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The aim of this lecture is to introduce and discuss social-psychological aspects of interpersonal relationships and, in particular, attraction, exclusion, and close relationships.

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  • The aim of this lecture is to introduce and discuss social-psychological aspects of interpersonal relationships and, in particular, attraction, exclusion, and close relationships. Lecture webpages: Image source: Jason Hutchens, 2004, CC-By-A 2.0
  • Relationships

    1. 1. Social Psychology <ul><ul><li>Relationships </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>2008 </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Lecturer: James Neill </li></ul></ul>
    2. 2. Readings <ul><li>Bauemeister & Bushman (2008): </li></ul><ul><li>Part 1 : Ch10 Attraction and Exclusion </li></ul><ul><li>Part 2 : Ch11 Close Relationships: Passion, Intimacy, and Sexuality </li></ul>
    3. 3. Overview: Pt 1 (Attraction & Exclusion) <ul><li>The need to belong </li></ul><ul><li>Interpersonal attraction </li></ul><ul><li>Rejection / social exclusion </li></ul>
    4. 4. The Need to Belong (Affiliation) <ul><ul><li>Desire to form & maintain close, lasting relationships with other individuals. </li></ul></ul>
    5. 5. The need to belong <ul><li>Homo sapiens: </li></ul><ul><li>Appear to need contact with other members of their species. </li></ul><ul><li>Experience a powerful drive to form & maintain close lasting relationships. </li></ul><ul><li>Usually form relationships easily. </li></ul><ul><li>Are reluctant to end relationships. </li></ul><ul><li>Seek an optimal balance between social contacts & solitude. </li></ul>
    6. 7. The need to belong <ul><li>Basic need to belong is not unique to humans </li></ul><ul><li>People can be similar on more dimensions </li></ul><ul><li>People spend much time & energy to secure their place in the social group </li></ul>
    7. 8. The need to belong <ul><li>Belongingness consists of: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Regular social contact with others </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Close, stable, mutually intimate contact </li></ul></ul><ul><li>One without the other  partial satisfaction </li></ul>
    8. 9. The need to belong <ul><li>People do not continue to form relationships: </li></ul><ul><li>Typically seek ~4 to 6 close relationships. </li></ul><ul><li>Even in people-rich environments, most people form social circles of about 6 people. </li></ul>
    9. 10. Marriage <ul><li>People who marry live longer, healthier lives </li></ul><ul><li>People who stay married live longer and better than those who divorce </li></ul><ul><li>Happy marriage is an important consideration </li></ul>
    10. 11. Attraction Forces which draw 2 or more people together. Interpersonal Repulsion Forces which drive 2 or more people apart.
    11. 12. Ingratiation <ul><li>What people actively do to try to make others like them. </li></ul>
    12. 13. Similarity <ul><li>Common, significant cause of attraction </li></ul><ul><li>Tend to like others who are similar to us </li></ul><ul><li>Otherwise we experience cognitive dissonance. </li></ul>
    13. 14. Similarity <ul><li>Do opposites attract? i.e., do we need complementarity? </li></ul><ul><ul><li>little supporting evidence </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Spouses are similar in many respects: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>IQ </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>physical attractiveness </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Education </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>SES </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Couples more similar in attractiveness more likely to progress to committed relationship. </li></ul>
    14. 15. Fig. 10-2, p. 334
    15. 16. Matching Hypothesis <ul><li>People are attracted to & form relationships with others who are similar to them in physical attractiveness. </li></ul>
    16. 17. Self-monitoring <ul><li>People change to become more similar to those with whom they interact: </li></ul><ul><li>High self-monitoring (field dependent) – maximise each social situation </li></ul><ul><li>Low self-monitoring (field independent) – interested in permanent connections and feelings </li></ul>
    17. 18. Similarity <ul><li>As cultures progress & form large, complex groups, there is more need for complementarity, e.g.,: </li></ul><ul><li>Risks in joining a new group </li></ul><ul><li>People tend to look for similarity </li></ul>
