Aging Husband-Wife Relations: Strains & Buffering Factors in Marriage Gerontology Master Course by Jennefer Walden. Jennefer is a Gerontologist married to Michael Walden, residing in Fayetteville, NC.

1. Aging Husband-Wife Relations:
Strains and Buffering Factors

2. Marriage
• Romantic relationships of a sentimental nature are typically
considered a central component of a joyful and contented
life in western society. (Rey, J-M. 2010).
• Despite diversity in aging relationships, marriage is still the
main focus of research on intimate ties.
• Marriage can be satisfying and rewarding or stifling and
lonely. Those who enjoy happy marriages
have better mental health and well-being
(Connidis, 2010).

3. Personal
Interview
• Observing marital satisfaction
over a life course helps
researchers better understand the
marriage relationship and
considers the influence of life
transitions such as child rearing
(Connidis, 2010).
• Shirley and Tom met at the end of
April 1979, were engaged on July
24th and married on December
30th of that same year.

4. Conflict &
Depression
• Conflict in marital relationships has serious implications for
the partners' psychological well-being (Whisman et al., 2006).
• Tom and Shirley married young (22 & 18)
and had five children right away.
• Tom and his mother continually criticized
Shirley.
• Shirley became depressed and her health
weakened.

5. Shared Values
• Maintaining a loving relationship over time is a rational decision.
Lasting relationships are possible only if the effort to maintain a
loving relationship is tolerable and the effort is continuously
observed to stay on target (Rey, J-M., 2010).
• Despite the criticism, the couple’s shared
religious values acted as a buffer that kept
the marriage intact during the newlywed
years.
• These shared values made the effort
tolerable for Shirley.

6. •
Gender Roles and
Perceptions
Perceptions of fairness, rather than fairness itself can be an
important buffer towards a successful marriage (Connidis,
2010).
• Researchers have found that couples who tend to express
agreement with traditional gender roles are more likely to
avoid conflict because the wives are more likely to defer to
their husbands. Older cohorts are more likely to agree with
traditional roles.(Hatch, L. H. & Bulcroft K., 2004).
• Although Shirley did not enjoy
housework, she believed strongly in
religious based role division so she
perceived that the division of labor
was fair. She cared for the household
and the children all on her own.

7. Couple Happiness Levels
Are Linked
• Studies show that spousal happiness trajectories wax and
wane together over time and that spouses not only report
similar happiness but also that happiness waxes and wanes in
connection to their partner’s (Hoppmann, C. A., Gerstorf, D.,
Willis, S. L., & Schaie, K., 2011).
• Shirley stated, “I think our happiness levels were fairly equal
during this period of time. Being a stay-at-home mom was
lonely and tiring and Tom
very much enjoyed his job.
Nevertheless, he was caught in the
craziness of having five children at
night when he came home from work.”

8. Loneliness
• Loneliness is the perception that the quality or quantity of existing
relationships is not adequate. (Gierveld, J.D., Groenou, M.V.,
Hoogendoorn, A.W. & Smit, J.H., 2009).
• Even though Shirley was surrounded by children whom she adored,
her loneliness may have resulted in part from dissatisfaction with her
marital relationship at that time.
• Couples without children report greater
happiness and satisfaction with their
marriages. This may be partly because
childless spouses spend more leisure
time together than couples with
children at home (Connidis, 2010).

9. Caring For Children
and Parents
• There are both rewards and costs to caring
for children and parents at the same time
(Connidis, 2010).
• Shirley started caring for her elderly mother with Alzheimer disease
while she had older children living at home. “She was in our home for
nearly three years before she passed away. Although we were
prepared for this to upset our family dynamics, it actually became an
era of sweetness and joy for us. My husband eagerly participated in
her care, and I truly appreciated his willingness to do so.”
• This behavior by her husband probably served as a buffer in their
marriage, especially during a time that may have created added strain.

10. Adult Children
• Researchers have reported that marital disagreements increase when
children are present. Regardless of age, children tend to require
continual negotiation in regards to child-rearing and rules, which can
lead to an increase in arguments (Hatch, L. H. & Bulcroft K., 2004).
• Older couples, whose children have moved out, may have lower levels
of discord because they have fewer issues to disagree about. They also
may have more time to spend together doing things they enjoy (Hatch,
L. H. & Bulcroft K., 2004).
• Shirley and Tom's relationship was at an all time
high before their young adult children decided
to move back home. Shirley felt that their
children should contribute to the household
and follow rules. Unfortunately not all of the
children felt that this should be a requirement.

