This talks about how counselling can be useful in our day to day life. For info log on to www.healthlibrary.com. 'Counselling Skills for Layman' By Mr. Nilesh Mandlecha held on 30 Sep 2015

1. BY NILESH MANDLECHA:
Counseling Skills for Layman

2. COUNSELOR & COUNSELEE
 Counselor is the person who will be
counseling & Counselee (Client) is the
person to whom you will be counseling.
 Counseling skills will be useful to develop
Mentoring skills as well.

3. THE BASIC MODELS OF COUNSELING –
 Directive – In Directive model counselor
gives the direction to counseling process.
 Non Directive – In Non directive model
counselor doesn’t give direction to
counseling process.
 Depends upon the situation &
developmental level of the client you can
select the model.

4. NON DIRECTIVE MODEL
 Three Important words:
 Advice - Behavioral Level
 Counseling - Thinking level
 Support - Emotional Level

5. ADVICE
 Counseling is not Advising.
 Advice is at behavioral level.
 The impact of Advice is short term.
 Behavior emerges through thinking.
 Before I behave I think first & without change in thinking
process, behavior doesn’t change on long term basis.
 The aim of counseling is to change thinking process of
person.
 Many people have habit of giving free Advice, even when
other person has not asked for it.
 The first important lesson is not to give Advice in
counseling setting.

6. EXAMPLES OF ADVICE
 Examples of Advice – These examples are hypothetical, in reality
the context may change.
 “Don’t get Angry, calm down” – This advice will not be useful
without making an attempt to change thought process i.e. behind
the Anger the thought process is ‘ Other Person should behave
the way I want’
 “Don’t take tension, relax” – Need for Certainty is one the root
cause of tension(Anxiety), dealing this thought process will be
helpful to person & not mere advice of not to take tension
 Other examples of advice are - “Reduce your weight”, “Don’t
feel Sad, laugh” “Don’t be afraid, be brave” etc. etc.

7. THE IMPACT OF ADVICE IS ON BEHAVIORAL
LEVEL
 In stated examples thought process may be different
with different people.
 The aim of above examples is to highlight the
importance of why changing thought process is
important & not merely advising which is merely on
behavioral level.
 Level of Emotional Intensity will not come down by
advising.
 The thought process associated with emotional
intensity needs to be changed, for that counseling will
be useful.

8. WHAT IS COUNSELING
 “Helping other person to help himself or herself”
 “Making other person Emotionally Independent is
the aim of counseling”
 “Counseling doesn’t mean taking clients decisions &
Not imposing your solutions “
 “The aim of counseling is not merely problem solving
but dealing with the problem from its root cause i.e. at
Belief Level”
 “Dealing with Emotional Disturbance i.e. Intensity of
Emotions is one of the aims of counseling”
 “Shifting from my frame of reference & entering in
client’s frame of reference is essential for counselor”

9. BASIC CORE SKILLS & ATTITUDES OF
COUNSELING

10. EMPATHY -
 Why Empathy?
 We have two minds Rational Mind & Emotional Mind.
 Emotional mind can block or hijack the capacity to
think logically.
 It’s important to understand Emotional Mind also in
communication.
 Merely talking to Rational Mind will not make your
communication effective.
 Research indicates that behind every motivation
emotion is there.
 Emotion puts person in action.
 Empathy is very imp tool to understand Emotional
Mind.

11. MEANING OF EMPATHY-
 Ability to imagine oneself in another's place and
understand the other's feelings, desires, ideas, and
actions.
 Empathy is the capacity to understand another
person's experience from within that person's frame
of reference.
 It also means not only withholding judgment, but
honoring what the client is experiencing.
 Suspending judgment and looking for the value in
what client is saying.
 It literally means to 'feel with' another.
 Empathy is about trying to see things as the client
sees things.
 It means 'walking alongside' the client.
 It means trying to understand the client's

12. EMPATHY MEANS MIRRORING OF EMOTIONS.
 Mirror doesn’t speak; it shows exactly how you are. it
doesn’t add anything.
 It means telling other person what he or she is
feeling without adding anything from your mind.
 Empathy requires that you suspend judgment of
another's actions or reactions, while you try to
understand them.
 The goal here, again is to UNDERSTAND, and not
judge.
 It is always tempting to be evaluating the information
from a theoretical or some other external standard.