    18. 19. Reinforcement theory <ul><li>Behaviors reinforced tend to be repeated </li></ul><ul><li>People tend to be attracted to those who are rewarding to them </li></ul>
    19. 20. Reinforcement theory <ul><li>Reinforcement-affect model - based on principles of classical conditioning </li></ul><ul><li>Associate ‘attractive’ person with rewards & positive affect </li></ul>
    20. 22. Interpersonal rewards <ul><li>Do favors for someone </li></ul><ul><li>Praise someone </li></ul>
    21. 23. Reciprocity <ul><li>Liking begets liking; We like those who like us </li></ul><ul><li>Mimicking increases liking. </li></ul><ul><li>If someone likes you: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Initially it is very favorable, but </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>If that liking is not returned, it can be a burden </li></ul></ul><ul><li>We tend to prefer relationships that are psychologically balanced . </li></ul>
    22. 24. The gain-loss hypothesis We like people most if they initially dislike us & then later like us e.g., (Aronson & Linder, 1965) Order of feedback Degree of liking Neg-Pos Pos-Pos Neg-Neg Pos-Neg 0 2 4 6 8 10    
    23. 25. Playing hard to get <ul><li>Prefer those who are ‘moderately’ selective (turned off by those too readily available & those who reject us). </li></ul><ul><li>Attractiveness  s towards bar closing time for those not in a relationship (Madey et al., 1996) . </li></ul><ul><li>Reactance – if freedom of choice threatened, desire  s for difficult to attain goal. </li></ul>
    24. 26. <ul><ul><li>Costs </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>e.g., effort, conflict, compromise, sacrifice, risk </li></ul></ul></ul>Social Exchange Theory <ul><li>People are motivated to  benefits &  costs in their relationships with others. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Rewards </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>e.g., love, companionship, sex </li></ul></ul></ul>
    25. 27. Social Exchange Theory <ul><li>Comparison level (CL) </li></ul><ul><ul><li>average, expected outcome in relationships </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Comparison level for alternatives (C alt ) </li></ul><ul><ul><li>expectations of rewards in alternative situation (what could I get elsewhere?) </li></ul></ul><ul><li>(Sunk) Investment </li></ul><ul><ul><li>things put into relationship that can’t be recovered. </li></ul></ul>
    26. 28. Equity Theory (Balance Theory) <ul><li>People are most satisfied with a relationship when the ratio between benefits & contributions is similar for both partners </li></ul><ul><li>Your benefits = Partner’s benefits </li></ul><ul><li>Your contributions = Partner’s contributions </li></ul>
    27. 29. Equity Theory (Balance Theory) <ul><li>Prefer relationships that are psychologically balanced. </li></ul><ul><li>Motivated to restore balance in relationships </li></ul>
    28. 30. Equity theory applied to two equitable and two inequitable relationships Outputs Inputs Outputs Inputs PETER OLIVIA Equity perceived Equity not perceived PETER OLIVIA   =     =       = =     Inputs or ouputs are:  Few  Average  Many
    29. 31. Balance Theory <ul><li>Agreement is an affirming experience, lead to positive affect. If we disagree, we seek to find agreement. </li></ul><ul><li>Attracted to similar others </li></ul><ul><ul><li>We strive to like our friend’s friends. </li></ul></ul>
    30. 32. Commitment to one’s relationship is weaker when many high-quality alternative partners are available.
    31. 33. Propinquity (Exposure or Psychological Proximity) <ul><li>Best predictor of a relationship is proximity or nearness. </li></ul><ul><li>Mere-exposure effect </li></ul><ul><ul><li>The more we’re exposed to something, the more we like it. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Familiarity </li></ul><ul><ul><li>greater liking for a familiar stimulus. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Overexposure can reduce liking. </li></ul><ul><li>People also weigh: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Availability - interaction is easy & low cost </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Expectation of continued interaction </li></ul></ul>
    32. 34. <ul><li>4 different women (confederates) attended a lecture over a semester. </li></ul><ul><li>Four conditions: each attended 0, 5, 10, or 15 times. </li></ul><ul><li>Participants (students in the lectures) then viewed pictures of the 4 women </li></ul><ul><li>They liked/ were most attracted to the woman they had been exposed to most . </li></ul>Moreland & Beach (1992)
    33. 35. Moreland & Beach (1992) Ratings of attraction.
