2. Draft One.
• The idea for our first draft was to have a girl
killing another girl via Satanic ritual. However,
when we filmed this and edited it all together, we
discovered that we did not have enough footage
to fill 2-3 minutes, which was the required time.
We did show it to people, though, so we could
get their feedback on it and see whether we
should continue on this path. People generally
liked it, especially the rapid cutting between
death and ritual; however, they thought that the
chanting should’ve been a bit creepier and that
there should’ve been some sound in the death
scene.
3. Draft Two.
• From the feedback from our first draft, we decided to
add music to the first half. We also decided to film
another scene so that we filled the allotted time. This
scene was a discussion between the murderer and
another friend, set in a bedroom. We decided on this
to establish character and to add to our narrative.
However, this was not received well, as it was not clear
to the audience what was going on and the
conversation seemed forced.
• We also added music to the first half, with the death
scene, to create tension and atmosphere, and it was
generally received well. We decided to add music and
not death sound effects as we felt it would be more
dramatic and it could be carried through the entire
scene.
4. Draft Three.
• For our third draft, we added a 30-second establishing shot of a
house with credits to establish setting and allow the credits to roll.
The credits were put in a ‘creepy’ font and in white so that they
stood out. We decided not to change the conversation scene just
yet, because we wanted to see how long we would need because of
the establishing shot of the house. After we had an estimate of how
long the piece was with the beginning half and credits, we could
then determine how much time we had to play with for the second
half. We also had to change the music for this draft, as the first
version was not long enough, so we had to add more to it to fit the
intro scene as well.
• When we showed this draft to people, they thought that the
establishing shot of the door was effective as a scene-setter, and
thought that it added an atmosphere to the piece. They thought we
still needed to get rid of the conversation, or at least change it,
which we did intend to do in the next draft, as mentioned above.
• It was also suggested that we make the credits appear in time to
the individual notes in the music.
5. Draft Four (Final Draft)
• We took all the advice on board in one go this time. We filmed a
shorter discussion to replace the one in the bedroom, and after
that added a dream sequence, and we also made the titles fit in
time with the opening music. We also did other things, such as
darken the ‘Waxy Studios’ title credit, as it seemed out of place
being bright with all the other dark shots and re-recorded the
voiceover, something which was suggested to us at the very
beginning. This time, we used two voices to make it a) seem
creepier and b) establish that Hannah is in Jess’s mind and
controlling her.
• When we showed this to an audience, they generally liked it. They
thought that the death/ritual scene was in the conventions of
horror, and they liked the rapid cutting because it created tension.
Another point that was picked up on more than once was that the
shot of the well in the dream sequence was a good shot because it
established that Hannah wasn’t real; they also thought the scream
at the end fit in with the conventions of horror because it made
them jump.
6. ETC.
• We did film a lot of alternate scenes for the
second half, although none of them were
actually used. They were all variations on the
same: a conversation between Jess and
somebody else. We did show these to people,
but they didn’t really like them, so we didn’t
include any of them in any of the drafts.
