Attraction, Romance, and Relationships Build your perfect partner! Physically attractive body $2 Physically attractive face $2 Intelligence $2 Similar race/religion/culture $2 Different race/religion/culture $2 Similar values $3 Humor $1 Work ethic $2 Social status (respect/admiration of others) $1 Emotional support $2 Sense of adventure $1 Honesty/trust $3 Communication skills $2 Intimacy $1 Financial stability $1 Physical health $1 Cooperation $2 Parental ability $1 Caveats Relationships research has historically favored monogamous, heterosexual relationships Research has also favored White, Western relationships Important differences exist based on race, culture, and country Most research is observational (for good reason) Limits our ability to make causal claims, limited internal validity Initial Attraction When forming schemas of others, we quickly notice our own attraction to them Attraction is an automatic, affective response Serves to focus attention, resources 1. Physical attractiveness We are more interested in, drawn to, and fond of people we find physically attractive Why does physical attractiveness matter so much? Biological  Physical attractiveness cues ability to provide resources and produce healthy offspring Symmetrical faces, clear skin, healthy hair all signal genetic fitness Societal  Attraction signals social awareness, value, and desirability Halo effect  Attractive people are perceived a friendlier, cleaner, etc. 2. Similarity We are attracted to people that are similar to us in: Culture, identity Interests, values, hobbies Physical attractiveness What about “opposites attract?” “My friend Katie is an extrovert and her partner is an introvert” “Katie is a White, college-educated, Jewish, Democratic, millennial extrovert and her partner is a White, college-educated, Jewish, Democratic, millennial introvert” 2. Similarity Why do we care about similarity? We like ourselves, and therefore like people similar to ourselves I listen to rap music, so if you listen to rap music you have great taste Similar people feel familiar to us, and we like familiarity If you grew up in the same area as me, I have a positive association towards you Similarity contributes to trust and cooperation I go to Miami University, so if you do too, I can trust you more Similarity reduces the likelihood of being rejected I have more I can say/do to impress you if we have shared interests 3. Positive interactions We are more attracted to people when we have positive interactions with them This can come from a single, incredibly positive experience with someone It can also come from frequent, generally positive experiences Generally, we like the people we are around in the absence of any negative experiences Gender Differences Men and women are much more similar than different in their partner preferences Partner preference differs more by type of relationship Short-term mate preference  We favor si.

1. Attraction, Romance, and Relationships
Build your perfect partner!
Physically attractive body $2
Physically attractive face $2
Intelligence $2
Similar race/religion/culture $2
Different race/religion/culture $2
Similar values $3
Humor $1
Work ethic $2
Social status (respect/admiration of others) $1
Emotional support $2
Sense of adventure $1
Honesty/trust $3
Communication skills $2
Intimacy $1
Financial stability $1
Physical health $1
Cooperation $2
Parental ability $1
Caveats
Relationships research has historically favored monogamous,
heterosexual relationships

2. Research has also favored White, Western relationships
Important differences exist based on race, culture, and
country
Most research is observational (for good reason)
Limits our ability to make causal claims, limited internal
validity
Initial Attraction
When forming schemas of others, we quickly notice our own
attraction to them
Attraction is an automatic, affective response
Serves to focus attention, resources
1. Physical attractiveness
We are more interested in, drawn to, and fond of people we find
physically attractive
Why does physical attractiveness matter so much?
resources and produce healthy offspring
Symmetrical faces, clear skin, healthy hair all signal
genetic fitness
desirability
cleaner, etc.

3. 2. Similarity
We are attracted to people that are similar to us in:
Culture, identity
Interests, values, hobbies
Physical attractiveness
What about “opposites attract?”
“My friend Katie is an extrovert and her partner is an
introvert”
“Katie is a White, college-educated, Jewish, Democratic,
millennial extrovert and her partner is a White, college-
educated, Jewish, Democratic, millennial introvert”
2. Similarity
Why do we care about similarity?
We like ourselves, and therefore like people similar to ourselves
I listen to rap music, so if you listen to rap music you have
great taste
Similar people feel familiar to us, and we like familiarity
If you grew up in the same area as me, I have a positive
association towards you
Similarity contributes to trust and cooperation
I go to Miami University, so if you do too, I can trust you more
Similarity reduces the likelihood of being rejected
I have more I can say/do to impress you if we have shared
interests
3. Positive interactions
We are more attracted to people when we have positive
interactions with them