    34. 36. Attraction <ul><li>Propinquity </li></ul><ul><li>Availability </li></ul><ul><ul><li>interaction is easy & low cost </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Expectation of continued interaction </li></ul>
    35. 37. Familiarity & exposure <ul><li>Social allergy effect </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Annoying habits become more annoying over time </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Familiarity & repeated exposure can </li></ul><ul><ul><li>make bad things worse </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>encourage liking someone </li></ul></ul>
    36. 38. Neighbors make friends – and enemies <ul><li>Festinger et al. (1950) </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Strongest predictor of friendships was propinquity </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Ebbesen et al. (1976) </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Strongest predictor of enemies was propinquity </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Regular contact amplifies or multiplies power of other factors </li></ul>
    37. 39. <ul><li>Rate this woman’s: </li></ul><ul><li>Intelligence </li></ul><ul><li>Happiness </li></ul><ul><li>Success </li></ul><ul><li>1 = Well below average </li></ul><ul><li>2 = Below average </li></ul><ul><li>3 = Average </li></ul><ul><li>4 = Above average </li></ul><ul><li>5 = Well above average </li></ul>
    38. 40. <ul><li>John: </li></ul><ul><li>25 years old </li></ul><ul><li>Car salesman </li></ul><ul><li>Rents a small apartment </li></ul><ul><li>Lives on his own. </li></ul><ul><li>Does not have a girlfriend. </li></ul><ul><li>Allergies limit time he can spend outdoors. </li></ul><ul><li>Matt: </li></ul><ul><li>26 years old </li></ul><ul><li>Business executive </li></ul><ul><li>Owns two houses </li></ul><ul><li>Happily married </li></ul><ul><li>Enjoys travelling, yacht racing, and nightclubbing. </li></ul>John or Matt?
    39. 41. p. 340 A
    40. 42. p. 340 B
    41. 43. Attractiveness <ul><li>Most people show preference for attractive over unattractive </li></ul><ul><li>“ What is beautiful is good” effect </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Attractiveness = superiority on other traits </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Attractive children are more popular with peers and teachers </li></ul><ul><li>Babies prefer attractive faces </li></ul>
    42. 44. Attractiveness <ul><li>For men, clothing represent wealth and status </li></ul><ul><ul><li>High wealth & status men are more attractive </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Body shape influences attractiveness </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Cultural variation in ideal body weight </li></ul></ul>
    43. 45. Beauty <ul><li>People agree who is beautiful but not why </li></ul><ul><li>Evolutionary psychology </li></ul><ul><ul><li>beauty in women ~ Health, youth, fertility </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Symmetry is attractive </li></ul><ul><li>Typicality is attractive </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Average or composite faces are more attractive than individual faces </li></ul></ul>
    44. 46. Beauty <ul><li>Babies show a preference for faces considered attractive by adults. </li></ul><ul><li>Some cultural & historical differences in perception of beauty </li></ul><ul><li>Despite cultural & historical differences there is a considerable degree of agreement as to what is thought of as beautiful. </li></ul>
    45. 47. Beauty <ul><li>Bias towards beauty - why? </li></ul><ul><li>Aesthetic rewards </li></ul><ul><li>Reflected ‘glory’ </li></ul><ul><li>“ What-is-beautiful-is-good” stereotype - associate beauty with other ‘good’ things </li></ul><ul><li>Beautiful judged to be - intelligent, successful, happy, well-adjusted, socially skilled, confident, assertive (& vain) </li></ul>
    46. 48. Beauty <ul><li>In reality, beauty not related to intelligence, personality adjustment or SES </li></ul><ul><li>Costs of beauty </li></ul><ul><ul><li>hard to interpret positive feedback </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>pressure to maintain appearance </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>little relationship between beauty in youth & satisfaction/adjustment in middle-age (Berscheid et al., 1972) </li></ul></ul>
    47. 49. Evolutionary Perspectives on Attraction / Mate Selection <ul><li>Gender differences in mate selection & sexual behaviour </li></ul><ul><li>Males tend to have </li></ul><ul><ul><li>more sexual partners & </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>partners that are young & attractive (more fertile). </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Women tend to have </li></ul><ul><ul><li>fewer sexual partners & </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>partners who are older & financially secure (better providers for offspring). </li></ul></ul>
    48. 50. Evolutionary Perspectives on Attraction / Mate Selection <ul><li>Triver (1972) - parental investment theory </li></ul><ul><li>Buss (1994) - evolutionary perspective </li></ul><ul><li>Gender differences in jealously </li></ul><ul><li>BUT - differences between sexes small compared to similarities </li></ul>
    49. 51. Acceptance People like you & include you in their groups. Social Rejection <ul><ul><li>People exclude you from their groups. </li></ul></ul>(Social Exclusion; Ostracism)
