflict – having clarity – avoiding assumptions
- 26. COMMUNICATION • Communication is a two way process • Improving communication involves both how we send and receive messages • You have the power to control your communication • You choose the words • The tone of voice • Your body language • It is ALL within Your Power • So use it wisely
- 27. “COMMUNICATION – THE HUMAN CONNECTION – IS THE KEY TO PERSONAL AND CAREER SUCCESS” - PAUL J. MEYER -
- 28. UNDERSTANDING
- 29. UNDERSTANDING • The biggest communication problem is that we do not listen to understand – we listen to reply • Seeking to understand the other person first, before you seek to be understood yourself will give you the ultimate benefit to prevent conflicts. When you understand the other side, you can adapt to it, and bring forth solutions that you might never have thought of by just looking at things from your own point of view. • Almost ALL conflicts start with some form of misunderstanding
- 30. WHAT TO DO • Avoid assumptions • Ask questions • Listen • Then ask some more questions • Check for understanding • Remember: All behavior is rational to the person behaving
- 31. “ANGER AND INTOLERANCE ARE THE ENEMIES OF CORRECT UNDERSTANDING” - MAHATMA GANDHI -
- 32. BEING PROACTIVE
- 33. PREVENT CONFLICTS BY BEING PROACTIVE • This fourth principle is all about designing your future, the story you want to tell yourself • Vision • Decision • Action • Thinking of the future – how do conflicts escalate, and what can you do now to prevent it? • Setting up systems to prevent conflicts
- 34. WHAT CAUSES CONFLICT ESCALATION? • Many factors that can escalate a conflict, the tactics we use, the issues involved, the number of participants… • Environmental (external) factors • Personalities of the parties • Competitiveness • Irritability • Impulsiveness • Easily threatened image • The relationship between the parties • The parties’ relationship with larger communities
- 35. “HIGHLY PROACTIVE PEOPLE DON’T BLAME CIRCUMSTANCES, CONDITIONS OR CONDITIONING FOR THEIR BEHAVIOR. THEIR BEHAVIOR IS A PRODUCT OF THEIR OWN CONSCIOUS CHOICE” - STEPHEN COVEY -
- 36. AWARENESS
- 37. AWARENESS • Having awareness is a powerful thing • Being aware of the dangers of conflict escalation • What triggers you? • How you are responding? • Awareness of all the other principles • Communication – awareness of our communication AND how it effects others • Interpretation – awareness of how we are interpreting things • Understanding – awareness of correct understanding • Being proactive – awareness of the future
- 38. “AWARENESS IS THE GREATEST AGENT FOR CHANGE” - ECKHART TOLLE -
- 39. HOW TO START SOLVING CONFLICTS • Go through the principles we’ve talked about • Identify the real problem • What can you do to start to resolve the conflict yourself? • Is it a situation where you can use negotiation skills? • Determine what you can do and if you need to seek outside assistance, for example from a mediator.
- 40. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO PREVENT CONFLICT
- 41. PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN THE CURE • Clearly conflict is something that we would all like to avoid. • Conflict coaching is the fastest growing dispute resolution method in the field of Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR). • That’s why you’re smart to be thinking ahead, instead of waiting for a conflict situation to escalate and turn into a dispute.
- 42. AND THAT’S WHY I CREATED The Road to Resolution Membership Conflict Coaching and Positive Mindset Training
- 43. HERE’S WHAT IT’LL DO FOR YOU • The trainings will take you through all the fundamentals of conflict coaching, so you will be better able to solve and prevent conflicts in your life • Conflict coaching helps you improve your competency in conflict situations and makes you better at conflict management • It will increase your confidence in conflict, because competence builds confidence. • The membership is designed to help you work through conflict in multiple areas of your life
- 44. THIS IS DESIGNED FOR YOU! • So if you are someone who is serious about improving your communication and conflict resolution skills, so you can be a better leader and be seen as a problem solver, then this is for you! • If you are someone who is working with a lot of people, and know how much time and resources are wasted on conflict and are ready to do something about it, then this is for you! • If you are someone who want’s to increase your positivity and have more confidence in conflict situations, then this is specifically for you!