4. This can come from a single, incredibly positive experience
with someone
It can also come from frequent, generally positive experiences
Generally, we like the people we are around in the absence of
any negative experiences
Gender Differences
Men and women are much more similar than different in their
partner preferences
Partner preference differs more by type of relationship
Short-
Males: Height, muscularity, deep voice, bone structure
Females: Waist-to-hip ratio, youthful appearance
All: Symmetrical faces, healthy skin, physical fitness
Long-
supportive partners
Trustworthiness, warmth, honesty
Gender Differences
Gender differences exist largely because men and women tend
to focus on different relationships in their responses
What do you look for in a partner?
Men tend to answer short-term; women tend to answer
long-term
Gender Differences

5. These gender differences are likely determined in part by
biology
Males’ best chance of reproduction is frequent, short-term
sexual partners
Females’ best chance of reproduction is finding a partner
willing to invest resources in their offspring
But cultural/societal factors also play a large part
Women’s sexuality is discouraged more than men’s
In more gender-equal societies, women express more short-
and long- term preferences
Relationship Development
Given mutual attraction and opportunity, initial attraction may
begin to develop into a relationship
These early relationships are marked by two features:
Exchange of rewards
Self-disclosure
Exchange of rewards
Early in relationships, we are focused on what we get from the
partner
Possible rewards from a relationship:
Positive attention
Entertainment
Sexual encounters
Social support

6. Belonging
We continue relationships that we believe offer fair exchanges
Self-Disclosure
Aside from time, self-disclosure is what helps relationships
develop
Self- haring intimate facts,
feelings, and opinions
Self-disclosure facilitates:
Attraction
Intimacy
Mutual care
Example
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MeHxPX7_E4
What do we see here that is facilitating a good first-impression?
What is this couple doing to develop their relationship?
Close relationships
strong and frequent interdependence
Close relationships can be:
Romantic
Friendships
Familial (siblings, parent-child)

7. Interdependence in relationships
influence and rely on the other
Interdependence can be tracked using the ABC’s of social
psychology
Affective interdependence
Behavioral interdependence
Cognitive interdependence
Affective Interdependence
-being is
deeply impacted by the actions of the other person
If my relationship with my partner is stable and healthy, I
feel better overall
Affective interdependence is developed through:
Emotionally-rich self-disclosure
My dog passed away a few years ago and I still miss her
A response that is acknowledging, compassionate, and accepting
Dealing with loss is difficult, I’m
response!
Behavioral interdependence
being self-focused to being focused on the other and the
relationship

8. I don’t just do things for me, but for you and for us
Stages of Reward Exchange
Stages of Reward Exchange:
immediately and exactly to assure perfect equality
If my friend pays $35 for dinner, I Venmo them $17.50 right
then
rds are compensated
fairly evenly across a longer period of time
My roommate drives me to the airport, so I clean the kitchen
given without consideration for compensation
I make my romantic partner a nice dinner for no apparent reason
Cognitive interdependence
-concept starts to
integrate our partner and relationship as a part of the self
You and this relationship are a central part of me
We typically have clear boundaries in knowledge of self and of
others
A close partner breaks that barrier
Our partner gets the cognitive benefits we usually reserve for
our selves:
We favor things associated with our partner
We make external attributions for our partner’s mistakes
Upward social comparisons with our partner are not threatening

9. Romantic Love, Passion, Sexual Attraction
Close relationships are not necessarily romantic
Romantic relationships are close relationships that often also
include passionate and sexual feelings
Overwhelming joy, longing, and
euphoria for a partner
Sex in romantic relationships
Greater sexual satisfaction is closely related to relationship
satisfaction
Remember: this is mostly based on observational work
There are gender differences in the cause of sexual
dissatisfaction:
Women: Greater dissatisfaction when sexual activity is
“cold, unemotional, lacking passion”
Men: Greater dissatisfaction when sexual activity is
“routine, unchanging, monotonous”
Functions of sex in relationships
Couples report different reasons for engaging in sex
Enjoyment
Foster closeness/intimacy with partner
Give partner pleasure

10. Motivations focused on the self and relationship predict greater
well-being/satisfaction
I ha
satisfaction
Threats to relationships
Threats to relationships
Relationships inevitably encounter conflict, these can threaten
the relationship
Three most common sources of conflict in a relationship
Disagreement
External pressures
Fear of rejection
1. Disagreements
The downside of interdependence is the loss of autonomy
Feeling “tied down” or restricted leads to more conflict in a
relationship
This is especially true during periods of decision-making
I want kids and my partner doesn’t
My partner has a job offer that would move us across the
state
My partner and I want to do different things on Friday
night