    50. 52. Not belonging is bad for you <ul><li>Failure to satisfy a “need to belong” leads to detrimental effects, e.g.,: </li></ul><ul><li>Death rates  among people without social connections. </li></ul><ul><li>People without a good social network have  physical & mental health problems. </li></ul>
    51. 53. Social Exclusion (video; 5:53 mins)
    52. 54. Rejection <ul><li>Ostracism </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Excluded, rejected, & ignored </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Effects of rejection </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Inner states are usually -ve </li></ul></ul>
    53. 55. Rejection <ul><li>Rejection sensitivity </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Expect rejection & become hypersensitive to possible rejection </li></ul></ul><ul><li>“ You hurt my feelings” = “You don’t care about the relationship” </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Implicit message of rejection </li></ul></ul>
    54. 56. Rejection <ul><li>Extent of hurt feelings is based on: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Importance of relationship </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Clearness of rejection signal </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Initial reaction to rejection – “ emotional numbness ” </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Interferes with psychological and cognitive functioning </li></ul></ul>
    55. 57. Behavioral Effects of Rejection <ul><li>Show  s in intelligent thought </li></ul><ul><li>Approach new interactions with skepticism </li></ul><ul><li>Typically less generous, less cooperative, less helpful </li></ul><ul><li>More willing to cheat or break rules </li></ul><ul><li>Act shortsighted, impulsive, self-destructive </li></ul>
    56. 58. Behavioral Effects of Rejection <ul><li>Repeated rejection can create aggression </li></ul><ul><li>Aggression can lead to rejection </li></ul><ul><li>Common theme in school shootings is social exclusion </li></ul>
    57. 59. Loneliness <ul><li>Desired > actual social contact </li></ul><ul><li>Painful feeling of wanting more human contact </li></ul><ul><li>Lacking in quantity and/or quality of relationships </li></ul><ul><li>Occurs during times of transition & disruption (e.g., moving, divorce) </li></ul>
    58. 60. Loneliness <ul><li>Unattached lonelier than attached </li></ul><ul><li>Widowed, divorced lonelier than never married </li></ul><ul><li>18-30 year olds - loneliest group </li></ul><ul><li>Little difference between lonely & unlonely </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Lonely have more difficulty understanding emotional states of others </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Loneliness tends to be bad for physical health </li></ul>
    59. 61. Social capital <ul><li>Collective value of all &quot;social networks“ </li></ul><ul><li>Inclinations that arise from these networks to do things for one other </li></ul>
    60. 62. Bowling Alone (Putnam, 2000) <ul><li>Declining Social Capital: Trends over the last 25 years </li></ul><ul><li>Attending club meetings </li></ul><ul><li>Family dinners </li></ul><ul><li>Having friends over </li></ul><ul><li>10 minutes of commuting  s social capital by 10%. </li></ul>
    61. 63. Social rejection <ul><li>Children are rejected by peers because they: </li></ul><ul><li>are aggressive </li></ul><ul><li>withdraw from contact </li></ul><ul><li>are different in some way </li></ul>
    62. 64. Social rejection <ul><li>Adults are most often rejected for being different from the rest of the group </li></ul><ul><li>Groups reject insiders more than outsiders for the same degree of deviance </li></ul><ul><li>Deviance within the group threatens the group’s unity </li></ul>
    63. 65. Social rejection <ul><li>Bad apple effect </li></ul><ul><ul><li>One person who breaks the rules may inspire others to do the same </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Threat of rejection influences good behavior </li></ul>
    64. 66. Romantic rejection & unrequited love <ul><li>Attribution theory & women refusing dates </li></ul><ul><li>Privately held reasons were internal to the man, stable, & global </li></ul><ul><li>Reasons told the man were external, unstable, and specific </li></ul><ul><ul><li>These reasons encourage asking again </li></ul></ul>
    65. 67. Romantic rejection & unrequited love <ul><li>Unrequited Love </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Men are more often rejected lover; women do the rejecting more often </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Stalking </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Women are more often stalked </li></ul></ul>
