The document outlines five tools for having the relationship you want: 1) The Rori Raye Mantra of trusting boundaries, following feelings, choosing words, and being surprised. 2) Translating "control speak" to "surrender speak" by focusing on your own feelings. 3) Stopping overfunctioning in the relationship and letting your partner take the lead. 4) Appreciating your partner for who they are. 5) Appreciating yourself by trusting your feelings, speaking from the heart, and believing you deserve love. The overall message is that focusing on yourself and your feelings rather than trying to control your partner is key to having the relationship you want.

1. FIVE TOOLS TO
HAVE THE RELATIONSHIP YOU WANT
1. THE RORI RAYE MANTRA
Trust Your Boundaries
Follow Your Feelings
Choose Your Words
Be Surprised
I trust my boundaries – I trust myself: I know I will not knowingly toss my
pearls before swine, throw myself into the path of destruction, hide from the
truth, go along with or tolerate something that is damaging to me. Now I can
move to my feelings.
I follow my feelings – I follow my emotions around my body and into my
heart because they are my compass in the world. I love my feelings and know
that I must go where I am, be where I am, feel what I feel, and go through the
feeling if I want to feel better. Now I can speak.
I choose my words – I am committed to clear, direct, feeling based
communication. I honor my feelings by expressing them from my heart
without trying to influence or attack my man. If I choose, Now I can let go of
the result.
I allow every moment to be a surprise – I don’t have to know every
outcome, I don’t have to manage every situation, I don’t have to make sure
everything goes the way I want, and I absolutely don’t have to know what my
man is going to say or do next.
Because I know what I will not tolerate, because I can feel what I feel, because
I’ve stated clearly what I feel and don’t want, I can let go of control.

2. 2. TRANSLATIONS – HOW TO SPEAK SO HE’LL HEAR
Control Speak Surrender Speak
This column is about him – so it’s his This is about me and so it’s
business only – It’s Not my business, My business;
And it’s Off Limits It’s about being Vulnerable & Real;
It’s the Way to go
Why is he doing that? I feel mad, sad, glad, afraid, scared, angry,
happy, disconnected, confused, shaky,
uncomfortable, weird, upset, lonely, tired,
exhausted
What is he doing? I feel
What is he feeling? I feel
What are you feeling? I feel
What do you mean? I feel
I’ll bet I know why he’s depressed I feel
Oh, he’s just….. I feel
Oh, men are just like that I feel
There’s so much tension between I feel
us..He must be….mad, upset, having
childhood memories, etc.
Why does he always have to do that? I feel
You never listen to me! I feel
I need you to do this or that I don’t want to do this, what do you think?
What if we (you) did that? Can we I don’t want to go there; do that, see that,
(you) please do that? feel this, feel that, listen to this, be there,
be here, stand here, tolerate this, have this,
worry about this, think about this, take
charge of this, plan this—what do you
think?
Why didn’t you call me? Nothing
What’s going on with our relationship? I don’t want that kind of relationship, what
do you think?
Not noticing when he does something Thank you. I like that tie, I like how you
nice look, I love this restaurant – I feel so good
here, I feel so good with you, that feels so
good, etc.
I want you to pick me up, open my I’m old-fashioned. I don’t feel comfortable
door, etc. meeting men, calling men, planning dates,
etc.

3. 3. STOP ROWING THE RELATIONSHIP BOAT
I use the word Overfunctioning to describe working so hard in a relationship:
Giving, leading, stepping in, rescuing and doing stuff that your man is
supposed to be doing.
Stopping Overfunctioning is the fastest way to get connected to a man. When
You stop leading, you get to experience how it feels to follow: Sometimes it
feels wonderful, sometimes it’s disappointing, and sometimes it’s scary.
Are you always feeling drained by your relationships, as though you’re the one
always rowing the relationship boat?
Well, I’m going to ask you to stop rowing. To actually put down the oars, sit
back in the boat and enjoy the ride. If your man is at all capable, he’ll pick up
the oars and start rowing all by himself, without you asking him, directing him,
pleading with him, or explaining why he should.
4. APPRECIATE MEN
Sometimes, we get so used to complaining, finding fault, and looking at the
downside of men, we can’t even give the man in front of us a chance.
If you’re with a man now, when he does something you like - anything, even
something small, something so tiny you would normally dismiss it - say “Thank
You.”
If you’re dating, focus on who the man sitting next to you watching a movie, or
sitting across the table from you trying to carry on a conversation, or standing
in front of you awkwardly trying to get up the courage to walk over and start a
conversation, actually is – instead of focusing on how he’s already not
measuring up to your “Dream Man.”

4. 5. APPRECIATE YOURSELF
Men can’t love us for what we do. They love us for who we are. And most of
us still haven’t made peace with who we really are.
In fact, most of us have spent our lives figuring out how to keep people at a
distance, rather than how to draw people in closer. And often, we deliberately
keep the men who would love us the most and make us the happiest as far
away from our hearts as we can.
Use the Rori Raye Mantra and Translations to speak from your heart and let
good men in. Invite them in. Trust yourself to follow what feels good to you –
not necessarily what feels thrilling and exciting and dramatic – but what feels
warm and, well, Good!
When things feel stressful, and you want so much more than you’re getting
from your man, instead of picking up the oars and rowing the boat, instead of
retreating to your defenses and pushing him away, Trust Your Boundaries,
Follow Your Feelings, Choose the Feeling Words of the Rori Raye
Translations, and then, Be Surprised.
You may find your man picking up the relationship oars, leaning in toward you,
turning off the television to pursue you into the kitchen, asking for a
commitment, or rekindling the fire of what you thought was a dead marriage.
Believe that you deserve what you dream of. Appreciate yourself rather than
asking your man to appreciate you. Give to yourself instead of giving to him.
Treat yourself like a Queen, and so will he.
Love, Rori
www.HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com
Rori@HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com