personal relationship

1. Chapter 9
Personal Relationships

2. Personal Relationships
 Three basic characteristics
 Frequent interaction over a long period
of time
 Many different kinds of activities
 Strong mutual influence

3. Interdependence Theory
 Analyzes the exchange and
coordination of outcomes between
interdependent partners

4. Interdependence Theory
 A reward is anything a person gains
from an interaction
 Particular or universal, symbolic or
concrete
 Basic types of rewards:
Love Information
Money Goods
Status Services

5. Interdependence Theory
 A cost is any negative consequence
that occurs in an interaction or
relationship
 Time
 Energy
 Conflict
 Others’ Disapproval
 Opportunity Cost

6. Interdependence Theory
 Outcome = Rewards – Costs
 We evaluate outcomes with standards
 Profitability
 Comparison level
 Based on past experience
 Comparison level of alternatives
 Based on other currently available relationships

7. Interdependence Theory
 In relationships, we need to
coordinate outcomes to maximize
benefits to both partners
 Easier to do when partners are similar
 In case of conflicts of interest, partners
must negotiate a settlement
 Social norms and social roles help provide
solutions to some coordination problems

8. Interdependence Theory
 People are most content when they
perceive their relationships to be fair
 Rules for Fairness
 Equality Rule
 “To Each According to Need”
 Equity Rule: profits proportional to inputs
 P’s outcome
= O’s outcome
P’s contributions O’s contributions

9. Interdependence Theory
 Basic Assumptions of Equity theory
 Individuals try to maximize their outcomes in a
relationship.
 Rewards can be maximized by evolving rules or
norms about fairness.
 Perceived inequity fosters distress.
 For both the under-benefited and the over-benefited
 People who perceive inequity will try to restore
equity.
 Either actual or perceived equity may be restored.

10. Interdependence Theory
 Research on Equity Theory
 Concerns with fairness may be highest
at the beginning of a relationship, and in
a long-term relationship when it
encounters stressful changes
 Equity is less important to happiness
than the absolute level of rewards

11. Interdependence Theory
Exchange Relationships
People give benefits
expecting a return of
benefits soon after
Strangers & Casual
Acquaintances
Clark & Mills (1979)
Communal Relationships
People feel responsible for
meeting their partner’s
needs
Family, Friends, Romantic
Partners
Including other in self
means that benefiting
partner benefits self too

12. Self-Disclosure
 Self-disclosure is a special type of
conversation in which we share
intimate information and feelings
with another person.

13. Self-Disclosure
 Reasons we disclose
 Social Approval
 Relationship Development
 Self-Expression
 Self-Clarification
 Social Control

14. Self-Disclosure
 Liking
 Self-Disclosure
 In general, we most like people whose self-
disclosure is reciprocal and gradual.
 The impact of self-disclosure on liking
depends on the nature of the relationship.
 E.g., an intimate self-disclosure by one’s roommate may
be received very differently than an intimate self-
disclosure by a random stranger in a lecture hall.

15. Self-Disclosure
 Self-disclosure also entails risks:
 Indifference
 Rejection
 Loss of Control
 Betrayal
 Because of the risks of self-
disclosure, we sometimes conceal our
deepest feelings and keep secrets

16. Self-Disclosure
 Self-disclosure varies by culture and by
gender
 E.g., Japanese are less self-disclosing than
Americans across relationships
 Women reveal somewhat more than men,
particularly in same-sex relationships in the
U.S.
 Men may be more revealing in same-sex
relationships in cultures that encourage this

17. Intimacy
 Intimacy results not just from self-
disclosure, but when self-disclosure
evokes a response that makes a
person feel understood, validated,
and care for.

18. Gender and Intimacy
 Men and women do not define
intimacy differently.
 However, men experience less
intimacy than women in their same-
sex interactions (there are no
difference in cross-sex interactions)
 Cultural norms may explain this.

19. The Balance of Power
 Social power = a person’s ability to
influence deliberately the behavior,
thoughts, or feelings of another.
 In some relationships, power is balanced,
in others, one person has more power
than the other.

20. The Balance of Power
 Heterosexual couples in the U.S.:
 Equal power 64%
 Male-dominant 27%
 Female-dominant 9%
Blumstein & Schwartz, 1983
 Equal power can mean shared or “separate
but equal” decision-making
 Consensus between partners is generally
the key to happiness
 However, female-dominant relationships are less
satisfying

21. The Balance of Power
 Three things determine whether a
relationship is equal in power:
 Social Norms and Attitudes
 Relative Resources
 Especially if the one with greater resources is a man
 The Principle of Least Interest
 The person who is least dependent on the relationship
has the most power (Waller, 1938)

22. Conflict
 The process that occurs when the
actions of one person interfere with
the actions of another
 The potential for conflict increases as
interdependence increases

23. Conflict
 Three types of problems
 specific behaviors
 norms and roles
 personal dispositions

24. Conflict
 Conflict can help or hurt a relationship,
depending on how it is resolved.
 On the one hand, it can lead to defensiveness,
withdrawal, even threats and violence.
 On the other, it can provide opportunity for
clarification of agreements, to discover their
depth of feeling for each other, and renew
efforts to create a satisfying relationship.

25. Satisfaction & Commitment
 Satisfaction = an individual’s subjective
evaluation of the quality of a relationship.
Better when:
 Rewards > Costs
 Outcome > C.L.
 Happy couples spend more time in joint
activities, use more humor, engage in more
affectionate touching, and in less criticism,
hostility, & arguing

26. Satisfaction & Commitment
 Commitment = all the forces, positive &
negative, that act to keep a person in a
relationship.
 Increased by
 Satisfaction
 Values & morals
 Barriers that make it costly to leave
 Investments
 Decreased by
 C.L. alt (available alternatives)

27. Satisfaction & Commitment
 Generally, there is a close relationship
between satisfaction & commitment
 However, sometimes couples stay together
despite low satisfaction. Why?
 Higher investments
 Lack of alternatives
 Moral commitments
 Low feelings of personal control

28. Satisfaction & Commitment
 Factors that help in understanding
commitment in heterosexual
relationships are generally useful in
understanding homosexual
relationships as well.
 The major difference is fewer barriers to
breaking up for homosexual relationships.

29. Satisfaction & Commitment
 Factors that increase commitment:
 Positive Illusions about Relationships
 Misremembering the Past
 Forgoing Tempting Alternative Partners
 Explaining a Partner’s Behavior in a
charitable fashion
 Willingness to Sacrifice
 Accommodation & Forgiveness

30. Satisfaction & Commitment
 Reactions to Dissatisfaction:
 Voice
 Loyalty
 Neglect
 Exit
 Rusbult, 1987