    66. 68. Summary of Topics <ul><li>The need to belong </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Not belonging is bad for you </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Attraction </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Ingratiation </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Social rewards </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Reciprocity </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Self-monitoring </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Similarity </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Propinquity </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Matching hypothesis </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Beauty </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Rejection </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Loneliness </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Social capital </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>What leads to social rejection? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Romantic rejection & unrequited love </li></ul></ul>
    67. 69. Overview: Pt 2 (Close Relationships, Passion, Intimacy, and Sexuality ) <ul><li>What Is love? </li></ul><ul><li>Types of relationships </li></ul><ul><li>Maintaining relationships </li></ul><ul><li>Sexuality </li></ul>
    68. 70. Love relationships <ul><li>Liking versus loving </li></ul><ul><li>Passionate love </li></ul><ul><ul><li>intense, involves physiological arousal </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Companionate love - caring & affection </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Characterised by high levels of self-disclosure </li></ul></ul>
    69. 71. What is love? <ul><li>“ I love my grandmother” </li></ul><ul><li>“ I’m in love with my boyfriend” </li></ul><ul><li>“ I love psychology” </li></ul>
    70. 72. Two types of love <ul><li>Passionate </li></ul><ul><li>Companionate </li></ul><ul><li>Physiological difference </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Presence of PEA </li></ul></ul>
    71. 73. Passionate Love <ul><li>Strong, intense feelings of </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Longing </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Desire </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Excitement </li></ul></ul><ul><li>toward another person. </li></ul>
    72. 74. Passionate Love <ul><li>Most cultures have passionate (romantic) love, although forms & expressions vary </li></ul><ul><li>Not always viewed positively </li></ul><ul><li>Paradox of marrying for passionate love: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Long-term commitment based on temporary state </li></ul></ul>
    73. 75. Companionate Love <ul><li>Affection for those with whom our lives are deeply intertwined: </li></ul><ul><li>Mutual understanding </li></ul><ul><li>Caring </li></ul><ul><li>Commitment </li></ul><ul><li>Calm, serene emotions </li></ul><ul><li>Important for successful marriages </li></ul>
    74. 76. Passionate love as a social construction <ul><li>Romantic love is found in most cultures </li></ul><ul><li>Forms & expression vary by culture </li></ul><ul><li>Attitude varies by culture & era </li></ul>
    75. 77. Love across time <ul><li>Passionate love is important for starting a relationships </li></ul><ul><li>Companionate love is important for making it succeed & survive </li></ul>
    76. 80. Fig. 11-3b, p. 365
    77. 81. Sternberg’s (1988) Triangular Model of Love Motivational : physiological arousal, longing, sexual attraction Cognitive : conscious decision, willing to define as love, long term Emotional : closeness, sharing, support, understanding, concern PASSION INTIMACY COMMITMENT
    78. 82. Triangular Theory of Love Sternberg (1988)
    79. 83. Schacter’s 2-factor theory of emotion <ul><li>1. Physical arousal </li></ul><ul><li>2. Cognitive appraisal (interpret arousal as love) </li></ul>
    80. 84. Hatfield & Walster’s 3-factor Theory of Romantic Love <ul><li>1. Cultural exposure </li></ul><ul><li>2. Physiological arousal </li></ul><ul><li>3. Presence of appropriate love object </li></ul>
    81. 85. Hatfield & Walster’s 3-factor Theory of Romantic Love + + Cultural exposure Physiological arousal Appropriate love object Romantic Love
    82. 86. Does love last? <ul><li>Passionate love is temporary </li></ul><ul><li>Successful relationships shift from passionate to companionate love </li></ul>2 years PASSION INTIMACY 1 year 5 years 10 years
    83. 87. Exchange vs. Communal <ul><li>Exchange relationships </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Based on reciprocity & fairness </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>More frequent in broader society </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Increases societal progress & wealth </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Communal relationships </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Based on love & concern without expectation of repayment </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>More frequent in close intimate relationships </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>More desirable, healthier, & mature </li></ul></ul>
    84. 88. Exchange vs. Communal <ul><li>Exchange relationships encourage progress and wealth in larger groups </li></ul><ul><li>We don’t like calculating equity in our serious relationships </li></ul><ul><ul><li>If people keep track of every little thing, it doesn’t feel like love </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Communal relationships are more desirable in intimate relationships </li></ul>
    85. 89. Attachment - Bowlby <ul><li>Influenced by Freudian & learning theory </li></ul><ul><li>Believed childhood attachment predicted adult relationships </li></ul>
    86. 90. Attachment - Shaver <ul><li>Identified attachment styles to describe adult relationships </li></ul><ul><li>Anxious/Ambivalent </li></ul><ul><li>Secure </li></ul><ul><li>Avoidant </li></ul>