- 45. HERE’S HOW IT WILL WORK • Every week there will be a new video, teaching you a variety of topics that you can use to improve your conflict resolution skills • There will be a support group where you can ask questions about the trainings, and get feedback on how to implement it to your specific situation. • You have the option of requesting specific topics that you need help with
- 46. THE ROAD TO RESOLUTION MEMBERSHIP • The first video topics include: • How To Identify Conflict In Your Life • How to Explore Your Story • How To Craft The Best Story For You • How To Change Your Patterns • How to Improve Your Communication • How to Use Negotiation • How To Identify Your Conflict Style • How To Improve Your Confidence In Confrontations • How To Stop Making Assumptions
Editor's Notes
- In this training I will be teaching you how you can discover your own power to prevent conflicts
- I help people solve and prevent conflicts so they can live a more peaceful and conflict free life
- Who it is not for: But if you believe that there is nothing in your power to change your situation then this training is not for you. Takes positive mindset to apply these principles - not for those who are inherently negative and believe that they have no responsibility for their life Not for you if: Negative Not willing to take responsibility Don’t have to be an expert in Dispute Resolution to be able to find ways to prevent and solve conflicts
- “Before we go any further I want to establish some house rules, because I want to be very clear about what I’m about to teach you. It is not a quick fix. Sure some of the The goal is not perfection but improvement These are beneficial long term strategies that need to be practiced and repeated over and over to get results Solving conflicts and preventing them has absolutely nothing to do with what other people do. You actually have all the power. No trying to change other people to your will – can only change yourself and lead by example. Grow your circle of influence that may effect others, but the goal is never to CHANGE them… All the principles and methods that I teach are aimed at improving your skills The things that I teach is real work – long term benefits. I wish I could say that watching this training would prevent all your future conflicts or that I never have any conflicts myself. But I’m being completely honest here. We all have conflicts, and we are never going to be perfect in our communication and interactions with the world to prevent them ALL. However, there is a lot that we can do and we CAN continuesly improve our skills to live more peaceful and conflict free lives.
- The point to drive home here is that you DON’T have to be a specialist in dispute resolution to prevent conflicts in your life ! So if you’ve ever been in a situation where you felt like the victim, that everything was working against you, and didn’t really have the confidence to do what you knew needed to be done, then you will be able to relate to this story!
- Back up a little bit… before I became a conflict prevention specialist, I went to law-school... I was on this path of a great corporate career as an attorney! I convinced myself for a while that this was what I wanted to be doing, what I had worked really hard for, for the last 5 years in school. This had to be it. Working as a lawyer and was not fulfilled Hated seeing conflicts that could have been avoided AND was very uncomfortable myself with conflicts because I took everything very personally
- I was actually terrified! Felt so insecure and lost! Everyone else seemed to have everything under control… Naturally not the qualities my employer was looking for…
- So I mentioned the conflict Clashes of different personalities working together. So I was type A – the organizing control freak and perfectionist. My supervisor was not The mistake I made was thinking I was right... My ego
- And this was months later, btw! I was being let go! (me, the perfectionist, the straight A student!) Wow how different the real life world can be! In hindsight, the news weren’t so shocking after all…
- This experience taught me valuable life lessons!
- Turning point for me! Is where I discovered my true purpose – what I’m about to share with YOU all! Felt so unhappy – gone through all this education and was supposed to have it all “figured out” by now – never in any of the situations did I imagine myself unemployed… Turning point – that’s when I realized – I would have to make my own happiness – no-one was going to come knocking on my door with my dream job… Focus on figuring out what I really wanted to do… The courage of changing, stepping out of the identity that I had to do what I was “supposed” to do Shame that came with it – didn’t feel like I was enough… Knew there had to be more...
- I had gone from working as a lawyer where the disputes were often very confrontational and difficult - relationships severed and a lot of competitiveness and anger going on Mediator – closer to the dispute but hated being unable to help people unless both parties were willing to participate in the process Saw so many cases where the cause of the dispute was something that started as a conflict that was allowed to escalate and bring so much negativity with it. Turning point for me was sitting in class and thinking – wow I wish everyone would know this stuff, how much better off would we be!
- But I’m not here to talk about my business – I want to show you how you can discover your power to prevent conflicts! Now you might still be wondering what I mean when I talk about the power to prevent conflict?
- The reason why I talk about preventing conflicts is because that would be the ultimate goal, but of course if we have current conflicts we need to deal with them first, which is why we are also going to talk about how to stop conflict escalation and some conflict resolution tactics. Power to prevent conflicts from escalating Power to prevent conflicts from being ongoing (solving them) Power to prevent the negative effects of future conflicts
- Your interpretation (view of the world) Your Story Communication (interactions with the world) Understanding other perspectives (their view of the world) Seek to Understand their Story Being proactive (preventing future conflicts) Designing the Story Awareness of your current situation (solving current conflicts and stopping conflict escalation) Awareness of your current story Teaching the 5 principles of conflict prevention – the basics Of course there are more ways and these principles can also be put forth in many other ways, but for now we are just going to keep it simple.
