This document discusses understanding and improving children's behavior. It begins by introducing Rudolph Dreikurs' view that children misbehave in order to gain attention, power/control, revenge, or a sense of inadequacy or helplessness. The document then provides tips for using logical consequences rather than punishment and encouragement over praise. It emphasizes that all children need structure and discusses disciplining children with special needs. The key points are that children misbehave for specific reasons, parents should understand the goal to teach better behavior, and logical consequences, encouragement, structure, and self-care are important for effective discipline.

1. Understanding and Improving
Your Child’s Behavior
By Shari Jackson
“Children need encouragement like a plant needs water.” Dreikurs

2. Introduce the person sitting next to you and share:
 Where they are from.
 How Many children they have.
 What is their biggest parenting challenge.
 What is their greatest parenting success.
Example:
“This is ________. He/She is from _________. He/She has
____ child/children. His/Her biggest parenting challenge is
__________. He/She is confident about __________.”
Ice Breaker

3. About Me:
My name is Shari Jackson. I am from Wethersfield, CT. I have one child and two
step-children. My biggest parenting challenge is trying to always use logical
consequences. I am confident about my ability to be consistent.
Background:
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Associate’s Degree in Early Childhood Education
Bachelor’s Degree in Elementary Education with a Minor in Psychology
Master’s Degree in Early Childhood Education
Teacher for 26 Years
Former Day Care Director/Assistant Director/Teacher
Working With Children With Intense Behavioral Needs for 20 Years
Mother of A Child With Intense Behavioral Needs
Step-Mother To Two Typically-Developing, Teenagers
One thing that I learned from my
children is how little I really knew.

4. I hope to:
To Share information, ideas and resources
 To Provide support
 To Reinforce the positives

My Goals

5. When We Thought
About Having
Children, We
Imagined That Life
Would Be A Lot Like
This…
The Joys of Parenting

6. We Did Not Imagine
That Life Would
Sometimes Be A Lot
Like This…Or Worse.
The Challenges of Parenting

7. Rudolph Dreikurs (Was A Child
Psychologist And Educator). He Believed
That Children Misbehaved In Order
To, Mistakenly, Gain:
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Attention
Power or Control
Revenge
(A Display of) Feelings of Inadequacy or
Helplessness
Why Do Children Misbehave?

8. According to Dreikurs:
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If the parent feels annoyed, then the child’s
goal is attention getting.
If the parent feels beaten or
intimidated, then the child’s goal is power.
If the parent feels hurt, then the child’s goal
is revenge.
If the parent feels incapable, then the child’s
goal is helplessness.
How Do We Know What The Child
Is Trying To Gain?

9. “I believe that children act out and
misbehave, not because they or their parents
are bad, but because they are either
attempting to communicate a need or are
demonstrating a learned behavior taught to
them by the world that surrounds and guides
them. “
Why Do Children Misbehave or Act Out?
(Bill Corbett author of the award-winning book, “Love, Limits & Lessons: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Cooperative Kids)

10. Your Child Hit Another Child At
School, After That Child Refused to Share
a Toy.
What Would You Do?

11. Your Child Argues When It Is Time To Clean
Up.
What Would You Do?

12. Your Child Is talking To You While You Are
On The Phone.
What Would You Do?

13. Parenting Styles

14. One definition of
insanity is doing the
same thing over and
over expecting a
different result.
Recognize What Is Not Working And
Change It.

15. "A child who seeks
attention should not
receive it when he
acts out. To give
attention to the child
for inappropriate
behavior would be
playing into the
child's plan and would
not help the child
learn how to behave
productively."
Attention
Ignore (Whenever Possible)
Set Aside Some Time For Some 1-on-1
Time, Daily
Encourage Appropriate Behavior (This Gives
The Child Attention And Encourages More
Positive Behavior In The Future).
Wolfgang (2001)

16. “For those kids who
learn that defiance
helps them get their
way, you’ll see their
urge to become
defiant grow stronger
and stronger. A
typical trap many
parents fall into is
developing a pattern
of giving in as the
child wears them
down.”
Power Struggle
Don’t Attend Every Fight That You Are Invited To
Disengage/Detach
Wait For Calm, If Possible
Restate Expectations
If Possible, Give Limited Choices
Briefly, State Logical Consequences
Follow Though, EVERY Time
When The Struggle Is Resolved, Encourage And
Discuss Possible Solutions Or Alternative
Behavior
http://www.empoweri
ngparents.com/Power
-Struggles-with-aDefiantChild.php#ixzz2LNXQ
R8lp