    87. 91. Attachment styles <ul><li>People can classify themselves reliably. </li></ul><ul><li>Choose the description that best fits your relationships: </li></ul><ul><li>1 . I find it relatively easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me. I don’t often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting close to me. </li></ul>
    88. 92. Attachment styles <ul><li>2. I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesn’t really love me or won’t want to stay with me. I want to merge completely with another person, and this desire sometimes scares people away. </li></ul>
    89. 93. Attachment styles <ul><li>3. I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others. I find it difficult to trust them completely, difficult to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous when anyone gets too close, and, often love partners want me to be more intimate than I feel comfortable being. </li></ul>
    90. 94. <ul><li>Attachments marked by trust / other will continue to provide love & support. </li></ul>3 Original Attachment Styles Defensive detachment from other Fear of abandonment; feeling /one’s needs aren’t being met SECURE (56%) ANXIOUS/ AMBIVALENT (19%) AVOIDANT (25%)
    91. 95. 2 Dimensions of Attachment <ul><li>Theory developed along two dimensions: </li></ul><ul><li>Anxiety – attitudes toward self </li></ul><ul><li>Avoidance – attitudes toward others </li></ul>
    92. 96. Attachment styles <ul><li>Secure attachment </li></ul><ul><li>Dismissing avoidant attachment </li></ul><ul><li>Fearful avoidant attachment </li></ul><ul><li>Preoccupied attachment </li></ul>
    93. 98. Attachment <ul><li>The new model splits avoidant types into two groups </li></ul><ul><li>Dismissing avoidants are independent </li></ul><ul><ul><li>See themselves as worthy, but seek to prevent intimacy </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Fearful avoidants have low opinions of themselves </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Worry they aren’t lovable </li></ul></ul>
    94. 99. Avoidant Attachment Style <ul><li>They still have the “need to belong” </li></ul><ul><li>Inner conflict: want contact but fear closeness </li></ul><ul><li>They have as much social contact as others. They are NOT loners, isolates </li></ul><ul><li>Hence may want to “juggle” relationship partners. Keep many relationships going but not let one get too close </li></ul>
    95. 100. Attachment Matching <ul><li>People do not always form relationships with others with same attachment style </li></ul><ul><li>Having one secure person improves relationship outcome (and two are better than one) </li></ul><ul><li>Rare to have both anxious, or both avoidant </li></ul><ul><li>Avoidant men, anxious women do well; anxious men with avoidant women, not so good </li></ul>
    96. 101. Attachment & Sex <ul><li>Secure </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Generally have good sex lives </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Preoccupied </li></ul><ul><ul><li>May use sex to pull others close to them </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Avoidant </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Have a desire for connection </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>May avoid sex, or use it to resist intimacy </li></ul></ul>
    97. 102. Self-esteem & love <ul><li>Popular belief that you need to love yourself before you can love others </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Not demonstrated in theory or facts </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Self-esteem </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Low self-esteem – may feel unlovable </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>High self-esteem – may feel more worthy than present partner </li></ul></ul>
    98. 103. Self-love & loving others <ul><li>Self-acceptance is good for getting along with others </li></ul><ul><li>Excessive self-love (e.g. narcissism) can </li></ul><ul><li>be detrimental to close relationships </li></ul><ul><li>Self-acceptance </li></ul><ul><ul><li>More minimal form of self-love </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Linked to positive interactions </li></ul></ul>
    99. 104. Maintaining relationships <ul><li>Good relationships tend to stay the same over time </li></ul><ul><li>Popular myth that they continue to improve </li></ul><ul><li>Key to maintaining a good relationship is to avoid a downward spiral </li></ul>
    100. 105. Is honesty the best policy? <ul><li>People in love hold idealised versions of each other </li></ul><ul><li>Is it better to be yourself? Yes and no: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Research supports that we want our partners to view us as we view ourselves </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Relationships can thrive when couples remain on their best behavior </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>More idealisation leads to stronger, longer relationships </li></ul></ul>
    101. 106. Is honesty the best policy? Fig. 11-6, p. 377
    102. 107. Maintaining relationships <ul><li>People perceive good relationships as getting better & better </li></ul><ul><li>Research shows that relationships either stay the same or go downhill </li></ul>