13. EXAMPLE OF EMPATHY:
 You are feeling sad… Your father was very healthy & he
suddenly passed away. Its must be very shocking for you.
You have spent whole life with your father & I know he
was very close to you I understand how you must be
feeling in this situation…….

 Then after 1 or 2 days if required advice, preaching or
telling philosophy will be appropriate but not when you are
empathizing.
 Only telling “I understand how you feel”. Its not
understand feelings. You need to name the emotions &
communicating your understanding of that emotion to
client

14. WHAT IS NOT EMPATHY
 Empathy is not agreeing or adopting
another's viewpoints but understanding and
attempting to see things as the other person
sees things.
 It is not about assessing the rightness or
wrongness of what the person is saying but
trying to understand how the person is
seeing things, and often trying to understand
the context.

15. EXAMPLE OF LACK OF EMPATHY:
 Situation: This is an example of an Employee whose
father is passed away & after few days came back for
work
 Employee: (Silently standing in front of boss)
 Boss: Your father is passed away, how it happened?
 Employee: Heart attack…..
 Boss: It’s a part of Life.(Telling philosophy) Don’t get
emotional, forget about it.(Giving Advice & instead of
Empathizing telling to deny emotion’s) Let’s focus on
work. (Perching).
 Telling Philosophy or Preaching will be useful not at this
juncture, its important to understand emotions first. Then
after sometime if required advice, preaching or telling
philosophy will be appropriate.

16. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN EMPATHY,
SYMPATHY AND APATHY
EMPATHY SYMPATHY APATHY
In empathy, the counselor
needs to keep one foot in
their own world, and one
foot in the client's world.
(Empathy means
understanding the
emotions of other person &
communicating that
understanding.
Empathy is the ability to
"put oneself in another's
shoes. )
Sympathy is where the
counselor has both feet in
the client's world.
Apathy is when the
counselor has both feet in
the counselor's own world.
Empathy invites the counselor to maintain an awareness of their own thoughts, feelings,
and needs, while at the same time, being in tune with the clients thoughts, feelings, and
needs.
Maintain an open frame of reference, to understand the client's world from the client's
own perspective.

17. DIFFERENCE BETWEEN EMPATHY & SYMPATHY
 In Empathy I give active emotional support with
Rational Detachment. Rational detachment doesn’t
mean I am aloof or indifferent. In empathy, we
"borrow" another's feelings to observe, feel, and
understand them--but not to take them onto
ourselves. In empathy the counselor identifies with
the client and at the same time maintains a distance.
 Example – if other person is crying then my focus is
on understanding the emotions without getting
involved into it. I rationally detach my self & still I am
able to understand the other person’s emotions.

18. DIFFERENCE BETWEEN EMPATHY & SYMPATHY
 In Sympathy – I get too much involved in other person,
rather than giving emotional support to other person I also
flow with the emotional flow of other person. Sympathy is
shared suffering. Sympathy implies feeling shared with
the sufferer as if the pain belonged to both persons.
 Example - If other person is crying then I also start crying.
I get flooded with other’s flood. Counseling is not
sympathizing.

 While empathizing I don’t have to give any advice,
teaching, moralizing, preaching or telling philosophy.
Understanding emotions is the goal of empathy.

19. HOW TO EMPATHIZE
 Before you empathize with anybody ask
yourself “If I am at other Person’s place how
will I feel”
 Empathizing means entering in other
person’s shoes but keeping in mind that I am
wearing other person’s shoes.
It means understanding emotions with rational
detachment.
My focus is to understand current state of emotions.

20. WHAT DO YOU ACHIEVE WITH EMPATHY
 Empathy helps to establish rapport & To
establish bond of trust. When it is well done,
it will help the person lower defensiveness,
increase trust, and increase depth of
disclosure.

21. NON JUDGMENTAL ATTITUDE –

22. (UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD - RESPECT)
 Being Non judgmental doesn’t mean no judgment can
be made at all. We have to make judgment all the
time to live .Its your skill. Here we are not talking
about skill of judgment but we are talking about
attitude.
 It is more about suspending judgment and
allowing the client the space to be heard without
criticism, and to be valued for who they are and
what they experience.
 It means accepting them as they are in the
moment, and also accepting their potential for how
they might be different or changed.