11. Decision Making
• Equality in decision making is related to higher marital
satisfaction among older wives but not older husbands (Kulik,
2002).
• Shirley felt that because she had been the primary caregiver
of the children she should decide how to handle their adult
children, but Tom felt she should simply “leave them alone
and let them do their own thing”.
• Shirley found it very difficult to do what he suggested. “I
worry about them and sometimes it builds up until I have to
say something. The result is that they get really mad at me for
interfering in their life. Then, my husband gets really mad at
me for causing problems. Then, I get even more frustrated
and hurt.”

12. Sexual Intimacy
• Although sexual intimacy is considered important to both
sexes, it is a more important dimension of life quality for men
than for women. Although the importance declines with age
for both sexes (Connidis, 2010).
• At age 52, Shirley reports dissatisfaction with the frequency
and quality of sexual intimacy in her marriage, but this did not
seem to affect her overall view of her
marriage as she overwhelmingly rated it
as satisfactory on The Marital Satisfaction
Questionnaire for Older Persons
(Haynes, et.al, 1992).

13. Long-Term
Marriage
• Today’s long-term marriages tend to be resilient and have high levels
of marital satisfaction, perhaps because marriages without these
qualities end in divorce, and perhaps, due to some personality
softening (Connidis, 2010).
• Mutual support of one another’s independence and personal goals and
interests may also serve as a buffering factor in a marriage (Connidis,
2010).
• The couple’s relationship has come a long way. Tom
no longer criticizes his wife. Shirley has learned to
have greater confidence in herself.
• Shirley is currently a graduate student working on
her PhD n in History. This activity suggests that Tom
has been supportive and Shirley has become more
independent.

14. Love
• The top-ranked and most important factor in a
marriage is love (Connidis, 2010).
• Shirley and Tom remain committed to working on their
marriage and figuring out how to make it better. “One
of the best things we have always had going for us is
that we truly like being with each other.” Shirley said
that they love just being together and talking about
various subjects. They “enjoy the closeness of a long
standing relationship”.

15. References
Calasanti, T., & Kiecolt, K. (2007). Diversity among late-life couples. Generations, 31(3), 10-17. Retrieved from http://ehis.ebscohost.com
Connidis, I. A. (2010). Family ties & aging. Los Angeles: Pine Forge Press.
Gierveld, J.D., Groenou, M.V., Hoogendoorn, A.W. & Smit, J.H. (2009). Quality of marriages in later life and emotional and social loneliness.
Journal of Gerontology, 64B(4), 497-506. doi:10.1093/geronb/gbn043
Hatch, L. H. & Bulcroft K. (2004). Does long-term marriage bring less frequent disagreements? Five explanatory frameworks. Journal of Family
Issues, 25, 465-495. doi:10.1177/0192513X03257766
Haynes, S. N., Floyd, F. J., Lemsky, C., Rogers, E., Winemiller, D., Heilman, N., & Cardone, L. (1992). The Marital Satisfaction Questionnaire for
Older Persons. Psychological Assessment, 4(4), 473-482. doi:10.1037/1040-3590.4.4.473
Hoppmann, C. A., Gerstorf, D., Willis, S. L., & Schaie, K. (2011). Spousal interrelations in happiness in the Seattle Longitudinal Study:
Considerable similarities in levels and change over time. Developmental Psychology, 47(1), 1-8. doi:10.1037/a0020788
Kulik, L. (2002). Marital equality and the quality of long-term marriage in later life. Ageing & Society 22(4): 459-81. doi:
10.1017/S0144686X02008772
Rey, J-M. (2010). A mathematical model of sentimental dynamics accounting for marital dissolution. PLoS ONE, 5(3), e9881.
doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0009881
Whisman, M. A., Uebelacker, L. A., Tolejko, N., Chatav, Y., & McKelvie, M. (2006). Marital discord and well-being in older adults: Is the
association confounded by personality?. Psychology And Aging, 21(3), 626-631. doi:10.1037/0882-7974.21.3.626