- Interpretation By that I mean the story we tell ourselves about what is happening – Because in conflict situation, the perception is everything. if you don’t perceive it to be a conflict, does the conflict still exist? You can give two people exactly the same facts, and they will interpret them differently based on their own experiences. How we interpret the world around us… The main things…
- Don’t take anything personally – can be tricky – of course I think it is personal You get to choose – are you choosing to see the good in others? What you think – your view of the world (Your Story) How you perceive & interpret communication Positive Mindset What is conflict Perceived conflict? Where are you now He also had a slide for each point on here to explain, go from broad to more narrow 3 layers: First list the steps Then list the points to consider with each step Then explain each point in more detail (Title slide with bullets:) Language patterns: Why Because So you can Reason why! Here is why this is important Title slide + example – always good to give examples “Here’s how it worked” The trick to making it work Teaching overall concepts Focus on the big picture – not bogging Think of it as giving them information but not details – they could go find the details if they wanted
- What elements do I use to prevent conflicts in my life? Basics in the negotiations Understanding needs and interests. What do I want – how do I communicate what I want What could typically go wrong Try to think ahead If something does happen – handle it in a way that doesn’t escalate
- Now this is the BIG one when it comes to preventing conflict!!! Good communication is the biggest chance we have of preventing conflict Communication is a very broad concept – and I mean both the communication you have with others, as well as your own internal communication (which leads back to step one of the interpretation). Communication is about how you interact with others in your story
- How you communicate (say and don’t say) (Other characters in your story) Your relationships + building rapport Negotiation Body language How you say things etc.
- Seek to understand (Understanding their story) Avoid assumptions Change your patterns All behavior is rational to the person behaving
- There is ALWAYS a reason for everything we do That’s why you should never take anything personally – nothing other’s do is because of you People make decisions and act upon their own view of the world Understanding how others see the world is the ultimate weapon to preventing conflicts with them
- It is never to late to start changing your patterns When you focus on understanding others you gain the power to serve others as well
- So now you have the first 3 basic principles – how you communicate, interpret and understand Clearer on what is causing the conflicts What will you do about it? Start thinking of the future
- Designing the story – Vision – Decision – Action (Be the change) Thinking of the future Setting up systems to prevent conflicts Building the skills to be able to design the life that you want
- Escalators: Tactics (from light to heavy) Issues Participants (from few to many) Goals (from doing well, to winning, to hurting Other) Resources Moderators: 1) Environmental conditions Conditions or factors that can explain why a dispute escalates. physical exhaustion drugs - edgy because of weather? Time pressure - nervous 2) Idiosyncratic features of the parties. Sometime the people are the problem… (from getting to yes) Individual personal characteristics 3) The relationship between the parties 4) The parties’ relationship with larger communities Contentious tactics that can cause escalation Ingratiation Gamesmanship Shaming Promises Persuasive argumentation Threats Tit for tat Coercive Commitments Engagement (violent and non-violent resistance) We tend to start low and go higher. Nature of escalation.
- What most people do is focus on themselves If you want to prevent conflicts you need to flip that mindset Get into the mindset of serving others Constantly try to put yourself in their shoes Be curious The reason why this is important is because most conflicts actually start with a simple misunderstanding or lack of communication. That’s why the awareness is so extremely powerful
- Where are you in the story now (this can be first and last) Solving current conflicts Awareness What tools can you utilize right now to change the story What ways are available to you to get the outcome that you want Stop conflicts from escalating Having awareness of all the areas that we talked about It’s like the glue Where are you in your story now!
- Cost of conflict Preventing just a fraction of that is worth it to me Even if you just feel better… ? If you are tired of being in conflict – decide to change it Use your awareness of these principles and start mapping out, where you are now, and where you want to go!
- Work on your mindset Think about where you are, where you like to be and how you could get there Don’t give up Be positive Encourage honest and open communication
- Cost of conflict Preventing just a fraction of that is worth it to me Even if you just feel better… ? Fact: Average worker spends 2 hours a week on workplace conflict The cost of a lawyer per hour is $$$
- The idea was born when people were coming to me because they wanted a peaceful resolution through mediation, but they didn’t know how to approach the other side with the idea. It was too much pressure and they didn’t think the other side would want to go to mediation, but they still felt like something had to change. Conflict coaching offers flexibility Don’t have the added pressure of going to a lawyer or a mediator to get help, don’t have to involve others into the process if you can solve it through coaching or until you are ready The best part is that you can do this all from the comfort of your home
- Tell them about the basics of conflict coaching Benefit + so you can Layering the coaching Turn every feature into a benefit