23. NOT IMPOSING YOUR VALUES, ATTITUDES &
SOLUTIONS ON CLIENT -
 I have every right to follow my values & attitudes in my personal
life;
 I don’t have any right to impose on client.
 For example – Values related to Religion, Politics, Marriage, and
Sexuality etc. etc. You need to leave them behind & being
impartial helper.
 When ever client talk with counselor, at first the client checks
shall I disclose my problem or secrete.
 This decision is based on client’s understanding of counselor’s
approach & attitudes during the process.
 Accepting client unconditionally.
 Respect is unconditional – it doesn’t depends on clients behavior.
 Its non possessive caring. Non possessive warmth is imp. Non
evaluative attitude is imp.
Acceptance of client as a person, with positive as well as negatives aspects. It
means person is accepted for what he or she does.

24. NOT IMPOSING YOUR VALUES, ATTITUDES &
SOLUTIONS ON CLIENT -
 Unconditional positive regard does not necessarily equate to
agreeing with the client.
 It doesn’t mean that the counselor accepts all aspects of client’s
behavior as right, desirable & likable.
 Being non judgmental doesn’t mean relinquish counselor’s own
sense of values, his personal or social ethics.
 There is no demand or requirement that they change or to be
different in order to be accepted or that they be perfect.
 Imperfections are accepted along with mistakes & errors as a
part of human condition. Respecting the freedom to choose of
client.
 If counselor is Judgmental then it will become an obstacle to
understand client. Client will not open up & talk further.
 Examples of Non helpful Response form Counselor
 Client –I am short tempered & I believe in God
 Counselor – God! Stop believing in it. Its Wrong.

25. GENUINENESS :

26. GENUINENESS :
 Real interest in the client, sincere concern for client,
trust & love.
 Genuineness meaning what you say & saying what
you feel (Congruence)
 The genuine person is one who simply tries to be
himself/herself. This person is comfortable with all of
his/her interactions, and does not have to adapt or
change roles in order to be acceptable to others.
Genuineness means being honest with himself
 “The counselor is what he is during the encounter with the
client. It involves the element of self awareness and is
able to communicate his feelings appropriately. It means
that the counselor is being himself and not denying
himself.”

27. GENUINENESS :
 Being genuinely interested in helping people.
 Being Authentic & Genuine to self & others.
 You need to be in a position to help the client.
 Understanding your limitations & if you are unable to
help the client then referring to appropriate person is
also part of genuineness.
 Dealing with your own emotional disturbances
sufficiently (not 100%).
 Preferably going through the process of counseling
for your own emotional disturbances.
 Counselor’s belief system can become sometime an
obstacle for client’s progress.
 Confidentiality of counseling process is essential.

28. SOME OF THE QUALITIES WHICH GO TO MAKE
UP GENUINENESS ARE:
 Professional role: Relating to others and
helping others are part of the life of a
counselor. Thus, at best, counselors should
be ‘role free’, which means that a counselor
should not use a facade to protect
himself/herself or in any way ‘fool’ a client.

29. SOME OF THE QUALITIES WHICH GO TO MAKE
UP GENUINENESS ARE:
 Spontaneity: A genuine person is spontaneous and free
- but not impulsive. A skilled counselor is tactful, does
not put a ‘filter’ between his/her inner life and what he/she
expresses to others, and is assertive in the counseling
process without being aggressive.
 Non defensive: The genuine person is non defensive
and is aware of his/her strengths and limitations. When a
client is deliberately negative in attitude towards the
counsellor, he/she continues to understand what the client
is thinking and feeling, and continues to work with
him/her. Thus a genuine counselor is at home with
himself/herself and can examine negative criticism
honestly.

30. SOME OF THE QUALITIES WHICH GO TO MAKE
UP GENUINENESS ARE:
 Consistency: A genuine counselor has few
discrepancies, and does not have one set of values for
each situation he/she is confronted with. A genuine
counselor is tactful, and this springs from the strength the
counselor has within himself/herself.
 Self-sharing: The genuine counselor is capable of deep
self-disclosure. This self sharing is done at the
appropriate time in order to help the client. It should be
done in order to achieve goals in the counseling process.
The openness of the counselor also permits the client to
risk himself/herself. Thus the counselor opens up his/her
defenses to make the whole relationship an authentic
one-which is an important stage in building authenticity in
life.

