1. THE “YES, BUT”
SYNDROME
Presented by:
Dr. Wm. (Chip) Valutis
Valutis Consulting

2. RESISTANCE TO ADVICE:
THE PSYCHOLOGY BEHIND WHY
BUSINESS OWNERS MAY,
OR MAY NOT,
FOLLOW YOUR COUNCIL

3. REAL LIFE LEARNING
Before we begin, take a minute to apply this to your client base:
✦ Think of a business owner who you’ve had difficulty moving
to action
✦ Pick 3 things you believe contributed to the resistance
✦ What have you done to break through this resistance?
✦ Revisit these answers after the presentation.

4. OWNERS OF CLOSELY-HELD BUSINESSES
ARE DIFFERENT.
WHY?
✦ They live in multiple systems (family & business)
✦ They juggle different agendas & visions
✦ There is not one common problem-solving criteria to
use
✦ Secrecy, doubt and skepticism is common
✦ Things aren’t always what they appear to be

5. UNDERSTANDING A
SYSTEMIC PERSPECTIVE
✦ Everything is connected
✦ Each system has a set of roles, responsibilities,
expectations, rules, boundaries and history
✦ Systems can be closed or open
Family Needs
Business Needs
Owner Needs

6. C AN YOU E M PAT HIZ E?
✦ How are you different? Similar?
✦ How is conflict handled (different/similar)?
✦ How are decisions made and problems solved (different/similar)?
✦ How are accountability and consequences delivered?
✦ What roles or boundaries are adhered to?
✦ What are the dynamics in each?
If you are like most, the dynamics, behaviors and roles are very different in your
“work” life than they are in your “home” life. Imagine blending them together!
THINK OF YOURSELF
AT WO RK AN D HO ME. ..

7. COMMON AREAS OF
CONFLICTING
AGENDAS & VISIONS
✦ Inter-generational differences
✦ Intra-generational differences
✦ Needs of the business versus
needs of the family
✦ Needs versus wants http://www.billycoffey.com/2013/04/needs-wants-and-pretty-
blue-pens-2/

8. NO COMMON
DECISION-MAKING CRITERIA
✦ Because members have different goals in mind, the means by which
they get there are often quite different
✦ Tend to be more self-serving
✦ Not an agreeable style or approach
✦ Roles/authority are rarely equal

9. HISTORICAL
PERSPECTIVE
✦ The Forever Young syndrome
✦ Long-term memories
✦ If it worked yesterday, it is a proven
technique
✦ Can’t predict the future, so play to the past

10. SECRECY
✦ Never sure you have the whole
story
✦ Can protect each other at the
expense of the business
✦ Closed systems do not allow
outsiders
✦ “Magic bullets” and “pixie dust”
— expect to be fixed without risk
or vulnerability
www.psychologytoday.com

11. THINGS ARE RARELY WHAT THEY
APPEAR TO BE
What you see/hear is often not
what is really occurring
Issues of:
✦ Control/authority
✦ Compensation
✦ Ownership
✦ Hiring/promotion
✦ Retirement

12. “HIDDEN”
RESISTANCE
✦ Address the symptoms and not the problem
✦ Keeps you busy but not productive
✦ Frequent changes in priorities or agenda
✦ You’re working harder than they are
1. Failure to Identify the Real Issue

13. “HIDDEN”
RESISTANCE
✦ Advisors are quick to “solve” a problem with expert advice
✦ Many needs (fear, security, self-worth, love) can’t be addressed in
an estate plan
✦ If we control the contingencies, then we think we can control the
concerns (e.g., locks on your door)
✦ We don’t have expertise in emotional problems, so we avoid them
2. Solving Emotional Problems with
Logical Solutions

14. “HIDDEN”
RESISTANCE
✦ Trying to please different Masters
✦ Conflicts of interest
✦ When, where and to whom do you report/communicate
✦ Lack of clear criteria for decision making
✦ “Don’t forget who’s paying your invoice!”
✦ “You’re Dad’s advisor, not mine!”
3. Failure to Identify “Who Is the Client?”

15. “HIDDEN”
RESISTANCE
✦ Having your hands tied
✦ Lots of talk but no communication
✦ All the wrong people are hearing
what is said
✦ Enabling
4. Triangles & Confidences
www.personal-goal-setting.com

16. “HIDDEN”
RESISTANCE
✦ Owners will often fail to disclose all of the information
you need to do your job
✦ Unspeakables, undiscussables and skeletons in the
closet
✦ Potential for serious problems
✦ Warning sign is when you begin to feel crazy
5. Unspoken Rules, Norms & Dynamics

17. “HIDDEN”
RESISTANCE
✦ We listen for “just enough” information
✦ We fail to hear what is not said
✦ We miss early warning signs (verbal & nonverbal)
✦ We listen for data, not dynamics
6. Poor Listening

18. “HIDDEN”
RESISTANCE
✦ Danger of not meeting real needs
✦ Pleasing one while displeasing another
✦ Making sure client knows and accepts their role in the
process
7. Failure to Define & Clarify Expectations

19. “HIDDEN”
RESISTANCE
✦ Map out rules of engagement and acceptable vs.
unacceptable behavior
✦ Let client know what you can/can’t and will/won’t do
✦ Set milestones for touch base and review progress
8. Failure to Define & Clarify Expectations

20. KEYS TO SUCCESS
✦ Help to pick a common philosophy from which to
operate
✦ Challenge your clients
✦ Encourage multi-discipline
interaction
✦ Clarify roles and boundaries with
the owner/family/business
✦ Deliver the Bad News (don’t join the system)
✦ Facilitate understanding instead of agreements
bizcovering.com

21. KEYS TO SUCCESS
✦ Facilitate understanding instead of agreements
✦ Challenge your clients
✦ Encourage multi-discipline interaction

22. ACTIONS TOWARD
SUCCESS
✦ How to balance the needs of the business with the needs of the
owner?
✦ What criteria should be used in decision making and problem
solving?
✦ Is there a common goal toward which they can work?
1. Help Pick a Common Philosophy

23. ✦ Identify the different roles
✦ Define expectations for each
✦ Keep appropriate roles in the interactions; monitor
✦ Remember your roles and boundaries as well
2. Clarify Roles & Boundaries
ACTIONS TOWARD
SUCCESS

24. ✦ Candor builds respect
✦ Be a reality test - call it the way
you see it
✦ Talk about what no one else will
talk about
✦ Don’t be “yes men” advisors
3. Deliver Bad News (when needed)
ACTIONS TOWARD
SUCCESS
delimiter.com.au

25. ✦ Provide candid feedback
✦ Offer constructive criticism
✦ Don’t be overprotective of your business
✦ Treat young and old equally
4. Challenge Them
ACTIONS TOWARD
SUCCESS

26. ✦ Know your limits
✦ Build a network of trusted advisors to help with clients
✦ Communicate with the other professionals involved
✦ Ensure no one is working at cross purposes
5. Encourage Multi-Discipline Interactions
ACTIONS TOWARD
SUCCESS

27. Valutis Consulting, Inc. is a full service management consultant firm. Our approach
is to investigate and understand organizational issues, customize realistic solutions
and design practical strategies to move clients toward their specific business and
personal goals. Our mission is to help our clients unlock the potential of their
organization and it’s people.
Please feel free to contact us with any questions or to schedule an appointment to
discuss your organization’s needs and how we can help.
(716)634-2553 chip@valutisconsulting.com
www.valutisconsulting.com - website
http://the4thquarterman.com - blog