11. 2. External pressure
External factors also place stress on a relationship
difficulties, job stress, the presence of children
to hit milestones
of a family member, loss of a job, natural
disaster
3. Fear of rejection
Relationships make you more vulnerable to painful rejection
We react strongly if our partner has (real or imagined)
opportunity and desire to find a new partner
Dishonesty, secrets, social withdrawal all signal upcoming
rejection
Remember: Responses to rejection (or possible rejection) are:
Prosocial
Antisocial
Asocial
Reacting to possible rejection

12. Couples sat at opposite ends of a lab with a worksheet in front
of them, told they were filling out the same sheet
Control
Both partners: Please list things you dislike about your
partner
Experimental
Partner 1: Please list things you dislike about your partner
Partner 2: Please list objects in your house under 5
pounds
Partner 1 reported more things they disliked, later reported less
relationship satisfaction
Understudied relationships
Same-sex relationships
Individuals typically recognize their sexual orientation by early
adolescence (roughly before 15-years-old)
Coming out is largely predicted by social/cultural support
We have no consensus on what leads to differing sexual
orientations
Research has looked at genetics, hormones, development,
society, etc.

13. Same-sex relationships
Same-sex relationships face unique challenges from opposite-
sex relationships
Three biggest challenges:
heteronormative society, risks being “outed”
being public, loss of family/friends, fear of violence
prejudice against homosexuality
Couples with greater internalized homophobia feel more guilt,
anger in their relationship
Consensual nonmonogamy
Con
forms of “open” relationships in which relationships with others
are permitted
permanent
parts of the relationship
romantic partners
among two or more couples
between two
individuals that includes at least one more person in sexual acts
Some estimates say about one in five Americans have been in a
CNM relationship
This is about the same rate as cat ownership

14. Consensual nonmonogamy
Unique challenges of CNM relationships
CNM couples are highly stigmatized – face disapproval and
ostracism
Healthcare providers (physicians and therapists) are usually
unprepared to help CNM couples
When done poorly, can result in manipulation, pain, and
rejection
Benefits of CNM relationships
Report greater fulfillment
Increased focus on non-physical aspects
Develops communication, trust
Close Relationships Interview
For this paper, you will be tasked with interviewing a
couple that you believe has a “close relationship” as we have
defined it in class. Importantly, this can be a romantic couple,
two close friends, or some other relationship (however, sibling
or parent-child relationships will not work well for this). For
this interview, you are responsible for writing the interview
questions. Please be sure to include a copy of your questions at
the end of your essay. Throughout the interview, make sure you
ask questions that allow you to fully respond to the following
prompt:
· Please spend a page giving context to the couple you are
interviewing. Include their names (you make include fake names
if the couple prefers), the nature of their relationship, how long
they have known each other, and other relevant information.
· Describe how the couple met and began their relationship.
Based on our understanding of early relationships, why do you

15. believe the relationship “survived” past this early stage into a
close relationship?
· Describe a time, early in their relationship, where the couple
engaged in self-disclosure. In your own words describe how you
believe these early instances of self-disclosure impacted the
relationship.
· Describe a time during which the couple engaged in behavioral
interdependence. That is, give an example of how the couple
displays behaviors that are done selflessly for the relationship
or for their partner. Then, describe what this example might
have looked like if the couple had still been in the “exact
reward exchanges” or “approximate reward exchanges” stage of
their relationship.
· Describe a conflict that the couple has faced (and is
comfortable sharing). Based on our understanding of threats that
couples face in their relationships, what source of conflict do
you believe this was? Why was this a stressor to the
relationship?
· Ask each member of the couple to describe their favorite thing
about their partner. This does not necessarily have to tie to what
we have learned about close relationships. More so, I just want
to end on a high note and want to hear some cute, cheesy stuff.
NOTE: Your first priority in this assignment is to treat the
couple you interview with the appropriate respect and privacy.
Please use your best judgement in choosing a couple and
crafting your questions.
NOTE: Your last page of the essay should be your interview
questions (this should not count towards your page count). I am,
in part, evaluating you on these questions as well. A good social
psychologist knows how to ask questions to their participants to
get to the underlying psychological processes. The questions
should be written in an understandable language and not include
too many terms that individuals not in our class would not
understand.