A presentation to New Horizons about Missing Persons "Living Without Knowing" on Apr. 11, 2019

1. Missing Persons
“Living Without Knowing”
For: New Horizons Members and Guests
Presenter: Maureen Trask
On: Thursday April 11, 2019
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2. Key Themes
 My Story
 Ambiguous Loss
 Family Needs
 Recap / Q&A
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3. 3
Daniel Robert Trask
Missing Nov. 3, 2011 Found May 24, 2015

4. *Support for Us – Families
with Missing Loved Ones
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* https://www.facebook.com/SupportForUs/
Ontario and Beyond Niagara Region Waterloo Region

5. A Poem by Tom M. Brown
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When Someone You Love Goes Missing
https://wenswritings.wordpress.com/when-someone-you-loves-goes-missing-by-tom-m-brown/

6. Family Experience
Missing People: A guide for family members and service providers, .FFMP, Justice, NSW Gov. 6

7. Family Experience
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8. Family Perceptions of the Disappearance
Living in Limbo, Lucy Holmes,Missing People UK, 2008 8

9. What is Ambiguous Loss?
Dr. Pauline Boss, principal theorist of the concept of Ambiguous Loss
and Dr. Gloria Horsley, founder and president of Open to Hope Fdn,
discuss Ambiguous Loss at the annual Association of Death Education
and Counseling (ADEC) Conference, 2011.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2vYyefAgZ0
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10. Types of Ambiguous Loss
1. Physically Absent-
Psychologically Present
2. Psychologically Absent-
Physically Present
 Adoption
 Migration
 Miscarriage and stillborn loss
 Missing people
 Natural disaster and
catastrophic tragedy
 Addictions
 Change in Gender Identity or
Gender Expression
 Dementia and Alzheimer’s
 Mental health issues
 Separation/Divorce
 Traumatic brain injury or coma
 There is no verification of death.
 There is no certainty that the person will come back.
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11. Why does it matter?
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Ambiguous Loss will:
 Freeze the grief process
 Paralyze couple and family functioning
 Change beliefs/values
 Prevent “closure” but,
“closure” is a myth
(Need answers for Resolution)
 Families can name it
(Ambiguous Loss)
 Families need support
(I’m not crazy, it’s the situation)

12. What do Families Need?
 Be heard and believed
 Know what to expect of self and others
 Feel safe and connected, with trust
 Understand the systems and resources
 Minimize the emotional roller coaster
 Take care of self first, find balance
 Cope in healthy ways, reduce stress
 Strive to maintain Hope, build Resiliency
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13. Services (Support)
Support looks different to everyone
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* Someone to really listen
* Being present
* Just being there
were by far the most popular
ways to support someone.
Tips for Supporting Those Coping with the
Disappearance of a Loved One by Cindy S.

14. AFP Supporting those who
are left behind
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© Commonwealth of Australia 2014 AFP Australian Federal Police,
National Missing Persons Coordination Centre, Project Officer Sarah Wayland

15. * Framework – Working
with those left behind
5 themes for working specifically with families
of missing persons:
1. Reanimation: move past “frozen”
2. A celebration so far: respond to the loss
3. The trauma timeline: explore the impact
4. A protected place: safe place of pain
5. Opportunities for growth: living with loss
© Commonwealth of Australia 2014 AFP Australian Federal Police,
National Missing Persons Coordination Centre, Project Officer Sarah Wayland 15

16. Triggers and Trauma
 “Having a missing loved one is the most painful
loss of all.” (Dr. Pauline Boss, 1999)
 The *Trauma Timeline is an important aspect when
assessing the implications of the loss.
 Triggers can affect the emotional ups and downs:
 Possible Sightings
 Remains Found
 Other Missing Persons
 News, tips, or leads
 Items(s) found, but no physical evidence
 Officer or Jurisdiction change(s)
* Supporting those who are left behind, Australian Federal Police (Sarah Wayland), 2007 16

17. Building Positive Relations
with Police - A Family Perspective
 Need to be taken seriously in the first instance –
Families know their loved one, take the report
 Eliminate lifestyle bias and assumptions about the
disappearance – Investigate all cases equally
 Keep us in the loop with ongoing communications
– Agreement on frequency of contact
 Help us make sense of the entire situation –
Inform families of process, roles and options
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18. Patterns in the Numbers
Toronto (Toronto Star, Oct. 19, 2018)
 More than 100,000 cases since 1990
 Avg. 4,200 missing persons' reports annually
Ontario (NCMPUR*, Fast Fact Sheet, 2017)
 18,060 Missing Person Occurrences (CPIC Transactions)
(11,025 children, 7,035 adults)
Cases on Canada’s Missing Public Site (Sept. 29, 2018)
 ON - 49 children, 368 adults, 168 unidentified remains
 Canada - 164 children, 1,131 adults, 268 unid. remains
29* National Centre for Missing Persons and Unidentified Remains (NCMPUR)
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19. Legislative/Policy Advocacy
 Petition “Ontario needs Missing Persons Legislation”
Mar. 8, 2018, the Missing Persons Act (Schedule 7 of Bill
175), awaiting Regulations and Proclamation.
 Petition “Develop a National Silver Alert strategy for
Canada” e-1588, Apr. 1, 2019. See: Silver Alert Canada
 Petition “Declare a National Missing Persons Day in
Canada” tabled Jan. 29, 2018, awaiting Gov. re-response.
 Input “Missing Persons - Police Practices” gathering
first hand experience from families with missing persons to
inform and recommend necessary changes.
 Petition “National Missing Persons Framework” TBD
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20. Recap and Q & A
 Ambiguous Loss is an uncertain loss
 Triggers can impact the journey (traumatic)
 Each situation is unique and individual
 It’s about finding meaning and hope in uncertainty
 “Closure” is a myth, families want equal treatment
to find answers and get “Resolution”
 Community can play a huge role to help families
 Relationship with Police is the most important one
Any moments or thoughts? Questions?
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21. Living and Learning on my
Journey of “Not Knowing”
“Loss of a missing loved one is often a lonely
and an untrodden path for each of us who has
to walk it.” *
21* Living in Limbo: Five Years On, Missing People UK, 2013

22. From me to each of you:
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Maureen Trask: trasker@rogers.com
Support for Us – Families with
Missing Loved Ones (FB page)
Links to the Presentation and
Resource Materials will be emailed.