31. SELF DISCLOSURE –
 Giving your own example or somebody else’s example to change
the thought process of the client.
 Coping Model – While giving your own example counselor’s
focus needs to be on coping Process you have followed while
dealing with somewhat similar situation in your life.
 How you were feeling? What was your thinking process? How
you dealt with it? This way indirectly you are telling the client to
change his or her thinking process.
 Here coping process you followed needs to be described &
highlighted more.
 Important Point – What ever Example you give, it should match
with the gravity of client. It means the client should be able to
relate with his or her life.

32. SELF DISCLOSURE –
 Mastery Model – While giving your own
example if your focus is on -
 How great you are & how master you are
while dealing with difficult situations in life
then it doesn’t help the Client.
 Client will feel he is counselor, he is great. I
am not that great.

33. SELF DISCLOSURE –
 Information Giving – Giving general or scientific information &
leaving on the client to decide
 Example – You can Refer …… Book/ Website/ Videos .You can
visit to this doctor
 After giving information let the client decide what to do about it.
 Information giving doesn’t mean insisting client, if client doesn’t
follow your suggestion
 Paraphrasing – Paraphrasing is about the counselor
restating in their own words, the essential content message
of the talker. By doing this, the counselor is demonstrating to the
client that the message has been heard and understood. If it has
not been adequately understood, the client also has an
opportunity to correct the counselor.

34. SELF DISCLOSURE –
 In verbal communication there is content and
feelings.
 Content is the 'what' the person is describing, and
feelings is about their personal reaction to the
content.
 In the statement "My wife has left me and now I am
devastated", the content is about the wife leaving,
and the feeling is devastation the person feels about
the separation.
 Paraphrasing, in its most commonly understood
definition in counseling, is about restating just the
content without the feeling component.

35.  Paraphrasing requires the counselor to state
back what the client has just
communicated. The counselor is not to repeat
what the client has said word for word.
 It is preferable for the counselor to use their
own words when restating.
 However, it is often helpful for the counselor to
repeat the client's preferred words, particularly if
the client regularly uses a particular word.
 This can assist in helping the client feeling a
higher degree of rapport with the counselor.
SELF DISCLOSURE –

36.  Paraphrasing should be a condensed restatement of what the
client has said (or implied). It should not be an extended
commentary or a summary.
 It should also be careful not to add material that was not stated
or implied (eg external material that the counselor introduces)
 The aim is to get the core message that the person is attempting
to describe by the words and other communication.
 Paraphrasing doesn’t mean leading' the client in a direction the
client does not wish to go.
 Paraphrasing what client has said in few lines.
 This is essential because of this the client will get a feeling that
you are actually listening & you have understood the problem.
 Throughout the process of counseling this needs to be repeated.
SELF DISCLOSURE –

37. SOME OF THE MISTAKES OF COUNSELOR
 Counselor can also make the mistake of focusing on the words of
the client rather than the message.
 Focusing on the words leaves the counselor bogged down and often
missing the whole point of what the person has said.
 On one level it may sound like the counselor understands but the client
will still feel they need to further clarify.
 Words are only the vehicle of communicating, but they are not the
communication itself. They only have symbolic value that must be
decoded.
 The counselor should be thinking: What is this person trying to say to
me, though these words? What do they want me to know?
 An example of a paraphrase.
 Client: My bills are piling up, my wife is expecting me to take her out
tonight, and my boss is harassing me right now.
 Counselor: You have many demands placed on you.

38. IMPORTANT POINTS WHILE COUNSELLING
 Active Listening – (Also refer barriers to listening at
the end of this article)
 It means Reading in-between the lines.
 Shifting form your frame of reference & Entering in
the frame of reference of client.
 Client gets an opportunity to express his or her
feelings.
 The aim is to understand how client is
responding/reacting to external situations & what
thought process is associated with it.
 Active listening doesn’t mean you continuously listen
without interrupting the client, if client deviates
 Then you can interrupt & bring back client on track.

39.  Focusing on Non Verbal Communication – Refer book how to
read person like a book or Body language by Allan Pease –
eBooks available with me for your reference.
 Probing – (Refer Concreteness at the end of this article)
 While probing Don’t ask too many questions – Client may feel
interrogated. Avoid complicated or long questions. This will tend
to confuse the clients. Simple and short are often more
effective. Balancing questions with empathy facilitate greater
disclosure
 Ask open ended questions – (unless you are seeking specific
piece of information) Open ended approach is likely to yield a
fuller disclosure of clients thoughts or feelings. Questions
beginning with 'do', 'did', and 'have' tend to lead into closed
questions.
 Exploring - Explore Sufficient Self talk, Establish Clearly thinking
process & emotion – Behavior connection.
IMPORTANT POINTS WHILE COUNSELING

40. Client Probing from Counselor/ Interviewer
I am Uncomfortable/I am unhappy About what? or About whom? (Recover deletion)
Its better to stay.
Mary is a better person.
Ravi has the hardest Job.
Better than what? (Recover Comparative deletion)
Better than whom?
Hardest in comparison to what?
They do not listen to me.
That does not matter?
Who specifically doesn’t listen to you?
(Recover reference)
What specifically doesn’t matter? (Recover reference)
Mahesh rejected me? How specifically did Mahesh reject you?
(Recover unspecified verb)
Sagar & I want to improve our
communication
How you would like to communicate?
(Turn back in Process word & specify verb)
Raj never listens to me. Never? (Recover Counter Example)
What would happen if he starts listening?
(Recover effects outcome)
I have to finish this job. What would happen if you didn’t? What stops you?
(Recover effects, outcome, causes)
PROBING:

41. Client Probing from Counselor/ Interviewer
I can’t tell Mahesh the truth What will happen if you do?
(Recover effects, outcome)
What stops you from telling? (Recover Causes)
If my boss knew how much
I suffered, he wouldn’t do that?
How you are suffering? (Specify verb “suffer”)
How do you know your boss does not know?
(Recover Assumptions/Representation)
How is your boss acting? (Specify what he “does”?)
You make me sad. Was there ever a time I did not make you sad?
(Recover Counter Example)
How specifically do I make you sad?
(Recover cause and effect)
How specifically are you sad?
(Recover complex equivalence)
You don’t like me. How do you know you do not like you?
(Recover Source of Information)
Its bad to be inconsistent Who says it is bad? (Recover Source of Belief)
For whom it is bad? (Recover to Whom?)
How do you know it’s bad to be inconsistent?
(Recover Belief Strategies)
Manish hates me. Manish is always
yelling at me.
How does his yelling mean he hates you?
(Recover complex equivalence)
Have you ever yelled at anyone you did not hate? (Counter
example by shifting reference)
PROBING:

42. UNDERSTANDING LIMITATIONS
 Personalizing – In any counseling situation certain factors are
beyond the control of client & certain factors are with in the
control of client.
 In simple words in any situation you can change certain things &
you can’t change certain things.
 Understanding of this reality is very important for client. Non-
acceptance of Reality is one of the biggest quality of emotionally
disturb person.
 When client is emotionally disturbed it means certain part of
reality is denied & clients focus is more on the factors which are
beyond the control of client.
 Personalizing means making client realize that how he or she is
also contributing to problem. How client is going in the direction in
which he or she doesn’t want to go.
 At this stage Identification of Beliefs which are responsible for
emotional disturbance/Problem.

43. CONFRONTATION
 Confrontation - Counseling doesn’t mean
goody goody talk.
 Confrontation means confronting or
Challenging the thought process/Beliefs which
are responsible for Emotional Disturbance.
 Confrontation needs to be to the point; the
words & language you use should Challenge
irrational ideas thoughts.
 Confrontation provides another view of the
problem for
Without empathy (Emotional Support), establishing rapport & bond of trust
Confrontation will not be effective.
Then client will either be defensive or argumentative. If you follow proper the client to
consider. It invites the client to examine inconsistencies counseling process then
chances of your confrontation being effective will be high.

44. CONFRONTATION
 Confrontation can be based on counselors own
experiences/observations (discrepancy)
 Pointing out discrepancies between two behaviors
 Pointing out discrepancies between two statements
 Pointing out discrepancies between two behaviors & statements
 Confrontation can involve providing additional (new) information
concerning the problem –
 Filling in the client’s knowledge gaps
 Enforcing rules & regulations
 Providing the client information about social desirability
 Sometime confrontation can be very Intense.

45. WHEN TO CONFRONT
 When to use confrontation? The timing is
important, its counselors decision based on
the progress of the client in counseling.
Confrontation should not be used at the
beginning. Confrontation must be
constructive (not cruel) to be effective.
Confrontation must be intended to help the
client (not for personal gain)

46. ADDITIONAL SKILLS WHICH WILL BE USEFUL
FOR COUNSELING

47. CONCRETENESS –
 It is “the fluent, direct & complete
expression of specific feelings &
experiences regardless of their emotional
content”
 Moving form General/abstract terminology to
Specific/concrete terminology, Moving from
Vagueness/ambiguity to Clarity, Moving from
irrelevant aspect to personally significant aspect
 Inviting the client to be more specific when
unclear statements are made, to make
communication more clear.
 Use what, who, when, where (Not why) & How?

48. EXAMPLE OFCONCRETENESS –
 Example –
 Client - I had a bad day
 Counselor - What do you mean by bad day?
 Client - Everything went wrong.
 Counselor - What 'everything' mean?
 Client - I had a flat tyre and I felt frustrated about it.
 It serves three important functions
1) It keeps the therapist’s response close to the client’s feelings &
experiences.
2) Concreteness encourages the client to attend specific problem
area & It also helps the client to take more responsibility for their
words and actions
3) It fosters accurate understandings & early corrections of
misunderstandings

49. B) SUMMARIZING –
 Summarizing helps to clarify that the counselor has understood the
bigger picture of the client's messages, has heard the main points,
can help in making the client's story clearer for the client and the
counselor.
 Summarizing is similar to paraphrasing in that it is a restatement of the
client's preceding communication. However it is much longer than a
paraphrase, and it contains the main points that may have been
explored in the section of the interview that has just been covered
(in contrast to the paraphrasing that restates the last statement of the
client).
 Summarizing is about restating themes or key points. It is not
interested in the single street but the whole section of the map with the
significant features.
 Paraphrasing might occur tens of times in an interview, whereas
summarizing might occur only two or three times in an interview.
 In a summary it is a good idea to pick up two or three main points.
Sometimes it can also be helpful for the counsellor to ask the client
to summarize, to help further reinforce certain themes in the
conversation.

50. LISTENING BARRIERS

51. LISTENING BARRIERS
 There are three major listening barriers, which can be
broken down into smaller parts. T
 Avoiding others concerns.
 Judging
 Sending solutions
 Because of blocks Client feel defensive, close up, or
criticized. They block the natural flow and process of
self-disclosure. These blocks can seriously impede
the work of a counselor. Listening means putting
aside your own prejudices and beliefs, your anxieties
and self-interests, so that you can totally understand
the other person's thoughts.
Blocks in Listening :Counselors do well to reflect on their own communication
styles, examine commonly used lists of listening barriers, and seek to eliminate
these while in the counseling conversations.

52.  Mind Reading
 You don't pay much attention to what people say in fact you don't believe
anything you hear. You are constantly trying to figure out what the person is
really saying based on voice inflection and subtle cues.
 Rehearsing
 You focus all of your attention on preparing what you are going to say
when the person stops talking. You will look interested in the conversation but
you're actually rehearsing your response.
 Filtering
 You only listen to pat of what a person says. You will monitor a conversation to
determine if someone is angry, unhappy or if you're in emotional danger. Once
you are sure the communication does not contain any of these items you mind
begins to meander.
 Judging
 You prejudge someone and thus you don't pay attention to what they say. It is
best to make a judgment call after they have completed their conversation.
LISTENING BARRIERS

53.  Dreaming
 Someone says something that triggers a chain of private
conversations that you hold with yourself. You actually
zone out for a minute or two. When you return the person
speaking is done.
 Identifying
 You must relate everything to your past experiences. You
will begin talking about your own personally situation before
they have finished telling you about theirs.
 Advising
 You are always perched and ready to solve everyone's
problems. You don't wait for the complete story before you
jump in with advise.
LISTENING BARRIERS

54.  Sparring
 Sparring takes on two forms. With the first form of sparring, you argue and
debate with people. You focus mainly on finding things to disagree with. The
second form of sparring is when you use sarcastic remarks to disclaim
someone else's point of view.
 Being Right (Be Perfect)
 You do not listen to criticism constructive or not. You must always be right and
you will go to any length to make sure you are. You find yourself shouting,
making excuses or accusations to avoid being wrong.
 Derailing
 When you are bored or uncomfortable with a topic, you will derail the train of the
conversation. This can be done in several ways but the two most common or a
change of subject or by joking.
 Placating (Please Others) You are being nice, pleasant and supportive. You
want people to like you so you agree with everything. Right . . . Absolutely . . . I
know . . . Of course you are . . . Incredible . . . Really?
LISTENING BARRIERS

55. THANK YOU