An explanation of how our thoughts, feelings and behviour are linked and can impact on our relationships.

2. Thoughts Behaviour Feelings It is helpful to understand how our thoughts, feelings and behaviours are linked. This diagram shows how each influences the other.

3. So for example, when I think that I cannot rely on my partner for support ... I can’t rely on my partner Thoughts

4. ... I am likely to behave in ways that exclude my partner from supporting me ... When my partner tries to help I turn away Behaviour Thoughts

5. ... with the result that my feelings are affected – I am likely to feel unsupported, angry and probably lonely. I feel unsupported, angry and lonely Behaviour Feelings Thoughts

6. These feelings reinforce my thoughts that I cannot rely on my partner ... I can’t rely on my partner Behaviour Feelings Thoughts

7. .... and so I continue to behave in ways that discourage support from my partner ... When my partner tries to help I turn away I can’t rely on my partner Behaviour Feelings Thoughts

8. .... and so the circle rolls on ... I feel unsupported, angry and lonely I can’t rely on my partner When my partner tries to help I turn away Behaviour Feelings Thoughts

9. As a result I become more and more dissatisfied with my relationship, more disparaging of my partner’s attempts to help me and increasingly hopeless about anything changing. I feel unsupported, angry and lonely I can’t rely on my partner When my partner tries to help I turn away Behaviour Feelings Thoughts

10. But the good news is that because my thoughts, feelings and behaviours are linked, if I want things to change I can enter the circle at any point ... Behaviour Feelings Thoughts I feel unsupported, angry and lonely I can’t rely on my partner When my partner tries to help I turn away

11. ... and any change I make in either my thoughts, feelings or behaviour is likely to make a series of changes. Thoughts Behaviour Feelings

12. So, if I choose to change my behaviour by allowing my partner to help me ... I choose to let my partner help me Behaviour

13. ... I am likely to feel supported and that my needs are being recognised ... I feel supported, and that my needs are being recognised Behaviour Feelings

14. ... and this in turn will influence my thoughts – I am more likely to think that my partner respects me and cares for me. I know my partner respects and cares for me Behaviour Feelings Thoughts

15. As the circles rolls on ... my changed behaviour will show my partner that I am turning towards them, rather than away and they too will feel needed by me and think that we are getting on better. I feel supported, and that my needs are being recognised I choose to let my partner help me I know my partner respects and cares for me Behaviour Feelings Thoughts

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