    103. 108. Maintaining relationships <ul><li>For relationships to succeed couples must avoid the “downward spiral” </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Reciprocity of negative behaviour </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Positive interactions must occur at least 5 x as often as negative ones </li></ul>
    104. 109. Why do people stay with their relationship partners? <ul><li>SATISFACTION: quality of the relationship, good interactions, “makes me happy” </li></ul><ul><li>Kind of obvious </li></ul><ul><li>But explains only about 30% </li></ul>
    105. 110. Why do people stay with their relationship partners? <ul><li>ALTERNATIVES: if you left this relationship, what would replace it? </li></ul><ul><li>Might leave a good partner in pursuit of a better one </li></ul><ul><li>Some guesswork </li></ul>
    106. 111. Why do people stay with their relationship partners? <ul><li>INVESTMENT/SUNK COSTS = what you have put into the relationship that will be lost if you leave </li></ul><ul><li>Examples, long effort to understand each other, learning to get along </li></ul><ul><li>Shared history together (experiences, memories, children, projects) </li></ul>
    107. 112. Attributions <ul><li>Difference in terms of attribution: </li></ul><ul><li>Relationship-enhancing : </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Good acts - internal; </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Bad acts - external factors </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Distress-maintaining: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Good acts - external factors </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Bad acts - internal </li></ul></ul>
    108. 113. Attributional processes <ul><li>“ Why didn’t he do the dishes?” </li></ul><ul><li>“ Typical… he never wants to help out” </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Distress-maintaining style of attribution </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Unhappy couples attribute negative events to their partners and positive events to external factors </li></ul></ul>
    109. 114. Attributional processes <ul><li>“ Why didn’t he do the dishes?” </li></ul><ul><li>“ He must have had a hard day at work.” </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Relationship-enhancing style of attribution </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Happy couples attribute negative events to external factors and positive events to their partners </li></ul></ul>
    110. 115. Optimism & devaluing <ul><li>Optimism in the relationship </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Happy couples have an idealised version of their relationship </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Exaggerate the success of their relationships </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Devaluing alternatives </li></ul><ul><ul><li>People in lasting relationships do not find others appealing </li></ul></ul>
    111. 116. Investment model <ul><li>3 factors to explain long-term relationships </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Satisfaction </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Alternatives </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Investments </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Considered together they predict the likelihood of maintaining the relationship </li></ul>
    112. 117. The Investment Model of Commitment Commitment Level Quality of Alternatives Investment Size Satisfaction Level Decision to Remain
    113. 118. The Investment Model of Commitment <ul><li>Explains why people remain in relationships with abusive or unsatisfying partners: if alternatives aren’t good, or sunk costs are high </li></ul><ul><li>3 factors explain ~90% of variance in relationship outcomes </li></ul><ul><li>Also works for keeping versus changing jobs </li></ul>
    114. 119. Sexuality <ul><li>Humans form relationships based on two separate systems </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Attachment system </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Gender neutral </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Sex drive </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Focus on opposite sex (procreation) </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><li>Love comes from attachment drive; independent of gender </li></ul>
    115. 120. Theories of sexuality <ul><li>Social constructionist theories </li></ul><ul><li>Evolutionary theory </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Gender differences based in reproductive strategies </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Social exchange theory </li></ul>
    116. 121. Sex & gender <ul><li>Men > women sex drive </li></ul><ul><li>Coolidge effect </li></ul><ul><ul><li>sexually arousing power of a new partner (greater than the appeal of a familiar partner) </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Separating sex & love </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Men  likely to seek & enjoy sex without love </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Women  likely to enjoy love without sex </li></ul></ul>
    117. 122. A woman pays a higher biological price than a man for making a poor choice of sex partners, and so it behooves women to be more cautious than men about sex.
