Managing Conflicts And Difficult People


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ABF Executive Secretaries and Personal Assistants Conference 17-18 Feb 2009

*Know the personalities of the people you are dealing with
*Understanding the body languages
*Avoid stress/conflict/burnout in workplace & managing depression

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  • Managing Conflicts And Difficult People

    1. 1. MANAGING CONFLICTS AND DIFFICULT PEOPLE ABF Executive Secretaries and Personal Assistants Conference 17-18 Feb 2009 Kenny Ong CNI Holdings Berhad
    2. 2. About: CNI <ul><li>20 years old </li></ul><ul><li>Core Business: MLM </li></ul><ul><li>Others: Contract Manufacturing, Export/Trading, eCommerce, F&B Retail </li></ul><ul><li>Malaysia, Singapore, Brunei, Indonesia, India, China, Hong Kong, Philippines, Italy, Taiwan </li></ul><ul><li>Staff force: ± 500 </li></ul><ul><li>Distributors: 200,000 </li></ul><ul><li>Products: Consumer Goods and Services </li></ul>
    3. 3. Before we start <ul><li>“ You can get anything in life that you want if you can help enough people get what they want” </li></ul>
    4. 4. Objectives <ul><li>People Skills </li></ul><ul><li>Managing Conflicts and Difficult People </li></ul><ul><li>Avoiding Stress </li></ul>
    5. 5. Introduction: People Skills Why is it so important to us?
    6. 6. Management Skills Conflict Mgmt 7. Career 6. Attitude 5. Discipline 4. Relationship 3. Time 2. Boss 1. Job What to Manage?
    7. 7. Law of the Ping-Pong Ball a.k.a. Law of Cause and Effect
    8. 8. Managing your Relationships <ul><li>Basics of Relationships </li></ul><ul><li>Why? </li></ul><ul><li>Good performance & skill won't get you very far. You need others to succeed </li></ul><ul><li>You cannot get people to listen to you if they don't like you. </li></ul><ul><li>And if they don’t listen to you, you won’t accomplish anything! </li></ul><ul><li>Relationships = Expectations. </li></ul>
    9. 9. But first…Do you know yourself? <ul><li>Strengths? Limitations? </li></ul><ul><li>Good listener? </li></ul><ul><li>Emotionally stable? </li></ul><ul><li>Biases or Prejudices? </li></ul><ul><li>What is “Fair”? </li></ul>
    10. 10. Managing your Relationships: People Skills <ul><li>People are interested in themselves, not in you </li></ul><ul><li>What is the most interesting subject in the world to them? THEMSELVES </li></ul><ul><li>Take four words out of your vocabulary: “I, me, my, mine” and substitute for the most powerful word: “YOU” </li></ul><ul><li>Remember that the more important you make people feel, the more they will respond to you. </li></ul><ul><li>Avoid arguing. </li></ul>
    11. 11. Communication SF LINA L isten with interest and praise make the person feel I mportant use their N ame A sk questions
    12. 12. Influence SF PASSE P raise and encourage A sk questions allow the person to S ave Face use S MART goals E ncourage small improvements
    13. 13. Personality SF S + FH + C S mile F irm H andshake C ompliment
    14. 14. Understanding Yourself and Others - Personalities Handout 1: Personality Types Closed Open People Task Perfect: Melancholy Powerful: Choleric Popular: Sanguine Peaceful: Phlegmatic
    15. 15. Understanding Yourself and Others - Motives Handout 2: McClelland Motive Self Assessment Handout 3: Motive Profiles Overview Power (nPow) Achievement (nAch) Affiliative (nAff)
    16. 16. Active Listening <ul><li>Attending </li></ul><ul><li>Paraphrasing </li></ul><ul><li>Speaking </li></ul><ul><li>Clarifying </li></ul><ul><li>Asking </li></ul><ul><li>Encouraging </li></ul><ul><li>Reflecting </li></ul><ul><li>Summarizing </li></ul>Personal Tip: ‘Picking’
    17. 17. Understanding Conflicts What is…, Sources of…,
    18. 18. Why do Conflicts happen? Unrealistic Expectations Inadequate Resources CONFLICTS Lack of Cooperation Reduce Energy
    19. 19. Why do Conflicts happen? Unrealistic Expectations <ul><li>‘ I am always right’ opinion </li></ul><ul><li>Do not understand ourselves </li></ul><ul><li>Do not understand others </li></ul><ul><li>Different backgrounds </li></ul><ul><li>Aggressive, Selfish, Stubborn </li></ul><ul><li>Win-lose mentality </li></ul>