17. “A child who seeks
revenge is really
hoping to find love.
Their vengeful
behavior is showing
us that they feel so
bad about
themselves, and so
misunderstood, that
they are resorting to
wanting others to feel
what they feel.”
Revenge
Remove the Audience
Logical Consequences for Misbehavior
Use a great deal of compassion.
When the Struggle is Resolved, Help Nurture a
Better Opinion of Self
"I really care about you and I didn't raise you to be
vengeful. That's why I have ask you to go to your
room now until you can treat us better."
http://robinwalker.hy
permart.net/makingc
hildtherapywork/why_
do_children_misbehav
e.html

18. “The child who shows
inadequacy or
helplessness is the
most discouraged.
She has lost all
initiative. The parent
must exercise great
patience and attempt
to show the child that
she is capable“
Inadequacy
Take Tasks One Step at a Time
Recognize and Appreciate All and Any Success (No
Matter How Small)
Be Encouraging and Show Faith in the Child
Give Tasks That You Know He/She Can Achieve
Teach Positive Self-Talk
Make Mistakes Okay, Over-Illustrate Your Mistakes
Build Confidence
Focus on Past Success
Wolfgang (2001)

19. Natural/logical consequences and
encouragement are the most useful
techniques for preventing behavior problems.
Logical Consequences
Encouragement

20. 
praise (prz), n.
Expression of approval, commendation, or admiration.
I am very proud of you! Praise Can Invite Dependency.

en·cour·age (n-kûrj, -kr-)
To inspire with hope, courage, or confidence; hearten.
To give support to; foster.
You must be very proud of yourself! Encouragement Can Teach the
Child How to Be Self Motivated.
Praise Versus Encouragement

21. Punishment
You have broken your brother’s toy. Go to your room.
 Often aimed at penalty.
 Can be viewed very negatively.
 Seems unfair.
 No choices are allowed.
Natural Consequences
You have broken your brother’s toy. You will have to use your
money to buy a new toy.
 Avoids Power Struggle.
 Makes More Sense To You Child.
 Can Be Part of A Choice (If you don’t pick up your toys now, then
you will have to pick them up, later, while we are watching a
movie.).
 Can Change Thinking Patterns.
Punishment Versus Natural
Consequences

22. Logical or Natural Consequences Should Be:
Respectful
Be clear.
Use a calm tone of voice.
Focus on the deed not the doer.
 Relevant
Help the child to understand cause and effect.
References the rules.
Clarify what happens when the rules are broken.
Focus on accountability.
 Realistic
The child will have an age appropriate and reasonable follow through.
The time frame makes sense.
You will be prepared to follow through and not make empty threats.
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The Three R's of Logical Consequences (Education World, 2011)

23. 
If you break it, fix it or pay for it.
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If you don’t use something, appropriately, you don’t get to use it for a certain period of
time.
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If you accidently hurt someone, you apologize and help them up or help them to get an
ice pack, if they are hurt.
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If you hurt someone’s feelings, you can write an apology letter or draw a picture to
apologize.
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If you waste time, you have to complete the task when the rest of the family is involved
in a fun activity.
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If you don’t finish your homework, you cannot watch TV.
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If your child speaks rudely to you, you refuse to listen.
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If the behavior may be related to exhaustion, he/she can have an earlier bed time.
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If your child persists in breaking a family rule, he/she is asked to take a time out until
he/she feels that he/she can comply with the rules. Upon return, ask your child to tell
you his/her plan for complying with the family rule.
Examples of Logical Consequences

24. Discipline(Natural Consequences)
Versus Punishment Table

26. Effective Discipline
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Establish Limits And Routines That Will Help Your Child to Build
Inner Controls
Redirect, When Possible
Foster Independence
Encourage Cooperation
Be Loving And Be Firm
Require Respect, Give Respect
Remember That You Are Not A Friend
Be Consistent And Clear, Don’t Threaten
Be Involved And Be Open
Set A Good Example And Stay Calm
Take Care of Yourself
Know That What You Do Really Matters
Other Important Keys to Success

27. 1-2-3 Magic
Love, Limits,
& Lessons
Recommended Reading

28. According to Dr. Sears in his article, "Disciplining the Special-Needs
Child”, parenting a child who has special needs can pose many
special frustrations. Disciplining a child who is "differently-abled"
is likely to bring out the best and the worst in a parent.
The following are points, made by Dr. Sears should be considered:
1. Don't compare
Comparing your child to others in the same age group is not fair.
Enjoy your child for who he/she is and try not to focus on the
problems. Do not let your child’s condition become a project that
can distract from the whole family.
Discipline For Children Who Are
“Differently-Abled”

29. 2. Change your standards
Before a baby is born, parents imagine what life will be like: piano
lessons, baseball star, college, etc. Even with a child who is
typically developing, you will have to reconcile your dreams. Set
appropriate standards for your child. Understand his/her
developmental level.
Discipline For Children Who Are
“Differently-Abled”

30. 3. Different doesn't mean inferior
In children's logic, being different equates with being inferior. This
feeling may be more of a problem for siblings and other kids than
for the child who is developmentally-delayed, at least in the early
years. Most children measure their self-worth by how they believe
others perceive them. Be sure the child's siblings don't fall into
this "different equals less" trap. This is why the term "special
needs" is not only socially correct, but it's a positive term, not a
value judgment. In reality, all children could wear this label.
Discipline For Children Who Are
“Differently-Abled”

31. 4. Different doesn't mean fragile
While it is true you have to change your expectations of a child with
special needs, you don't have to lower your standards of
discipline! It's tempting to get lax and let children with special
needs get by with behaviors you wouldn't tolerate in other
children. He needs to know, early on, what behavior you expect.
Many parents wait too long to start behavior training. Like all
children, this child must be taught to adjust to family routines, to
obey, and to manage himself.
Discipline For Children Who Are
“Differently-Abled”

32. 5. Provide structure
All children need structure. Children with special needs, need
developmentally appropriate structure.
Discipline For Children Who Are
“Differently-Abled”

33. 6. Beware of the over attachment syndrome
It is very easy for your whole life to revolve around your special
style of parenting, to the extent that it becomes an end in itself.
This is a lose-lose situation. You lose the joy of parenting, and
you lose your ability to be flexible. Eventually, you will either burn
out or you will break.
Discipline For Children Who Are
“Differently-Abled”

34. 7. View behaviors as signals of needs
Everything children do tells you something about what they need.
This principle is particularly true for children with special needs.
Often times the conduct can signal a need. In this case, a
replacement behavior can be a solution.
Discipline For Children Who Are
“Differently-Abled”

35. 8. Value the child
Don’t focus on the disability. Feeling loved and valued helps a child
cope with the lack of a particular ability.
Discipline For Children Who Are
“Differently-Abled”

36. 9. Help your child build a sense of responsibility
There is a natural tendency to want to rush in and do things for a
child who is developmentally-delayed. For these children, the
principle of "teach them how to fish rather than give them a fish"
applies doubly. The sense of accomplishment that accompanies
being given responsibility gives the child a sense of value and
raises her self-worth.
Discipline For Children Who Are
“Differently-Abled”

37. 10. Give your child choices
(Be sure you like all the alternatives.) Initially, you may have to
guide your child into making a choice, but just the ability to make
a choice helps the child feel important. Present the choices in the
child's language, which may mean using pictures, pointing, and
reinforcing your verbal instructions (which may not be fully
understood) with visual ones. The more you use this exercise, the
more you will learn about your child's abilities, preferences, and
receptive language skills at each stage of development.
Discipline For Children Who Are
“Differently-Abled”

38. Our children can be our best teachers.

39. 
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Children Misbehave to Mistakenly Gain
Attention, Power/Control, Revenge, Helplessness.
When Parents Understand the Goal of Behavior They Are Better
Equipped to Teach Appropriate Behavior.
Use Logical Consequences Versus Punishment.
Use Encouragement Versus Praise.
All Children Need Structure; Children With Special Needs, Require
Developmentally Appropriate Structure.
Change Your Expectations, But Don’t Lower Your Standards of
Discipline.
Children Need to Know, Early on, What Behavior You Expect.
To Find Success, All children Must Be Taught to Adjust to Family
Routines, to Obey, and to Manage Himself.
Take Care of Yourself and Enjoy Your Children.
Key Points

40. I Know We Can!

41. Thank you for coming to this presentation!
Questions??
Shari Jackson