    118. 124. Homosexuality <ul><li>Homosexuality challenges theories of sexuality </li></ul><ul><li>Most cultures condemn it </li></ul><ul><li>Natural selection does not support it </li></ul>
    119. 125. Homosexuality <ul><li>EBE – Exotic becomes erotic (Bem, 1998) </li></ul><ul><ul><li>“ Sexual arousal” as a “label” for emotional nervousness resulting from exposure to the exotic </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Difficult to test and verify this theory </li></ul>
    120. 126. Extradyadic sex <ul><li>Most reliable data suggests infidelity is rare in modern Western marriages </li></ul><ul><li>Tolerance for extramarital sex is fairly low </li></ul><ul><li>Extramarital sex is a risk factor for break ups </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Cannot demonstrate causality </li></ul></ul>
    121. 127. Extradyadic sex <ul><li>Long-term monogamous mating is more common among humans. Culture: </li></ul><ul><li>plays a role in monogamy </li></ul><ul><li>gives permission for divorce </li></ul><ul><li>influences love and sex </li></ul>
    122. 128. Extradyadic sex
    123. 129. Reasons for straying <ul><li>Men desire novelty </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Sometimes engage in extramarital sex without complaint about their marriage </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Women’s infidelity more characterised by emotional attachment to lover </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Usually dissatisfied with current partner </li></ul></ul>
    124. 130. Ending relationships: 4 factors (Levinger, 1980) <ul><li>1. A new life seems the only alternative </li></ul><ul><li>2. Alternative partners available </li></ul><ul><li>3. Expectation that relationship will fail </li></ul><ul><li>4. Lack of commitment </li></ul>
    125. 131. Ending relationships <ul><li>4 stages once relationship has started to fail (Rusult & Zembrodt, 1983) </li></ul><ul><li>1. Loyalty – wait for improvement </li></ul><ul><li>2. Neglect – allow deterioration </li></ul><ul><li>3. Voice behaviour – work on improving </li></ul><ul><li>4. Exit behaviour - end </li></ul>
    126. 132. Relationship Dissolution Model (Duck, 1988, 1992) - 4 phases <ul><li>Intrapsychic </li></ul><ul><ul><li>brooding </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Dyadic </li></ul><ul><ul><li>do something </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Social </li></ul><ul><ul><li>tell friends, seek support </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Grave-dressing </li></ul><ul><ul><li>end relationship, getting ‘over’ it, ‘bury’ & memorialise. </li></ul></ul>
    127. 134. Jealousy & possessiveness <ul><li>Cultural theory </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Product of social roles & expectations </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Biological theory </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Sexual jealousy in every culture </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Forms, expressions, & rules may vary </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Society can modify but not eliminate jealousy </li></ul>
    128. 135. Evolutionary theory of jealousy <ul><li>Men </li></ul><ul><ul><li>To help ensure they do not support the upbringing of another’s child </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Women </li></ul><ul><ul><li>If husband becomes emotionally involved with another, he may withhold resources </li></ul></ul>
    129. 136. Jealousy & possessiveness <ul><li>Jealousy can focus on either sexual or emotional connections with another </li></ul><ul><li>Men tend to focus more strongly on sexual aspects than women </li></ul>
    130. 137. Causes of jealousy <ul><li>Jealousy is a function of person & situation: </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Many suspicions are accurate </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Paranoid (false) jealousy is fairly rare </li></ul></ul></ul>
    131. 138. Jealousy & type of interloper <ul><li>The less of a threat from the other person, the less jealousy </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Jealousy depends on how their traits compare to the third party </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Both men & women are more jealous if the 3rd party is a man rather than a woman </li></ul>
    132. 139. Social reality <ul><li>Social reality </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Public awareness of some event </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Important role in jealousy </li></ul></ul><ul><li>High social reality = High jealousy </li></ul><ul><ul><li>The more other people know about your partner’s infidelity, the greater your jealousy </li></ul></ul>
    133. 140. Culture & female sexuality <ul><li>All culture regulate sex in some ways </li></ul><ul><li>Cultural regulation is more directed at women </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Erotic plasticity </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Paternity uncertainty </li></ul></ul>
    134. 141. Erotic plasticity <ul><li>Degree to which social, cultural, and situational factors influence sexuality </li></ul><ul><li>Female sexuality is more plastic (cultural), male is more natural (biological) </li></ul><ul><li>Neither is inherently better (no value judgment) </li></ul>
    135. 142. Culture & the double standard <ul><li>Supported more by women than men </li></ul><ul><li>Weaker than usually assumed </li></ul>
    136. 143. Close Relationships Topic Summary <ul><li>Love </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Types of love (passionate & companionate) </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Types of relationships (exchange vs. communal) </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Schacter’s 2-factor theory </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Culture-Arousal-Cognition models (Hatfield) </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Attachment styles </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Self-esteem & love </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Maintaining Relationships </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Attributions </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Optimism & devaluing alternatives </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Investment model </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Sexuality </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Extradyadic relationships </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Erotic plasticity </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Ending relationships </li></ul><ul><li>Jealousy </li></ul>
    137. 144. References <ul><li>Baumeister, R. F., & Bushman, B. J. (2008). Social psychology and human nature (1st ed.) Belmont, CA: Thomson Wadsworth. </li></ul>