    20. 20. Conflict: Good or Bad? <ul><li> Good </li></ul><ul><li>Clarification </li></ul><ul><li>Release emotions </li></ul><ul><li>Release stress </li></ul><ul><li>Understand each other </li></ul><ul><li>Build cooperation & trust </li></ul><ul><li>Develop problem solving </li></ul><ul><li>Create energy </li></ul>
    21. 21. Conflict: Good or Bad? <ul><li> Bad </li></ul><ul><li>Diverts energy </li></ul><ul><li>Polarizes groups </li></ul><ul><li>Deepens differences </li></ul><ul><li>‘ Either-Or’ positions </li></ul><ul><li>Always right mentality </li></ul><ul><li>Develop negative feelings </li></ul>
    22. 22. Conflict: Good or Bad? <ul><li>  Very Very Bad </li></ul><ul><li>Informal discussions </li></ul><ul><li>Mis-information </li></ul><ul><li>Positions </li></ul><ul><li>Factions </li></ul>
    23. 23. Sources of Conflicts Instrumental Interest Personal
    24. 24. Sources of Conflicts <ul><li>Goals </li></ul><ul><li>Means </li></ul><ul><li>Procedures </li></ul><ul><li>Structures </li></ul> Instrumental
    25. 25. Sources of Conflicts <ul><li>Money </li></ul><ul><li>Time </li></ul><ul><li>Staff Space </li></ul><ul><li>Importance </li></ul><ul><li>Ownership </li></ul><ul><li>Competence </li></ul> Interest
    26. 26. Sources of Conflicts <ul><li>Identity </li></ul><ul><li>Self-image </li></ul><ul><li>Loyalty </li></ul><ul><li>Confidence breach </li></ul><ul><li>No respect </li></ul><ul><li>Friendship Betrayal </li></ul> Personal
    27. 27. Managing Conflicts and Difficult People The world is full of people who don’t like you… live with it.
    28. 28. But First… <ul><li>Do you want to maintain the relationship? </li></ul><ul><li>Yes? No? </li></ul>
    29. 29. 1. Compromise, if possible
    30. 30. 2. Win-win, if possible
    31. 31. 3. Adapt, to different people
    32. 32. 4. Hide your Ego
    33. 33. 5. Lower your Expectations
    34. 34. 6. Find Common Ground
    35. 35. 7. Same Destination, Different Paths
    36. 36. <ul><li>“ I understand …” </li></ul>
    37. 37. 9. Accept the fact
    38. 38. 10. Face
    39. 39. How to avoid getting killed by stress Avoid stress, conflict, and burnout in the workplace
    40. 40. <ul><li>Understand and use People Skills </li></ul><ul><li>‘ Me’ Sdn Bhd </li></ul><ul><li>Rules of Work </li></ul><ul><li>Bad Bosses </li></ul><ul><li>Who are you working for? </li></ul>
    41. 41. 2. ‘Me’ Sdn Bhd <ul><li>Who do you work for? </li></ul>
    42. 42. 3. Rules of Work <ul><li>Rule 38: Don’t let it get to you </li></ul><ul><li>Rule 60: Know when to let go </li></ul><ul><li>Rule 76: Don’t bad mouth your boss </li></ul><ul><li>Rule 77: Don’t bad-mouth your team </li></ul><ul><li>Rule 78: Accept that some things your bosses tell you to do will be wrong </li></ul><ul><li>Rule 93: Maintain good friendships and relationships (if possible) </li></ul><ul><li>Rule 101: Remember that we are all humans </li></ul>Refer to Handout 7 for detailed explanation
    43. 43. 4. Bad Bosses <ul><li>If none of these strategies work, you have two choices: </li></ul><ul><li>Choice A - If you have good personal reasons for staying in your job -- you love your work, you're learning a lot, you like the people you're working with -- you can hold your nose and ignore your boss as best you can. </li></ul><ul><li>Choice B - Or, you can quit: life is too short too deal with this kind of abuse. </li></ul> Refer to Handout 8 for detailed explanation
    44. 44. 5. Who are you working for? End Notes
    45. 45. Manage Stress and Avoid Depression <ul><li>Decide on your Life priorities. </li></ul><ul><li>Remember who you are really working for. </li></ul><ul><li>Go home. </li></ul>
    46. 46. Who are you really working for?
    47. 47. <ul><li>“ Anyone can become angry –that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not easy.” </li></ul><ul><li>Aristotle </li></ul>
    48. 48. Endnote <ul><li>The rest is up to you. </li></ul>
    49. 49. Thank You. soft copy of slides: