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Coursework Development.
Draft 1
A brief description of your piece.
• A young girl gets killed by her best friend
  in a Satanic Ritual. We intended for this to
  be our whole 2 minute opening however
  after we edited it together we realised it
  was only 40 seconds long. Our project
  was 1 minute, 20 seconds too short.
What did you think you needed to
        change and why?
• Because our 1st draft was too short (as
  mentioned in the last slide) we needed to
  either re-film our project so it fit the time
  required or add an extra scene.
Audience Feedback.
• The feedback we received on our 1st draft is
  what lead to development of our later drafts.
  All of the feedback mentioned how they
  disliked the fact that Sarah didn’t make any
  dramatic sounds as she died and that there
  wasn’t any sound (non diegetic) playing
  behind to build the tension. They claimed that
  if we added these elements then the plot
  would be easier to understand.
Draft 2.
A brief description of your piece.
• We kept the death scene from our 1st draft but
  added a conversation between Jess and a
  fellow conspirator (Me) in which Jess gets
  emotional about the death of her best friend.
  We also added music that Sarah composed to
  play behind the death sequence.
What changes did we make and
             why?
• As explained in the slide above we added to
  the end of our Death sequence a conversation
  between me and Jess which we intended to
  explain what Sarah did that lead to her being
  killed (Jess told her a secret that she promised
  the character of Esther she wouldn’t). This
  was because our Death sequence wasn’t long
  enough to fit the two minute mininmum.
What did you think you needed to
        change and why?
• After looking over our 2nd draft we decided
  that the conversation between me and Jess
  wasn’t as clear as we wanted it to be. It didn’t
  explain why Sarah was killed or who the
  character of Esther actually is. We wanted the
  conversation to be more than just filler for the
  1 minute and 20 seconds we had missing to fit
  the time requirement.
Audience Feedback.
• The overall feedback we received
  was that people didn’t like the
  conversation as it wasn’t clear
  what was going on and they
  weren’t sure how it fit into the
  Psychological Thriller genre.
Draft   3.
A brief description of our piece.
• We added to draft 2 and
  establishing shot of the outside of
  Jess’s house so the credits could
  flash up during that shot.
What changes did we make and why?

• We added the establishing
  shot of Jess’s house at the
  beginning of our Project and
  put the credits over the top.
What did we think needed to
       change and why?
• The discussion (as mentioned in
  our Audience Feedback for our
  2nd draft) and the timing of the
  credits as we wanted to time them
  with the music.
Audience Feedback.

• They still wanted us to change
  the conversation and agreed with
  us on the idea of making the
  credits come up in time with the
  music.
Draft 4.
A brief description of our piece.
• We decided after a long discussion over
  the pro’s and con’s of our 3rd draft that
  we would replace the conversation with a
  dream sequence showing abstract
  imagery of how Jess is feeling about the
  situation she is in. This also helped us
  show the genre as “Psychological
  Thriller” as it is based around her mind.
What changes did we make and why?
• We got rid of the unclear conversation
  between Jess’s character and my character
  and replaced it with the dream sequence.
• We found music on a Creative Common’s
  website to play behind the dream sequence.
• We made the credits come on in time with the
  music.
What did we think needed to
       change and why?
• The conversation as it didn’t
  feel/look right and while editing it
  together I kept screaming about
  how I look like a troll in our first
  draft and how conversation scene
  should perish.
Audience Feedback.
• Our feedback for our final draft was really
  positive. They said they liked the scene
  with the Well (in the dream sequence) as it
  explained that my character wasn’t real
  and they preferred the dream sequence to
  the conversation.
THE END.
Esther Draft 1 (No Music) –
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z04M1oMP9Lc

Esther Draft 1 -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sIFRJpqQHI

Esther Draft 1.5 -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXeH1F8NYEY

Esther Draft 2 (Incomplete) –
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LB6MfTMtWFM

Esther Final Draft -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIe0y4XeT6g

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Coursework development

  • 3. A brief description of your piece. • A young girl gets killed by her best friend in a Satanic Ritual. We intended for this to be our whole 2 minute opening however after we edited it together we realised it was only 40 seconds long. Our project was 1 minute, 20 seconds too short.
  • 4. What did you think you needed to change and why? • Because our 1st draft was too short (as mentioned in the last slide) we needed to either re-film our project so it fit the time required or add an extra scene.
  • 5. Audience Feedback. • The feedback we received on our 1st draft is what lead to development of our later drafts. All of the feedback mentioned how they disliked the fact that Sarah didn’t make any dramatic sounds as she died and that there wasn’t any sound (non diegetic) playing behind to build the tension. They claimed that if we added these elements then the plot would be easier to understand.
  • 7. A brief description of your piece. • We kept the death scene from our 1st draft but added a conversation between Jess and a fellow conspirator (Me) in which Jess gets emotional about the death of her best friend. We also added music that Sarah composed to play behind the death sequence.
  • 8. What changes did we make and why? • As explained in the slide above we added to the end of our Death sequence a conversation between me and Jess which we intended to explain what Sarah did that lead to her being killed (Jess told her a secret that she promised the character of Esther she wouldn’t). This was because our Death sequence wasn’t long enough to fit the two minute mininmum.
  • 9. What did you think you needed to change and why? • After looking over our 2nd draft we decided that the conversation between me and Jess wasn’t as clear as we wanted it to be. It didn’t explain why Sarah was killed or who the character of Esther actually is. We wanted the conversation to be more than just filler for the 1 minute and 20 seconds we had missing to fit the time requirement.
  • 10. Audience Feedback. • The overall feedback we received was that people didn’t like the conversation as it wasn’t clear what was going on and they weren’t sure how it fit into the Psychological Thriller genre.
  • 11. Draft 3.
  • 12. A brief description of our piece. • We added to draft 2 and establishing shot of the outside of Jess’s house so the credits could flash up during that shot.
  • 13. What changes did we make and why? • We added the establishing shot of Jess’s house at the beginning of our Project and put the credits over the top.
  • 14. What did we think needed to change and why? • The discussion (as mentioned in our Audience Feedback for our 2nd draft) and the timing of the credits as we wanted to time them with the music.
  • 15. Audience Feedback. • They still wanted us to change the conversation and agreed with us on the idea of making the credits come up in time with the music.
  • 17. A brief description of our piece. • We decided after a long discussion over the pro’s and con’s of our 3rd draft that we would replace the conversation with a dream sequence showing abstract imagery of how Jess is feeling about the situation she is in. This also helped us show the genre as “Psychological Thriller” as it is based around her mind.
  • 18. What changes did we make and why? • We got rid of the unclear conversation between Jess’s character and my character and replaced it with the dream sequence. • We found music on a Creative Common’s website to play behind the dream sequence. • We made the credits come on in time with the music.
  • 19. What did we think needed to change and why? • The conversation as it didn’t feel/look right and while editing it together I kept screaming about how I look like a troll in our first draft and how conversation scene should perish.
  • 20. Audience Feedback. • Our feedback for our final draft was really positive. They said they liked the scene with the Well (in the dream sequence) as it explained that my character wasn’t real and they preferred the dream sequence to the conversation.
  • 21. THE END. Esther Draft 1 (No Music) – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z04M1oMP9Lc Esther Draft 1 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sIFRJpqQHI Esther Draft 1.5 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXeH1F8NYEY Esther Draft 2 (Incomplete) – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LB6MfTMtWFM Esther Final Draft - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIe0y4XeT6g